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Parallel Dimensions
by Eowyn
Afternoon. Fox's TV Offices. Ten people sitting around a table are talking about a television screenplay.
Screenwriter #5 (writing on a notebook and smiling): So is everybody ok with the script? In the next episode House and Cameron will finally declare their love to each other.
Screenwriters # 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10: Hell, yeah!
Screenwriter # 7 (coughing awkwardly): Ehm...I know we've already discussed about that, but...(everybody looks at her threateningly)...you know, I still think House and Cameron cannot be together! This story line will betray House's real nature!
Screenwriters #1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10 (angrily): Stop that! We've already decided...and the audience wants those two together! So they will end up together! That's all!
Screenwriter #7 (with eyes full of tears): But...
Screenwriters #1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10 (ignoring screenwriter #7): Okay, tomorrow we'll write the final cut for the episode. (exeunt)
Screenwriter #7 (sniffing): Okay...I'll try to comfort myself writing fanfictions...(starts to cry and exits)
The day after. Morning. House is walking down one of the hospital's hallway and Wilson is following him like a puppy starving for love.
Wilson (baffled): A puppy starving for love?
House (looking at him with sceptical eyes): What the hell are you talking about?!
Wilson (embarrassed): Ehm...sorry House...I thought I heard a voice...What were you saying?
House (annoyed): Well, tonight I had a strange dream....maybe I should say a nightmare...There were men and women around a table, in a dark room, and they were talking about me, everlasting love and...Cameron, I think!
Wilson (amused): You and "everlasting love" in the same sentence?!
House: Told you so! A very strange dream, almost scary! I'm wondering what does it means!
Wilson (smiling): Maybe it's the Vicodin.
House (baffled): I don't think so, but I'll check it out!
While our heroes are trying to understand the meaning of the strange dream, Foreman, Chase and Cameron enter.
Cameron (adjusting her eyeglasses): Doctor House, the patient in room one eleven...
House (looking at her with eyes full of passion): Allison, you're so beautiful today!
Wilson, Chase and Foreman (speechless):...
Cameron (blushing): Thanks, House! I didn't expect you to finally say that!
House (walking close to her, his eyes sparkling): You're so beautiful Allison! I wanted to tell you that since the first day I saw you!
Wilson (shocked): I can't believe what I'm hearing!
Chase (shocked and very, very angry): You, bastard! What do you think you're doing?!
Foreman (shocked and almost hysterical): Oh, my God! I knew I had too much Scotch yesterday!
House (holding Cameron's hand): My sweet Allison...
Cameron (with dreaming eyes): Greg...
House (suddenly releasing Cameron's hands and looking her with eyes full of surprise): Uh?! What the hell am I doing?! Oh, my! Maybe I'm getting crazy! (turning towards Cameron) And why didn't you say anything?! Taking advantage of a drugs-addicted man! Shame on you, Cameron! (angrily to Chase and Foreman) Go back to work! (exits)
Wilson (worried): House! Wait! (follows him)
Chase (still shocked but also a little bit relieved): But...what happened?! Is House totally out of his mind?!
Foreman (happily): So did you see House acting strange too? I'm not suffering from hallucinations?!
Cameron (with dreaming eyes): Finally! Finally! I knew House loved me! I had to wait a long time, but finally he said he's crazy for me! (exits bouncing with an air of glee)
Foreman: I'm not an alcoholic! I'm not an alcoholic! (exits)
Chase (speechless):...(exits)
Meanwhile, in House's office.
House (shocked):I can't believe I told Cameron that I love her! This is totally incredible!
Wilson: Well...you know...it really was a little...strange! We were all shocked.
House (searching through his desk): Where is...where is...There you are! (reading a piece of paper) It's not Vicodin's fault! Hallucinations are not a side effect! So...what the hell is happening to me?!
Wilson (with sweet and sad eyes): Greg, we all know that you're not truly heartless. Maybe you've finally realized you're in love with Cameron. (sighing) It's a good thing, you don't have to be ashamed!
House (shocked): You are kidding, aren't you?! You truly think I want to spend the rest of my life with a woman who thinks she's Florence Nightingale?!
Cameron wants to change me...she wants (disgusted)...save me! I dont' need to be saved...I love my cynicism, and I love to commiserate with myself! (smiles smugly)
Wilson (smiles shyly ): Are you serious?
House (looking towards Wilson and smiling mischievously): Of course I'm serious! (coming near Wilson with a seductive smile) You know...I could fall in love only with someone who loves me exactly as I am...(blinks)
Wilson (blushing): Oh. Oh?
House (touching Wilson's cheek): Would you like to have dinner with me tonight? If you offer...well, then I could let you play with my...cane...(blinks again)
Wilson (turning crimson): Well...
Cuddy (entering the office and looking very annoyed): Sorry to interrupt you...(House and Wilson quickly break apart) House, what the hell were you doing with Cameron few minutes ago?! Everybody's talking about your latest performance down the hall.
