Affair 04: Sacrifices

Pairing: Jack Sparrow/James Norrington
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Disney and Bruckheimer own the franchise. No copyright infringements intended. No profits made from this work of fiction.
Originally posted: 09/02/04
Summary: James' life with Jack is thrown into turmoil.
Warnings: Angst.

From behind him James felt Jack's body heat close behind him, and heard him say rather close to his ear, "Jamie's father! How lovely! Pleased to meet you, Sparrow's the name." Jack stuck his hand out, reaching around James.

"Please, Jack... " He had no idea what he was going to say—"Run! Hide? Pretend you're my butler?"

Reginald's gaze fell on the telltale "P" on Jack's forearm, years of supplying naval and merchant ships with provisions gave him enough experience to recognize what that mark meant. How James was beginning to despise that brand. It would forever mark Jack as something less than he was.

Nostrils flaring slightly, Reginald asked, "Consorting with a man, James? And a pirate?"

James felt his chest crush inward when he saw Jack make a show of leaning over and looking under the bed to exclaim, "And a pirate? Have you been cheating on me, Jamie?"

"A madman too?" Jack's eyes twinkled. "Jamie, I'm very disappointed. Three of us?"

"Stop! The both of you stop! This conversation is getting us nowhere. Jack put on your shirt. Father, please leave us. I must speak to Jack a moment. If you'll go down to the parlour I'll put on some tea and we can talk."

"Nay, lad," Jack said getting off the bed and pulling on his shirt. "It's best if I make myself scarce."

James watched helplessly as Jack dressed and gathered his effects. He looked closely, trying to determine Jack's mood, to judge what he was thinking, but as good as he was becoming at understanding his mercurial lover, he could not fathom what was presently going through his mind. Jack moved towards the door then took two extra long steps back to James. Grabbing him by the shoulders Jack kissed him soundly, whispered, "I'll see you soon, love," and whisked out the door past a startled Reginald. With his departure James felt as if the peace of mind from earlier in the evening was irrevocably lost.

"Disgusting! This is what happens when I let you out of my sight? I should have checked up on you years ago before it came to this. What's happened to you, James?"

His attention drawn back to the man in the nightshirt holding a sword, James sighed heavily. A ridiculous scenario, this was not the time and place he would have chosen for this conversation. "I haven't changed, Father. Not in the way you're thinking. I've always been interested in men..."

Reginald cut him off. "I've heard that sailors sometimes... partake of their pleasures with each other on long sea voyages. But you are more than a common seaman, and to take that filth into your own bed is reprehensible!"

"He is not filth! He's a good, kind man." And I love him, he added silently. That was something he had not admitted to Jack. The first time he expressed aloud his feelings about Jack would not be to his father.

But Reginald was not listening. "You could lose your commission, James. Think of your career."

Still seething about the slur on Jack's character James said, "I have thought of it. I've thought of little else since I joined the Navy almost twenty years gone. It's only been this past year that I've dared to think of myself, to hope for a little happiness."

"What about the Governor's daughter? Your mother told me you were contemplating asking for her hand."

"I see. So rather than turn your attentions to what I'm sure are any number of eligible young ladies you sought consolation with a man? Really James."

The derision in his father's voice further fuelling his anger after a vexing couple of days, not to mention that he had looked forward to spending an entire night with Jack in his bed, James snapped, "Go bugger yourself, Father!"

They stared at one another, both shocked and both frozen in a significant moment in their volatile history. James could not recall one single instance in which they had agreed on anything since he was old enough to talk. He was horrified that he had spoken to his father that way, but could not bring himself to apologize. A fissure thirty years across lay between them.

Knowing he would never convince his father to see his side of it, James was suddenly weary of the fight.

"It's late. Perhaps this would be better suited for another time. I trust Mrs. Roth saw you settled before she left?" He spoke with extreme politeness but lacked any real feeling.

With equal civility Reginald said, "Yes, she did. She's a splendid cook. And Mr. Higgins stowed my bags." As James could have predicted, the courteousness vanished rather quickly. "They both expected back yesterday. Since you saw fit to run off with that pirate for God knows what manner of..."

