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  the tales of the gang 
 by Hugh Martin, Andrew Gurr  

 Hugh Mart was a sensible fellow, no STD's, didn't drink or smoke, he was
a perfect student at university. Then one day he met Hamish Vicks. "Hey
buddy!" Hamish exclaimed to Hugh. Hugh looked round in a daze, nobody ever
spoke to him! "Oh uh...hey?" He replied. Hamish put his hand on Hugh's
leg. "So, I hear you're the smart kid in this class." He said with a
mischievous look on his face. Hugh was puzzled, what did this kid want?
"Umm yeah I guess you could say that, why?" He asked curiously. Hamish had
a hidden level of malevolence deep within, and he could see it. The hand
gracefully went up his thigh, Hugh didn't comment on it. Hamish winked at
him "I guess you can help me with my work then, can't you." "No." "Why
not?" "Because you're freaking me out!" Hugh shouted. Hamish chuckled,
"What's wrong Hugh, never sucked a dick before?" "WHAT!" He shouted. He
had seen some weird people in his time but this one was way worse ever.
Hamish threw a strange smelling rag into his face and Hugh was fast
asleep.

"Wake up little Hugh!" The water chilled his face like ice. Hugh went to
speak but all that came out were muffled vowels, What the hell is going
on!? He thought to himself. "This isn't a dream Hugh, it's all real!" A
voice said wickedly. The panic was hitting Hugh hard, his vision was
blurred and all he could see was a short silhouette. A mix of colours
could not distinguish this shady character. "You're most likely wondering
where you are right now aren't you? Well I can tell you this, we're not at
school." The voice said. There was a musty smell throughout the room,
something you would get in a boys changing room of sweat and urine. There
was next to no light either, except from a dodgy bulb that swung from side
to side on a chain, when the light touched the corners of the room he
could see whips, flails, jagged spiky objects and anything else need to
harm someone. "Mmm!" Hugh shouted. "What was that?" The voice replied. He
felt a rough hand grab the cloth from around his face. "Where the fuck am
I!?" Hugh shouted once his tongue was set free. "Welcome, to my rape
dungeon, buddy!" He said "Oh my god...Hamish!" "Took you long enough!"
Hamish remarked. "Well I wouldn't say there's a lot of potential butt
rapists in the school, how could I guess?" Hugh replied. Hamish seemed
enraged by this and stormed to the other side of the room. "Wh...What are
you doing?" Hugh asked. He tried to move, only to realise his hands and
legs were tied to a chair, Son of a bitch! He thought, my ass is gonna be
mincemeat! 

Hamish looked at his pride and joy, his selection of sexual weaponry. He
grabbed hold of a long piece of rope, a strong, thick knot at the end of
it What a beauty... He thought, the rough feeling of the rope on his hands
stimulated him. This piece of rope had smashed the testicles of many
people before. He turned with the rope in his hands, glaring at Hugh. "Oh
shit, are you gonna do a Casino Royale on me?" Hugh asked. Hamish smiled
devilishly, "You know you want it!" He said. Hamish stopped and looked
over his shoulder towards a trapdoor in the corner; the door had a bolt
locking it to the hard concrete floor Hamish said with a strange creepy
tone "For you, you get a special treatment; I'm bringing out the gimp". He
walked over to the trapdoor, bent down; unbolted the latch and opened the
door. A strange smell filled the room (much stranger than the previous
musky odour that filled the air) this smell was sharper and really
penetrated the nostrils. Hamish leant over the hole and grabbed something,
he then started to stand. He had a chain in his hand and was pulling
something out of the fairly shallow hole under the door. In no time he had
emerged from the hole the "gimp" was wearing a full body leather suit with
only three holes, one in the front, one for the mouth and a slightly
larger one in the rear.

