When the very personal business of coming out becomes a public affair, people take notice and lives are forever changed. Such was definitely the case when popular actor Robert Gant (Ben Bruckner, Queer as Folk) stood before an Outfest audience in August 2001 and proclaimed his gayness to an enthusiastic crowd that responded with a standing ovation, tears, cheers and a myriad of good wishes.
The arresting actor, who has portrayed the HIV+ university professor, Ben Bruckner, on Showtime's Queer as Folk since season two, will be the first to tell you that he has spent much of his life fighting off memories of being a marginalized, overweight kid replete with an ongoing sense of low self esteem and the introvertedness that accompanies such a persona.
The hunky 36-year-old Tampa-born Gant (surname Gonzalez), who is no stranger to television and motion pictures, has infused the intriguing character of Ben Bruckner with a thoughtful yet flawed awareness that many viewers find at once compelling and familiar. As Hal Sparks' paramour on Showtime's Queer as Folk, Gant has finally been able to bring many of his personal survival skills to the table in a performance that is often as understated as it is bold. Transitioning from actor to activist with apparent ease, the now openly gay Gant welcomes the diverse challenges of his newfound image as GLBT role model and spokesperson. In June 2003 Gant was honored with a special civil-rights award presented to him at NY's City Hall.
Gant, who began acting in commercials at the age of 10, has carved out a career in TV and film that includes his memorable performances as Phoebe's beau on Friends and his unforgettable portrayal of Vice Principal Krupps on the WB's Popular. Guest roles include the role of "Trevor" on Caroline and the City, roles on Veronica's Closet, Melrose Place, Ellen, Step by Step, My So-Called Life, Becker, Style and Substance, and a 2002 appearance on Providence. Gant's film portfolio sports roles in films like 1994's Cityscapes-Los Angeles, 1994's Bitter Vengeance, the 1999 comedic thriller, Teaching Mrs. Tingle, and Jane Street from 2000. Gant also appeared in the independent films The Contract and 2001's Fits and Starts. In May 2003, Gant was cast in the independent film, Marie and Bruce, which stars Julianne Moore and Matthew Broderick.
A former attorney, Gant was actually at one time counseled to stay in the closet by acting colleagues, and the sensitive, intelligent actor talks at length about his fascinating journey of learning to "live his truth" as a gay man and how he has learned to parent himself in this regard.
Gant is also forging ahead with exciting new professional projects. He recently partnered with actor Chad Allen and producer Christopher Racster to form "mythgarden," a production company. The first offering from this exciting new venture is slated to be a drama, Save Me, which will co-star Gant, Chad Allen and actress Judith Light. The story line revolves around a gay/lesbian "rehab" center in Texas where gays who are heterosexual "wannabes" enter to become straight.
DAVID GUARINO: I know you are working on the last episode of the fourth season of Queer as Folk. There are also many other exciting things going on in your life as well. I understand you were honored with a civil-rights award last June...
ROBERT GANT: It's a honorary designation that I guess they give out every year; the ceremony took place at City Hall in New York and it was sponsored by the state senator's office. They selected different people (to be honored) and Sharon (Gless) and Gale (Harold), Shirley MacLaine, Rob Marshall (the director of Chicago), some other notable folks and myself were recognized in this wonderful way. It was quite an honor; it was very nice and I was very appreciative. To be quite honest, (in my case) I think it was more for coming out than for anything else. I don't really think that I'm a person who's at a point in my life where I'm deserving of a civil-rights award. But I guess those are subjective determinations...It was very nice to be included.
DG: Talk to me about the status of Ben Bruckner as a role model for the GLBT community. To my mind, he is one of the most moral characters on Queer as Folk...
RG: People really like Ben, and in particular those people who had a problem with other aspects of the show early on. They see him as the picture-perfect role model, that is, the face they want to present to the world. You know, having to air dirty laundry is an embarrassing thing...and the fact that we have issues in the (GLBT) community regarding drugs and sex--things that come from many gay kids (who didn't feel loved) having low self esteem...well, it's those kinds of things that make many folks glad that Ben exists. And quite frankly, he does need to exist. He's the other alpha; Brian's one sort of alpha and Ben is a very different one. He's been referred to online as "Saint Ben" or "Zen Ben." They've humanized him, though, and that's a good thing. He became more accessible as he's dealt with some of his own struggles. I think Ben is hugely important as a character because he is, for the first time for a lot of people, a character with whom they can identify. I love this character, I love portraying him.
DG: Today the standards by which gay men judge each other are really stringent, wouldn't you say?
RG: They're ridiculous. And David, I'm really looking forward to our evolution as a subculture...I think that as we deal with our (own) wounds, we will start to come from a place that's more love-based and less fear-based. I think that to the extent that we are judging ourselves so harshly, we're coming from fear. We're still afraid of not being loved. And so we're willing to go to any length to get that love that we didn't get as a child. Whether that means adorning our bodies in whatever way, or sculpting our bodies (to perfection)...I believe the edges are going to come off of that, the need for (all of) that is going to ebb.
DG: I found your personal coming out story quite poignant and compelling. Can you share some of the details? You actually came out in public, did you not?
