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Five Things Greg House Might Have Done With His Hooker
by marginaliana
1.
The girl shrugged her shoulders acceptingly; House had the feeling she'd heard weirder requests.
"Just make sure she's there, because I still get paid by the hour even if I'm sitting around and waiting."
"Don't worry, she'll be there. She couldn't resist a chance to peek under my towel."
Twenty minutes later and Cameron was exiting the hospital men's locker room with a shriek. The hooker followed afterward, waving a pair of worn boxers, a yoyo, and a can of cold whipped cream.
"I thought you said you were a doctor!" she hollered. Hidden behind a potted plant, House snickered.
2.
He'd loved Stacy, but sex with the hooker was better. Stacy had always been too damn nice in bed, for all that she was satisfyingly bitchy outside of it. He'd put up with it until they'd had sex with his bum leg, and she couldn't seem to forget it was there. It was like a wall between them. The hooker, though she could obviously see the issue, took him at his word when he snarled that it didn't matter, and refused to be offended by his surliness.
He smiled for the first time in ages and gave her the handcuffs.
3.
House sighed as his pager buzzed for the tenth time. He threw it under the couch. Twenty minutes later Cuddy came bursting through the door angrily.
"You are the most irresponsible man I have ever-" she cut off in shock at seeing the young woman on her hands and knees. House smirked.
"Wilson said you'd left to go home with a hooker," she said weakly. The girl got an enraged look on her face and Cuddy backed away.
"As you can see, that isn't the case," House supplied, lips twitching with delight. "We were just organizing my CD collection."
4.
At first he'd laughed.
"Your friend said you needed a distraction."
When it turned out she meant it, he was upset, offended - secretly hurt. Wilson wanted him to change? To mellow?
"It's no big deal - everyone needs a little attention sometimes. It just means he cares about you." She reached for his belt.
He stepped back with wide eyes. This was what friends did for you? Got you a pushy hooker?
"Ah, well. He said you wouldn't go for it."
At that, House relaxed. I see, he thought. A challenge. He stepped forward and slid a hand into her hair.
5.
"So you want to swirl your tongue like this..." she demonstrated. "Most guys like that. Then try to alternate licking and sucking at different angles - that way you can draw it out longer. Longer is always better."
House gave her his patented dubious eyebrow lift, but reached for the banana.
"Good, good. Excellent. Now while you're working, you may want to slide your fingers-" she gestured and House's mouth went suddenly dry. He choked on the banana.
Get a hooker, he thought derisively as he recovered, coughing. Well, I did. Good advice, that.
Wilson wouldn't know what hit him.
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Legal Disclaimer: The authors published here make no claims on the ownership of Dr. Gregory House and the other fictional residents of Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Like the television show House (and quite possibly Dr. Wilson's pocket protector), they are the property of Fox Television, David Shore and undoubtedly other individuals of whom I am only peripherally aware. The fan fiction authors published here receive no monetary benefit from their work and intend no copyright infringement nor slight to the actual owners. We love the characters and we love the show, otherwise we wouldn't be here.
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