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Resignation
by machka
She grabbed the next chart from the stack looming in front of her. Reviews were tedious business, but necessary these days. Vogler was looking for something - anything - to use against House and his fellows... and Cuddy was making sure he wouldn't find it here. Sighing, she flipped the chart open, and was confronted with Cameron's neat handwriting. So unlike a doctor to have penmanship so legible... but then there was very little about Cameron that was typical.
Cuddy frowned slightly, her finger trailing unconsciously over the written lines as she lost herself in thought. She was not associated with House's department, but she did have a hand in its creation and continuation. Vogler was keeping her busy with his spurious demands, but she was aware of the tension mounting between the fellows within the Department of Diagnostic Medicine. She had seen Vogler manipulate them, she had heard about the backbiting and character assassinations involved. She knew House was avoiding the situation, Chase was taking advantage of it, Foreman was trying to stay above it, and Cameron... Cameron was getting pulled under. Her idealistic views of what doctors were, and what they do, her sensitivity and devotion not just to her patients, but her co-workers... and the growing attraction that Cuddy sensed Cameron was developing for House... She just hoped that Cameron wouldn't be hurt too badly when she finally discovered that House couldn't give her - didn't, in fact, know - what she really needed...
A soft rap on her glass pane door broke intruded into Cuddy's thoughts. Blinking, she looked up from the file, closing it quickly. Cameron was waiting patiently beyond the door, peering within. Cuddy waved her in.
Cameron approached carefully, almost warily, holding a piece of paper before her like a shield. This was thrust out to Cuddy silently. Cuddy glanced fleetingly from it to Cameron, studying her face. Clenched jaw, pursed lips, narrowed eyes, determined frown lines... Oh shit, she thought.
"What's this?" she asked aloud, gesturing at the paper, but making no move to take it.
Cameron's voice was surprisingly level. "It's a copy of my resignation." Quailing slightly at Cuddy's expression, she continued firmly, "I believe you need it for my personnel file."
"Cameron, I can't accept this..."
"Doctor Cuddy, you can't refuse it." Cameron shook the page for emphasis, dropping it onto the files in front of Cuddy. "I'm leaving." She crossed her arms defensively over her chest, her jaw jutting out stubbornly.
Sighing, Cuddy quickly scanned the sheet.
"You'll find everything's in order," Cameron said, a touch too sharply.
Cuddy leaned back in her chair. "May I ask why?" she asked wearily, staring up at Cameron.
Cameron looked away, chewing her lower lip. "Like I told House - I'm protecting myself. He is impossible. He set us up to tear each other's throats out because he can't decide whom to fire. He plays us against each other for his own purposes... it's not right, Dr. Cuddy. Foreman is trying to stay above it, but Chase is after me like a pit bull out for blood, and House just eggs him on..."
Cuddy gestured for Cameron sit on the couch, while racking her brain for something - anything - to change Cameron's mind... coming up with nothing. She came around the desk and settled beside Cameron, inhaling deeply. "Allison," she said gently, "what's really happening?"
"This entire situation has become untenable, Dr. Cuddy," Cameron began slowly. "I'm a doctor, not a pawn in whatever sick game House and Vogler are playing. There's too much tension, too much back-stabbing, and too many distractions for me to practice my profession to the best of my abilities." Cameron paused, shifting her weight uncomfortably. "My personal feelings are beginning to interfere with my work, and as a professional I realize that's unacceptable. I need to leave before I jeopardize everything I've worked so hard for..."
"Allison, I know things have been... tense... between you and House recently... if this is, in any way, about impropriety on his part toward you..." She let her voice trail off, I'll kill him lingering unspoken in Cuddy's mind.
Cameron slumped back into the cushions, eyes downcast. "Ever since he hired me, he's been sending me mixed signals," she continued, muttering through gritted teeth. "He told me he hired me because I was pretty - oh yeah, and damaged." Her voice dripped with scorn. "He says things one day that border on sexual harassment, and the next I'm in the dog house, getting bitched at for a mistake I didn't even make. And the day after, he acts like nothing ever happened. Getting spun out and reeled back in is great if you're dancing, but I'm so damn tired of being dizzy..." Her voice faltered briefly. "It's my fault, I suppose. I have a habit of falling for my superiors..." Cuddy's eyes darted sideways at her, then away quickly, not daring to hope... Not noticing, Cameron continued, "I asked him if he liked me. He said flat-out that he didn't - but then he says things like 'Cameron's my girl' and expects me to back him up..."