House: Well...to tell you the truth...I don't know why I did what I did...I feel a little strange today!
Cuddy (sceptically): You're always strange! Just remember this is definitely NOT "General Hospital"! It's a hospital for goodness sake!
House: Cuddy, you know how much I love to make you angry, but this time, I swear, I don't know what happened! Seriously, do you really think I could fall in love with a girl like Cameron?!
Cuddy (angrily): So were you just joking with Cameron's feeling?! You, heartless bastard! Stay away from her! (exits)
House (baffled): Does Cuddy like women?
Wilson (speechless):...
Foreman (entering the room): House! Patient in room one eleven is getting worse!
House (annoyed): What a boring man...getting worse while I'm harassing Jimmy here...(spatters while Wilson blushes again and Foreman looks at him with troubled eyes) Okay, then. Let's go. (exeunt)
Room #111. Cameron and Chase are intubating the patient.
Cameron (worried): I hope Greg will be here as soon as possible!
Chase (angrily): Oh, so now he's "Greg"?!
Cameron (with sparkling eyes): Sure! We're talking about my soon-to-be-husband...about the man who will be the father of my children! (smiles happily)
Chase (more and more angry): Are you crazy?! Marry House?! Have kids?! You're out of your mind!
Cameron: I'll save him with the power of my love! And then we'll have twelve kids!
Chase (shocked):Oh, my God!
Cameron (annoyed): You're just jealous Chase, and maybe we shouldn't talk about that while the patient is dying!
House (suddenly entering the room): Take him to surgery!
Foreman (baffled): But, House...we don't even know what's wrong with him!
House (smugly):Who cares?! I'm a genius! I'll save him with my six sense intuition just before he dies on the operating-table!
Cameron (with dreaming eyes): Oh Greg, you are so smart!
Chase, Wilson and Foreman (speecheless):...
House: Come on, let's go! (exeunt omnes)
Hours later, outside the operating-theatre.
House (smugly): Once again I saved a patient I didn't gave a shit about! I'm a genius!
Cameron (coming near and taking House's hands): You truly are Greg! I love you so much!
House (with eyes full of passion): My sweet Allison! I love you too!
Wilson (trembling): But...Greg...this morning...in your office...so you were just having fun with me?!
House (with eyes full of pity and a little bit annoyed): Come on, Jimmy! Of course I was! All best friends joke, flirting and sexually harassing one another. Seriously, how could you think I was in love with you when I had Cameron here?!
Wilson (sniffs and starts to cry): You, heartless bastard! I hate you! (runs away)
House (confused):Uh?! Why did I say that?! Jimmy, please! Wait!
Cameron (astonished): Greg? Are you okay?
House (baffled): I don't know...I feel so strange...what's happening?!
Cameron (smiling sweetly): Sweetheart, after so many long years of denial you finally declared your everlasting love for me!
House (with sparkling eyes): Yeah, sure! Honey! You'll help me to become a healthy and nice man with the power of your love...and then we'll have twelve kids!
Cameron: Darling!
House: Honey!
Chase (with eyes full of tear): Wait Cameron! You can't marry him! I love you! And with me you could engage a quite healthy relationship!
Cameron (sceptically): Marry a man who doesn't need to be saved?! It would be sooooo boring!
Foreman (speechless): ...
House: Leave the Aussie alone, honey! He's just jealous!
Cameron (smiling): You're always right, darling! So...what were we saying?
House: After years of repression due to my fear of being hurt again, we were finally kissing for the first time!
Cameron (coming closer to House and closing her eyes): Greg...
House: Allison...
Cuddy (entering and looking very very angry): Stop that!
House and Cameron (confused): Uh? What's happening now?!
Cuddy (pointing a finger towards House): You can't kiss her!
House (annoyed): Of course I can kiss her! It's none of your business!
Cuddy (more and more angry): I said you can't kiss her! You'll never kiss her!
Cameron (baffled): Why not?
Cuddy (looking towards House): Because Cameron (making a dramatic pause) is your daughter! (a heartrending piece of music from nowhere starts playing)
Everybody (standing agape):...
House (shocked): What the hell are you saying?! I've got no kids!
Cameron: And I know who my parents are!
Cuddy (with eyes full of tears): House, do you remember that night when we were at college? We studied all night and then had a lot of alcohol...and finally we...(blushes)
House (surprised): But I don't remember anything!
Cuddy: You were too drunk, so I didn't tell you what happened. And when I found out I was pregnant I didn't tell you. I knew you couldn't be a good father.
House (shocked): So that's the reason you disappeared for months! You weren't practicing medicine in the Bora Bora islands!
Cuddy (annoyed): Of course I wasn't, you idiot!
Cameron:....but...but...my parents...
Cuddy (looking at her sweetly): They adopted you, sweetheart! I was too young and too poor to keep you!
Cameron (running between Cuddy's arms): Mommy!
Foreman and House (speechless):...
