| |
Medicinal Purposes
by Jayne Leitch
Rating: G
Spoilers: tiny one for 'Damned If You Do'.
Usual disclaimers apply: I own nothing but this story.
MEDICINAL PURPOSES by Jayne Leitch
"Ah, Doctor Cuddy. Drink?"
"What is *in* that? I can see the paint peeling from here."
"What's in it? Oh, just some of that horrible powdered hot chocolate mix they keep in the lounge, some hot water, and a generous measure from this sparkly little bottle one of the nurses found at reception this morning, addressed to me. Don't worry, I don't think it's been poisoned; I checked, and the seal was completely intact."
"Putting aside for a minute the fact that you're getting drunk in your office--"
"What's it matter where I'm getting drunk as long as I'm off-duty? Which I am."
"--putting that aside for a *minute*. One of the nurses 'found' this at the desk?"
"Well, she might've said it was more like someone turned it in..."
"'Someone turned it in'? A bottle with a bow around its neck and your name on it? You're not allowed to accept gifts from patients!"
"I think you'll find the term is 'supposed to'. I'm not *supposed to* accept gifts from patients. You'll notice I'm not *supposed to* chase two Vicodin with a slug of Goldschlager, either, but--oh--yes, I just did that, too."
"Are ethics completely meaningless to you, or did you flunk the Hippocratic Oath?"
"What, are you and Foreman dating now? Never mind. Anyway, there's nothing in the Hippocratic Oath about not taking gifts from patients. We take money from them. Which do you think they'd prefer: being billed for treatment, or having to add one more Christmas present onto the shopping list?"
"That doesn't even make *sense*. Either way, they'd still be paying for the treatment."
"Sure. But my way's more festive."
"...I am not having this conversation. Go home. Take your 80-proof payment for services rendered with you, and if I catch you accepting gifts from patients again, much less consuming them in the hospital, your spleen is going to look very festive stapled to my door."
"Your door is glass. Besides, a man can live without his spleen."
"Most of them can. But you?"
"But--*oh*. Oh yes, that's very clever."
"And you'd better not be driving."
End.
Please post a comment on this story.
Legal Disclaimer: The authors published here make no claims on the ownership of Dr. Gregory House and the other fictional residents of Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Like the television show House (and quite possibly Dr. Wilson's pocket protector), they are the property of Fox Television, David Shore and undoubtedly other individuals of whom I am only peripherally aware. The fan fiction authors published here receive no monetary benefit from their work and intend no copyright infringement nor slight to the actual owners. We love the characters and we love the show, otherwise we wouldn't be here.
|