Cuddy murmured supportively, but her stomach was in knots. House, you fucking bastard...
"I confronted him about it - told him to be man and face up to his feelings for me. What a fucking mistake that was..." Cameron whispered. "As if that man could have any feelings for another person..."
Twisting around to face her, Cuddy laid a hand on her forearm to quiet her.
"Allison, he's been hurt badly - and it's not just the leg," she said softly. "You're a doctor, yes, but I don't think you could mend his heart any more than you could fix his body. It's not his nature to show emotion, because that means letting someone get close enough to hurt him again." She studied Cameron's face, her fingers trailing lightly along Cameron's arm. "You don't deserve to be miserable, pursuing a lost cause like him." She slipped her hand into Cameron's, their fingers interlacing. "You deserve somebody who understands and loves you for who you are - a smart, independent, compassionate doctor, and a beautiful, loving woman..."
Cameron remained silent, considering her advice. Cuddy inched closer on the couch, reaching up her free hand to stroke Cameron's hair, smoothing it gently. Cameron didn't seem to notice the familiarity in her touch. Cuddy dropped her hand to rest on Cameron's shoulder, gripping it lightly.
"Allison," she murmured, "You deserve so much better than this. It's not up to me to release you from your contract, but I'll support whatever decision you make... and if House accepts your resignation, I won't stop you from leaving..." Her voice quavered, her emotions gaining the upper hand. ...but I wish to God you wouldn't...
Cameron nodded mutely, her gaze fastened on the floor.
Cuddy's shoulders slumped slightly. Squeezing Cameron's hand, she rose from the couch. Cameron stood automatically, still lost in thought.
"Allison." Cuddy's voice penetrated her thoughts, and she finally looked up to meet Cuddy's gaze.
Cuddy stepped closer, taking Cameron's hands in hers. "If you need anything... references, recommendations, someone to talk to... anything... please call me." She could hear the slightest tremor in her voice, and fought to keep it steady. Her grip tightened. "I'm sorry that it ended this way."
She watched a ghost of a smile cross Cameron's lips, and felt her heart constricting in her chest. Impulsively, she dropped Cameron's hands and pulled her into an embrace instead. Surprised, Cameron stiffened slightly before relaxing and wrapping her arms around Cuddy.
Cuddy's heart was breaking. The one chance I get to hold you, Allison... and you're lost to me for good. Damn that man for driving you away... One arm dropped to Cameron's waist, pulling her closer. The other caressed Cameron lightly between the shoulder blades. She buried her face into Cameron's hair at the crook of her neck, inhaling deeply... Turning her head slightly, she pressed a light kiss just behind Cameron's ear, whispering without thinking, "I'm going to miss you so much..."
Cameron squeezed her tightly, then stepped back quickly. Flushing scarlet, Cuddy forced herself to meet Cameron's eyes, dreading what she might find there.
Her expression was unreadable, but the corner of Cameron's mouth was quirked up in a half-smile. She reached out, touching Cuddy's cheek lightly. "We'll go out for coffee sometime, okay?" Cuddy nodded as Cameron edged toward the door. Grasping the handle, she turned back to say, "Dr. Cuddy, thank you for everything," and she was gone, leaving Cuddy alone with her files, her skin burning with the memory of Cameron's touch.
She sank back onto the couch, cursing House with every fiber of her being. Paybacks were a bitch.
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Legal Disclaimer: The authors published here make no claims on the ownership of Dr. Gregory House and the other fictional residents of Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Like the television show House (and quite possibly Dr. Wilson's pocket protector), they are the property of Fox Television, David Shore and undoubtedly other individuals of whom I am only peripherally aware. The fan fiction authors published here receive no monetary benefit from their work and intend no copyright infringement nor slight to the actual owners. We love the characters and we love the show, otherwise we wouldn't be here.
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