I remember thinking how ironic it was that I was this gay guy playing this American icon.
Oh, my God, this show is about my life! I related to Ben with respect to our spiritual journey and, I think, self-realization process.
I'm always that romantic lead guy. And I didn't feel like I had examples out there of people who had made the choice to be openly gay who were in my category - who were leading men in the way that Ben Affleck is a leading man.
Gandhi said, 'Be the change you wish to see in the world," and so I guess I'm being the change that I wish to see.
A friend of mine says, "In God's world there are no mistakes, only lessons." So I'm coming out exactly when I'm supposed to.
like Ben says, "It's about the now."
There was one guy from Caracas [Venezuela], another from Mexico, a bunch from the Midwest, and they're like, "Oh, my God, we just can't believe [it's really you]." I felt like Mickey Mouse.
Whenever I'm physical in public with him, there's a little part of me that thinks, Somebody could just pick up a gun and shoot us, could hit us with something or stab us.
It's the mobility of gay folk, the disposable income, [that] causes us to be able to seek out love more broadly. Because at the end of the day, that's what we're all looking for.
Freedom is my big buzzword in life. It's just my favorite word. And I think so many of my choices have been about gaining freedom.
It wasn't only being gay that caused me to create facades. I was a fat kid...
I actually loved going to law school. It really worked with my mind, because I tend to be a little hyperanalytical. Maybe a lot hyperanalytical.
You know, I'm sad to say - it's embarrassing to say - I had girlfriends, and it was never truthful. It was a self-serving choice to hide. I regret that, but at the same time, that was the process.
My first experience with a guy...[Laughs] Inquiring minds want to know. Oy. The end of my junior year of high school - I was going to the senior prom. yeah. Prom night was my first time.
Yeah, with another guy in high school - another guy on the football team [laughs]. It doesn't get any better than that!
I had my first significant boyfriend my senior year in college. And I think that's when I started to realize some of those desires for creating a family and creating a home - and love. Things that I hadn't before. I hadn't thought that they were my right.
And then at some point I said [to myself], Well, I'll meet a lesbian and we'll pretend to the rest of the world, and then at some point we'll have surrogate kids.
We've been dating for four months, so we're in this wonderful process of getting to know one another. He's quite a wonderful man. Wonderful soul, and spiritually, there are a lot of things in common that way.
I've had friends call me to say, "Do you write your own dialogue?" I have had three or four people say that to me.
And it's hard to be a gay man and not know a lot about HIV. I've had plenty of experiences--
I really, really wanted to do justice to Ben because I felt a sense of obligation to portray him in a way that really was respectful.
I think they jumped the gun a little bit on that. Whether it's Ben or it's Vic [Michael's HIV-positive uncle], I'm really glad that the exploration of HIV in gay culture has become such an integral part of the show, because it is and has been one of the single most galvanizing forces in the gay community.
That's one of the things I love about the show: It pisses people off - it provokes people to take a position.
I lead far from a perfect existence, as we said, and I have plenty of flaws and foibles, but I like who I'm becoming.
I literally have to take my clothes off on television - it's important I stay in shape, from that standpoint.
Sex isn't a spiritually exclusive phenomenon.
I'm not claiming to be so godlike as to be free from the desire to want to look good. [Laughs] Let's see: "Be the change you wish to see in the world." I'm not sure how that plays out in this.
I think as a kid I wasn't even aware of the extent to which my freedom was being infringed upon. We're conditioned not even to know that we're not free. When you think about what we all believe America to be, it just seems ludicrous that so much of America's populace lives in this sort of prison. I think coming out for me is really about tearing down the prison wall.
The new season is definitely about relationships-what works and what doesn't. Family-what makes a family.
It's about fear, and the greatest fear is fear of death. In no other situation is the contemplation of living and dying so intertwined with love and sex.
You have to take care of yourself. There are many, many people living perfectly healthy lives with HIV, with or without medication-and I think that's a case-by-case basis.
Not only are you dealing with acceptance around gay/straight, you're dealing with acceptance issues within your own peer group.
Ben is still in the process of embracing his status, and so he does still engage in behavior that is questionable. I have to contemplate, Should he have a glass of Perrier in his hand, or should he have a glass of wine?
What's been exciting for me, as one of these guys who only liked "masculine" guys-in the classic sense of the word-was discovering that I liked "feminine" traits and found them sexy. They turn me on.
I have old audiotapes where I would do the nelliest voices. I had a whole routine worked out for "Car Wash."
Playing Ben, for me, has gone hand in hand with my growth. The fact that Ben doesn't apologize in the way I might has caused me to apologize a hell of a lot less. Ben's strength has caused me to root for some of those things within myself.
I think it's crucial to the story, because we, as gay men, struggle with this Adonis syndrome.
This is our life! That's what we live! It's all about the gym!
As actors who both came out on the cover of The Advocate, did you see any variance in the response you each received, given that your respective characters are on the opposite end of the butch-fern spectrum?
When I came out there were some letters saying, "Why do we need to see these stories about these entertainment people coming out when there are so many stories that are more important?" And you know what? That's true.
I'm getting involved with a group called SAGE—Senior Action in a Gay Environment. They're New York-based but nationally focused. It's become something of my torch. Young gay people are often told, "You're going to grow old alone." I was terrified that I was going to grow old alone...
I just know that this isn't a culture I want to grow old in as it currently exists...
Terms like "troll" and "old queen" and "lech"--this is how we refer to our elderly.
We're such idiots! We're perpetuating a really shitty place to grow old! We're perpetuating a prison. What fools we are.
We constantly have to shed the idea that we have some responsibility to the community even though people constantly try to foist that on us.
"Will & Grace" is a whole other thing, and I love "Six Feet Under," but they've got four main story lines, one of which is gay; that's definitely not the "gay drama."