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Spoilers/Timeline: General Series; "Need to Know"
Note: Written for the House100 challenge of "Heart."

Summary: Sometimes he wondered why it had to be his leg.

Placement
by: chopsticks
p g

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Sometimes he wondered why it had to be his leg. Why, of all the parts of his body the clot could have inflicted pain upon, it had to be his leg.

It was the one thing that he had never been able to consider losing. His leg. The thing that allowed him to run for miles upon miles, leaving the stress of the day shattered on the ground behind it. His leg had allowed him to be an avid athlete, to move faster than most around him, to keep the sexual positions he and Stacy tried interesting, to keep him sane.

Sometimes he wondered why the clot couldn't have just been in his heart. Why it couldn't have just killed him rather than make him more miserable than he thought could bear.

If it had been in his heart, he wouldn't have had to have felt it break as she walked out the door. He wouldn't have had to have settled into a miserable depression, the only highlight becoming the increasing dosages of vicodin.

If the clot had been in his heart, he wouldn't have had to watch his entire life crumble around him.

He wouldn't have to see the pitiful looks his coworkers sneak him or overhear the gossip they spoke when they thought he couldn't hear. He wouldn't have to look into Cuddy's eyes and see the guilt lurking beneath the surface. He wouldn't have to look into Cameron's eyes and see the eagerness to "fix him" shining through.

If the clot had been in his heart, none of that would be a problem for him.

And today, as he sends her away, knowing he could never make her happy, he wishes more than ever that it had been in his heart.

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the end.

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