Hugh was repulsed by the strange man now standing in the corner and he
didn't know how to react, he struggled and then screamed "Please don't go
Pulp Fiction on me man!" Hamish chuckled and murmured something as he left
the room. "Don't fucking leave me here you arsehole, I will destroy you"
Hugh desperately shouted. He then realised that the gimp in the corner was
slowly moving towards him and the smell was getting stronger. Shit shit
shit! Hugh thought to himself, the gimp's swagger showed he hadn't walked
in a while; he had a slow limp, like a baby learning its first steps. Hugh
began to speak "Listen, listen to me! You don't wanna do this! Trust me!"
his heart was pounding out of his chest, and he thought he had struck a
chord when the gimp stopped. "Mmm?" It murmured with a high pitched end.
"Get back in your basement; let me free, I can save you!" But the gimp
wasn't listening; he kept hobbling towards Hugh, tied like a helpless
animal in a chair. The gimp was no more than a metre away, but as he
stepped into the light, the penny dropped. It wasn't a gimp suit...it was
a batman suit, but modified to have holes in it. "Batman?" Hugh asked. He
had no idea what it could mean, and the gimp ignored him. As he crept ever
closer Hugh fought with the rope that bound his wrists, they were like
anacondas. He knew he was in for it. The gimp swung a leg outwards and
jumped onto Hugh's lap, rocking the chair back slightly. The smell was
repulsive and he leant his back to avoid it, but leant too far. Panic
gripped him as the chair fell back and he was weightless for a split
second, his back hit the floor hard followed by his head. The blow dazzled
him and he was stunned for a few moments, the gimp had hit his chest with
a thud but wasn't actually too heavy. But now Hugh was really worried, on
his back he couldn't even move his wrists as all his weight and the weight
of this manifestation of human life were upon them. Hugh was thinking
fast, "This is a violation of my human rights!" he shouted. The gimp
pulled himself, his legs straddled between Hugh's waist. He raised his
hand slowly and brought it to the zip covering his mouth, his fingers
picked it and he pulled it ever so slowly to reveal his soft smiling lips.
"Hugh...this is just the beginning."

I know that voice... Hugh thought, he knew this person from high school.
"Tim! No!" "TAKE IT ALL BITCH!" Tim roared into his face. Hugh was
horrified and struggled with the rope round his wrists, they wouldn't
budge at all. Tim began to dig at Hugh's jeans; he had now decided to rock
his legs to try shake Tim off. But this was to no avail. Tim tore down the
zip and attacked the goods within. "JESUS NO!" Hugh screamed. Suddenly the
door burst open, Hamish stood at it, "TIM! Keep it down for fuck sakes! We
don't want the cops snooping around like last time!" And with that brief
statement he slammed the door shut and left up the stairs. Tim put a
finger of his lips, "Shhh Hugh, leave it all to me. I'm going to get you
to the turnip farm before sundown." "What the f- Turnip farm? Aren't you
going to rape me?" Hugh said with a slight hint of disappointment in his
voice. Tim looked puzzled, "You just slam that stereotype on me, don't you
Hugh!?" "What?" "Just because I'm a gimp! It does not mean I rape people!
Besides, I'm not here out of my own will." He admitted. Now Hugh was
puzzled. "Wait so...what? Why don't we get out of here? It will be just
like old times buddy." Hugh said pleadingly. "Gah, fine but when we get
out of here you have to buy me a new lightsaber with a limited edition
Lord Vader mask. Or I might have to rape you" Tim excitedly remarked.

