Of all the things that could have awaited James Norrington as he opened the door to his house, this was definitely not what he had expected; frankly, it was nothing that actually could have been expected at all.

Naturally, given that it was his birthday, his rank and reputation saw to it that today was one rarely forgotten in Port Royal, and so Norrington had pondered the arrival of gifts. Earlier, people had delivered flowers, cakes, unnecessary items to put on his shelves, and—near noon—Governor Swann had brought a fine new sword to replace the one from his promotion. Norrington had been glad to be able to discard one of the last reminders of that fateful day.

Considering what he saw right now, however, he was far from pleased. Outside the door, there were two women; one red-haired, brown-eyed and fair-skinned, one dark-haired, black-eyed and darker-skinned. The one was neat and tidy, wearing a blue silk dress. The other was wild and dishevelled, a none too clean red dress (which hardly merited the name) covering her as well as it could—which was not much.

They both wore quite fine make-up too, though it took Norrington scarcely one instant to discern their true sex, and—to top it off—the two "women" were fighting quite unseemly with their fists raised, offending one another in rather deep voices.

Hoping his neighbours had not seen the spectacle, Norrington waited until the "ladies" had readjusted their dresses before leading them into his house; where, after a while, the red-haired "woman", who was undoubtedly Lieutenant Gillette, began to speak.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've had quite enough of this." He was flustered, his rouged cheeks all the more red with rage, and his wild gesticulating caused his dress to slip, exposing parts of a very fine pale chest. Norrington swallowed and tried to concentrate on something else.

"Hah, you've had enough. What about me?" interrupted the dark-haired "woman", scowling. Captain Jack Sparrow looked quite fetching as a lady, especially when angry, Norrington had to admit with a blush; though simultaneously, he made a mental note never to tell him so.

"Be quiet," hissed Gillette in Sparrow's direction before he turned to Norrington again. "Everything I do for you, sir, he does it, too. There isn't one little thing that I've done for you that he hasn't. He's stealing my ideas, pretending they are his! I've had enough, completely enough."

Norrington frowned, but kept silent.

Jack Sparrow, however, thought it was his turn to bring forward a view and opened his mouth, grinning. "Fair game, lad. You've had enough. He's mine."

Immediately, the complacent grin was cut down by a glare from Gillette, that could have pierced through the most weasley of black guts. Even Sparrow understood that had the lieutenant not been wearing a dress, but his full uniform with weapon, the pirate would have been forced to renew his acquaintance with the stinking floor of Fort Charles' cell-yard sooner than he could blink.

"Let me be plain with you, sir," Gillette said to Norrington. "You might remember the bygone summer, and I hope you do. There I was, sitting in your garden with you and reciting you poems. I could see you enjoyed yourself, I could! But right on the following day, I saw you with that scoundrel near the lagoon and he had one of the filthiest books with him and read it to you."

Gillette huffed dramatically.

"I wrote you letters, sir. I never sent them to you. I wanted to spare you my overly romantic sentimentality. Yet, one day, I caught this villain with paper and ink, writing to you, too, and he didn't even have the decency to keep his insane ramblings to himself; no, he had to give them to you."

Again, Gillette scowled at Sparrow before continuing.

"I was gone for some days, sailing to Nassau, and I brought you a very rare sea shell, but what did I have to see on the following day? That scallywag, knocking on your door, with one of the rarest and prettiest pearls from the Eastern Seas."

Gillette sniffled.

"One day, we went swimming, just with our shirts on, and it was so exhilarating and refreshing, we enjoyed ourselves so much... But right on the next day, I saw you with that blackguard. Swimming naked."

He sobbed.

"And today, on your birthday, I wanted to give you a special present, so I dressed up and painted my face, and nobody in town recognized me, and they were turning their heads in admiration. I had hoped you would like it, but who do I meet right at your door? That knave, that devil, with a similar attire, and... and I know that he is much prettier than me and I will never stand a chance against him."

Gillette averted his eyes, ashamed and disappointed, and Captain Sparrow finally got to say something in his defence.

"That's not fair," he complained, glaring at the miserable Gillette. "I've stolen quite a lot in me life, but never his ideas! They were me own ideas, me very own! He stole them, an' he presented them to you to please you, an' I, betrayed, had to think of something new, something better, every bloody time!" He pouted. "An' here I stand in this silly dress, just to see that he once again stole the idea from me an' he's the proper woman, nice dress an' nice make-up, an' I look like a dirty whore." His tongue poked briefly at the edges of his mouth, where the waxy colouring had gathered in its creases.

It was a rather sorry picture, far too sorry for a birthday, so James pulled them both up from the floor and sat them at his table, accompanied by a bottle of brandy and a bottle of rum until the "ladies" had calmed down again.

Understandably, Norrington also helped himself to a tumbler; what he had just heard surprised him completely. They had been competing, fighting, and... for him? He would never have noticed. Why hadn't they said anything? True, he had read Sparrow's letters, but the scrawl was so illegible that he hardly understood anything and he thought that it was just dirty poetry anyway.

Finally, he spoke, absolute with lips drawn thin. "I am flattered. No—more than that." A muscle throbbed momentarily in his jaw, his teeth set, searching for a fitting word. "I'm honoured. I'm honoured to know you. You have done your best to distract me from the—", he swallowed, quickly discarding the unpleasant memories from his mind as quick as they had come, "—the events following my promotion, and for that I thank you. I must admit that I was blind not to see the true meaning behind your friendly gestures and I hope you will forgive me for my ignorance."

It was a bit embarrassing for Norrington to stand in the middle of the room, feeling so exposed and vulnerable, two pairs of eyes fixed on him as though he were something supernatural and his words a holy doctrine, but he continued nonetheless.

"I must tell you, however, that I will never be able to decide. You are both truly special in your own ways and you both have a very important place in my heart. I cannot do without either of you."

This seemed to pull Gillette and Sparrow back to reality and they stared at each other, incredulous and completely at a loss for words.

On the one hand, Gillette was disappointed that Norrington hadn't chosen him, but on the other hand, he was glad that he hadn't chosen Sparrow either, despite his presents and his pretty face.

Jack Sparrow was just confused. He had expected Norrington to choose Gillette, naturally. No officer with his wits intact, especially someone like Commodore Norrington, would ever choose a pirate and voluntarily live with the danger. And the lieutenant did look very fetching in that dress.

"Gentlemen—or rather—ladies," Norrington broke the silence. "I do recall that it is my birthday today, and I will not ask you for anything but a truce, for this one evening. Shake hands and share smiles, and please do have dinner with me later." And with a smirk, he added, "I can say with no little pride that my cook keeps a very fine cellar for me. So who knows where this evening might lead?"

Sparrow and Gillette could only agree to this.

And when Norrington woke up in the morning and got out of bed, he couldn't help grinning like a fool; not just because of the most pleasurable night he had spent, but also because his lieutenant and his pirate—sworn enemies the day before—were lying peacefully in the bed, cuddled up against each other, their legs entwined, just as if they had never been enemies at all.

Norrington wondered what they would do when they woke up.