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Brian Rafe drifted awake slowly, snuggling under warm blankets in the darkness. Noticing simultaneously that he wasn't in his own bed and the warmth of another body curled behind him, he tensed, and then remembered the night before.

Oh, my God! The memory of Jim's kisses and Blair's touch brought a flush to his body as he opened his eyes. Still dark, though the moon shone through the skylight enough to see by. He rolled over gently to see the clock on the night stand on the other side of the bed.

The glowing numbers said 3:42, but Rafe's eyes were caught by the figures on the bed behind him. Blair's face was peaceful and beautiful in sleep, his hair tousled and spread across his pillow, and across Jim's arm. Jim was spooned up against him, his face buried in Blair's soft curls. Jim must have gotten up during the night, because Rafe distinctly remembered falling asleep with one on each side of him. Of course he would climb back in next to Blair. That was where he belonged, but that didn't stop the sense of loss creeping up in Rafe's heart.

They fit so perfectly together, Jim and Blair, the larger man curled protectively around the smaller without overwhelming him. They were two halves of a whole, Rafe realized, and they were whole without him. There was no room left between them for Rafe, and he found himself easing out of the bed silently. He grabbed a pair of boxers off the floor without looking too closely at them, slipped them on and tiptoed down the stairs.

He sat down slowly on the couch, then leaned forward onto his knees and rubbed his face with both hands. What was he doing here? What had been difficult before would be impossible now - where he had had only fantasies he now had memories. Memories of Jim's warm mouth surrounding him, tasting him, bringing him to the brink...memories of the taste of Blair's kisses and the feel of his muscles beneath Brian's hands... Rafe groaned and stood up suddenly, pacing silently back and forth. How was he supposed to go on, go on working with these men, go back to being just friends? He wouldn't have given up this day, this birthday, but it was going to be that much harder now.

He thought briefly about transferring to another department, where he wouldn't have to see the two of them every day, but even the brief flaring of the idea brought a sharp pain. Not see them? Not be able to keep track of them, make sure they were safe, be available if they needed help - no, unacceptable. He would sooner bear the pain of seeing without touching than not be there for them at all. He loved them, the both of them, and he would take as much as they were willing to give. Their friendship was worth it, and he shoved the memory of last night down deep into his heart, to be brought out and cherished later. He didn't dare hope that maybe now there would be more than friendship...

No, Jim and Blair didn't need him, didn't want him, they were perfect with each other. It was a precious, precious gift they'd given him last night, but that's all it was - a gift. Not an invitation to share their lives, not in this way.

Rafe sighed and headed into the kitchen, thinking the routine of making some tea might soothe him and help him stop thinking. He was as quiet as he could be, not wanting to wake the guys upstairs. Thoughts and worries temporarily suspended as he pulled down the teapot and filled it with water, setting it gently on the stove. Choosing a soothing chamomile blend from the variety of teas Blair had available, he took out a single teabag and placed it in a mug. Waiting for the water to boil, however, took no thought and his mind roamed again.

Memories, again, this time not of his own pleasure, but of watching Blair moving inside Jim, their faces both flushed, eyes closed in ecstasy. Blair's arms wrapped around Jim's waist, one holding his lover to him tightly, the other closed around his hardened shaft, drawing moans with each thrust.

Rafe's own body was responding to the vision, and his mind changed the picture, putting himself in the image instead. In his fantasy now it was Rafe, thrusting into the tight, hot channel, holding onto Jim's chest, kissing his back. He felt breath on the back of his neck and fingers probing his own sweet entrance, savoring the feeling-

He came back to reality in time to remove the teapot quickly from the stove, steam beginning to hiss from the spout. He didn't want to let it whistle and wake Jim or Blair. Pouring the water into his mug, he missed the quiet footsteps coming down the stairs. He was just setting the teapot aside when a quiet voice startled him.

"Rafe? What are you doing up, man? Come back to bed." Blair spoke quietly, but not whispering. A concerned look on his face touched Brian's heart.

"I'm all right, Blair. Thanks. Just wanted to sit and think for a while, I guess." After a quick glance at Blair, Rafe turned back to his tea, trying to hide the sudden longing and pain.

Blair stood quietly for a moment, then moved around Rafe, close enough for him to feel the warmth on his bare back and he tensed, holding back the desire to kiss him again, not knowing if he would be welcomed or rejected. He looked up to see Blair adding a teabag to his own mug and reaching for the teapot. Rafe shot a questioning look at his friend, seeing a calm caring there that only enhanced his confusion. He had no idea where he stood now - was he friend, lover...fuck-buddy? He dropped his eyes again and lifted his mug, heading to sit down at the table.