At this point Hamish burst back in the room "WHAT WHY IS HIS ANUS NOT
BLEEDING YET!!!!!! I'm gonna leave to the shops to get some lube and candy
g-strings so ill be about half an hour. When I get back I want this man to
be crying and I want this room to smell like blood and sweat.... oh and
get some pictures for my bedroom wall." Hamish then turned swiftly and
bounded up the stairs leaving the door wide open. Tim turned to Hugh as
Hamish left, "Okay, give him five minutes to leave, once he's gone we'll
go up the stairs, put on a change of clothes and I'll take his gun." He
said. Hugh nodded, "Good plan. Let's get outta here!" They waited five
minutes; it was slow and painful to them. And Tim had to keep making
mumbled noises and Hugh would scream it make it seem like sexual acts were
being engaged. The five minutes was up and they carefully walked up the
stairs. When they emerged they stood in the kitchen, the air felt clear
and crisp. It was good to breathe. Hugh took a deep breath and sighed, Tim
made his own way down a corridor. "Where you going, buddy?" Hugh asked.
Tim turned off at the end of the corridor and shouted out "Gun." Hugh
realised it and stayed put. He walked over to the fridge and was
horrified. Photos of previous victims littered the door of the
refrigerator, he swung the door open to escape this and he saw a crammed
up child's body. "SHIT!" Hugh shouted and threw the door back. This house
was a nightmare; he had to call the cops. Hugh rushed to the phone and
threw it to his ear, there was no dial tone. Hugh then pulled out his
phone and checked it; there was no signal on it. "What the..." "Hamish
never needs to make calls..." Tim said. He was now standing in a pair of
skinny jeans and a red Darth Vader t-shirt. He cocked the gun and placed
it in the side of his jeans. "Wow, nice piece!" "Yeah, I know. I got it at
the show last week." Tim replied. Hugh cringed. "So, it's not real?"
"Nup." "Then why the fuck do we need it!?" He shouted. Tim looked hurt by
this, "Why the fuck not!?" "I didn't sign up for this bullshit!" Hugh
roared, he was getting fired up. "You want to go this alone? Fine! But if
you go on the road alone Hamish will find you! You'll only be safe if you
come with ME to MY turnip farm, a'ight!?" Tim declared, before throwing
fresh clothes at Hugh, "Get these on, you're all sweaty and bloody you'll
look sus." Hugh grabbed the clothes and replaced them for his old ones,
before proceeding out of the door. "Okay man where now? And where the fuck
are we?" Hugh asked eagerly with a confused look on his face. "We're in
Elizabeth and I think we should head north to rundle where we can meet
some of my city friends from back in the day." "Ah yes, you and your city
friends" Hugh said as he looked around at the surrounding scenery. He saw
Holden's parked on lawns, VB cans and syringes everywhere. "Yep this is
Elizabeth" Hugh thought to himself.

