As Time Goes By

Wednesday morning, three days later

It was a beautiful morning, warm and clear, and the sun sparkled off the smooth, silver finish of her BMW as Cuddy pulled into her parking space.Turning off the engine, she pulled down the driver-side visor and checked out her reflection in the attached mirror.She had taken special care with her make-up this morning, adding an extra coat of mascara and brushing on just a bit more eyeshadow than she usually used in the daytime.Her blush and lipstick were darker and redder than the light pink hues she normally wore, the shades specially chosen to complement the vibrant color of her new suit.

Satisfied with her appearance, she flipped the visor back into place and bent down to press the trunk release button.Looping her purse over her shoulder, she got out of the car and stepped to the rear of the vehicle.She grasped the handles of the large box and lifted it out of the trunk.

"Hey, Cuddy, welcome back!"

She turned and smiled at Wilson as he hurried through the parking lot to meet her.

"Let me get that," he said, reaching over to take the box from her hands.

"Thanks," she said, gratefully, as she turned to slam down the trunk lid and lock the doors with her remote.

"This stack seems to have grown since Sunday night," he commented, peering down into the carton.

"Yeah, I picked up a few more projects before I left on Monday morning," she admitted.

"Nothing like a couple of days `away from work'," he said, his tone slightly disapproving.

"Oh, come on, you and I both know that the board's `concern' for my well-being also means that certain members are going to look for any excuse to send me home permanently.I'm going to have to be working extra-hard for a while.By the way," she said, stopping suddenly and turning to look him in the face."What exactly was said about me at the board meeting Monday night?"

Wilson smiled reassuringly."Just that people were sorry to hear about what had happened, but they were relieved when I told them you had made a complete recovery before you were sent home," he said.

"Nothing about the fact that House brought me into the ER?" she asked, lowering her voice.

"He is universally hated by the rest of the board members, but they all agreed he was the logical choice for you to call."

"Even Bob Smithers?" she asked, with a grin.

"Yes, although he did wonder out loud if it wasn't time for someone, preferably with better aim than last time, to shoot the bastard again," he informed her, as they began to walk towards the hospital.

"Did you finish all of this?" he asked, shifting the box over to carry it beneath his right arm.

"Yes, I did," she said, proudly, her high heels clicking smartly against the cement as they walked."You'd be amazed at how much work you can get done when you don't have to waste all your time answering the phone and attending meetings."

"Or having certain employees bursting into your office all day long with outlandish demands or seeking your permission to perform unorthodox treatments," he suggested, smiling.

"That definitely helps," she laughed, pointing her finger in the air as she shared a knowing smile with him over their mutual long-suffering patience for House's narcissistic behavior.

"Looks like you even had time to do a little shopping?" he asked, slowing his steps for a moment and tilting his head to watch her as she walked ahead of him.

"Yeah," she said, turning back to look at him."What do you think?" she asked, twirling around to give him a full view of her outfit.

She had spent a day and a half at home pouring over paperwork and bent over her laptop, allowing herself only a few meal and bathroom breaks.By Tuesday afternoon, she had been more than ready for a little diversion.She drove to one of her favorite stores, and was surprised and delighted to discover that there was a sale in progress.She had already tried on several suits and was trying to decide between them when a bright splash of red at the end of a rack had caught her eye.It was not a color she normally wore, nor was the snow-white, high-necked silk blouse a typical style for her.But once she had tried it on, she had fallen in love with the outfit.A quick trip through the rest of the store had netted a perfectly matched purse, necklace and pair of high heels to complete her ensemble.

"It's fantastic," said Wilson, smiling appreciatively.

"It's not too much, is it?" she asked, suddenly sounding doubtful.

"Absolutely not," he assured her."It says:`I'm back, I'm at the top of my game and I'm rarin' to go'," he said.

"Thanks.I can't wait to hear what House says about it," she admitted as they both began to walk forward again."I doubt if he'll leave it at `The Lady in Red'.Maybe he'll ask if I'm a Candy Striper, or a Candy Stripper," she joked.

"Unfortunately, he's not going to be seeing it, at least not today" said Wilson, his voice dropping down in tone and volume as he slowed his pace again.

In answer to Cuddy's questioning look, he elaborated:"He's called in late last night and said he wouldn't be in today.Actually, he's not going to be in for the rest of the week."

"Oh," she said, stopping and looking suddenly crestfallen."Is he all right?" she asked.

But before Wilson could begin to answer her, a flash of anger crossed over her face."Oh, don't bother answering that, of course he's fine.Isn't this convenient," she fumed, tossing her head as she began striding angrily down the sidewalk."He just happens to take off the three days he's been assigned to extra clinic duty-to make up for all the times he's managed to miss the past six months.And he thought I'd be so busy getting back to work that I wouldn't notice."

Wilson found that, despite the fact she was wearing high heels, he was hard-pressed to keep up with her furious pace.

"Well, he's got his team covering these days," he told her as they entered the hospital."Taub, Kutner and Thirteen are each taking a day apiece and," he added, stopping at a counter to put the box down for a moment, "he's already signed up to cover four hours of clinic three days next week."

He watched as she abruptly stopped, turned, and walked back towards him.

"What's he up to?" she asked, her face a mixture of bewilderment and suspicion.

"I have no idea," said Wilson, shaking his head. "But he's up to something," he agreed, "because there is no way that this is just a coincidence."

They stared at each other, puzzled expressions on their faces as they pondered upon the mystery of House's behavior.

"Dr. Cuddy?"

She turned and a bright smile appeared on her face."Dr. Smithers!" she called out, cheerfully.

A short and portly middle-aged man dressed in a lab coat was approaching them.His face was flabby and pink, and he had some long grey strands of hair plastered across his shiny forehead.

"Well, don't you look great!" he said.

"Why, thank you, Bob," she replied with just a touch of coquettishness in her tone.

"Of course, we are all thrilled to see you back so soon.But I hope you didn't rush your recovery," he said, wagging a pudgy finger in front of her face."If you need to take a little more time off-" he began.