He felt more than saw Blair sitting down opposite him, wasn't startled to feel a hand reach out and grasp his own. "Brian? What's wrong? Was this..." Blair's voice was unaccountably gentle, even somewhat nervous for some reason. "Was this a mistake? Did we push you-"

"No," Rafe interrupted, somewhat harshly. He clenched Blair's hand a bit tighter than he meant, and he raised his head to lock his gaze with the blue eyes across the table. Tenderness looked back, and he relaxed his grip and his tone. "No, you didn't push me. I want...wanted..." He smiled nervously. "It was a wonderful gift, Blair. I'll remember this birthday for the rest of my life, I think."

"Then why are you down here, hurting?"

Brian dropped his gaze from those blue eyes that knew too much, saw too clearly and replied, "I should-" His throat felt tight and he was *not* going to lose it, "I should get dressed and go home."

He stood up nervously and turned away from the table to get his clothes.

A hand grasped his arm firmly and turned him back around. Blair looked at him intently, his head tilted slightly, with a questioning look in his eyes, "Rafe, you don't think..." A wave of shock ran across Blair's face and his eyes widened. "You do! Brian, this was not a pity fuck of any kind, man!"

He flinched at the crude choice of words, but they sank into his heart and he knew it was truth. "Then what? What do you want from me?"

The tenderness he saw almost undid him. "Your love, Brian. That's all this was about."

"But you two-" he choked out.

Blair shook his head, amusement tinting the tenderness. "Do you love me, Brian?"

Swift and sure, "Yes."

"Do you love Jim?"

Equally quickly, "Yes."

"Then why is it so hard to believe that our hearts are big enough to love you, too?"

Shock. He couldn't quite catch his breath. "You...love? Me?" It came out as two separate questions and Blair smiled at his inarticulate speech.

"Yes." As quietly certain as his own declarations had been.

"But Jim-"

A deeper voice with the same assurance washed gently across the loft. "Yes, Rafe."

Rafe and Sandburg both looked up to see Jim looking down at them, arms crossed on the top railing, chin resting on his forearms. A quick jerk of his head requested they join him.

Blair's grip on his arm pulled him gently but inexorably away from the table and up the stairs. He followed numbly, trying to process what they'd said. He'd dreamed...longed...for their love, never daring to hope that his feelings would ever be returned. This was...God! Overwhelming? Amazing? Beautiful, wonderful, and then they were at the top of the stairs and Jim was there. He took both of Rafe's hands and drew their bodies together, then kissed him deeply and thoroughly.

They pulled apart reluctantly and Jim caressed his cheek. "Yes, Brian. I love you. And I don't want you to go."

Amazed but emboldened by the words, Rafe found the strength to move forward. He had reacted, accepted, absorbed all their touches, their kisses, their gifts, but now was a time to be active. He leaned forward and captured Jim's lips again fervently, his tongue demanding and gaining entrance, tasting his lover thoroughly. Oh, he liked the sound of that - lover. It felt so good just to think it.

Jim took a step back and Rafe followed, not breaking contact. He gave a slight push and Jim fell back on the bed. Rafe paused a moment to shed the boxers he'd pulled on hurriedly and then he covered Jim with his own body, touching Jim as he hadn't had the chance to the first time around. He kissed a line up Jim's chin and suckled on his ear, feeling the heat rushing through the body beneath him. He ran his hands lightly down strong arms, watching them quiver in reaction. Jim started to reach up to touch him, but he gently pushed his hands back down.

"No. Not yet. Let me, please."

Hazel eyes stared into blue and Jim lay back, a searing heat gazing up at him, submitting to his desire and Rafe bit back a groan at the sight. He sat up on his knees, straddling Jim's groin, their erections pressing tantalizingly together. He paused then, letting his hands stroke up and down the smooth chest before him as he looked his fill. God, but the man was gorgeous. That this man, strong protector of all he cared for, would love him...

His hands didn't still as he mused. He traced Jim's collarbone, drifted lazily down across his chest to rub around the nipples in ever-tightening circles until his fingers rubbed across the hard nubs themselves, teased and tickled them, and Jim's back arched beneath him, stroking their shafts against each other and sending a jolt of pleasure through Rafe's spine.

He felt the bed dip behind him, then shivered as Blair's hair tickled his shoulder blades and his hands slid up the planes of Rafe's back. He felt Blair's tongue licking up the outer edge of his ear and then warm breath blew somehow chilling against that wet skin.

