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The Taste of Revenge
by pixiebells
"Can you believe that?!"
House turned around from his white board, marker in hand. "What, his liver failure? Considering his genius idea of three-martini lunches, I'm hardly surprised, but-"
"No, no, not that," Chase interrupted, "I mean Cuddy. What fucking right did she have? Did you see her giving me a `look'? You know, when I came in this morning?" House stared blankly for a second. Chase's cheeks burned furiously. "Uh, when, um, we came in... together."
House stared at his adorable boyfriend. His lips curled up into a classic smirk. "Aww, c'mon, I'm sure she's just jealous. You know, she still hasn't even found a sperm donor yet. No one wants to knock her up, not even indirectly."
Chase grinned. House's twisted sense of humor was starting to grow on him. Like a sweet, sweet fungus.
It was roughly 9pm, and Cameron and Foreman had both already left for the day. It'd been particularly busy, you know, mysterious case, unusual solution, and lots of annoying lab tests. Chase had done at least half of the tests with Foreman that day, so he hadn't had a chance to whine to House about Cuddy yet.
House looked at him indulgently. "You know, you're really cute when you're so pissed off." He was hoping to egg Chase on. Just mess with him a little bit. Or, well, start something, maybe. He was bored and restless. Yeah, bored and restless. A fantastic combination for inappropriate behavior at work...Hmmm...
"What?" Chase asked warily, his accent thickening as his concern grew. He could see the little gears in House's head turning, creating some typical mischief.
"Oh, nothing..." He was trying to sound as vague as possible, to hide the mischief he was thinking up..."So, what exactly happened with Cuddy anyway?"
"I'm not positive; I could've been imagining half of it, but when we came in together, I could've sworn she gave me a `look'. Like some condescending..." He wished he could explain it better. He hated being constantly on defense about his relationship with House anyway. He liked him, so fucking what? It didn't matter, it shouldn't matter, damnit! He liked him, so there.
"Hey," he walked over to House and stared into his eyes, those startling bright blue eyes that always seemed to be seeing straight through him. "I love you."
"I love you too," he replied warmly as Chase moved in for a kiss.
And as his tongue found its way into Chase's mouth, he tried to think of the most fun way he could possible offend Cuddy. Meanwhile, Chase reacted quickly, moving in closer and kissing him deeper, and better, and harder. And then, out of nowhere...
"Hey, let's go make out in Cuddy's office!"
"What?!" Chase cried incredulously. Trying to figure out what House was possibly going to say never worked, because it's impossible to know what's going to come out of his mouth next.
"C'mon! That'll show her!" House grinned manically, like he was a little kid who'd just though up a brilliant scheme to piss off authority. This really wasn't very far from the truth, to be honest. Chase wondered if he'd always hated authority, or just liked to antagonize mostly everyone around him. He figured that House just liked to mess with people. Push their limits. Hmm...
"You're kidding," he replied. "Well, I mean, I--"
"Aww, c'mon! It'll be fun! It'll be like a really huge `fuck you'! It'll be revenge! She'd HATE it! And you'll like it..." he said, pulling Chase closer to him, both hands on his waist, starting to kiss his neck. He was really taunting Chase now. Trying to wrap him into a delightful, yet evil scheme. His odd brand of charisma worked, `cos Chase took it hook, line and sinker.
"Yeah, why not..." He smirked at the prospect of making out with his boyfriend, who happened to be his boss, in his bosses' office! The idea of such rebellion appealed to Chase in a very instinctive way, the idea of such defiance twinkled before him, like some kind of sexy revolt. And well, you know, he was getting horny.
So off they went, their impending conquest gaining allure by the second. A crazy, inappropriate, morally questionable escapade at work? What IS better on a Friday night?!
"Hey, this was a good idea," Chase whispered in his ear, after they entered Cuddy's office, pulling House towards him, hands on his face, kissing him deeply, moving closer to him. Somehow, from the doorway to the couch, Chase eventually ended up shoved against the desk, and House started to play with his belt buckle..."I have an amazing idea," he murmured in Chase's ear, as he stuck his tongue in it... "here," he said, moving Chase so he was on her desk, as House got up on it with him, and proceeded to pull a condom out of his pocket, and grinned slyly at Chase.
"You mean---on her desk---but we've never, um--"
"No, not that," House corrected him, "it's flavored...." He grinned, his azure eyes sparkling with mischief and apparently lots of hormones.
"You're serious," Chase was astonished.
"Oh, right, like you have so much reason to object to this,' House deadpanned sarcastically, unbuckling Chase's belt. "I mean, come on...." He nibbled at his ear and finished with the buckle and was taking off the belt... "Pleeeeeeeeeeease??" he begged, making cute-puppy eyes at Chase
"Oh, okay...." He couldn't believe it. This was so...wrong, but so.... right... Of course, though, it was TOTALLY worth it.
And so he agreed.
"Hey--you can finish it however you like, but don't give me a `gag reflex' excuse---I've seen you swallow 6 Vicodin at once, without a drop of water." Chase teased, grinning at House who was apparently all too eager on his impending conquest.
Oddly enough, the whole time Chase was thinking "Would it be hilarious if someone walked in, or just mortifying?"
He decided it'd be a little of both...
"Oh my god! Holy fucking--"
:
"Hi, you've reached the voicemail of Lisa Cuddy, I'm the Dean of Medicine at Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, and I'm not available at the moment, so please leave a message and I'll get back to you. Thank you." *beeeeeeeeep*
"Cuddy, this is House, we-um--*snicker* I think that there were a couple of sperm donors *stifled giggle* that saw your file and might be interested, they stopped by after you left---so, yeah, ok I'll see you Monday."
Chases eyes widened "Tell me you didn't just leave her a VOICEMAIL?!"