"Oh, no, not at all," she told him, moving to link her arm with his."But, thank you so much for allowing me to have those days off.You know, I was finally able to sit down and give those memos you've been sending me the full attention that they deserve.Your plans for the annual alumni dinner are just wonderful," she enthused.

"Wilson-", she began, looking back towards him.

"I'll set this by your office," he promised, nodding at the box.

"Thanks," she said, returning her attention to Smithers.

Wilson bowed his head to hide his smile as they walked away from him.No one would guess from her current tone of voice and animated expression that Cuddy had once confided to him that she kept one of his infamous memos next to her bed.Reading a single paragraph from a dull and pompous Smithers memorandum was always a sure-fire cure for insomnia.

X

Monday morning, five days later

Cuddy pushed back her chair and sighed loudly as she glanced at her office clock.As usual, she had been in to work very early on Monday morning, trying to catch up with the phone messages and emails that had accumulated over the weekend before turning her attention to the current week's agenda.But this morning she had managed to breeze through that work in less than half an hour, and she was running out of things to occupy her time until the clinic opened at eight o'clock.

She certainly didn't want to appear to be anxious to see him, of course.And House was seldom, if ever, on time for his clinic duty shifts (which never kept him from lying about it on the sign-in sheet).Since she herself was not scheduled to see patients today, she could only make a brief appearance there under the pretense she was just doing one of her random checks on the department.

But the truth was, she really had started to miss him and was especially looking forward to spending some time with him in that department.It was the only area of the hospital where she would occasionally allow their flirtation to go beyond bantering words and playful looks.She had explicitly forbidden him to ever touch her if she was in his office (or he in hers), but she was willing to relax that rule whenever they found themselves alone for a few moments in one of the exam rooms.

They had also found that the high counters surrounding the central desk area offered excellent cover for them.If House `accidentally' brushed his hand across her chest as he reached over to pick up a chart, her buttocks might just happen to bump up against his crotch when she bent down to pick up a paper clip.The jolt of pleasure accompanying these brief moments of contact was immeasurably magnified by the fact that they occurred under the oblivious noses of their colleagues.

She finally decided that, if she walked slowly and stopped for a cup of coffee in the cafeteria while on her way down, she could start walking over to the clinic.She paused to retrieve her labcoat from the coat rack in her office, throwing it over her clothes, but leaving it unbuttoned.

She couldn't bring herself to wear the red suit again so soon after its initial appearance, but she had nonetheless chosen her clothes very carefully this morning.Her tunic top was light pink in color, with a pale blue pattern, and she had been wearing it a number of years ago when there had been a sudden meningitis outbreak at a local school swim meet.After working in the crowded lobby for several hours, screening the participants, it had finally gotten so warm that she had removed her labcoat.House had taken one look at her low-cut top and made remarks regarding `the produce section of Whole Foods' and whether or not it was appropriate for a Dean of Medicine to expose her `fun bags' to the general populace.

She was striding in the clinic ten minutes later with a coffee cup in her hand, and a slightly fluttery sense of anticipation in her stomach, as she walked over to the main desk.

"Hi, Mary.Has Dr. House managed to make it in yet this morning?" she asked the receptionist, setting down the cup and glancing briefly at the charts sitting in the rack.

"He was here at five to eight," the woman informed her, seemingly shocked herself by the information."He's already in with a patient," she added, nodding towards Exam Room One.

"Oh," she said, momentarily at a loss for words."Anything exciting going on today?" she finally managed to ask.

"Nope, the usual," Mary said."All the sniffles and aches that people have had all weekend long, that are now suddenly making them too sick to go to work," she shrugged.

"Yeah," Cuddy agreed, putting her hands into the pocket of her labcoat.She wondered how much longer she could hang around before her presence attracted unwanted notice.

To her relief, she heard the door of Exam Room One open up behind her.

"Good morning," he said, striding over to stand next to her at the desk.

"My, aren't you the eager beaver this morning?" she commented.

"Dr. Cuddy," he said, clucking his tongue, "have you not been told that it is in poor taste, and possibly litigatious, to use words like that which have sexually suggestive connotations?"

"Is that why your picture is on the `Sexual Harassment' posters in the lobby?"

"And what are you doing at the clinic so bright and early on this Monday morning.Already cracking the whip over the heads of your hapless employees?"

Before she could reply, he had thrown a culturette down on the counter and was addressing the receptionist.

"Need that sent to the lab for a Quick Strep," he told Mary.

He turned back to Cuddy and she caught the gleam in his eye as he glanced down at her cleavage and then slowly turned his gaze upward to her face.

"She doesn't really use a whip, of course," he added, turning back to whisper conspiratorially to Mary."Just a riding crop.But remember that it's one of Mommy and Daddy's `special toys', like those funny long balloons, and you're not allowed to play with it," he added, waggling his eyebrows.

The receptionist, apparently quite used to his sense of humor, just rolled her eyes and picked up the culturette to deliver it to the lab.

Cuddy waited until she was gone to speak.

"So, Dr. House," she began, moving to walk over behind the counter."We've finally managed to both show up for work again."

"At least I wasn't milking the payroll by sitting at home for two days pretending to be sick," he said, slowly following after her.

"Yeah, I see you took vacation days rather than sick leave," she said."I wondered what you were doing, and then I heard that there was a big `Hooker Convention' in town," she teased, as she turned around to face him.

"Well, I was the biggest sponsor of the Princeton branch this year, so I kind of figured I should make an appearance," he said, folding his arms and leaning back against the counter."They were really sweet, too.They held a lunch in my honor and presented me with a new cane," he informed her.

"Looks the same to me," she said, after studying it a moment.

"Well, I couldn't bring it into work," he said, widening his eyes."That would be too embarrassing.You see, it's about this big," he said, holding his hands far apart, "and it was modeled after their favorite part of me."

"Your Visa card?" she asked, taking a seat on the desk and taking care to make sure that her labcoat was gaping open.

She saw him glance over at the candy bowl that was sitting on the counter, near her left shoulder.

That's right.All you have to do is come a little closer and lean over to rummage through the bowl for one of your favorite red lollipops.And you can grab a quick feel with your left hand while you do that.