RG: I did. For the sake of The Advocate, who had done an interview with me in which I came out, I didn't want to scoop their story. I didn't mention it in any press or publicly until it (Advocate story) hit the stands. You know, it was just days before the issue hit the stands...I think I'd gotten an advance copy...and at that point I figured it was OK. I was at Outfest in Los Angeles and I was there to present an award. And I brought a copy of the magazine with me, and I showed Peter (Paige) backstage; Peter was also giving out an award...I said that I was contemplating mentioning it, but I didn't know that it was appropriate...I didn't want to make this about me. We were there to give out these awards for gay and lesbian films. I remember saying to Peter that I didn't know if it was appropriate and his argument was, essentially, what could be more appropriate? So he and one or two other folks urged me to take the moment.
DG: So you came out at this Outfest event...
RG: Yes. Like I said, I was thrilled to do that, but didn't want to make my presentation about me. Nonetheless I said something to the effect that for the past 30 some-odd years I had been playing a role in my personal life. Now that I had been playing a gay man on television, I felt that I was ready to be a gay man in real life. It was actually an amazing moment. Everyone leapt to their feet and gave (me) a standing ovation. I felt very supported; I think Peter was crying. (Robert laughs softly)
DG: That is an awesome story. What was going through your mind right before and after that moment...what were you feeling inside? I think the fact that you did this publicly means so much to so many people out there who are working through many of the same conflicts...
RG: I think something that has been particularly noteworthy to me in the whole coming out process is that I had no idea the extent to which this was going to affect other people; that the reverberations would be felt elsewhere. You know, it's become very clear to me over time and through the many E-mails I've gotten...and that night it was immediately apparent to me when I got that reaction of everyone jumping to their feet and cheering and clapping. And a number of people had said that they were crying...I was more concerned about being egocentric, and taking the time away from the awards although the time probably amounted to 30 seconds or something. And it was an amazing feeling...I wasn't at all afraid to do it certainly because I had long since made the decision to stand in my truth. I just realized how important it was to take the stand publicly. I am really someone who believes people shouldn't be outed...I guess the exception being those extreme circumstances where people are causing harm to others in some way through their lying. But I believe that we all deserve a process, and to get to our truth in a way that's love-based.
DG: It is one thing to come out, but to do so publicly takes a tremendous amount of courage. I know that besides being gay you were also heavy as a kid, were you not?
RG: Yes, I was.
DG: So there have got to be hundreds of thousands of people out there who can relate to your story, your struggle...
RG: (Robert hesitates) Every day (I realize that) what was once shock is now a raised eyebrow at all the different stories that exist because I've heard so many of them now and I hear how many people are in the closet and how many people look to my having come out as a beacon of hope for them. On many levels, you're quite right. I've had a number of people say that they lost weight because of reading about my experience; I've met several who have...and they've come to signings and what not and (have shown) me pictures before and after. And I do believe that this is just one of the manifestations of the pain we feel inside as gay people. That pain is internalized and in some way needs to find its way to the surface, and it comes about in ways that aren't so healthy. One of the reasons that I find it such a shame that so many members of the community were angered or intolerant of the portrayal of drug use in the QAF characters early on...is because I really see that (drug use) as one of the manifestations of exactly what I'm talking about.
DG: Yes, exactly.
RG: People who were taught that they were, at the core, worthless. That they don't have a place; that they were the only one like them at some point in their lives. Of course all of this, this dearth of love is going to show itself in some pretty ugly ways. And, you know, for me as a kid it showed in overeating because I was trying to medicate the pain, some pain. And that's what is so nice for me...when I see these people who have taken it upon themselves to effectuate change in their lives. I think that the hallmark of gay people is that they have a substantially lowered self-esteem; that's why it's taken us so long to come around and demand equality! Which is an extraordinary thing.
DG: How do you feel about the red-hot topic of gay marriage? Would you say you've become an activist in this regard?
RG: While I was waiting for my coffee this morning, I did my normal morning routine of reading The New York Times online; I've been very closely following gay marriage...I never imagined I was going to become so politically interested...I certainly have. I stay very much abreast of all the twists and turns. Well, for many reasons, including my legal background. I'm very interested to see how this winds its way through the legal system.
DG: How did you feel when President Bush spoke out at the State of the Union address and made the remarks that he did about gay marriage and his support for a constitutional amendment banning it?
RG: You know, I have to say that it wasn't such a shock for me; it didn't even phase me so much, essentially because that's exactly what I've come to expect from this person. It was a stance very much in keeping with the person that I imagined him to be. You know, in keeping with the administration that I see him representing. What I say around this issue is that life is never a straightforward progression. Success never occurs in a straight line. We're going to have to take all sorts of meanderings to the side and even backward a bit as we trudge forward. And so I see Marilyn Musgrave and all of these things as the inevitable meanderings in the move forward. It's not going to be a very simple straight line from a to b. That's just not the way that life works; life's organic. And so I actually think that Bush did us a service in a weird way by dragging the issue to the forefront; I think we've been afraid to do it. It's certainly not the issue we wanted to tackle, but the truth is, there's no reason why we should be succumbing of any of our rights. It's time to just throw it out there and demand full equality across the board! And so I'm happy, actually thrilled, that we're dealing with it. It's going to continue to be this ebb and flow; the ebb and flow of social change. But ultimately I believe that we will move forward, and that love prevails.
