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Squirrel Philosophy
by Topaz Eyes
Squirrel Philosophy
Author's Note: Written for cenori based on the prompt: This is twice that I've seen him tonight.
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"This is twice that I've seen him tonight."
"Hmmm?" came Wilson's sleepy response. Though it was still early April, the evening was pleasant enough to lounge on their balcony chairs in shirtsleeves. Wilson was fast dozing in the glow of the warm pink sunset, hands folded on his stomach.
He startled awake when House, lounging beside him, whipped a peanut at his face. "Hey!"
"I said, this is twice that I've seen him tonight."
"Seen whom?" Wilson asked, rubbing his face.
"Him."
Wilson glanced in the direction of House's outstretched finger. A small grey furry creature with bright eyes and a bushy tail stared right back at him from the lone bare branch overhanging the balcony opposite them.
"That's a squirrel, House."
"Not only a squirrel, but the tamest squirrel around the Princeton campus. Watch." House extended his hand.
The squirrel cocked its head and wiped its paws over its face, hesitating just a fraction of a moment; then it scampered along the railing towards them. It stopped just inches from the tips of House's fingers.
Wilson then watched in astonishment as House clicked and made kissing noises -- and as the squirrel chittered right back.
"That's amazing! You speak squirrel?"
"Nope."
"But you're obviously saying something it understands--"
"Food is the universal language." He shook out some peanuts from an open bag in his lap.
"Encouraging wild animals to feed out of your hand doesn't help them in the end, it only encourages them to beg," Wilson said. Then he did a double-take. "Are those my peanuts from the cafeteria?"
"You weren't eating them. What, you'd let me starve?" House said, pouting. He arranged a few nuts in his palm and reached over to the railing, laying his hand open.
"You are perfectly capable of foraging for yourself. So is he, by the way."
"She, actually. My mistake. And she's pregnant."
"And you know this -- oh never mind," Wilson said, noticing the bulgy sides of the animal.
The squirrel eyed the peanuts, then House, then the peanuts again.
"There's not much food around right now. Been a hard winter and last year's nut crop was poor after the drought. The buds on the tree are almost completely gone," House commented, inclining his head at the bare branches. "In a few days she's going to have her babies but she's a little thin. Much thinner and we'll have to rescue her."
Wilson nodded. "You have an unhealthy fascination with rodents and their ways, House."
"Rodents are like people. Only smarter."
Wilson huffed. "Are you going to tame her and name her and house her with Steve McQueen?"
House shook his head. "Other than being a little thin, she's pretty healthy. So I'll just feed her." He sat completely still. Wilson watched mesmerized as she sidled right up to his hand, swiped a peanut from his palm and delicately nibbled it. She sat back on her haunches, eating and watching.
Wilson shook his head as she swiped a second nut. "Astounding. Completely tame. But you do realize you have squirrel saliva on your hands now? What diseases do they spread? Lyme disease, rabies, plague..."
"Didn't you ever have pets when you were growing up, Jimmy?"
"Yes, normal ones like dogs and cats. Not rats, and certainly not squirrels. Nothing mangy, or flea-bitten, or insane..."
House turned to cross one eye at him. This startled the squirrel, who scampered back towards the safety of the overhanging branch; but when House turned back and stayed still again, she ambled back to swipe a third nut.
"Rodents were here millions of years before us and they'll be around millions of years after. Rodents will outlive us all," House said.
"Yes, I take great comfort in that," Wilson said wryly. "But if you come down with the plague, I'm still not treating you."
"As if you'd recognize the symptoms. You're an oncologist, Jimmy, not an infectious diseases expert."
"For which I am eternally grateful."
House shrugged and raised himself up with his cane. The squirrel again retreated to a safe distance at the other end of the balcony. He poured the remaining peanuts onto the railing then turned toward Wilson.
"Dinner time, Jimmy. Seafood or Thai?"
Wilson heaved himself up too. "Thai." They left, not noticing the squirrel caching peanuts in her cheeks to carry back to her nest.
But the next day, Wilson was sure to leave a small bowl of nuts and seeds out on the railing.
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Legal Disclaimer: The authors published here make no claims on the ownership of Dr. Gregory House and the other fictional residents of Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Like the television show House (and quite possibly Dr. Wilson's pocket protector), they are the property of Fox Television, David Shore and undoubtedly other individuals of whom I am only peripherally aware. The fan fiction authors published here receive no monetary benefit from their work and intend no copyright infringement nor slight to the actual owners. We love the characters and we love the show, otherwise we wouldn't be here.
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