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  Mean Clowns 
 by Michelle Christian	

 "I'm really not doing this on purpose," Wilson said, less defensive than
resigned. House had recommended this particular exhibit, and when Wilson
had looked it up (because he was trusting, not an idiot), it had sounded
interesting and a perfectly acceptable second date option.

Cuddy smiled slightly and looked at him innocently. "Doing what?" she
asked.

"There are possibly too many penises on our dates," he pointed out. 

They both turned to look at the neon figures of clown soldiers, penises
going from flaccid to erect with each goose step.

"I can't honestly say I've ever complained about that before," Cuddy said
dryly, smiling out him sideways as they turned to walk to the next
installation. "Although it does lend a certain validity to some of those
rumors about you and House."

Wilson blinked and stopped where he was. "Excuse me?" he asked. There had
been a sign at the beginning of the exhibit, explaining that some people
became disoriented by the constant flashing of the neon. Maybe he was
having an epileptic episode.

Cuddy looked at him as if wondering if he was joking. "Oh, please, you
have to know what they say," she said incredulously.

"Depends on who they are and what they're saying," he said suspiciously,
not willing to commit himself to anything. Years with House had taught him
that.

"You're not deaf," Cuddy scoffed, turning to the image before her of a
Hangman game--with more penises. "You're also not an idiot, no matter what
House has told you in the past."

"Trust me, my idiocy has been corroborated by other sources. My ex-wife
was pretty clear on it, in fact," he insisted, watching the image flashing
before his face. "I'm disturbed by the penis-clown connection."

"Does make you wonder about childhood trauma," she agreed before turning
to him. "You really don't know about the rumors?" she asked.

Wilson was starting to get uncomfortable. Okay, he was starting to get
more uncomfortable. "If you're talking about the jokes about me being
House's wife, I can assure you he hasn't been doing his husbandly duties."
As jokes went, it would have worked better if he hadn't freaked out
earlier, he realized.

"Uh-huh," Cuddy said, obviously not buying it, with a little secret smile.


"What? It's not like we're joined at the hip," he insisted.

"Not what I've heard," she said, still smiling, looking at the final
piece, a picture of two clowns, red phalluses dangling, as one pulled his
hand back as the other leaned forward to shake with him. "House would love
this," she noted with a wry note to her voice.

Wilson watched her face, lovely even in the reflected flashing reds and
yellows of the artwork. "Then there are the rumors about you and him," he
said casually, while he suddenly his mind was filled by strong images of
bodies, one smooth and soft, the other all sharp angles, entwined and
under his hands.

Her smile sharpened, turned wicked in a way that went straight through
him, familiar and loved even though he'd never seen it on her face.
"Rumors sometimes have a grain of truth," she pointed out, and was that
his imagination that she was leaning towards him?

He felt himself going forward, leaning into her closer and closer. "If all
of these rumors are true, you know it wouldn't make much sense for us to
be dating," he pointed out quietly.

She smiled wider. "I told you I'd never complain about too many penises,"
she said, and suddenly turned and walked away.

Wilson stood for a moment, slightly stunned, then smiled to himself and
followed. 

This was going to be interesting.

*

Notes: Inspired by "House Training" and by me going to see the Bruce
Nauman neon exhibit over at the Henry Art Gallery (some photographs of
which can be found here at a different museum's site).	
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Legal Disclaimer: The authors published here make no claims on the
ownership of Dr. Gregory House and the other fictional residents of
Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Like the television show House
(and quite possibly Dr. Wilson's pocket protector), they are the property
of NBC/Universal, David Shore and undoubtedly other individuals of whom I
am only peripherally aware. The fan fiction authors published here receive
no monetary benefit from their work and intend no copyright infringement
nor slight to the actual owners. We love the characters and we love the
show, otherwise we wouldn't be here.