"For your information, I... we battled a rather serious threat to the peace of these waters and the well being of the people of these islands. A Spaniard named Firenza was running amuck. Jack came to me with information on Firenza's proximity to Port Royal yesterday. We went out on the Dauntless and brought him to justice. Just when the tide could have turned against us, Jack's ship joined the fight and we were victorious against the Spaniard. Also, this evening Governor Swann offered Jack a letter of marque, which he accepted. So you see, Father, Jack is not a pirate but a privateer. He is a man capable and willing to fight for what is right and just." In his own way...

"Your friend?" Reginald sputtered. "I might be able to understand the baser attraction, though I'll never accept it, but to call that heathen your friend is going too far."

"No. It is you who goes too far. Tomorrow I'll book you passage back to England. There's a ship bound for Portsmouth due through here at the end of the week. Until then we shall not speak of Jack or my career or, indeed, any subject. I shall instruct the servants to make the remainder of your stay comfortable. Now please get out of my bedroom."

Reginald's mouth tightened into a thin line but for once he did not argue. Instead he did as James bid and left.

As soon as he was gone, James sat on the edge of the bed shaking with rage. He ran his fingers through hair already dishevelled by Jack's loving hands. After a moment he got up and walked a short distance down a too quiet hallway to his study. He went straight to the cabinet where he kept the brandy, took out the bottle and reached for a glass. Changing his mind and deciding to forgo the glass, he opened the decanter and drank straight from it. It was slightly awkward because of the flared lip, but he managed to swallow several large gulps of the liquid, letting it burn its way down his throat. Thus fortified, he took it back to his bedroom and climbed onto his bed, propping himself up with pillows, and proceeded to drain the crystal bottle.

Speaking of his love, the snores ceased for a moment and then started again. Jack could not recall hearing James snore in the times they had slept together previously. He pulled off his boots and rid himself of his sword and dagger and hat, and climbed up onto the bed to settle next to James. His knee bumped something painfully hard-edged, and when he felt around for it his hands closed on the decanter. That explained the snoring. He shook it hopefully but it was empty, so he set on the table next to the bed where it clinked against something. He felt around and closed his fingers on a familiar-shaped object. The piece of jade he had given James for their seventh month anniversary. It was the most sentimental thing he had ever done for another person in the buying and giving of this rock, so cool now in his hands.

James stirred fitfully and the snoring began anew. Jack put the jade aside and lay down, throwing an arm over James who responded by instinctively turning towards him, bending his knees and pushing at Jack's side. Jack planted a soft kiss on his forehead, and then obliged him by turning on his side so James could curl around him, his chest pressed to Jack's back, clinging to him for security. And so they slept, Jack wrapped in the arms of the man who needed the comfort of his closeness.

Chuckling to himself, Jack put his arms around his lover and hugged him gently. "Sorry to break it to you, love, but it's still here on your shoulders."

Glancing at the empty brandy decanter next to the bed Jack said, "Indulged a bit too much last night, did you?" When no response was forthcoming this time Jack said, "That was quite the row you and your da had. No wonder you jumped into the bottle. I'd have picked rum m'self. Doesn't leave as much of a punch the next day."

"He's still here. I tossed him out as of the end of the week. There'll be a ship sailing back to England." The hands dropped at last and James turned bloodshot eyes towards Jack who winced at the sight. The red did not go well with the pretty green irises. "God, Jack. What have I done?"

"I heard most of it. The window was open, so I sat below for a while and listened. He deserved what you said to him, not because of his remarks about me but how he spoke to you and about you."

"I'm his youngest son," James corrected him. "I have two older brothers, one is a gentleman farmer who leads a staid but safe life, and the other is a professional gambler, who is always one step from debtor's prison—not that my father would let it get that far."

"There! You made Commodore." Jack poked him in the chest. "Isn't he proud of you?"

"He must be. It isn't every man has a Commodore of the British Royal Navy for a son."

James shrugged helplessly. He really seemed not to have a clue as to his father's feelings for him.