"Aww, I'm just having fun," he whined. "C'mon, let's go get some hot coco!"
Chase grinned despite himself. House was entirely insane. Why the hell was that so attractive?!
Monday morning was warm; warmest it'd been in weeks. Lisa was glad she'd gotten to work early, there were a lot of files to get through, and she wanted to take care of them early. She entered her office, and checked her voicemails immediately, using speaker phone so she could get stuff together while hearing her messages. One was from a patient's mother, thanking her, one was from a charily she'd donated to and one was from House and she was only on the second message when she noticed something odd: her desk was in disarray. It wasn't in the neat piles she'd left there on Friday. Some of her papers were wrinkled, 3 different files had mysteriously fallen on the floor in a disheveled heap, and she saw something on her desk that, at first glace, seemed like an innocent candy bar wrapper, but as she looked closer and heard her third voicemail...
"HOUSE!!!" she yelled, stalking angrily into the diagnostic's office.
"Aah, Cuddy, good morning. Isn't it nice outside today? Warmest weather yes this month." He grinned, trying to sound innocent, while he was actually holding the urge to just start laughing hysterically. "So, found any sperm donors yet? I think I left you a message about it, and---"
"House, get in my office. NOW." Her eyes turned darker and she started to look really, really pissed.
"Well, kids if you'll excuse me..." House said to his team, as Foreman was starting the coffee, and winked at Chase as he passed him.
"What the hell is WORNG with you?!" she yelled immediately after he'd closed the door.
"Well, I could make you a list, but you know, that might take a while, and--"
"Look," she said, her eyes burning with anger, "there are only two reasons I'm not reporting both of you this very second. Firstly, this is completely embarrassing, and immensely unprofessional, and the second, frankly," --her anger paused "I'm...I'm afraid to touch my desk. God what is WORNG with you?! Why'd you do this?!"
"Do what?" He asked in mocking innocence.
She gestured to the wrinkled papers, the stuff on her floor, the guilty condom wrapper, and a Post-It which read: "GH + RC 4-EVA", which House had thought was a cute parting gift, actually.
"Aww, come on, it's not like..." He couldn't think of a witty retort yet. Too early in the morning. Damn.
Cuddy sighed. She knew that arguing with him would be pointless. "Ok, whatever just bring Chase in, all right? And try to not do anything insanely stupid on you way back, ok? Try and act like a grown-up, remember?" she said, with biting condescension.
He smiled to himself as he left her office. It was still totally fucking hilarious.
"Hey," House said, staring straight at Chase as he entered the room, "your turn, sunshine," he smiled, and gave Chase his cute-puppy eyes again before turning to Foreman and Cameron. "Ok, so, liver failure, irregular heartbeat, and some icky, icky discharge. What do we got, people?"
Chase turned and went down the hall, his anxiety mounting as he approached. He had no idea what Cuddy might say. He hadn't broken any rules, technically...had he? Would she be angry? Would she fire him? Would she fire him and not House since he technically outranked him? All these questions squirmed in his mind on his way in.
"Morning," he could barely get out. He was almost starting to panic.
"Hi," she said patiently. "Look, I don't mean to interfere, but, well, why? I mean, why you guys did this, obviously I don't need a complicated explanation, but--"
"Look, if you're going to fire me just get it over with, ok?" He was acting on his panic. He'd done that before and the result was usually pretty mediocre.
"I'm not going to fire you," she sighed, "I have figured some of this out. House did this because he's completely insane, but you don't seem like you'd do something like this unless you had a reason," her eyes looked at him clearly, trying to find an answer as he meekly met her eye line. "I mean, you know, you're fully sane. And, unlike House, you have a conscience." She paused, feeling her argument was going in the wrong direction, given Chase averting her eyes, staring everywhere but at her... "Did I do anything...?" she trailed off. He still didn't reply.
Chase knew he had to reply, might as well go with the truth. Easier and took up less time.
"I thought--last week--that when I came in, with him, I mean, I thought you kinda gave me a `look'...um...that sounded better in my mind, and..."
"Wait, you think I'd--"
"I can be sorta paranoid, but I thought you didn't like us being, together, but I guess I just didn't really see a reason..." He suddenly felt really bad. He hoped he wasn't hurting her feelings.
Cuddy sighed. "Chase, look, I have nothing against you being with House. Trust me: male, female, hermaphrodite, pet fish, whatever. If someone willingly chooses to spend time with House, I consider them all equally insane. You just seem kinda...defensive."
Chase thought. He needed to shift the focus off of himself. Humor might work: "Yeah, well if anyone's with House, they'll get excellent skills in the fine art of explaining. And apologizing for; sometimes even translating." He dared to look up with a small smile.
Luckily for him, she responded positively. "That's defiantly true. And besides, I wasn't giving you a `look'; I was scowling at House for something he said to me last week. No worries. Hell, if you're happy, and he's less of a jerk, then the better for all of us, right?"
Chase smiled with relief. "Yeah, well thanks for being so understanding, and--" he turned to leave.
:"Uh, Chase, one more thing--"
He turned around.
"No more screwing on my desk, ok? It's just.....weird." She rolled her eyes and gave him a reassuring smile.
"Now go on, get out of her, go make House less of a jerk."
He smiled back, turned and walked out of her office. One thing was fur sure. Life with House was never, ever boring.
The End.
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Legal Disclaimer: The authors published here make no claims on the ownership of Dr. Gregory House and the other fictional residents of Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Like the television show House (and quite possibly Dr. Wilson's pocket protector), they are the property of NBC/Universal, David Shore and undoubtedly other individuals of whom I am only peripherally aware. The fan fiction authors published here receive no monetary benefit from their work and intend no copyright infringement nor slight to the actual owners. We love the characters and we love the show, otherwise we wouldn't be here.
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