Intense

'"passionate in emotion, thought, or activity; occurring or existing in a high degree; very strong, violent, extreme, sharp, vivid, etc.'"

Disclaimer: I don'^TMt own House, M.D. No copyright infringement intended.

Chapter 1: Envy

Chase walked into the Princeton Plains-Borough Teaching Hospital at exactly 6:30 in the morning, for once not quite late or even feeling hurried. In fact, he was wide awake, another oddity, since he generally wasn'^TMt at his best in the mornings. Foreman was already there, but House and Cameron were missing. Odd, since House almost always beat them here. Sometimes Foreman even joked that House probably slept here, which couldn'^TMt be that far off the mark.

They walked in together not more than five minutes later, though, and the atmosphere in the room changed entirely. Nothing had really changed over one night, but it was immediately apparent that something had changed. He simply sensed it in some imperceptible way, and a quick glance at Foreman told him that he was the only one. It wasn'^TMt the familiar picture of House and the three young doctors that made up his team, anymore. It was a neurologist, an intensivist, and House and his girlfriend.

Last night House and Cameron had gone out on a formal date to some classy and overly expensive Italian restaurant. That in itself wasn'^TMt so surprising, despite the fact that a month ago neither Chase or Foreman could have come close to imagining the two dating. House and Cameron had been together for almost two weeks now, and this was probably their third or fourth date, according to the rumor mill, at least. The only thing that made this one different was that it was just so obvious that they'^TMd shared more than just dinner that night.

It was in the way that Cameron absentmindedly adjusted House'^TMs collar. Like a wife or something, Chase thought uncharitably. They might as well have been wearing a sign, '^~recently fucked and happy about it'^TM or something. It was in the way that she had a bright, happy glow around her, like she was announcing it to the world. Or the casual way House brushed by her, when he ordinarily went to such great lengths to go around anyone just so that he didn'^TMt make contact with them.

The potential in the room for an awkward silence was amazing. Foreman exchanged a meaningful look with Chase, clearly finding the whole deal funny, and then was a little surprised at the icy glare he got back in return. Chase stood up and grabbed a patient'^TMs clipboard, preparing to leave the room, but he was stopped at the door by Cuddy.

'oeNew case came in,' she informed them, handing over a clipboard to House. 'oeThe patients are as sick as dogs and there are two more coming in with the exact same symptoms.'

It was enough for them all to pretend that everything was completely normal, but Chase noticed how Cameron gave House a special smile, as if to say, see, it wasn'^TMt so bad. Not sure whether to be more annoyed with the couple or with himself, he deliberately turned away to Foreman and listened to his fellow doctor debrief them on the patient'^TMs condition. He wasn'^TMt the kind of guy to mope after some girl that was with someone else. Even if everything in him was crying out that Cameron didn'^TMt belong to House, either.

House called for a differential diagnosis, and his elite team, aka the '^~ducklings,'^TM responded the way they were supposed to. Chase was momentarily chagrined to find that he'^TMd used that term, even in his thoughts, but Wilson was rubbing off on him. They tossed around ideas, names of diseases, little facts that seemed irrelevant but could have an impact in some way. The usual competition to find the right treatment preoccupied him enough that he could pretend to himself that he didn'^TMt see how Cameron'^TMs hand brushed House'^TMs, or the way she handed him a cup of coffee.

He was really losing it, if watching her cradling the cup of steaming liquid and then carefully passing it to House seemed to be meaningful on more than one level. Coffee cups and hearts. Perfect symbolism. All his old English teachers would be proud.

The case was an awful one and it was easy to lose himself in the barrage of tests and scans to do. Chase couldn'^TMt afford to be distracted when three people'^TMs lives were at stake, and they deserved to have a doctor they could depend on. No matter how often his thoughts drifted in that direction, or he found himself watching her covertly, Chase brought himself back to reality with a single-minded determination.

By late morning he was feeling the effects and rather irritable that it was affecting him so much. It didn'^TMt help that the first patient'^TMs condition had continued to deteriorate and that they still weren'^TMt sure what was causing it. They were vomiting blood, for God'^TMs sake, and it felt like there wasn'^TMt anything they could do. How many times had he stood by a patient'^TMs bed and watched them die, bit by bit, the will to live struggling against the body'^TMs breakdown?

Chase wasn'^TMt the least bit hungry when lunchtime rolled around, but he decided that at least he could go out for a breath of fresh air. He was a doctor, it was natural that he should be in a hospital, but sometimes it was a little too much to be constantly surrounded by the sick and dying. Sometimes he woke up and he could still smell the antiseptic soap that they used, that scent that lingered over everything and anything, or maybe it was only in his mind.

The sound of footsteps made him turn around to face the person he last wanted to see. Cameron came empty-handed, probably as disinclined to eat as he was. She looked surprised to see him there, but she gave him a smile anyway. He could see that it was a little forced; the morning had taken its toll on everyone.

'oeAnything?'

She shook her head. 'oeNo change at all.' She was quite for a moment and then burst out, 'oeSometimes I just can'^TMt stand how'"how cold he is with the patient'^TMs family. He made the mother cry, told her bluntly that her daughter was dying. Why does he have to be this way? Can'^TMt he just'"change?'

He didn'^TMt bother telling her that she was the only one who still had the idealist'^TMs dream of changing House. Didn'^TMt bother telling her that if she loved House only because she saw him as a challenge, as someone to '^~fix,'^TM like some good-Samaritan project, then she didn'^TMt love him at all. Instead, Chase only said, 'oeDo you want him to?'