"So, how about you?" he asked, eyeing her dcolletage for a moment again."Did you just have bags of fun while you were off?"

"Thank you for remembering," she said, smiling up sweetly at him.

"Hmm, funny," he said, moving slightly closer to her."I had a good breakfast this morning, but a couple of grapefruit would sure hit the spot right now."

"I saw some in Whole Foods this morning, but I didn't know if they were ripe or not," she said.

"That's why I always give them a little squeeze first," he whispered, bending down slightly.

She smiled and leaned over.

Here's your chance.

But he suddenly turned around and began heading away from her, walking around to the outside of the desk.

Puzzled, she glanced around to see if he had broken off the game because someone was approaching them.But there appeared to be absolutely no one in the immediate vicinity.

"Gotta get back to work," he said, picking up another chart from the counter."My boss is an absolute slave driver," he complained.

He took a few steps towards Exam Room Four and then paused and stepped towards the counter, reaching into the middle of the bowl and deftly retrieving a red sucker from the center.With a flick of his wrist, he removed the cellophane wrapper and popped it into his mouth.

"Love your top, by the way," he mumbled around the lollipop."It's awfully...what's the word I'm looking for?" He frowned thoughtfully, twirling the stick in his mouth."...discreet," he added with a smile, waggling his eyebrows and making loud sucking noises as he backed into the room.

She remained sitting on the desk, not sure whether she was more amused, angry or disappointed.

You told him to be on his best behavior.

She frowned and hopped off of the desk, and went to retrieve her coffee cup.

Yeah, but since when does he listen to you?

X

Friday afternoon, four days later

Wilson stepped back as the elevator doors opened, making way for the departing passengers.The last person out of the car was Cuddy, and it took only a glance at her face for Wilson to discern where she was headed.

"Let me guess," he said, softly, so that he would not be overheard by others."You're headed for the war zone?"

"Don't worry," she said, her smile brittle and fixed, "the combatants are about to declare an armistice."

"Good luck," he said, stepping back and watching her storm down the hallway.

She had a folder clutched tightly in her right hand, and her arms were swinging determinedly back and forth in rhythm with the swaying motion of her hips as she walked.

"House," he whispered to himself, as he watched her lovely bottom moving back and forth, "you are a very lucky man.And I hope you are wearing your iron-clad boxers today."

She did not even look into House's office as she walked by it, instead directing her steps to the staff room.She pushed the door open and quickly glanced around at the occupants of the room.Thirteen was working on a chart, Taub was reading a medical journal, and Kutner was sitting with his feet up on the table, immersed in a comic book.Foreman was working on a laptop at the end of the table.The three fellows all looked up as she entered the room, with Kutner quickly lowering his feet to the floor, but Foreman's attention remained fixed upon the laptop screen.

"Hi guys," she said, nodding at the three while striding over to the door that led into House's office."Dr. Foreman," she said, as she pushed the door open, "I would like to see you for a moment in Dr. House's office, to speak to you about the departmental budget for next year?"

"Of course, Dr. Cuddy," he replied, immediately closing the laptop and getting to his feet.

She preceded him into the other room and they both stood silently for a moment, staring at House.He was sitting in his desk chair with his eyes closed, wearing earphones on his head.As if sensing their presence, he slowly opened one eye and stared back at them.Rotating his chair to the side, he reached over to turn up the volume of his music system.He yawned and stretched, and then sat back in the chair with his hands folded in his lap and both eyes closed again.

Cuddy immediately strode over to his side, bent down and flipped the volume to the maximum position.

"Hey!" he cried, jumping up and simultaneously pulling off the earphones.Tilting his head to the side, he put his little finger into one ear and moved it back and forth."You could seriously damage someone's hearing doing that!" he sulked.

"Tell Bob Smithers about it, his ears are still ringing from your phone call a couple weeks ago," she snapped.She bent over again and this time clicked off the power to the system.

"Please have a seat, Dr. Foreman," she said.

He remained standing for a moment, his arms crossed mutinously in front of him.Then, with a resentful shrug of his shoulders, he seated himself in the chair across the desk from House.

"Gentlemen," began Cuddy, looking back and forth between the two of them, "and I use the term loosely..."

"You're in trouble now," smirked House, moving to replace the headphones on his ears.

"Don't...you...dare," hissed Cuddy, glaring at him.

House dropped his hands away from the head phones.Steepling his fingers, he adopted the beatific expression of a repentant choir boy.

"I am not going to pretend that I don't know why the two of you are suddenly at each others throats," she said, moving to seat herself on the edge of House's desk."But I am here to tell you both to stop it.Immediately."

House was still looking at her with an innocent look upon his face, Foreman was staring sullenly down at the floor.

"To tell you the truth, I really don't care how miserable you make each other.I don't even care that you make them miserable," she said, gesturing through the glass wall to indicate the three doctors who were studiously trying not to be caught watching what was going on in the office.

"However, I do care when it starts to affect your patients."

Now Foreman was glaring at House, who was in turn looking up at the ceiling, looking quite bored.

"Dr. Foreman," she said, directing her gaze back in his direction."You told a patient that you were discharging him because he was fine, that Dr. House was simply ordering a bunch of unnecessary tests because he was `being an ass and jerking you around'.Now, even if the patient had not collapsed and nearly died on his way out of the hospital-"

"Yeah," exclaimed House, "whaddup wit dat?"

"Shut up, House," said Cuddy, not even turning around to look at him."Even if you had been right about the patient's condition and Dr. House's motivation, that would not have justified what you did.If you have a problem with how Dr. House is conducting a case, you do not talk to the patient about it, you come to me."

"Yeah, right," said Foreman, glaring up at her."Come off it, Cuddy, you could never control him to begin with.You think that, now that the two of you are screwing each other, he's going to suddenly start listening to you?"

A deathly silence fell over the room.Cuddy slowly got to her feet and tossed the folder she had been holding onto the desk.

"Be afraid, be very, very afraid," whispered House, his eyes glimmering with delight.