"Ah, Jamie. Y'must take after your mama. From what I can tell you're nothing like your da, except in looks. If you're going to be that handsome in twenty-five years then I'm in for a treat." He winked at James.

"Jack!" Then James began to laugh, only to halt immediately and clutch his head again. He flopped back on the bed and dragged his hands over his face. "Hurts."

Jack straddled him, sitting back on James' thighs, and pushed the protective hands away to replace them with his own at the temples. He rubbed circles there, pressing lightly. He felt the tension begin to ease away, so he began to stroke his thumbs and fingertips over Jamie's forehead, nose and cheeks. As he worked he wondered if James had always been this open with his lovers, admitting when his head hurt and accepting comfort where it was given. Before they got to know each other his stuffy Commodore had seemed rather, well, stuffy. Part of the reason their liaisons had continued beyond that first, nearly accidental, incident was because Jack had been intrigued by how responsive James was to stimulation. His prior experience with him had led Jack to believe that the man had a flagpole up his ass. There had been little to suggest the fire and passion he found under the uniform and silly wig. Somewhere along the way, however, Jack forgot about only coming around for an occasional good time and to unravel the mystery of the Commodore, and he had fallen in love with him. Jack Sparrow did not give his heart easily. He knew he was a tougher nut than James to crack when it came to love, tougher than most, actually.

"China. A little lady in a brothel taught me. She really was little, too. Only came to here on me." He took one hand away to hold it about waist high. "Perfect height for getting to know ol' Jack, if you get my drift."

James caught him by the wrist and directed his hand back to his temple. "Your drift is usually headed in the one direction so, yes, I get it."

"Sometimes I think I don't know you at all, but that's what I like about you. You're surprises and laughter and unpredictability. All the things my life was empty of before you came into it."

They fell into an easy silence. Jack had been aware for some time of James' erection hardening under his ass. His own had been waiting patiently for some loving attention. Long dark lashes lifted and green eyes studied him. James reached up to trace his fingers across Jack's face. Jack turned his head so that he could nuzzle the inside of the nearest wrist.

"If we're quiet he won't hear us." Jack stretched out on top of James, who eagerly accepted his kisses but then gently pushed him back.

"We can't, Jack, because we need to talk about you accepting that letter of marque last night."

Jack rolled off to the side and propped himself up on his elbow. One hand idly played with James' collar. "What's to talk about? The Governor offered. I accepted."

"Why, though? You once told me that you're a pirate and you plan to remain one until the end of your days. What changed your mind?"

"Jack, please tell me what you're thinking." James turned onto his side so that his position mirrored Jack's. Green eyes, still bloodshot, stared earnestly into Jack's.

"All right! I'll tell you. I did it for you. I went legitimate for you. My crew will either keelhaul me, mutiny or just abandon ship at the nearest port because of it, but I took the letter of marque so I can work with you." Before James could say respond, Jack continued, "I did a lot of thinking. There aren't a lot of pirates left. Barbossa's gone, we got Firenza, the lads who fought with me against Firenza aren't likely to return, even if they do get repairs or new ships. They weren't doing much pirating beforehand, especially because you are the law around here. They're all afraid of you. And that's another thing. Since you and I took up, my heart isn't in pirating anymore. I don't want to do anything that will make you have to arrest me, and I don't want to have to blow your Dauntless out of the water with or without you on her."

James merely stared in silence but his astonishment was plain to see. Jack allowed himself a tiny moment of enjoying throwing his lover off balance, but it didn't last. He truly did love his Jamie and he was going soft because of it, not that he minded in the least. Pirating was really only an end to a means, anyway. As long as he could sail free he would be happy.

Finding his voice at last, James said, "Thank you." And then he leaned forward to kiss Jack slowly but soundly. His tongue swept through Jack's mouth causing his retired pirate to make a small noise in the back of his throat.

The irritated sound of another throat being cleared caused them to break apart. Reginald stood in the doorway again. Fully dressed this time.

He gave them both a quick tour of the fort, showing them the guns, battlements and barracks. At one point Theo Groves approached them and drew James aside.

