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Reconsideration
by machka
Cameron pushed back into the sofa cushions, working her shoulders into the padding, seeking comfort as she continued her bored channel-surfing. Unused to being idle, or home during the day, she needed distractions to occupy her mind... Ah, a "Medical Investigation" marathon... perfect. She tucked her legs beneath her, settling in to watch.
Engrossed in the story, she nearly missed the tentative knock on her door. Voicing irritation with a muted curse, she unfolded herself and rubbed her eyes. The sun had shifted toward the western horizon unnoticed, and she flipped the light switch as she padded to the door. She peered through the peephole, and pulled her head back in surprise. Slipping the chain and throwing the dead bolt, she stepped back, opening the door.
"Hello, Dr. Cuddy."
Cuddy stood at her doorstep, holding a carry-out tray with two cups of Starbucks coffee. Cameron scanned her face quickly, noting her shell-shocked expression and slightly glazed eyes.
With a little shake, she appeared to snap out of her daze. Forcing a smile to her lips, she nodded to Cameron and raised the tray. "You said we should go out for coffee sometime..." she said, her voice strained. "Just thought I'd bring some in, instead." She paused awkwardly. "I'm not disturbing you, am I?"
Cameron tilted her head and backed away. "No, not at all. Please, come in," she replied, watching with alarm as Cuddy entered, nearly tripping over the threshold, the tray shaking in her grasp, coffee sloshing audibly. She pried the tray from Cuddy's clenched fingers, indicating the sofa. "Won't you have a seat?"
Wordlessly, Cuddy sank onto the sofa, staring at nothing. Cameron suspected she had looked very similar herself, yesterday, in Cuddy's office. What was going on?
She didn't realize she had spoken aloud until Cuddy's face turned toward her, eyes haunted. "You haven't spoken to anyone?" she asked, her voice hollow and distant.
Cameron shook her head in confusion, setting the tray on the coffee table. "No, no one's called all day." She frowned slightly, sitting beside Cuddy. "What's going on?" she repeated, feeling keenly the role reversal from just a day prior.
She was startled by Cuddy's laugh, a brittle sound.
"Well, you know House's little speech last night wasn't exactly what Vogler wanted, nor what he expected... He wasn't particularly pleased." Again the brittle laugh. "So. Today, he calls an emergency meeting of the hospital board..." Cuddy's voice trailed off, her gaze fixed on a scene Cameron couldn't see. A slight tremor passed through her, and she continued, "Vogler recites this litany of House's sins... he keeps an itemized list, it seems... everything, no matter how major or minor..." She closed her eyes briefly, dragging a deep breath into her lungs. "Then, he calls for a vote to revoke House's tenure."
Cameron shrugged slightly. The fellows had expected as much, given House's behavior and refusal to meet Vogler's demands. The question never was 'if it would occur,' but 'when.' The only surprise to her was how long he had waited to move. "But it can't have gone through, right?" she interrupted. "House was very confident - he told us he had you and Dr. Wilson."
Cuddy's gaze darkened, her lips pressed into a thin line. Cameron's stomach sank as comprehension dawned. "You voted against him." It came out less a question than an accusation, and Cuddy actually flinched.
"Wilson was there... I knew he wouldn't vote to get rid of House, so I-I voted 'yes'," Cuddy said hesitantly. "It should have been okay, I stay on Vogler's good side, Wilson saves House's sorry ass, everything's fine, right?" Her voice was shrill, edging toward hysteria. "Everything should have been fine!" Her hands fluttered in her lap. Cameron half-expected them to take flight. Reaching out, she folded Cuddy's hands in hers, stilling their trembling, grounding Cuddy firmly in the present.
Should have been? There had to be something else... something Cuddy had yet to tell her... "So, the motion was defeated... Wait, that's good, right?" Cuddy stiffened, and Cameron felt a twinge of dread. "No? What happened, Dr. Cuddy?" she asked, prompting Cuddy to continue. "Something went wrong?"
Cuddy groaned. "Yes, something went wrong! Vogler asked for a vote to dismiss Wilson from the board."
Cameron's blood ran cold. "And?"
"The motion passed..." Cuddy's voice was barely above a whisper.
Cameron sat back, stunned. Cuddy's eyes sought hers, guilt and pain reflected within. "Vogler offered him resignation instead of humiliation, and Wilson accepted."
Wilson fired? Cameron wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly shivering. House was sure to be next, then... She felt a surge of rage, its heat thawing the ice in her veins. "So everything I put myself through, was for nothing?" she snapped. "House will be fired anyway, even after all of that?"
"Cameron, he's not worth a hundred million dollars!" Cuddy protested wearily. "I don't see how I can justify keeping House over the money - we're a teaching hospital, we need the money more than we need House... Chase and Foreman can be absorbed by other departments..." Her mouth snapped shut, after seeing Cameron's grim expression. She shrugged helplessly. "I never thought it would come to this, Cameron, I swear!" She buried her face in her hands, shoulders slumping.