She bent over and picked up a small memo pad and a pen from his desk.In the silence, the sound of the pen scratching across the surface of the paper could be clearly heard.

"F-I-R-E-D," House murmured, helpfully.

"Here you go," she said, tearing off the top sheet of paper and holding it out to Foreman."This is the number for the `Ethics Hotline'.If you truly believe that my relationship with Dr. House is affecting my judgment in this case, it is your duty to report it," she declared.

Foreman stared at the sheet for several seconds, and then, with a barely perceptible movement, shook his head.

"No."

"All right," she said, tossing the sheet, pad and pen onto the desk beside the folder."I know that you are both at fault here.But, Dr. Foreman, I also believe that you are smart enough to know that there was no way he was not going to retaliate when you started to make annoying remarks to him regarding our relationship."

She sat down on the desk again.

"I am going to be out of town all next week, attending the convention in Atlanta," she said."But I promise you that I will know if there continues to be problems."

"Someone whose name rhymes with Shmilson going to be spying on us?" asked House.

"And if these problems continue," began Cuddy.Then she stopped, shook her head and crossed her arms. "I'm sorry, Dr. Foreman, but I will have no choice but to put a formal letter of reprimand into your personnel file.Given your already spotty employment record of the past year, I am sure you would prefer that I not do that."

"Mom always did like me best," boasted House, smiling over at Foreman.

"Of course, since Dr. House already has a couple of file cabinets full of letters of reprimand, that would be no deterrent to him," she said, glancing angrily over her shoulder."Instead, I have already assigned him extra clinic duty for the next four weeks."

"Hey, that's not fair," House whined, pointing at Foreman, "he started it!"

"And, if he persists in his behavior, he's going to find that his parking space is located in Outer Mongolia," she added.

House opened his mouth to make another protest.

"Shut up, House!" hissed Cuddy, pushing herself off the desk again and reaching down for the folder, "or you will have no parking space and will be taking the bus in to work!"

"Now, on to other business," she said, opening up the folder."I actually do want to talk to both of you about the budget for next year.I am trying very hard to get a promotion and an increase in salary for Dr. Foreman, so that he can be officially recognized as being `second-in-command' of this department."

"If you say a word," she threatened, turning back to House, "I will see that he gets his raise by making you take a cut in pay."

House pouted and turned his chair so that he was facing away from them.

"Dr. Foreman, I am doing this because I truly do believe that you deserve this," she said."However, if you feel I am merely bribing you in order to keep your mouth shut, I again urge you to contact the Ethics Board."

House turned the chair back to face them and leaned on his elbows against the desk."How much money would it take for you to keep your mouth shut?" he asked Foreman, wonderingly."Might be cheaper in the long run," he whispered to Cuddy, out of the side of his mouth.

"Shut up, House," said Foreman, rising to his feet."Thank you, Dr. Cuddy.I apologize for my earlier outburst and for letting this situation get out of hand.It won't happen again."

"Apology accepted, Dr. Foreman," she said, the corners of her mouth relaxing into the hint of a smile.

"Aaah," said House, standing up as well."Group hug?" he asked tearfully, holding out his arms.

Cuddy and Foreman both turned to glare at him.

"Unfortunately, I also need to speak to Dr. House alone for a moment," she said, looking back at Foreman.

"Of course," he said, moving towards the door."Have a good weekend," he said, as he walked into the other room, "and enjoy your time in Atlanta."

Cuddy turned to look at House, who had sat back down in his chair and was peering around her, watching until the door had fully closed behind Foreman.

"Nice move," he said, as she went to sit down in the chair that Foreman had just vacated.

"You're an ass," she said, tiredly, crossing her legs and placing the folder across her lap."And you're going to be covering Monday mornings in the clinic for the next month," she added.

"Wasn't three times this week enough?" he protested, starting to pout again."I was even early for my shift on Monday."

"Uh-huh.Of course, you also left early all three days and were late showing up on the other two."

"Not according to the sign-in sheet."

"No, but that's what happened according to Mary," she replied."And she is a much more accurate source of information for me."

"One of those wasn't my fault," he assured her. "I had to go help resuscitate my patient when he collapsed in the entryway. You know, it's kind of bad for the hospital's image to have patients coming in and having to step over the dead bodies of the people Foreman's mistakenly discharged."

"Yeah, and on the other hand it really burnishes our image to have them hear two doctors calling each other names over the guy's body as they're working on him.`Lazy megalomaniacal bastard' and `arrogant son-of-a-bitch asshole' the two I heard."

"Oh, those are just our `friendly nicknames' for each other.Like when I call you my-"

"I've heard what you call me," she said, raising her finger in warning."Believe me, Houseeveryone snitches on you about that."

"Of course, it's not quite as much fun to call you that, now that I'm actually getting to play with your squish mitten," he frowned.

He turned his head to the side to look through the glass into the staff room.

"You sure it's a good idea to reward Foreman right now?" he asked."The next thing you know, the rest of my team will be start shoving patients directly out the windows, figuring that's the way to get a promotion."

"I'll take my chances.With any luck, they'll be smart enough to push you down a stairwell or elevator shaft while they're at it."

"Hmm, maybe for my own safety you should take me with you to Atlanta?" he asked."That way, you could make sure that Foreman and I aren't fighting next week."

"Right," she said, rolling her eyes.

"We could bunk together, since you already have the room."

"The idea is to punish you, not me, House," she said, reaching up to massage her neck.

"Oh, and that's right, you're probably not going to be alone anyway," said House, frowning."Isn't your Aunt Mabel due for a visit next week?"

She smiled at the sound of his favorite euphemism for her menstrual period.

"Yes, she is," she replied.

"Bummer that she's going to be there, ruining your fun," he said, shaking his head."I guess you won't be wearing that white string bikini in the hotel pool," he added, looking disappointed.

"I don't have a white string bikini," she sputtered.

"Well, maybe you could wear this instead," he said, reaching into one of the desk drawers and pulling out a box.Leaning over, he pushed it to the other side of the desk.