The two reacquainted friends walked around to the backyard and jumped the
fence into the neighbour's yard sop that they would avoid the chance of
Hamish coming back and seeing them walking away. They went through their
yard and onto the next road where to their surprise there was an American
Apparel. "What, why is there an American Apparel in Elizabeth" the two
buddies said somewhat in sync. They crossed the road and went inside the
shop out of curiosity and of course they might have a phone they could use
to call the police so they could come and mend Hugh's sanity, because of
course he had nearly been raped earlier that day. As soon as they entered
the shop they were greeted by a man with crazy brown hair with a slight
ranga tinge to it that looked like it hadn't been washed for months, he
was wearing vans skate shoes with no socks, grey pin stripped shorts
(above the knee of course), a Pavement t-shirt that seemed to be a women's
style, a grey cardigan, a thin lip-line moustache and a pair of thick
rimmed black glasses were sitting on his freckle covered face. "Jake
Morris!!!" They yelled, again in sync "oh my god, you guys, I haven't seen
you in ages, where have you been?" he said with one of those accents that
homosexual men seem to have. "Dude, what the fuck! We aren't the ones that
moved to Elizabeth and opened an American Apparel without notice." "Okay,
fuck! Sorry. Anyway what are you guys doing in the slums of Adelaide?"
Jake asked eagerly "Well, we were thrown into Hamish Vicks' Rape dungeon;
Tim was forced to give sexual favours and rape and I was given a ten hour
hell ride in that stench and mess." Hugh explained with some kind of hurt
in his voice, "Oh, cool, I'm glad you guys haven't changed you jokers
you." "DUUUDE!!! WE ARE TELLING THE TRUTH YOU LITTLE FAG MUNCH!!!!! NOW DO
YOU HAVE A CAR HERE SO WE CAN GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE OR WHAT?" Tim yelled
in a rage. Within ten minutes they were all crammed up in a Corolla, Hugh
seemed a little worried, "Jake do you have a licence?" "Na dude, I've got
Tony's on me." "That won't fucking work you dumb twat!" Tim shouted "EY!
GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!" Jake roared back "YOU WANNA GET RAMMED? YOU GO
BACK TO HAMISH! SHUT UP AND LET ME DRIVE!" Tim slunk back into his seat
and kept quiet. Hugh laughed. "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Jake shouted. Hugh kept
his mouth shut too. Jake started the engine and drove for the first ten
minutes in silence. Without warning a police officer emerged on the road
behind Tony's shit box corolla, he flashed his sirens and Jake began to
freak. "Guys what do I do!?" "Pull over!" Tim and Hugh shouted. "Fuck this
I don't wanna get caught!" Jake slammed his foot on the accelerator and
the engine roared. "Oh for fuck sakes!" Hugh shouted. He lunged forward to
the steering wheel and dragged it to the left, Jake pushed an elbow
sharply into his face and Hugh fell back. "Fucking ginger cunt!" Hugh
exclaimed. Jake looked in his rear view mirror and saw a shining Smith &
Wesson glint in the sun. Two shots fired and burst the rear tires of
Tony's shit box corolla. "Oh shit!" Jake shouted out. His heart was
pounding in his chest as every part of his instinct wanted him to run. Tim
grappled a strong an arm from behind and held Jake in his seat. Tony's
shit box corolla came to a standstill and the police car stopped just
behind. "Why the fuck didn't you stop you faggot"? Tim raged at Jake "I
dunno man, I just freaked out, and it's been a stressful day, okay?" Jake
replied The policeman walked up to the window of Tony's shit box Corolla
and signalled him to wind down the window. Jake opened the door as the
window didn't open and looked at the cop. he had light stubble and a
fairly neat haircut that seemed to have some kind of product in it that
complemented his blue eyes. "Andy?" Jake asked "Yeeeeeeaaaaaahhhh
budddaaaay" Andy replied in his south English accent "I just wanted to
have a catch up; I haven't seen you in ages. Besides I thought what better
time than when I'm in my dad's uniform driving his patrol car". "Oh so
you're not going to give us a ticket?" Jake asked "Nup, but I will give
you an escort" Andy proudly said "Hey thanks... Nick Frost" Jake mumbled
toward the end of his thank. "OII, MATE IM NOT EVEN LIKE NICK FROST, he's
like twice my age" Andy exclaimed "yeah but he does play a cop" Hugh added
"yeah alright, let's get going then" Andy said impatiently

They gang drove for about five minutes with Andy escorting them but they
got cut off at an intersection and had to stop, they called Andy on the
police radio he had given them to keep in touch, they asked him to pull
over and wait for them to catch up and that's what he did. as they were
waiting for the lights to change Jake looked in the rear vision mirror,
"Hey guys look at the guy in the car behind us, he looks like a psycho."
Jake said tauntingly Hugh and Tim turned around to see a mid 70s muscle
car that seemed to only have a driver's seat and some kind of cage
surrounding where the passenger seat once was, on the bonnet there was a
hood ornament in the shape of a gun sight they looked at the man driving
it, it was no other but Hamish.