"James, is it wise to show our armament to Captain Sparrow? I mean the nature of pirates being what it is."

James still did not want to endanger his friend's career, but Theo was very observant and would find out about Jack eventually. It might as well be from James. He gave him a warm look and replied simply, "I trust Jack with my life and have done so for the better part of this past year."

Theo stared blankly back at him for a few seconds and then understanding blossomed across his face. "You. Oh. Oh! Yes!" A wide grin burst forth and was just as quickly suppressed, though not entirely as he glanced at Jack. With a hint of it remaining as a smirk worthy of James at his best, Theo clasped his hands behind his back, leaned close and said, "I am pleased that you feel you can trust the Captain. He seems quite trustworthy."

"Indeed," James said dryly. "Besides, he accepted a letter of marque last night. He's on our side now. Come, let me introduce you to someone." Reginald had separated himself from Jack, and was inspecting the cannons with the air of a man who knew nothing about them, but was trying to appear knowledgeable all the same. James approached him with Theo in tow.

"Reginald Norrington, this is my very good friend, Captain Theodore Groves. Theo, my father."

For his part, Reginald seemed relieved that James had at least one friend who was not a pirate. He pumped Theo's hand effusively. Then Jack leaned around his shoulder and greeted Theo as well.

''So good to see you again, Captain Sparrow." He reached out and shook Jack's hand. Jack seemed surprised but grasped the proffered hand. "Will you be with us long?"

"Actually, I should be getting back to the Pearl soon. Need to earn my keep as His Majesty's newest pirate... privateer!" When they all turned to look at him he fluttered his fingers, made a pitiful attempt at looking contrite and said, "Sorry. Slip of the tongue."

Theo said, "Pleased to meet you, Mister Norrington," nodded at Jack and flashed James another grin, before he turned smartly and strode off. James sent a brief prayer to whoever looked out for poor put-upon Commodores that he wasn't in for too much trouble with Jack and Theo for friends.

"Your father! I am very pleased to meet you, sir," he exclaimed, nearly echoing Theo's words.

Recognizing someone of his generation, Reginald shook hands with him and the two older men began to converse at the exclusion of Jack and James. Finally, Weatherby Swann broke off to apologize.

"Your pardon, James. I've invited Reginald to morning tea at my home. Would you and Captain Sparrow care to join us?"

"Thank you, Weatherby, but I have work to do." Then the devil took James and he added, "But perhaps Jack would like to go?"

To give Swann credit, he barely hesitated and said cordially, "You are certainly welcome, Captain Sparrow."

Jack's eyes twinkled as he sidled up to Reginald and got right into his personal space. James' father was clearly uncomfortable but did nothing more overt than lean away slightly. James knew then that his father would not give away their secret. Jack looked closely into Reginald's eyes. After a beat he said, "Thank you, Gov. I'd like to stay here and talk to the Commodore about my future association with the Navy."

"That is an excellent idea and the reason why I came here today. I was going to suggest that very thing to James." Swann agreed. "And, well, any reason to visit the fort. Now, if you gentlemen will excuse us?"

They said their goodbyes and James was alone again with Jack. They eyed each other seriously until James was the one unable to keep from smiling.

"I get the definite impression you enjoy baiting my father." He sat on the edge of the desk. There was something about being around Jack that, while it used to bring out the rigid military in him, now more often than not loosened the strictures of his upbringing and training.

"I'm not complaining. In fact, if you could do it more often it would make my life so much better."

Jack slapped a hand over his own chest. "I'm shocked! Such disrespect," he clucked his tongue.

"Do not get me wrong, Jack. I suppose I love my father, though more out of an ingrained sense of duty, but I don't like him very much. I left home to join the navy when I was ten years old. My entire childhood was one long dream about the sea, and I practically lived down at the docks from the time I could go without supervision. The moment I suggested it to my father he was all too happy to be rid of me. I don't think he knew what to do with me. We were never close, not even in my earliest years. My brothers both take after him in attitude and temperament. My mother and her brother were my only allies. It was my uncle who recognized my passion for sailing, and who encouraged my dreams."