'oeYes'' She had very blue eyes and the color was especially intense now. 'oeNo.'

'oeWell, which is it, Cameron?' He said it a little ruthlessly, pushed slightly too far. To be talking to her like he was their relationship counselor or something. Without realizing it, he ran a hand through his hair, and then realized that his hands weren'^TMt gloved for once. Even the protection of professionalism had been stripped away.

He remembered the first day she'^TMd come to talk to him about her feelings for House. How much he felt like shaking her, then, telling her she shouldn'^TMt go for it. His confession had been on his lips, but he'^TMd realized it would only make him lose their friendship. So instead, he'^TMd encouraged her, because it made her happy, and that'^TMs what he really wanted, in the end. To see her smile, even if it wasn'^TMt directed to him, but to someone else.

'oeIf I changed him he wouldn'^TMt be who he is. But,' she bit her lip and turned away so that he wouldn'^TMt see her expression, 'oeI don'^TMt know how long we can last if he didn'^TMt change.'

Whatever he might have thought of as a reply to that was cut off by the approach of a nurse. 'oeDr. Chase! Dr. Cameron! Adeline Smithe is going into convulsions and Dr. House needs you now!'

There was just enough time for Chase'^TMs eyes to meet Cameron'^TMs for a moment before they both set off, personal issues set aside again, similar in their resolve to save a patient'^TMs life.

It didn'^TMt matter, though. Seven hours later, having stayed later than usual because of the case (it wasn'^TMt entirely a joke when Foreman complained of practically living at the hospital) Chase and Cameron faced the parents of Adeline Smithe and expressed their deepest regrets that, unfortunately, their daughter had passed away.

Only one out of the three had survived, in the end. Thirty-three percent, Chase thought tiredly, later. There were days that didn'^TMt end well, more days than he really cared to remember. He was glad that Cameron was there to help the parents. And House? He hadn'^TMt even stopped by.

He'^TMd felt a wave of anger at that, and looking at Cameron, he saw his feelings reflected in her eyes. House had worked on these patients for over twelve hours but he couldn'^TMt spared a few minutes to come by and face the parents, to express his condolences, whether he really meant them or not. It would have given them that much more comfort. Mr. and Mrs. Smithe needed to know that the doctors had done everything they could to save their child, a young woman only twenty three years old. They needed to know it wasn'^TMt some faceless, nameless doctor arbitrarily deciding life or death.

But wasn'^TMt that exactly what House did? Chase admired him for his skill and for his dedication. But sometimes it was hard not to wish that House was just a little bit more human. He hid his own pain under his veneer of pretended indifference and his sarcasm, and it was all right'"sometimes. Foreman, Chase, even Cameron laughed along with him'"sometimes.

Or maybe Chase was just being harsh because he envied him, because Cameron had all but offered House her heart on a silver platter. At least they hadn'^TMt left together tonight. It seemed like the day'^TMs events had strained their happy, newly-meaningful relationship.

Foreman was gone, House was gone, and that left him and Cameron alone in the room. Despite still not being really in the mood to eat, his body was reminding him that he hadn'^TMt fed it anything since twelve hours ago, when he'^TMd grabbed a cup of coffee. Chase took out the sandwich that should'^TMve been his lunch and decided to eat before heading home.

'oeGive me your sandwich?'

'oeWhat?' The request, coming out of nowhere, surprised him so much he nearly dropped the food. Chase looked up at Cameron, taken aback. 'oeWhy?'

She gave him a look at that reflected more of her old spirit. 'oeBecause I'^TMm hungry and I didn'^TMt eat lunch.'

He looked down at the sandwich and its appealing ingredients and realized he was hungry. 'oeNo way! Neither did I, so get your own!'

'oeFine, be that way,' she sulked. Chase blinked, certain that he was seeing or hearing wrong. It must be an effect of fatigue or something, like a hallucination. Cameron could not possibly be looking at him like that, like he'^TMd just stolen candy from a baby or something. The beautiful and intelligent Cameron could not possibly be resorting to pouting to get her way, right?And did she really have to look so damned cute even when she was accusing him like that with her eyes?

But the look didn'^TMt change and finally he rolled his eyes and relented. 'oeAll right, all right. I'^TMll share half with you.'

She gave him a smile that told him that she'^TMd been playing him all along, and he gave over half the sandwich with a mock sigh. Why is it that she never picked Foreman or Wilson or, for goodness'^TM sake, even House, her new boyfriend, to victimize?

House. Her new boyfriend. The smile dropped from his face and Chase started eating silently, trying his best to ignore her even though she sat right across the table from him. Cameron looked at him but he was so determined not to make eye contact that she gave up, thinking that he just wanted some time alone after the dismal events of the day. Chase was occupied with his thoughts, but nowhere like the ones she had thought.

It seemed so wrong, somehow, and not just because their personalities were polar opposites or because of the age gap. They wanted different things from it. Cameron wasn'^TMt the type to go for a fling, and House obviously wasn'^TMt the type to commit. Nothing good would come of it, right? Half the time they had to get on each others'^TM nerves, Cameron being the do-gooder and House, the sarcastic jerk.

All right, he admitted it'"there was absolutely nothing wrong with House and Cameron being together except that he didn'^TMt want them to be together. In fact, he didn'^TMt want Cameron with anyone, period.

He had tried unsuccessfully to deny it for a long time, but there comes a point in time when it'^TMs really just futile trying to lie to yourself. The truth was, he wanted Cameron for himself, and he was only so irked because he was going crazy being jealous of House.

xxxxx

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