"Ohhhhhhhh SHIT" yelled Tim "FUCK! Get on the radio to Andy right now!"
yelled Hugh Jake fumbled with the radio and yelled on the other end to
Andy "get fucking backup! Hamish is here dude and he is angry" Hamish
revved his engine and rammed the back of Tony's shitbox corolla, "Oh SHIT,
okay buddy, I've called in backup and they'll be here in about ten
minutes" Andy radioed to the other car

The lights turned green and Jake put his foot to the floor and, the engine
revved up then came to a disappointing splutter. The car stopped.
"Dude..." Tim said, panic rushed through Hugh's heart. Jake fiddled with
the keys, switching them back and forth. The engine wouldn't start up.
"He's right behind us let's go!" Hugh screamed. Jake looked back harshly,
"Dude shut the fuck up this isn't my fault!" Tim looked in the side
mirror; Hamish was out of his vintage Mustang approaching the stalled
shitbox, a desert eagle in his hand. "Fuck this shit!" Tim shouted and
threw the door open, he emerged from the car, his cap gun gripped in his
left hand. Hamish raised his hand but Tim pulled the trigger. Hamish dived
eccentrically to the side and rolled like some sort of action hero. Tim
kept firing his cap gun as Hamish took cover round the side of his
Mustang. "DON'T RUIN MY FUCKING CAR!!!" Hamish screamed. Tim laughed
manically and walked closer towards Hamish. And then the penny dropped.
Hamish stood up and looked at his car; there wasn't a single hole in it.
Tim kept firing the gun from point blank range at Hamish. The pair stared
at one another, and then Tim stopped. The awkward silence continued for
several seconds before Tim threw his gun at Hamish's head. Hamish ducked
and planted two rounds into Tim's chest. "AGHH!! HUGH!!! AVENGE ME! AVENGE
MEEEEE!!!" Tim cried out as he collapsed onto the hot tarmac road. Jake
saw this occur in the mirror. "AW! AW HELL NA!" Jake shouted. Suddenly the
Corolla's engine sparked and it coughed into life. Hugh couldn't believe
it. "PUNCH THAT SHIT! DO IT!" He screamed. Jake threw the car into reverse
and backed towards Hamish. "What are you doing?" Hugh asked. The car
slammed into Hamish and pinned him onto his Mustang. Hamish fired his gun
through the back window and a bullet pierced through Jake's ear. "Fucking
cunt!" Jake shouted, he put the car into first and moved it forward
slightly, then pulled it back into reverse. The car smashed the front of
the Mustang and Hamish had moved. The engine spluttered again and halted.
Hamish was right by the side of the Corolla now, Hugh went for the lock
but the door was open, it was too late. Hamish pointed the gun to Hugh's
face, "I'm back little Hugh!" He shouted. Jake clambered back from the
driver's seat and grabbed the hand cannon that Hamish held. Hugh jumped
back and kicked Hamish's slightly small genitals and climbed out the other
side of the car. As he rolled off the tarmac and upright he heard a
gunshot and blood smeared the front window. "JAKE!! MY BABY! NOOOOO!" Hugh
screamed in horror. Hamish pulled out from his side of the car and fired
the gun. The hot metal pierced through Hugh's shoulder and he fell to the
floor, he couldn't believe he was about to be reclaimed by this monster.
"No this can't be the end!" Hugh shouted. Hamish leant down and grabbed
him by the collar, "You will not escape me again you tight assed
motherfucker!" Hamish spat. Hugh looked to his right to the road: Tim's
body was gone. Hamish pulled Hugh up and pointed the gun to his head,
"BEND OVER THE CAR!" "What?" "DO IT!" Hamish screamed. Hugh's pulse
fastened and he did as he was told, he felt the rough hands undo his belt
and tear down his jeans. The tears streamed down Hugh's face "Nooooooo!!"
He felt Hamish's warm breath on the back of his neck, "Hugh...ever since
that English class, I knew I wanted you, I had to have you...and now I
shall!" Hugh felt a stab in the rear of his underwear. He shook as he felt
the spear jabbing against him. "NEXT STOP, PENETRATION STATION!!!" Hamish
screamed. Hugh clenched his fists, braced himself and waited for his arse
virginity to be roughly stolen from him. Then, at what seemed the perfect
moment, fate intervened. Hamish paused and looked up, "What the!" Tim had