"What do you want, Brian? How can we show you this is real?"

He shook his head, unable to speak, barely able to think as Blair's arms encircled his body, stroking his chest and then fondling his nipples in imitation of the way he was touching Jim. Experimenting, he ran his hands up to Jim's shoulders and back down, only to have Blair's hands matching the movements, only the angle different.

He teased Jim's nipples a moment longer, savoring the feel of Blair's hands on him. A quiet moan escaped his throat as Blair adjusted his position slightly, snuggling up behind him enough to put his cock in direct contact with Rafe's lower back.

He slid his hands down across taut stomach muscles, feeling the hands on his chest stroke downward also. This was almost like touching himself, and the sensation had an odd hypnotic quality to it. As the fingers of his right hand wrapped around Jim's shaft, he touched Blair's hand as it settled on his own. Their left hands clasped as they started stroking in unison, Blair rocking gently against him from behind. Jim's moan and a warm mouth sucking gently on his shoulder deepened the haze filling his mind. They moved together, almost as one creature, yet so frustratingly *not*. He was so focused on the sensations from front and behind that he didn't realize he'd closed his eyes until Jim's hands touched both his and Blair's stilling them, and Rafe's eyes flew open.

The naked hunger in Jim's eyes caught his breath in his throat and then Jim growled, "Brian. Fuck me now," and somehow it didn't sound crude or harsh in that low, sexy voice, it sounded like he said, "Love me." His cock twitched beneath Blair's still fingers and he bit down, slowly but steadily, on the back of Brian's neck. Rafe arched back into the sharp sensation, grinding himself against Jim for one long moment before Blair let go and soothed the spot with a swirling tongue and gentle suction.

Rafe felt himself growling as he reached into the drawer for the bottle he knew was there. He pulled back just a bit from Jim as he squeezed some lube onto his fingers and Jim pulled his knees up. Brian took a deep breath at the sight before him - Jim, who he'd loved and longed for for so long, spread open before him, silently begging for his touch.

Gently he pushed one finger inside the waiting entrance and gasped as he felt an intruder at his own opening. Realizing that Blair was continuing their mirrored caresses brought an unexpected moan from deep in his chest as he relaxed into Blair's touch. He brought his finger in and out of Jim gently, and Blair did the same to him. He had no idea how his lover was matching his rhythm so perfectly, but he really didn't have enough ability to think left to wonder about it. They pushed in and out in unison, and Blair wasn't startled when he added a second finger inside Jim to find a second finger entering himself as well. He added a third, then he and Jim were the ones moving in sync when they both thrust into the stroke against their prostates.

A strangled moan from the lover beneath him brought his attention back to earth. "Now, Brian. Now!" Jim groaned and he quickly poured more lube into his hand and stroked himself, the mirror game apparently finished as Blair was still touching him, burning him from the inside out.

He touched the tip of his erection to Jim's opening, then held his breath as he slowly pushed in. He paused, fully sheathed, trying desperately to calm his ragged breathing, but found himself moaning again when he felt Blair sliding into him. When had Blair stopped touching him? Never mind, too much to process, he didn't care because suddenly he had to *move*.

Rafe found himself setting the rhythm again, pushing forward into Jim, then backwards onto Blair, their motions perfectly in sync again - God, how *were* they doing that? It came so naturally, and it felt so right and Rafe suddenly realized that now they *were* one creature, fully connected and thoroughly intertwined. He thrust into Jim, hot and slick and tight, then was impaled on Blair's shaft, hard and filling him, and he could almost swear they were touching souls. He reached down to stroke Jim's cock just as he changed angle slightly to rub firmly against his prostate, and Jim came, warm and glorious over his hand, his muscles clenching around Rafe, setting off a chain reaction. Rafe came, moaning long and low, then Blair crying, "Brian!" in his ear as they spiraled higher and higher before collapsing.

Rafe and Blair rolled to their left slightly, ending up lying on the bed still curled around one another. With a sigh, they gradually disconnected, Rafe feeling both emptied and filled at the same time. He was vaguely aware of a warm washrag wiping him again, a random memory of Blair complaining about how anal Jim was about cleaning causing him to chuckle. He drifted off, content to feel Blair snuggled against his back, and he could have sworn he heard a deep, feline purr rumbling somewhere and a wolf's quiet howl. No, it must have been a dog, there weren't wolves in Cascade, were there? Then Jim's arm draped across him and a contented sleep claimed him once more.

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To be...not continued, exactly, but changed in the future...

Please feel free to badger me to finish, or send suggestions or requests on Works in Progress.
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