From: Alex
Date: 07/08/2006 |
Excellent. Love it, question: was it really morphine in the story?
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From: Maguena
Date: 05/12/2006 |
I enjoyed your story, and it made me feel just how affected Cuddy was by House's vulnerability. Also, the way you described the charged atmosphere between them was excellent.
Having said that, I also need to note that your descriptions at times became too flowery or convoluted, and this detracted from the story and interrupted the flow. For example, "the small bottle of morphine that stood proudly erect, staring defiantly at her," creates a rather odd image, one which caused me to pause for a number of seconds while I tried to figure it out. For a different example, "fingers splayed and offering as much as hungrily receiving the energy that passed from them both," is just awkwardly worded. I know what you mean there, but something like "fingers splayed, she experienced energy flowing between them" would have been easier to read. In short, if you could cut down on the number of adjectives and adverbs that you use, your writing style would probably become even better than it is. Happy writing!
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From: Yvette
Date: 03/31/2006 |
One more thing: please write more!! :)
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From: Yvette
Date: 03/31/2006 |
Excellent, excellent story!!! Loved the subtleness. Really well done!
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