Jack wound an arm around James' waist and leaned against him, tucking his head under James' chin. "Remind me to thank your uncle someday for introducing us."

Chuckling James planted a kiss to the top of Jack's head. "Do you really have to leave?"

"My Pearl is getting restless. I can feel it in my bones. Besides, I have to break the news to the crew that we're no longer pirates. They should take it well... except maybe Gibbs and Anamaria. Gibbs should be okay with enough rum in him, and as long as he doesn't have to wear a uniform again. Ana..." He shuddered and made a face.

"I had hoped we could spend a day in bed. So much for that daydream; turned into a nightmare instead."

"Poor Jamie. I feel awful leaving you alone with that man. What is his profession, by the by?"

"It does. It really does. Thank God we lived in a port town, or I'd have ended up a farmer like my brother Robert. Or a shoe manufacturer."

They both made distasteful faces, their shared love of the sea binding them even closer. James wrapped his left arm around Jack and held him tightly for a moment before releasing him and standing up.

"Aye," Jack said. "I'll be back at the end of the week. Just in time to wish your da a fair weather trip home." He winked, and James felt some of his gloom at their parting ebb.

Jack moved towards the door. Just as he was about to pull it open, James called to him, "Jack. Are you sure you will be all right with your new vocation?"

"It's not that much different from my old one. I was never one to slaughter and plunder the innocent. Now I know my crew and I will have some sort of regular income. Maybe it's because I'm getting older, maybe it's because I have you in my life, but I like the feeling of security I get from the idea of being a privateer. Just don't tell Anamaria."

He scuttled back to where James stood and engaged him in a kiss guaranteed to curl toes. When he stepped back he said, "Of course I'll always be a pirate in my soul."

"And a thief," James added, earning an odd look from Jack. He explained, "You stole my heart."

With a decidedly exaggerated dramatic flair, Jack bent backwards and threw his hand over his brow. "Aye! A thief and a scoundrel; it's my nature to sweep pretty green-eyed Commodores off their feet and run away with them in the middle of the night."

"Please do." James hadn't meant for it to come out sounding so pathetic. There he went again behaving against his reputation as a fierce and ruthless pirate hunter.

Jack returned to his side. "Everything will work out, Jamie-love. You let ol' Jack take care of you." Then he rose on tiptoe and kissed him lightly on the mouth. "See you in a few days."

James watched him go while a vague sense of unease settled in his bones. He shivered despite the heat of the day.

The day came for Reginald's departure. He packed without fuss or argument. James watched him in silence for a while, feeling somewhat like a small boy again waiting for a reprimand from his stern and overbearing father. In other words, he was feeling guilty and he despised the feeling.

"I... your mother and I are extremely proud of you and all you have accomplished." He turned around at last, but it took some noticeable effort for him to look James in the eye. When he did James was surprised to see the sincerity in his expression. "Your mother... well, both of us were concerned for your happiness. It's why I came for a visit. To see for myself that you are well."

Feeling the guilt roil up inside his gut James said, "Perhaps you could stay a bit longer. There'll be another ship bound for home in a few weeks. I may have been too hasty in booking your departure."

"No. I saw what I came to see." Reginald managed a rueful smile. "Besides, you and I would be at each other's throats—again—inside of a day. It's best that I go now. You were right to insist. Now, if you could find someone to help me with my baggage I'll be off."

"Higgins will be here in a moment to help and a carriage awaits downstairs. And I'll accompany you... to see you off."

A pleased smile flitted over Reginald's face. "Very well. That would be very fine."

James could not shake the feeling that this new found truce was not going to last but they made it to the docks and he saw his father board the Diamond Star, a merchant ship bound for England. When Reginald reached the top of the ramp he waved. James returned it, letting his arm drop after a moment when he saw his father turn and go in search of his cabin.

"You survived the week, James. Your father is headed home and you can go back to defending the peace."

One side of his mouth quirked upwards and James said, "Then why do I get the feeling even that won't last?"

"I don't know, Theo. It could be because it seems we are on the verge of the end of an era. There are fewer pirates these days. Even Jack has given it up. He was probably the last of them anyway."