Her forehead wrinkled in a puzzled frown, she reached over to pick it up.To her shock, she saw that it was a small, rectangular box with the name of one of Princeton's most expensive jewelers embossed across the top.She looked back up at House, trying but failing to read the expression on his face.She could not imagine House buying her any kind of jewelry, let alone something expensive.

"What in the world?" she began, glancing back over her shoulder to make sure no one was watching as she opened the box.A moment later, she was trying to stifle her laughter as she stared down at the contents.

Carefully arranged against the black velvet interior were a small cork and a large rubber band upon which were pasted two Vicodin tablets.

"Hey, it was your suggestion," said House, his own mouth breaking into a wide grin as she turned the box over to dump the items into her palm.

"No, I suggested a string," she said, looping the rubber band around both her hands and pulling it taut.

"Has a little more give this way," he said, leaning back in his chair.

"Thanks, but I don't think I'll be wearing this into the hotel pool either," she said, replacing the items in the box and pushing it back towards him.

"Guess I'll just have to put it next to the jungle jockey shorts," he said, taking the box and putting it into his pocket."I look forward to seeing you in either," he added, as she rose from the chair.

"I'll bet you do," she said, throwing him a smile over her shoulder as she walked to the door.

"Of course, you'll let me know if the old girl ends up being a `no show', won't you?" he asked."Because if she doesn't come for her visit, I guess that from now on I'm going to have to depend upon my imagination."

"Yes, Dr. House," she said, opening the door and stepping out into the hallway."I'll let you know if we need to reschedule that tentative meeting."

He watched her disappear down the hallway and then moved to replace the headphones over his ears.Turning the volume down, he switched the power back on and settled back in his chair, closing his eyes.After a few minutes, he sighed and opened his eyes, putting his hand into his pocket and retrieving the jewelry box.Opening it up, he took out the rubber band and bit off one of the pills.Swallowing the medicine, he tossed the box onto the shelf and raised his feet up to the desk, a very smug and contented smile appearing upon his face.

X

Monday morning, ten days later

Since she had been gone for the week, it had taken her the better part of the morning to catch up on her work this Monday, despite coming in early as usual.She was just finishing up a stack of papers requiring her signature when House came waltzing into her office and seated himself on her couch.

She frowned and consulted her watch.

"It's eleven fifty-five," she said, glaring over at him.

"Are we synchronizing watches?" he asked, looking down at his own wrist.

"You are supposed to be covering in clinic until noon," she informed him, signing the last page and putting down her pen.

"Hey, if I had stayed to see anotherpatient I might have ended up not being able to leave until five minutes after noon," he informed her.

"And since you are here in my office now, you probably actually left the clinic at eleven forty-five, which means you would have had plenty of time for that ten-minute patient," she argued back to him.

"Two weeks ago I was five minutes early checking in," he reminded her.

"That makes up for leaving fifteen minutes early today?"

"Sure," he said, looking surprised that she would even ask. "Because arriving early is three times more responsible than leaving early."He tapped his cane impatiently against the floor."Now, can we possibly move on to a slightly more interesting topic?"

"What would that be?" she murmured, reaching over to pull a fresh stack of paperwork in front of her.

"Whether or not Aunt Mabel put in an appearance last week," he said, leaning over to prop his chin on the cane handle.

"You have never asked me that before, House," she said, smiling in bemusement as she continued to leaf through the stack.

"Because when you're here, I don't need to ask," he said."When you're wearing extra perfume, chowing down on salty snacks and making extra trips to the bathroom, it really isn't a mystery."

"Why didn't you just bribe the hotel staff to check my trash?" she asked, sitting back in her chair and scowling at him.

"I've memorized enough Spanish to request a number of kinky sexual favors, but asking someone to count tampon wrappers is beyond my repertoire, unfortunately," he admitted, shrugging his shoulders.

She propped her elbows up on the arms of the chair and smiled at him.

"I normally wouldn't pressure you like this," he said, sitting back and twirling his cane, "but I got called by a couple of hookers this morning, wondering if I could help them meet their monthly quota.They were wondering if they could pencil me into their schedule for next week, so-"

They were interrupted by the ringing of her telephone.

"Hold that thought," she told him, picking up the receiver while continuing to look at him.

"Lisa Cuddy," she answered, listening for a few seconds."Oh, hi, Bob," she said, grimacing and rolling her eyes at House, who in turn sighed loudly and threw himself back against the couch cushions in disgust."I got back late Saturday.Really good conference, yes."

She listened and nodded.

"Why do people nod when they're on the telephone?"House wondered, loudly."It's not like the other person can see you."

"Yes, Bob, that's Dr. House you're hearing," she said."Uh-huh, he's real interested in the conference also," she said.

Looking extremely annoyed, House rose to his feet and began to walk out of the room.

"House," she said, placing her hand over the receiver, "hold on a minute." Removing her hand, she spoke back into the telephone."Hey, Bob, I really hate to do this to you, but I'm going to have to miss the board meeting next week.Well, I'm really sorry, especially because I missed the last one, too, but something important has come up."

House had stopped and turned back to look at her, his eyebrows raised with interest.

"I got a visit from an aunt of mine while I was in Atlanta last week," she told him, "and there's some urgent family business I need to attend to next Monday evening.Oh, thanks for understanding, talk to you later, Bob," she said, hanging up the phone.

"So," she said, picking up the pen, "does that answer your question?"

"Yep," he said, starting to walk back towards the door.

"You looked rather happy about the news," she observed, chewing on the end of the pen.

"Hey," he said, opening the door, "as much as I'd love to help out the hookers, it's really great that I'm going to be getting another month of free sex.I may even be able to pay off my Visa balance before going back to the `working girls'."

He smiled and walked out looking once more exceptionally pleased with himself.

She frowned and continued to gnaw on the pen as she watched him go through the outer doors and finally disappear from sight around the corner.Just as he did, her phone began to ring again.Glancing at the caller ID, she smiled and reached over to answer it.

"Hi, Wilson," she said, throwing the pen back down upon the desk.

"So, I get to be myself this time?" he asked.

