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Absolution
by Ilana
With anyone else, it would be begging for sympathy, but House doesn't do sympathy. He probably has a heart buried under all that anger and self-pity, so he must feel sorry for people sometimes, but he never shows it. Chase knows he won't have to face any pitying looks from House no matter what sob story he tells him.
He likes Cameron well enough, and he'd trust her not to tell the entire hospital about his family's problems, but he can't share this with her. He knows how she would react: she'd give him a sad look and then gently try to convince him that it was time to forgive and forget. And then he'd snap at her and say that she doesn't understand, even though for all he knows she does. They've been working together for long enough that he should know these things, but they've become adept at skirting uncomfortable topics; House has taught them the skill of avoidance well, it seems.
He doesn't know House any better than he knows Cameron, really, but he doesn't have to worry about hurting his feelings. And the truth is, it doesn't really matter who he tells. He's had this conversation many times before with many different people, and it never changes anything. This bridge is too badly broken to be repaired, and no one can convince him it's worth the effort and inevitable disappointment of trying to build a new one.
He wonders later if House looks at him the way he looks at Gabe as he tries to convince him that some errors are forgivable, at least in parents. Maybe he sees a little boy who's angrier than he should be and just needs to be reminded that he loves his dad, and is trying to do that in typically obnoxious House fashion. Except Chase already knows that he loves his father, and that's not enough to make him forgive him.
He knows he's being childish, and in the end he decides to try one more time to fix things, but it's too little too late, and he's not sure enough to push it. He notices that his father doesn't insist either, and that he's the one who has to go for the hug instead of the ridiculous formality of a handshake. He wants to be mad, but he's sick and tired of wasting his energy on anger, so he reminds himself that it was stupid to expect anything else and decides to go back to his usual state of trying not to care.
Maybe next time will be different.
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Legal Disclaimer: The authors published here make no claims on the ownership of Dr. Gregory House and the other fictional residents of Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Like the television show House (and quite possibly Dr. Wilson's pocket protector), they are the property of Fox Television, David Shore and undoubtedly other individuals of whom I am only peripherally aware. The fan fiction authors published here receive no monetary benefit from their work and intend no copyright infringement nor slight to the actual owners. We love the characters and we love the show, otherwise we wouldn't be here.
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