"But isn't that a good thing?" Groves asked. "It is the point of us being here, after all."

After a couple of hours of lovemaking, wild and desperate at first, and then lazily stroking each other to completion later, they lay in bed with arms and legs intertwined. James rested his head on Jack's stomach, enjoying the warm skin under his cheek while Jack played with his hair, twisting it as they talked.

"There, there, love. None of us know our folks. We grow up thinking one thing about them, whether it be that they are the light upon which heaven smiles, or that they are the devil's own minions. Then one day we find out that they are mere mortals who exist someplace in between, just trying to get by same as the rest of us."

"Speaking from experience, Jack?" James asked carefully, trying to keep his tone light. Jack never spoke of his family and he didn't want to scare him off the subject.

"Never knew my da. Mama always said he wasn't worth the time it took to say his name. Could be she was a bit prejudiced against him. Never found out for sure why."

"No. I'm an orphan now. She passed about three years ago. I made it back to see her before she was gone, though. She was happy to see me."

"I'm glad you got to be with her one last time." James rubbed comforting circles on Jack's side.

"Aye. She seemed smaller somehow, diminished in spirit as well as size. That's when I realized that she wasn't this larger than life woman who mothered the whole neighbourhood. She was just an ordinary woman who had a lot of compassion for a lot of people. Guess it should have struck me sooner, but some of us take longer to stop seeing the world through a child's eyes." He sounded a trifle sheepish at that confession.

James sat up and gathered him into his arms, pressing kisses onto kohl-smudged eyes. .

"Don't ever change, my love. I like you just the way you are." That near-non sequitur made little sense when he played it back in his head. Jack was affecting him more and more in so many ways. Then he jerked his head back as something thick and ropy dangled down past his shoulder. "Jack?"

Jack went out on patrol with James from time to time, either on the Dauntless or taking the Black Pearl out alongside the navy ship. The Jamaican waters were relatively calm with only a few minor threats. The two men fought side by side and came home exhilarated, full of eager lust that could only be sated by frenzied lovemaking. For the most part it was a reasonably safe and even idyllic life.

And so it was while they had their guards down that the long simmering unease James had felt strongest early on reared its ugly head again, this time with solid evidence of its reality.

Jack walked into the office at the fort one day to find James sitting at his desk looking pale and stunned.

Lifting eyes darkening with anger James wordlessly handed him a letter written on fine parchment. Jack read it and then sat rather suddenly in the chair in front of the oak desk.

"So they're recalling you." It was a flat, emotionless statement. His sails were suddenly without wind.

Swallowing some of his fast-rising anger, James nodded. "It's a sideways promotion. They're not ready to make me an Admiral yet, perhaps they never will. In the meantime, by removing me from the Caribbean they make room for the next rising star."

"Don't look at it that way, Jamie. Maybe they are preparing you for the Admiralty. Maybe they genuinely need you..." he referred to the letter, "in the Atlantic. Spain? They're sending you to Spain?"

"Gibraltar, more than likely. There is a headquarters there. Admiral Stokes is stationed there." He sighed and rubbed his face, tiredly. "Dammit. I knew this assignment wouldn't last but I had hoped."

James tried to smile and failed miserably. "I did too good a job in ridding the area of pirates. They're sending me someplace else where I can do more good."

"I could always go back to my old ways," Jack offered half-heartedly. He was overly fond of the good life he now lived.

"Look at it this way, love. Whoever they send in here won't have anything to do so this fella must be getting a demotion of sorts."

James considered it. "True. Well, at least my ego is assuaged," he added sarcastically. He stood up. "I must go speak to the Governor about this. Perhaps he can shed some light on it."

"When he was here we discussed your career. He seemed so interested in it and asked all sorts of questions about what would happen to your career after you leave here. I told him several possibilities. He already had a fair idea about it, as it seems he knows a number of officers through his chandlery. Before he left he offered to give my regards to my old cronies back home. I have many friends at the Admiralty in London. So I gave him names and addresses. He promised to speak to them the first opportunity he got. Then he wrote me some time later telling me that he was trying to get you promoted, perhaps have you sent closer to home. I wrote some letters of my own, adding whatever weight I have to it."