DG: Looking back at a Larry King Live show in which you appeared with a number of your cast mates in a live interview show about Queer as Folk...at that time you did not directly identify yourself as a gay man when asked about life "as a straight man" by King. When you look back at that show, how do you feel now in light of all that's happened to you since then?
RG: (Robert hesitates) I love my life. I've never been happier; I've never felt more fulfilled. Personally and professionally it has everything to do with being out and open and living the truth. It took so much more energy to hide, Larry King was really the big turning moment...I'd already made the decision to come out, but I was planning to do it in a way that gave me the opportunity to say what I wanted to say. I'd made a decision that I wasn't going to come out on that show (Larry King) because the last thing I would have wanted to have happen was for me to finally say the thing that I've been waiting to share and have him cut to a commercial. (We both laugh) That show was definitely the final nail in the coffin for my days in the closet. Because it felt horrible. I hated not being able to just speak my truth. I look forward to the opportunity to be back on Larry King and set the record straight, so to speak. But I think all life experiences are gifts, and that experience was a gift in that it shaped the final stages of my "closetdum."
DG: When I was in Toronto I had the opportunity of interviewing your QAF co-star, Hal Sparks. What is it like for the two of you doing these sex scenes, and Hal is a straight man...
RG: I think Hal has come full circle in terms of whatever struggles he's had. Hal's a really great guy and a terrific person to work with. He's a sweetheart; he's a really kind soul and a very hard worker. He's also a very talented guy. And we've developed rapport as friends and colleagues that has allowed us to work well together in creating this relationship on screen. In the same way that I had to come out as a gay guy and own who I was, Hal had to come out as a straight guy, in a sense, who could be okay and deal with different interactions in life; things that he hadn't been introduced to before to the extent that he has now. So Hal is a guinea pig in the relatively new phenomenon of straight actors playing gay men...but he has risen to the occasion beautifully. And you will never find a more staunch advocate of equal rights for gay people anywhere, and Hal is very outspoken about it.
DG: Are you personal friends with any of your fellow cast members on QAF?
RG: (Hesitates). Well, I guess I would have to say that Hal (Sparks) and Peter (Paige) would be the two people (on QAF) that I am the closest to. Hal, because we work together so closely (as boyfriends on the show) and Peter because I knew him before the show. I am a huge fan of all of my fellow castmates, they are all wonderful to work with and we are very much in sync with each other. Queer as Folk continues to be a marvelous experience for me, no question.
DG: Earlier this year I interviewed Kyan Douglas (Queer Eye for the Straight Guy) and one of the questions I asked him regarded rumors that the two of you had had a romantic relationship; one publication even suggested that the two of you had since "broken up." Can you set the record straight?
RG: You know, David, it all comes back to the problems gays have with self-esteem. You know, we don't have role models in our community, particularly when it comes to male couples...there are very few guy couples who are public with their relationships. We have some female couples who are out there but there is a dearth of male pairings that are visible. So we are looking for a "Ben and Jen" that we can call our own, if you will. We want to look up to someone; we just want the same things straight people have had for years. So these stories are created to fill that void. Kyan is a great guy, and essentially I would concur that we are great friends.
DG: I am very excited about the production company called "mythgarden," that you have created with (actor) Chad Allen and (producer) Christopher Racster. I understand that you are working on a project called Save Me, which is essentially about a "rehab" center in Texas where gay men and women go to become straight. Can you tell me a little bit about that?
RG: Yes, I am looking forward to working on that project during the hiatus from Queer as Folk. Save Me will be filming this year and will feature Chad Allen as a man who goes to this "rehab" center in Texas to be "cured" of his gayness. I will portray a journalist who covers the story and Judith Light will be playing the woman who runs the facility. We have a number of projects in the works as we speak, but we are all very excited about Save Me. Hopefully we can reach a lot of people who have, in some way, been affected by the myths surrounding this particular type of "therapy." It is an exciting time for everyone connected with this project. Judith is absolutely wonderful to work with.
DG: Can you tell me something that very few people know about you?
RG: Well, you know I'm pretty much an open book at this point. When I talk it's usually really hard to shut me up. (Hesitates) I am a perfectionist. But I'm working on that...it's getting easier to let some of that go. I'm flawed, God knows I'm flawed. Sometimes it can be a slow process to face your inner demons, but I'm working on it.
DG: Is this the best time of your life?
RG: Without question, yes! I just feel so incredibly blessed. Blessed to be doing the work that I'm doing on Queer as Folk, the upcoming projects with mythgarden, all of it. It is so exciting to think I have come to this wonderful time in my life when I have not only been able to heal myself but that I can also reach out to my gay brothers and sisters and hopefully help others...What could possibly be better?
The Fourth Season of Queer as Folk is now on Showtime.