"Yeah, House is gone," she replied."Thanks for `being Bob' for me."

"Anytime, I think.What's going on with you two?"

"Oh, nothing really.He was just more interested than usual in my fertility this month, and I figured the easiest way to get him out of the office was to pretend I was talking to Smithers."

She sighed and closed her eyes for a moment."And I'm really glad you called back, Wilson, because I do have a big favor to ask you," she said, opening her eyes.

"What do you need?" asked Wilson, starting to sound a little hesitant.

"Could you possibly call Smithers for me and tell him that I won't be at the board meeting next week?" she asked."Give him the spiel about my having `family business' to attend to."

"Which I take it, is not exactly a lie?"

"No, not at all," she said, shaking her head."But if I call him, he's going to want to bend my ear for at least an hour talking about all the memos he sent while I was gone last week."

Wilson laughed."All right, but you owe me one."

"Add it to the list," she said, laughing."Thanks again, Wilson."

"Talk to you later, Cuddy."

X

Monday morning, seven days later

It was another Monday and she was once again early in arriving to the hospital. This time, however, there was no bounce in her step as she walked down the sidewalk towards the entrance, only a weary determination. She was dressed professionally, in a particularly somber, tailored suit, and she carried a briefcase in her hands.

She paused for a moment before entering the lobby. Looking up at the rapidly darkening sky, she wondered if she should return to her car and retrieve her umbrella in case she needed it later in the day. After a moment of indecision, she shook her head and proceeded through the door into the hospital.

Not stopping, as was her habit, to pick up a cup of coffee from the cafeteria, she instead went directly to the elevator and pressed the `Up' button. When the doors opened, she stepped back as several people departed the car. One of them, a nurse she recognized from ICU, paused to speak to her.

"Have you heard?" said the woman.

Cuddy nodded. "I got a phone call from Taub on the way in. Is Clay still doing okay?"

The nurse nodded. "Yeah, he's holding his own. You going there now?" she asked.

"Yeah," said Cuddy, stepping into the car and punching the button for the floor. The doors closed and she leaned against the rail, her briefcase in both hands in front of her as the elevator moved upward.

There was no need to stop at her office. She had last been there at eight-thirty yesterday evening, attending to her email box and voice mail. After she finished checking in on the patients in the ICU, she would be making her way towards House's department.

For a department that was often envied for having absolutely no patients to care for, the past week had been particularly hellish. An hour and a half after House had left her office that previous Monday morning, he had found himself with the first of three cases that were going to keep him busy for the next week, and confirm his inherent cynicism regarding the infinite capacity of human beings to inflict pain upon one another.

The first case had been on Monday, the patient a ten-year-old boy presenting with a wide variety of neurological symptoms. It took House and his team only a few hours to come up with the diagnosis of tertiary syphilis. But, as of Friday afternoon, the Health and Social Welfare Departments had still been attempting to determine which of the ' circle of family and caregivers had been the one to be sexually abusing him as a toddler.

.

The second case had been brought to them on Tuesday by Wilson, when the woman who was the prospective bone marrow donor for one of his patients had suddenly begun manifesting a bizarre array of physical complaints. Since the intended recipient, the donor's sister, had just received full body irradiation in preparation for the transplant, it was imperative that they try to resolve the donor's symptoms as soon as possible so that the operation could proceed before the recipient succumbed to a fatal infection.

The team could not seem to find a unifying cause that would account for the woman's symptoms. After two days, it had occurred to House that the explanation was that the donor was dosing herself with a variety of over-the-counter medications and household cleansing agents. Upon being confronted by House, the woman readily admitted that his suspicions were true. In fact, she cold-bloodedly admitted that she had acted out of spite, and that her deliberate intention had been to cause the death of her weakened sibling. Far from feeling a sense of remorse for her actions, she calmly told him that it really didn't matter that he had discovered the plan in time for her to still make the donation; she was now rescinding her consent for the procedure. With no other family members available to donate in her place, Wilson had been forced to use a partially-matched registry donor for the transplant. House's gloomy prognosis was that the recipient had been given a brief reprieve, but was most probably doomed to die a long, lingering and painful death from graft-versus-host disease.

On Thursday, House had been eating lunch in Wilson's office (well, actually, he was eating Wilson's lunch) when his beeper had suddenly gone off. He had glanced at the number, identified it as one of the ER extensions, and had nonchalantly returned to wolfing down the tuna-fish sandwich, determined to finish it before Wilson returned to his office. A second alarm had gone off a few seconds later. This time House had looked down to see the message `POSSIBLE MACHUPO' written across the display screen. In less than three minutes, he had somehow managed to make it down to the Emergency Room, where Cameron was already implementing Biosafety Level Four precautions.

Although he agreed with Cameron's initial assessment that the family's display of petechiae and profuse bleeding from the nose and gums was especially alarming due to the fact that their house guest, who was also ill, had recently come from an area where Bolivian Hemorrhagic Fever was endemic, it was not long before he was questioning the diagnosis. The friend and the mother were making a remarkably swift recovery, while the husband, fourteen-year-old daughter, ten-year-old son, and eight-month-old twin boys were rapidly moving towards irreversible liver and kidney failure.

A search of the home had revealed the presence of a poisonous Bolivian plant. The house guest, a friend of the husband's since college, tearfully proclaimed that he had mistaken it for an herb, and had in fact poisoned himself along with the rest of the family by using it to season the special dish he had prepared the night before. An investigation of the family's trash, however, yielded a receipt showing that the man had bought two large bottles of Ipecac earlier the previous morning. Once the empty bottles of the emetic were found as well, it was apparent to House that the guest and the wife had somehow had the foresight to make throw up immediately after ingesting the poisonous meal.

It took surprisingly little probing to make both the wife and friend reveal that they were having an affair. The fact that the husband was in possession of a considerable fortune made it obvious that they had decided killing the family off was a much more convenient and profitable solution to their predicament than the wife simply running off with her lover.