Chase (confused): But, doctor Cuddy, why didn't you tell us? House and Cameron could have ended up in the same bed!
Cuddy: Well...I didn't think House could fall in love with a girl as young and sweet like Cameron! Besides House hates women who think they're Florence Nightingale!
House (baffled): You're right Cuddy! I don't like girls like that! I don't know what happened to me! (turning towards Chase) Aussie, Cameron is all yours!
Chase (blushing): Ehm...thanks!
Cameron (surprised): Daddy! I don't like Chase! I want a complicated man!
House (nervously): Don't-you-dare-call-me-daddy!
Cameron (coming near and smiling happily): Oh, I know the truth is that you're a sweetheart! I'll save you with the power of my daughterly love!
House (starting to sweat): Oh, my! Maybe now it's getting worst than before! (while Cameron tries to hug him) Don't touch me!
Foreman (hysterically): I feel like I'm living in one of The Bold and The Beautiful's episode!
Cuddy (helping House to escape Cameron's strong embrace): But...where's Wilson? (disappointed) What a pity! He didn't get to hear my big revelation.
House (finally freeing himself): Oh, my God! Jimmy! I told him I didn't love him! (runs away towards Wilson's office)
Cameron: Daddy!!!
Cuddy (patting her on the shoulder and smiling): I'm sorry darling, I suspect House has always loved Wilson more than you.
Meanwhile, Wilson's office. The young doctor is packing all his stuff.
Wilson (sniffing and talking to himself): Greg, you bastard! All those years, flirting with me...and it was just a joke! You never really cared about me! (dries his eyes with one of the coat's sleeve) And I lost all my wives because of you! (starts to sob again)
House (quickly entering the office and noticing the boxes on the ground): Jimmy, what are you doing?
Wilson (avoiding Greg's eyes): None of your business! Go away! Go to your beloved Cameron!
House (coming near and putting both hands on Wilson's shoulders): Jimmy, I'm not in love with Cameron!
Wilson (still avoiding Greg's eyes): You're not? That's bullshit! I just heard you saying to Cameron you love her!
House: It wasn't me, Jimmy! I don't know why I told Cameron I was in love with her! I don't even like her, she's not my cup of tea!
Wilson (suspicious): So, who is your cup of tea?
House (smugly): Well...someone who loves me exactly as I am...someone who doesn't want to change me...and someone who has beautiful brown puppy eyes...(smiling in a seductive way)
Wilson (smiling shyly): Well...if you say so...maybe I could forgive you...
House (looking Wilson with eyes full of passion): I love you Jimmy!
Wilson: I love you, Greg! (they kiss passionately)
Cuddy, Cameron, Chase and Foreman (peering through the door):...
Foreman (relieved): It seems like this strange day is finally over! Now everything seems normal again!
Chace (cynically): Has this hospital ever been normal?
Cuddy and Cameron (squeaking cheerfully): They're so cute together!
Chase (looking at the two women and speaking to Foreman): Told you so!
House (looking Wilson with a mischievous grin): So...would you like to have dinner with me and then play with my... cane? (winks)
Wilson (smiling teasingly): Well, I think we can skip the dinner and go straight to the playing...
House (smiling a sexy smile): Why, Jimmy! I didn't think you were a little pervert! I like this hidden side of you! (presses his lips against Wilson's and they start kissing passionately again)
The same moment. Another dimension. House's screenwriters are sitting around the table reading the brand new script. They all seem very shocked.
Screenwriter #3: ...but...but...
Screenwriter #8: I don't understand...how could we write bullshit like that? Cameron is House's daughter? House and Wilson are in love? What the hell...
Screenwriter #7 (with eyes full of tears): I knew my little kids wouldn't like the plot you wanted for them!
Screenwriter #10 (incredulously): Are you saying the characters rebelled against our will?
Screenwriter #7: Of course they did! After all, you've tried to corrept the script but it didn't work out!
Screenwriter # 4 (shocked): I need a drink!
Screenwriter #7 (smiling happily): Greg House is a very stubborn guy! You can't make him do what he doesn't want to do!
Screenwriters # 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10 (shocked): Let's go home! I feel like I'm going into hysterics! (exeunt)
Screenwriter #7 (happily watches them leave): I knew those voodoo dolls I bought in New Orleans would be useful one day! (looks smugly the screenwriters-like dolls on her bag) Ok, then! We have to celebrate tonight! I wanna write a nice NC17 fiction...and maybe then we could use it for the next episode! (burst into an evil laughter and exits)
###The End###
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Legal Disclaimer: The authors published here make no claims on the ownership of Dr. Gregory House and the other fictional residents of Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Like the television show House (and quite possibly Dr. Wilson's pocket protector), they are the property of NBC/Universal, David Shore and undoubtedly other individuals of whom I am only peripherally aware. The fan fiction authors published here receive no monetary benefit from their work and intend no copyright infringement nor slight to the actual owners. We love the characters and we love the show, otherwise we wouldn't be here.
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