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Hair of the Cat
by Taima Hiroshima
AUTHORS NOTE: The comment about dykes is not meant to be offensive. Please don't be mad at me and I'll give you a cookie.
Wilson had been acting strange. Well, strange for Wilson, that is. House always thought Wilson was a bit out of it. Seriously, talking with patients? Having RELATIONSHIPS? What was that all about? All House needed was a good meal and New Yankee Workshop, and he was a satisfied man.
Well, maybe 'satisfied' wasn't quite the word for it. There was still the occasional lonely night, the cold bed sheets, and the aching emptiness in the pit of his stomach. House always thought if he ignored it, maybe it would just go away.
Wilson had convinced him to go outside on a Saturday morning. He accomplished this by switching off the Disney channel and throwing House a pair of jeans.
"Hey!" House cried indignantly, looking like he was going to throw the spoon he was using to eat Cap'n Crunch at Wilson.
"It's all repeats anyway, House. You've seen this episode of Zach and Christopher I don't know how many times." Wilson stood in front of the set, hands on his hips.
"It's Zach and Cody." House muttered. Still, he gave a dramatic sigh and put his bowl on the coffee table. He took the jeans and limped into his room to put them on.
Wilson made House park the car at the mall and dragged him inside to mill around. House gave a silent rebellion by taking a Vicodin in the car. They wandered around Princeton Hills for a half hour or so before House excused himself to go to the bathroom.
When he came out, he found Wilson standing in front of Storks&Co, a shop that sold baby paraphernalia. He was gazing at the display of cribs in the window. The store was sickeningly cute, all pink and blue with Brahms blaring out the speakers. Wilson gave the smallest sigh that anyone might have missed.
Except House that is.
"Hey!" he called, somewhat obnoxious. He limped over quickly towards Wilson, colliding with a young girl with messy black hair who had been reading a book.
"Oh, why can't you just be a normal girl? Why aren't you sitting and boy watching?" he snarled as the girl sat up and put a hand on her forehead.
"Because I'm queer for one thing!" she snapped. She scrambled up and brushed off her skirt. "Prick," she grumbled as she walked away.
Wilson gaped at House. House walked over to his friend.
"Well, what did you expect? What are lesbians doing at the mall anyway? She had long hair for a dyke anyway." House grumbled. Wilson rolled his eyes and began walking towards the exit.
Wilson spent the next few days act like... Well, a woman! He picked at his food, stared blankly at nothing. House would often catch him heaving a long, wistful sigh. House hoped that Wilson would snap out of it, and did a number of "helpful" things to encourage him along.
They went out for steak dinners where Wilson only ate a salad, went to sports bar to watch games where Wilson only stacked the sugar packets, watched the Playboy channel while Wilson just looked at the coffee table, played poker games that Wilson lost (not that House was too sure he minded). But none of these things seemed to help the brown haired oncologist. Instead, he seemed to slide deeper and deeper into whatever funk this was.
House wondered if maybe this was some sort of male menopause and seriously considered slipping some estrogen into Wilson's coffee.
Finally, when House came home and found Wilson watching Lifetime, he thought he just couldn't take it anymore.
"Okay, if I wanted some woman sulking around my apartment, I would have had Cameron move in. You'll have to tell me right now, are you having a sex change, Wilson? If so, I guess that's okay, I'd just really like to know." House said as he stood in the doorway, a six-pack dangling from one hand, cane clutched in the other.
"I want to have a baby." Wilson blurted. House stared at him blankly for a second.
"I'm sorry, I must have some crazy in my ear. It sounded like you just said you want to have a baby." He gave a hollow laugh, trying to tell himself he had just misheard.
"I did." The voice was somewhat eager. It was all House could do not to drop the beer. As it was he set them down on the counter and limped back to the living room. He sat next to his friend
"Well, I'm sorry James, but it would seem that neither of us have the necessary parts for that to really be an option for us." Not that House was sure even if he did have the parts needed he'd have Wilson's baby.
Although that was something of an interesting thought. What would it be like to have little mixes between the two of them running around? He instantly saw toddlers with clear blue eyes and blow-dried hair that were snippy but still gave hugs.
Scary, that's what it was. House shuddered.
"Oh," James sounded instantly disappointed. House sighed. He hated it when Wilson sounded like that. And he hated it that he hated it.
"Besides, what would we do with a baby? We're doctors, and while we might be considered decently at that, we're not very responsible as members of society." He said thoughtfully.
"We? WE'RE not very responsible members of society?" Wilson squawked.
"And how many marriages have you gone through?" House sang. Wilson rolled his eyes.
"It's not like we could even keep a cat alive."
"But if we could?" Wilson sounded slightly hopeful. House shrugged, hoping this last statement would close the subject.
"If we could maybe we would be capable of caring for a small human being." House conceded. Wilson looked satisfied and then leaned back on the couch, focused on the television. Too bad House didn't realize the depth of what he had just done.
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Legal Disclaimer: The authors published here make no claims on the ownership of Dr. Gregory House and the other fictional residents of Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Like the television show House (and quite possibly Dr. Wilson's pocket protector), they are the property of Fox Television, David Shore and undoubtedly other individuals of whom I am only peripherally aware. The fan fiction authors published here receive no monetary benefit from their work and intend no copyright infringement nor slight to the actual owners. We love the characters and we love the show, otherwise we wouldn't be here.
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