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Inadvertent Destruction
by mylexie
Inadvertent Destruction.
They're standing in House's office. It's just after five p.m. and they've swapped the war stories of the day, have talked about Cuddy's breasts and the ducklings' tries at diagnostics. They've covered Wilson's being single again and have stood in silence for a moment when House notices the look on Wilson's face. It's a look he's seen many times before, directed at women Wilson usually ended up in bed with, and allthough part of him has been waiting, no, yearning, for that look to be directed to him for years, House isn't happy when he sees it. No, he's not happy at all. His insides seem to quiver with trepidation, and he feels as if he's suddenly been put on tight rope, and he's afraid he's going to fall. With all his might he tries to ignore the look, but Wilson's noticed that he's noticed, carefully takes his face in his hands and lets his mouth cover House's.
The moment Wilson kisses him, House knows everything is ruined. The kiss feels good though, and for a moment he kisses back, reveling in the feeling of Wilson's mouth on his, the hand in his hair, the fingers caressing his cheek. Then reality sets back in, and House pushes Wilson away. He watches the other man's eyes snap open, widen in surprise then narrow in suspicion. Wilson steps towards House again, but he steps back.
"No. We're not going to do this." House hears his voice come out dismissive yet longing and shakes his head for good measure.
"Why not?" Wilson's tone is hard, argumentative. He looks at House for a moment then leers and moves his hand to cup the bulge in House's jeans. "I know you're attracted to me."
House slaps the hand away forcefully. "Everyone is attracted to you," he says disgustedly. "Doesn't mean anything."
"Why not?" Wilson asks again, sounding a little angry this time.
House searches for a way to tell him no that's not the blunt but honest truth. Not that he normally minds shattering someone's illusions, but this is Wilson, and he loves him, and knows that this could turn so very ugly. He can't find one, and stands there, opening and closing his mouth like some idiot. Before he can start an explanation, though, Wilson interrupts him.
"Is it because you're afraid of how people will react?" Wilson rolls his eyes, and therefore doesn't notice House doing the same thing. Wilson blathers on: "Oh, come on, Greg. You don't actually believe anyone gives a damn, do you? We've been the favourite topic of the week so many times by now that people most likely wouldn't even notice if we started making out in the middle of the clinic. Hell, even Cameron would probably just shrug it off as typical. And Cuddy.."
But House has heard enough. Wilson has been leaning toward him again and if he doesn't put a stop to this right now, Wilson's hands will be touching him again and House knows he won't be able to take it. So he locks his arms over his chest and says with a cold sneer: "No, James, I don't think anyone would care. Why should they? You shag a new medic every week."
At this, Wilson jerks backwards, but he composes himself quickly. "You know I'd never cheat on you!"
House grabs his cane and starts pacing around the office as best as his right leg will allow. "Do I, James? Do you even really believe it yourself?" He whacks his cane against the edge of the desk to reinforce his point. "What do you think will happen? We kiss and suddenly everything is all right? We fuck and all our problems will disappear? My leg won't hurt and you won't have to tell seven year olds that they'll be dead in six months anymore? You've been ignoring this for ten years and now you decide to try?" House notices he's furious. He isn't screaming, not yet, but his hands are shaking and he hates the man in front of him with a passion right now. He remembers a lifetime ago, early on in their friendship, the times they went out. House carefully laying his hand on Wilson's, and Wilson just as carefully puling away. After a couple of times, House had stopped trying. But Wilson doesn't know when to leave well enough alone, apparently.
"Can't we at least try?" Wilson snaps. He's now pissed off as well. It's taken him weeks to get up the courage to kiss House, and he's not going to let this go without a fight. But House's eyes almost spit fire at this.
"Try?" he says. "Try? What do you want to try? Sex? Cuddles? Living together? You're the one that moved out, remember, Jimmy?" He looks as if he's swallowed something sour. "Besides, haven't you already done that with your three wives? Three wives and God knows how many girlfriends and now you want to try with me. In what convoluted part of your brain did you think this was ever going to work out? I know exactly what will happen. Of course, it'll be fun in the beginning. Endorfins and hormones will put you on cloud #9, and might even get me part of the way there. But how long do you think that will last? One day you will hate that I always leave the dishes for you. You will nag on and on about the vicodin, the fast food, my tendency to stay up far too late, and I will hate you for fussing over me like a mother hen. I will make comments about your clothes, your hair, you attitude, and take everything you do for me for granted. You will roll your eyes and tell me a story about a pot and a kettle. You wouldn't trust me to take care of myself or of you, and I wouldn't trust you not to cheat on me. And we wouldn't discuss any of it, because I hate talking and you hate my distrust. How long do you think it will be before we want to escape from each other? And where would we go to do that? Even our offices are right next to each other." House takes a deep breath. "And even worse - we are each other's support system. Can't you see how it would end, James? If we really fight, neither of us has anyone to fall back on. And you'd hate me for not being open enough, and I'd hate you for constantly pushing and pulling me, for wanting me to be better than I am."
Wilson is standing in the middle of House's office, completely still, and can't do a thing but stare at House, but House doesn't even notice him anymore, pulled into a vision of what a relationship between the two of them would end up being. Just as Wilson opens his mouth to say something, though he doesn't know what, House comes back to the present.
"No, James, we can't try." House looks at Wilson again, andWilson is shocked to see tears in Greg's eyes. "Between the two of us, not even our combined intelligence and sense of humour would keep us from destructing everything we have together." In his mind, House sees the end result - Wilson leaving Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital to move to the other side of the country, and both of them being alone in a way neither of them has been for the past ten years. The combination of adrenaline and the terrible fear the image provokes almost makes him break down completely. But he clamps down hard on his emotions and finishes his say.
"I.. love you, Wilson. And I can't live my life without you. And if we did this, that is what would happen." House gives in and lets his hand carress the other man's cheek for a moment. "So we're not going to do this." He turns around and walks away, leaving Wilson standing in the office, both fearing that what they have has just been destructed anyway.
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Legal Disclaimer: The authors published here make no claims on the ownership of Dr. Gregory House and the other fictional residents of Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Like the television show House (and quite possibly Dr. Wilson's pocket protector), they are the property of NBC/Universal, David Shore and undoubtedly other individuals of whom I am only peripherally aware. The fan fiction authors published here receive no monetary benefit from their work and intend no copyright infringement nor slight to the actual owners. We love the characters and we love the show, otherwise we wouldn't be here.
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