taken his attention as he screamed and flew over the car at him. Tim
toppled on top of Hamish and they landed hard onto the concrete, Hugh was
still crying from what had almost occurred. Tim and Hamish wrestled and
Hugh ran to the car to check on Jake. He swung open the car door, Jake was
laid back in his seat, blood smeared all over the front dash and window.
He was holding his chest. "Hugh..." "Jake! No!" "Hugh...listen to me..."
Jake murmured. "What is it buddy?" Hugh asked anxiously. "Before I die...I
wanted to...I wanted to..." He continued. Hugh was puzzled, "Wanted to
what?" He asked. "I wanted to do...what Hamish did not achieve." He said.
Hugh took in this information and did not reply. All of a sudden Jake
lunged forward and grabbed Hugh's shirt with a firm grip then yanked him
towards him. "BEFORE I DIE, I JUST WANT A HARD SHAG!" Jake roared in his
ear. Hugh tried to resist and pull away; he regretted now trying to check
up on his friend. "Jake! No! I can't do this!" He screamed back at his
beloved friend. "Come on Hugh, just fondle my cock?" Jake queried. The
shouts and struggle of Hamish and Tim still emitted outside of the car,
Hugh wondered who was winning. Jake punched Hugh hard in the face, leaving
him dazed. Why was everyone crazy for dick today? It had just been a
normal day at uni, now look at the situation. Jake grabbed Hugh roughly by
the back of his hair and forced his head down. "EAT IT!" He shouted. Hugh
tried to push away, Jake had now unzipped and his erect penis stood up
glaring straight at him. Hugh grabbed it and dug his fingernails into it,
they penetrated and blood oozed out. Jake instantly let go and cried out
in pain, Hugh took this chance to propel himself back from out of the car
and back into the open world. "Fucking hell..." He said. What Hugh now
faced was a catastrophic showdown between the gimp and its master. This
was beautiful viewing. From the back of his now rather distraught muscle
car, Hamish pulled a mace and swung it recklessly at Tim, who managed to
evade each rough swing with elegance, however unpredictable the weapon
was. Hamish grew frustrated and tired, and Tim countered this with quick
jabs from his home made dildo that he had kept in his back pocket. The
mace struck Tim's calf muscle and he collapsed to one knee. Hamish laughed
with glee, Hugh was now watching in horror, but somehow the fear kept him
still. Tim was on his knees, about to face his death. Hamish got a finger
and stuck it in one of Tim's bullet wounds from earlier on and dug into
it. Tim cried out in pain and fell further down. Hamish had the malevolent
weapon above his head. "TIME TO DIE!!" He shouted. A British accent came
out from behind him. "You first." It said. Two gun shots wrung out, and
blood spurted from Hamish's torso. "Andy you English prick!" He shouted as
he fell on top of Tim, never to move again. Tim rose up cautiously and
observed the body before him. "The apprentice has beaten the master..."
Tim said. Andy turned up behind him, "What the fuck, I shot him you
Italian fuck." "OI!" Tim shouted. "FUCK YOU ENGLISH BOY!" Tim shouted. The
police man planted a bullet in Tim's leg. "Fuck you too" He said before
walking toward to Hugh. "You alright man?" He asked. Hugh shook his head.
"I've had the worst fucking day!" Hugh said. Andrew smiled and laughed,
"Is that so?" He said, before undoing his flies, "It's about to get a
whole lot worse!"

4327 words written by Andrew Gurr and Hugh Martin 20/8/2010  
   Please post a comment on this story.  


Legal Disclaimer: The authors published here make no claims on the
ownership of Dr. Gregory House and the other fictional residents of
Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Like the television show House
(and quite possibly Dr. Wilson's pocket protector), they are the property
of NBC/Universal, David Shore and undoubtedly other individuals of whom I
am only peripherally aware. The fan fiction authors published here receive
no monetary benefit from their work and intend no copyright infringement
nor slight to the actual owners. We love the characters and we love the
show, otherwise we wouldn't be here.