Cameron studied her, trying to remain detached. No, she thought, Cuddy would've had no reason to suspect that Vogler's control issues and hatred ran so deeply, though she might've seen the issue coming to a head... But she should have tried harder to help Wilson. She should have voted to keep House! She should never have turned her back on people she called her friends. "I hope it's all worth it to you, in the end," she snarled. "Money over friendship. It's nothing personal, only business, after all." Cuddy's shoulders jerked in response.
Restless, Cameron rose and moved to the window, watching Cuddy's reflection in the glass. "It's not like I can change anything, Doctor Cuddy; so why, exactly, did you come here? Was it supposed to make me feel better to find out that one, and possibly another, of my colleagues and friends lost his job?" she spat out coldly, her gaze shifting to the setting sun beyond. She could see the darkness descending over everything she held dear... Damn you, Cuddy - damn you and your greed and your pride... She turned back to face Cuddy, who was now studying her hands in her lap.
When the reply came, it was so soft that Cameron could barely make out the words.
"If I'd have known, Cameron... If I'd have seen what Vogler's intentions were..."
"It was painfully obvious to us that he wanted to destroy House. How could you have missed that?"
Cuddy flinched. "I knew he didn't like him..." Cameron fixed her with a glare. "Okay, he hated him. But to be willing to go to such lengths, just to get rid of one doctor? I would've stood up to him sooner if I had known he was such a megalomaniac..."
"When's the next vote?" Cameron interrupted, her voice curt.
"Tomorrow... They have to wait one business day..."
"So you still have a chance to do the right thing," Cameron stated flatly. "It may be too late for Dr. Wilson, but you can still save House." Cuddy closed her eyes, her hands twisting in her lap. Cameron clenched her jaw, grinding her teeth in frustration. "What will you do?" she asked quietly, managing to keep her voice level.
"...I don't know." Cuddy replied, her voice low and tinged with anguish.
Cameron cursed under her breath, arms akimbo. Cuddy radiated tangible despair. "Cameron, please understand. Being a doctor is all I know. This job is all I have. If I stand up to Vogler, I'll be next... It's either House or me, and in the interest of self-preservation..."
"And what happens to House, then? Or is that not your concern?"
Another helpless shrug was her response, and Cameron turned away in disgust. "Doctor Cuddy, I'm asking again - why are you here? What is it you want from me?"
"I needed someone - a friend - to talk to about this, or else go insane," Cuddy confessed, her voice barely above a whisper. "Work doesn't leave much time for friendships, as I'm sure you know. Being the hospital administrator makes it worse. I'm always the enforcer, the bad guy - nobody wants to be around me..." Her voice trailed off briefly. "I don't have many friends, Cameron. My actions today just cost me one... and my actions tomorrow may cost me another." Rising, she approached Cameron cautiously, eyes searching her face. "You're the closest thing to a friend I have right now, Allison..."
Cuddy's regret was obvious, and the open vulnerability she was showing doused Cameron's anger, leaving behind a sadness she hadn't felt in years... hadn't let herself feel... since he passed away, and one by one, their friends had found excuses not to see her... And she, grieving for her husband, found herself grieving over them as well... Threw herself headlong into her medical studies to avoid thinking about it, avoid making new friends, avoid finding love, avoid the pain that those things brought her... She thought she had convinced herself that she didn't need others, but she was wrong... She knew exactly how Cuddy felt. She was lonely. She was alone.
Cuddy's hand gently squeezed her arm. Glancing sideways at her, Cameron noted Cuddy's concern as she met her gaze. Gently freeing her arm from Cuddy's grasp, she headed back to the sofa, flopping onto it bonelessly. She cocked her head at Cuddy, and patted the cushion beside her. Cuddy arched a questioning eyebrow, and Cameron sighed. "Dr. Cuddy, if we're going to be friends, we should at least be able to sit and chat over coffee, don't you think?" She held out one of the cups invitingly.
Cuddy smiled, settling in beside her and accepting the cup. "Allison, if we're going to be friends, you have to call me Lisa," she retorted, grinning wryly.
Cameron's laughter was music to her ears. Cuddy couldn't help but join in.
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Legal Disclaimer: The authors published here make no claims on the ownership of Dr. Gregory House and the other fictional residents of Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Like the television show House (and quite possibly Dr. Wilson's pocket protector), they are the property of Fox Television, David Shore and undoubtedly other individuals of whom I am only peripherally aware. The fan fiction authors published here receive no monetary benefit from their work and intend no copyright infringement nor slight to the actual owners. We love the characters and we love the show, otherwise we wouldn't be here.
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