James spun away on his heel, going to stare out a window. Elizabeth, who had joined them after ordering tea to be served for the four of them, cried, "Father, how could you?"

His back stiff, hands clasped tightly behind him, James said, "My father wants me far away from here."

James met the eyes of Jack and then Elizabeth in turn. None of them knew how to tell the Governor.

"James is a grown man. He has a right to choose his own friends." Swann's expression cleared after a moment. "But I suppose I can understand. Some men only see a pirate and not the man. I must admit that I felt the same way when Captain Sparrow first became part of our circle. Pity Reginald didn't stay longer. He could have gotten to know you better, Captain."

"Yes. I'm a lovely person once you get to know me." Jack tilted his head, fluttered his eyelashes and flashed his golden smile.

Weatherby looked slightly taken aback, still easily confused by Jack's behaviour. "Yes. Indeed."

"It's either accept the new assignment, or resign my commission which, I must admit, I am tempted to do."

There was a flurry of protests over that pronouncement. James held up a hand to quell the voices.

"It is just a thought. I haven't had time to assimilate this news yet. They don't need an immediate response. I have several months yet."

"Quite sensible of you, James," Weatherby agreed. "Let us have tea and talk about more pleasant subjects. Give your mind a rest. You can think it over later."

Weatherby chuckled and took James by the arm, leading him toward the parlour. "Give up, dear boy. You're out-gunned on this one."

Glancing at Jack propped up beside him, reading, James said, "It took him almost ten months to find a way to get me transferred. He started virtually from scratch with only his customers and Weatherby's friends as contacts. That meant he had to form his own friendships at the Admiralty before he could ask favours. I know he would not lower himself to begin asking without the foundation of friendship. It is not in his nature to be impulsive."

Jack put the book aside and moved closer to James. "It's me he hates, Jamie, and all I represent like depravity and sin... Ah!" James started to argue but Jack quieted him. "Most of all he hates me for showing you a way to be free, to get out from under the trappings of your commission. I think maybe he doesn't know what it's like to be able to express himself freely."

"Surely you're not suggesting my father is a sodomist!" This was said without rancour.

"No. At least I don't think... No, of course not. But he probably has some dark secret that he keeps so tightly suppressed he's near ready to bust his gut hiding it from the world. And the thing is, as with most British gentlemen, it might only be something he thinks is a bad thing, but could be readily acceptable if he does let it out."

"I don't know, Jack. That sounds rather far-fetched. It might be true in general theory but applied to my father?" James looked doubtful.

"Or perhaps I know him not at all and you are one hundred percent correct in your assumptions. I just don't know what to think."

Jack flipped the covers back and began to slide his hands up James' nude body. "Aye. Tea time worked this morning as a distraction. Let's see if Jack can distract Jamie."

Reaching for the snarl of braids on his lover's head, James pulled him down on top of him. They quickly put all thoughts of the transfer out of their minds.

A long drawn out sigh accompanied the reply. "No. Not likely. It'd be tantamount to refusing an order."

"Why on earth are you coming in through the window, Jack? You've more than earned the right to walk through the front door. I gave you a key months ago. Did you lose it?"

Jack stripped off his clothing as he approached the bed where his rumpled Commodore sat up.

"Well, come here, you rogue. I've missed you terribly. You were away for far too long this time."

"Couldn't be helped, love." Jack climbed onto the bed and fell into James' arms. "But I missed you, too. Very much."

Then their mouths clashed and they devoured each other hungrily, expending weeks of pent up desire. Jack spread James' legs and knelt between them. He took James to the brink with his mouth and hands. When he had James writhing and swearing he coated his cock with oil, pushed James' legs up and back and entered him in one long slow stroke. Then he took him fast and furiously, as if trying to make right their long separation but couldn't. James rode it out, returning all the passion he was given and then some. He met Jack's tempest with a storm of his own and they were swept away.

Later, they awoke and made love again, slower this time with Jack begging James to take him. The lines as to who was in control quickly blurred, as they became a single soul.