Even with the administration of the proper antidote, however, the other family members continued to become weaker and sicker. The team protested that it had simply taken too much time to start the proper treatment, but House insisted that there had to be another underlying factor to explain the lack of response to the medicine. Finally, after going into the husband's room himself, and ripping off the layers of biosafety precautions in order to shout directly into the patient's ear, he had finally been able to elicit a more detailed family history from the barely-conscious man.

Having discovered that the man's mother had died of post-childbirth hemorrhage, he instructed the team to begin testing the family for genetic coagulation disorders. The testing finally revealed that the father and his children were all suffering from a rare form of von disease. With the family members continuing to pour out blood as fast as it could be pumped in, House prescribed heavy doses of a combination of experimental drugs. Although the family hovered near death for the next twelve hours, it finally appeared that the medication had started to work.

Unfortunately, for one of the eight-month-old twins, the one named the treatment had not been quick enough to prevent his death from liver failure.

She took in a deep breath and straightened her shoulders as she waited for the elevator doors to open. Stepping out of the car, she headed over to the Intensive Care Unit.

A half-hour later, Cuddy was walking into the staff room of the Diagnostic Medicine Department.Kutner was sitting in a chair, his head propped wearily in the palm of his hand.Taub was in the chair across the table from him, his eyes fixed upon the white board as he read the symptoms written upon it over and over, as if trying convince himself that there was something more that could have been done to diagnose and treat the family sooner.

"Tough week, guys," she said, moving over to squeeze Kutner's shoulder."Have you heard from Foreman and Thirteen?" she asked, addressing this to Taub.

By yesterday evening, when it was apparent that there was little to do but sit back and hope that the treatment would work, House had told Foreman and Thirteen to go home and get some rest.That way, they could be back at work this morning to relieve Taub and Kutner.

Taub his eyes still on the board."They're on their way in.I gave them the news."

"As long as Dr. Foreman clears it, the two of you should head on home after they get here," she advised.

"What about House?" asked Kutner, looking at her with bleary

"I'm going to tell him to go home, too," she said, walking towards his office.

She paused and peered through the glass.He was sitting with his legs crossed and propped on top of his overturned garbage can.There were pieces of paper and other trash scattered around the floor, indicating he had not cared that the can had not been empty when he decided to use it as a footrest.His cane was propped sideways on his lap, and although his head was lowered toward his chest and his eyes appeared to be closed, she knew he was not sleeping.When she knocked on the door he did not jump or start but merely raised his head slowly and turned to look in her direction.As she entered the room, she fancied that she saw a small spark of gratefulness in his tired blue eyes as he watched her approach, as if he were relieved that it was she, rather than one of his team, walking into the room.

"Do you want some coffee?" she asked, quietly, as she set down the briefcase and sat in the chair across from his desk.

"No," he said, shaking his head and raising a hand to scratch his chin.The stubble by this time was thick enough in some areas as to begin forming curly patches of brown and grey."You just do the tour?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said."The father's doing fine-"She stopped for a moment, wanting to add that, of course, the improvement in his physical condition was more than balanced by the shock and grief he was experiencing.How fine could you be when you had to deal with the fact your wife had poisoned you and your kids, and that she had succeeded in killing one of them?

House stared down at his cane, but did not say anything to fill in the gap left by her sudden hesitation.

"Clay's BUN and creatinine are way down, and the transaminases are falling," she finally said."The other kids are doing better, too.Lily is asking for something other than a clear liquid diet and they're having trouble keeping Tyler in bed."

"They know about their brother?" he asked, moving his head back and forth to work out the kinks in his neck.

"No," she said."We're waiting for them to ask, and when they do we're going to have counselors in there with them while they are told.They think best that their father is there to comfort them, but not to tell them anything, not just now."

He nodded again."Autopsy?" he asked, taking his feet off of the garbage can as he began twirling his cane in his right hand.

She sighed."The CDC is still insisting that they remove the body and perform the autopsy under Level 4 precautions," she said.

"Idiots," he said, suddenly pivoting his chair so that he could turn to sit at his desk."It's obviously not Machupo, or three quarters of the hospital patients would have blood pouring out from every orifice by now," he groused, setting the cane down on his desk.

"I know that, and you know that," she said, smiling at him."I think even the CDC officials know that, but they are still going to go through the recommended procedures."

There was another long silence.

"Foreman should be here soon," she said, breaking the stillness after several minutes."Why don't you head on home?"

He turned to glare at her.

"I can't," he informed her, "I'm due in clinic in ten minutes."

"Oh," she said, laughing softly, "no, you aren't.Wang is going to fill in for you this morning."

"And you only just now remembered to tell me that?" he asked, sounding more than slightly miffed.

"He just returned my call a couple of minutes ago," she explained.

House narrowed his eyes.

"And if he wasn't able to cover it for you, I would have done it myself," she assured him, standing up and leaning over the desk.

"Go on, ," she teased, as she winked and stroked her hand gently over his, "go home and get some sleep."

She turned and began to walk to the door.

"Hmm," she heard him murmur behind her.

She looked back and saw that he was holding a desk calendar in his hands.There were large red arrows drawn across it, all pointing to the current date.Cuddy bent down to examine it more closely and saw that there was nothing written inside the square to indicate what occasion was being marked.

"Would you possibly have an ulterior motive for urging me to go home and get some sleep?" he asked, screwing up his mouth as he pointed at the calendar."Seems to me I'm supposed to be doing something tonight, but I just can't remember what it is," he said, scratching his head as he put the calendar back down on the desk.

"You know, it's a funny thing," she admitted, her puzzled tone a match for his own as she sat down in the chair again."I seem to have forgotten something myself.For the life of me, I can't remember why I'm carrying this around," she said, taking something out of the pocket of her jacket.

With a grin, she set an unopened box containing a new toothbrush down on the desk.

"Still got a spot open for this?" she asked.

"I think we can squeeze it in," he allowed, after studying it for a moment.

"Could we please put it next to the oral thermometer?" she begged.

"You're awfully squeamish for a doctor," he grumbled."But, if you insist..." he shrugged.

"So, we're on for tonight," she said, standing up and retrieving the toothbrush from his desk."Unless you're just too exhausted," she added, looking at him with concern.

