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Review Preview
by gena
Review Preview
Cuddy hated the annual review. She'd rather wear sensible shoes and peter pan collars than guide a group of mealy bureaucrats through her beloved hospital so they could pick it apart. Still, it was her responsibility and much too important to be left to some underling. It was a hassle but thankfully only a once a year hassle. "....all the clinic files are kept here for quick review," she informed them. The small filing room looked like some kind of nuclear devise might have gone off in it. There were folders and envelopes moldering in various places and stacked in such a way as to resemble the Leaning Tower of Pisa. With a snort of annoyance she noticed the doctor's name on the largest and most unstable of the stacks - Gregory House.
"Does Dr. - House," one particularly gnarled inspector peered at the stack, "normally leave his charting this long?"
"Yes, he does," she admitted. "He's only actually finished charting once and that was because I threatened to take away his drugs until he finished." Cuddy heaved a sigh, giving them a "what-can-you-do" shrug.
"I'm sorry," the lone woman of the group, a pinned back, horn-rim glasses type of professional said, "did you say - drugs?"
"Uh-huh," Cuddy said, checking her reflection in the glass door.
"Life saving insulin maybe? Or heart medication?" Her thin lips held a hopeful slant, but her dark eyes seemed a little worried.
"Vicodin," Cuddy said in a whisper. "He downs them like tic-tacs. God, the weekly shipment is staggering - of course, so is House," she said with a snigger. The others didn't laugh. "He's crippled," Cuddy explained, "walks with a cane - sometimes he stagger - never mind."
"Uh, where is this Dr. House," the other inspector, a lean man in a bad suit and brown shoes, asked.
Cuddy cast a glance out at the clinic. Wilson was skulking passed the nurse's station, not meeting anyone's eyes. As she watched he glanced left and right, then opened the door to Exam Two and slipped inside. "See that door," Cuddy asked. The three bean counters nodded. "Dr. House in there having wild sex with his best friend - who happens to be the Head of Oncology."
Gnarled looked scandalized, but also a little envious, "you allow that kind of thing?"
"Allow? Hhmmm, not really," Cuddy admitted. "I just find if I let them have sex in the exam rooms I'm less likely to find them boffing like bunnies in their offices."
Pinned Back and Bad Suit exchanged horrified looks. "They- they have sex in their offices?"
"Oh, yeah," Cuddy said, "I had to build a wall across their balcony to keep them apart. It slows House down with his bad leg. Of course that doesn't stop his team," she said vaguely.
"His team?"
Cuddy led the three away from the clinic action and into the elevator. She punched the button for House's floor. "Yes, House has three Fellows with him, his "ducklings." Isn't that cute? Anyway, two of them have been mating." She gave a hearty laugh at that. "Thanks goodness it's the Aussie and the girl - I'm not sure I could take another homosexual couple around here. Not that there's anything wrong with that."
"No, of course not." The three backed away from her until they were pressed against the elevator wall.
"I mean, hey if his kids want to screw around that's fine," she stomped out of the elevator but whirled on them before they could do more than escape the closing doors. "It does not hurt my feelings that Dr. Chase, the Aussie I was telling you about, chose her and not me. I'm a grown woman, I can handle it, you know? I'm a professional." She cast a surly look along the corridor, "a professional! I'm head of this hospital, one of the few women in this position. I'm powerful and intelligent but I'm still a woman! I have needs, you know? I'm not a machine. I get lonely, too!" Cuddy drew in a deep breath, her low cut blouse straining at the seams for a moment. "I'm fine," she said, exhaling. "Fine." The three inspectors darted looks at each other, panic plain in their collective eyes, but none of the three could see a path to safety. "This is diagnostics," she pointed out as they marched passed House's office.
Foreman, Chase and Cameron stood around the white board, staring at the group on the other side of the glass. "W-what do they do for Dr. House," Bad Suit managed to ask.
Cuddy graced them with a withering look. "What don't they do? Cameron answers his mail. Chase does his dirty work and Foreman - I'm not sure what Foreman does, but he scowls a lot so I figure it's important."
Cuddy started off again, pointing out things of interest. "This is the lab, House and his group have a lot of talks in here. That's Dr. Wilson's office. He broods in there until House needs him. We have a few doctor lounges, all with TiVo, House insisted. These people," she gestured to the doctors, nurses, and patients wandering randomly in the halls, "they don't do anything."
"Then why are they here?" Pinned Back asked.
Cuddy shrugged. "I'm not really sure. I think it's to give House something to complain about." They made their way down a floor. "This is the MRI machine. It smells like vomit but it's not really sinister." There were more uneasy looks but Cuddy, being a professional, ignored them. She wanted this over, she had a prospective date lined up and he was going to phone at five. She quickened her step, slowly only as they passed a door to the parking lot so she could point out House's motorcycle in its handicapped parking spot. "Ironic, isn't it?" The three agreed, mainly because she seemed to want them to. "Well, that's it," Cuddy said upon reaching the clinic again. "Any questions?"
House and Wilson exited Exam Two, Wilson looking rumpled but happy and House just looking rumpled. "Same time tomorrow?" House asked as they passed Cuddy and the inspectors.
Wilson nodded, "Oh yeah." When he caught sight of the three inspectors watching them his fair cheeks went red. "The things he can do with that cane," he said, grinning from ear to ear.
House ginned as well, a lecherous, slightly evil grin, "I'm not handicapped - I'm handicapable." He twirled his cane a couple of times then sauntered crookedly away.
Wilson heaved a sigh, staring after him with longing in his eyes. "Who needs McDreamy," he asked with a wistful sigh.
Cuddy shook her head and turned her attention back to the three bureaucrats. "So," she asked, "what's the verdict? Do we get to stay open?"
The three looked at one another, but it was Bad Suit who spoke. "Dr. Cuddy. You have two Heads of departments having sex in the exam rooms, you have personnel who scowl, and ducks mating, non essential staff wandering aimlessly, sinister MRI machines -"
"No, it just smells like vomit," Cuddy explanined.
"Whatever," Bad Suit went on, "It's so - so - addictive!"
The others nodded enthusiastically. "It's like a train wreck happening before our very eyes," Pinned Back gushed. "I'm hooked!"
Cuddy let out a sigh of relief. "So we're all set?"
"Just one thing," Bad Suit said, shifting closer, "answer one question and we'll sign off on everything; the bitter drug addicted doctor, the under-used but handsome oncologist, the ducklings, the vomit, everything."
"Yes? What?"
"What's the deal with that huge ball on House's desk?" Gnarled asked.
"Oh, that! It's -"
"Dr. Cuddy! Dr. Cuddy?"
Cuddy blinked, her head jerking up so quickly her neck popped. "I'm awake!"
"Uh, Dr. Cuddy," her secretary stood in the doorway. Cuddy could see three people in the waiting area. "The annual inspection? They're here."
Cuddy smoothed her hair and rose to her feet. "Yes, of course." She moved towards the three, pausing to cast a nervous glance around the clinic. House and Wilson were no where in sight. "I'm Dr. Cuddy," she said, "let's start with pediatrics." And, never one to tempt Fate, she led them as far away from Exam Two as she could.
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Legal Disclaimer: The authors published here make no claims on the ownership of Dr. Gregory House and the other fictional residents of Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Like the television show House (and quite possibly Dr. Wilson's pocket protector), they are the property of Fox Television, David Shore and undoubtedly other individuals of whom I am only peripherally aware. The fan fiction authors published here receive no monetary benefit from their work and intend no copyright infringement nor slight to the actual owners. We love the characters and we love the show, otherwise we wouldn't be here.
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