Jack's climax wrenched through him, he quaked under James with tears running down his face.

"What's wrong, my darling?" James asked, cradling him. Shivers ran through the slight frame, though whether from the aftershocks of his orgasm or from something else, James could not tell.

James swallowed hard. "And I love you," he told him. It was the first time either of them had said the actual words.

James gathered him tightly and held him until they both fell asleep, James only succumbing to slumber when he heard Jack's breathing even out and most of the tension seep away.

Understanding immediately the significance of the cryptic note, he whispered, "No."

Theo grinned widely. "Yes, James, you are. That was the point of this exercise."

"There's no need for sarcasm." James was fairly certain Theo was also drunk, though not as far gone as he. Leastways, Theo was the one steering a straighter course for the both of them. He kept one arm wrapped firmly around James's waist. It felt nice and warm. It was the only human touch he had felt in many weeks.

"'S all your fault, y'know," James slurred. "That we're both sauced to the gills."

James retained enough wits to realize that his friend was worried about him. He had seen the compassion in his eyes and those of Gillette, finally returned from a very long stint in the Antilles—punishment from on high, higher than James, for the debacle with the Interceptor. The reunion of the two men had hurt to witness. So much in love, just like he and Jack, only Andrew was back and Jack was gone.

"I hoped for it. With you there's little in the way of planning, uncooperative bastard that you are. Sir," Theo added hastily, obviously remembering that he was the junior rank.

James pulled his head back to stare blearily at Theo. The look on his face told James that the captain was still the sympathetic friend he always was. He was not judging James; he was not even telling him it had been foolish from the start. He was merely stating facts and being supportive—literally as well as emotionally.

James lifted a hand and, after a couple of tries, patted Theo on the head in gratitude. His fingers closed over brown hair. They had not worn their uniforms this night and therefore no wigs either.

"Serves me right for falling for a pirate. He had his fun and then threw me over."

"Reports cross my desk all the time about the Black Pearl being sighted here and there on the Spanish Main and further out. Fu—" he hiccupped and continued, "Funny how the Pearl is only ever seen closer to Port Royal when I'm not out there too. It's as if J—as if he is avoiding me." He hiccupped again and mumbled, "He was easier to find when I was chasing him in earnest in order to hang him. Should have hanged him when I had the chance."

"Oh, James. You don't mean that!" Theo was aghast. He stopped walking and got in front of James forcing him to stop too.

"I do," James insisted. "If I had hanged him he couldn't have bro—I wouldn't feel like this now."

"You were never an ugly drunk, James. Don't become one now. If you remember this conversation on the morrow you'll regret every word of what you just said. You know you care about him. Perhaps more than is good for your career but you do not wish him dead!"

His eyes sliding closed for a moment, as the true depth of his feelings for Jack Sparrow overwhelmed him, James shook his head sadly. Glass shattered in his chest.

"No," he whispered. "God help me, Theo. I never wish him that. Rather he be free to fly than hanged by my or anyone's order. I could not abide to see him swing! I take back what I said, Theo. I didn't mean it!" It was important that Theo understand.

"I know," Groves soothed. "I know. Come along. Let's get you home before someone sees you in this state."

Obediently letting Theo guide his steps James asked uncomfortably, "What made me say those dreadful things?"

"You're hurting, James. You don't let yourself love easily, and this is twice in just over two years that you've opened your heart only to have it go wrong for you."

"I know that!" James snapped and then contritely, "But to speak so ill of him... Theo, I..."

"It's the alcohol, James. You needed to get your anger out. You did that and now you can carry on."

"Yes. Carry on." He shifted his weight so that he did not lean quite so heavily on Theo, and made himself walk more normally, carefully putting one foot in front of the other. He had appearances to keep up. "I do need to carry on now that I'm going to Spain. They'll expect a competent officer and they'll get one."

Maybe he could even manage to be more than competent. Maybe he could be a success. Maybe someday the bitter cold closing in on his heart would thaw and he could find a small measure of happiness again.

The Affair, Chapter 4

Sacrifices