He shook his head, but Cuddy suddenly sensed that he was avoiding looking her in the eye.

"I'm never too tired for that," he assured her.

"Glad to hear it," she said, putting the toothbrush back in her pocket.

He was intently studying the surface of his desk.

"Something else?" she asked, taking a step back towards him.

"You're welcome to come tonight," he said, finally looking back up at her."I already have wine chilling in the refrigerator and I even have fresh sheets on the bed," he said.

"Ooh, I'm getting the royal treatment tonight," she laughed."Only fitting since I guess I'm supposed to be portraying `Sheena, Queen of the Jungle'?" she teased."I assume you still have the lingerie?"

He smiled for just a moment before once again directing his gaze towards the desk, avoiding looking her in the eyes.

"I'm just not sure that you will want to come tonight after you read this," he said, reaching down and pulling out the middle drawer.

He threw a piece of 8 by 11 paper, folded into quarters, onto the desk.

"What's this?" she asked, bending down to pick it up.

"Some lab results that you might want to take a look at," he advised her, raising his eyebrows and looking slightly guilty as he sat back in his chair.

She slowly sat down, trying to decide if he was being serious or if he was just about to play another one of his elaborate jokes.

"Well," she said, frowning for a moment, "I know you attended that `Hooker Convention' a couple of weeks ago, but I assume you took a couple extra doses of penicillin."

He shook his head."Not an STD."

She began opening the paper, stopping after a moment and leaving it folded in half.

"If this is a psychological profile, I already know you're insane," she quipped.

"Maybe more than you know," she heard him murmur.

She opened the paper up completely, but took just a quick glance at the top of the page before tossing it back at him.

"House!" she sputtered, shaking her head, "you really had me going there for a moment.All this fuss just to show me your stupid semen analysis again!Yes, you are an amazingly fertile man!" she exclaimed, pushing the chair back as she got to her feet.

He brought the end of his cane down upon the paper and slid it back to her side of the desk.

"Look at it again," he said, his voice strangely quiet.

She bent down and retrieved the paper.Smoothing it out, she glanced over the top of the page at him and then looked back down at the report.

House, Gregory

Type:Post-Vasectomy

Sperm Count:None seen

Conclusion:Successful vasectomy, no further contraception precautions necessary

She studied the page for several minutes, bringing the page close to her eyes, double-checking the date of birth to make sure it matched.According to the report, the sample had been collected and the test performed the previous Tuesday.

Finding that her legs were suddenly feeling a little shaky, she lowered herself into the chair and took in a deep breath.She read the report through several more times and then began to slowly fold it back into quarters, taking care to carefully and mechanically crease the folds with her thumb and forefinger.

"So," she said, finally, as she set the paper back down on the desk."When did you have this done?"

"The surgery?" he asked.

Looking at a space somewhere above and to the right of his face, she nodded.

"Remember those days I took off about a month ago?" he asked.

She nodded again.

"I had it done then," he said.

She considered this for several moments and then turned to gaze directly into his face.

"I see," she said, shortly.

"Pretty simple procedure," he assured her, raising his hand and making a scissoring motion with his fingers, "but I needed to take some time to recover."

"I guess so," she shrugged, slowing rising to her feet again, and picking up the briefcase she had set on the floor.

"That's it?" he asked, incredulously, leaning forward to pick up the folded lab report."That's the only question you're going to ask me:when I had it done?"

"Oh, I know you must be just dying to tell me why you had it done," she hissed, her eyes suddenly gleaming with anger."But, somehow, I'm not exactly in the mood to talk to you right now.In fact, House," she said, leaning over the desk, "don't expect me to be talking to you unless it's absolutely necessary for the next year or so."

He leaned back and scratched his beard again, clearing his throat. "Does that mean you won't be coming over to visit me tonight?"

Or was that just another one of your incredibly lucky hunches?"

She turned away from him.

"Shame to let a good ovulation go to waste," he called after her."You know Wilson should be arriving in his office any minute now.You might just persuade him to step in and-"

"Don't you dare!" she warned, pivoting back towards him and crossing her arms over her chest as she fought back her tears."Don't you dare make a joke right "

Hebit his lip and looked away, his left hand rapidly clenching and unclenching as he suddenly appeared very ill-at-ease.

She took in a few quick, pain-filled breaths and then, incredibly, she began to laugh.

The sound of her laughter caused him to raise his eyes back to her face.

"Cuddy?" he asked, sounding concerned at the touch of hysteria in her tone.

He moved to brace his hands against the arms of his desk chair.

"Oh, no," she warned him, pointing her finger in his direction, "do not get out of that chair.Not unless you really want me to show you just how hard I can kick you, House."

He took one look at the sharply pointed toes of her shoes and slunk back into his chair.

"Don't worry," she told him, turning away and walking towards the door."I'm not having a breakdown, it's just that this whole situation is so unbelievably funny," she assured him, smiling and shaking her head.

"Whatever reasons you had for having that little `out-patient procedure' done, I'm afraid they don't really matter now," she said, shrugging her shoulders."Case of the barn door being shut long after the horse has already bolted, House.You were a little late in shutting off that supply of `fresh, never-frozen sperm."

"What?" he asked, sitting up in his chair as the meaning of her words hit

"Remember how I told you that I wouldn't do a pregnancy test until I was absolutely sure that I had missed my period?Last Monday, when you came into my office, I had just been about to step into the bathroom and do the test.I had waited until I was driving in to work that morning to stop at the store to buy a pregnancy kit, because I was finally sure that I had waited long enough."

"So I lied to you," she admitted."Well, that's not really true," she said, wrinkling her forehead. "I didn't really lie to you, I just let you overhear me lie to someone else," she qualified."Because, you see, no matter what the test results were, I really did want to come visit you again tonight, but I wasn't sure yet if we would be meeting to procreate or to celebrate."

She shrugged her shoulders again."Stupid me, I thought you'd be happy to hear that we finally managed to get me pregnant."

She opened the door and strode out of the office.

House remained seated at his desk, staring at the door long after it had closed behind her.