Returning to the Scene (The Killer Remix)

by: Lasha

Or was that the Mounties? For some strange reason, that thought kept running through his head. Mounties or the police, at this point Blair couldn't remember, his mind was numb. The events of the afternoon flashed through his brain like a bizarre slide-show refusing to be shut off. Twisting restlessly on his small bed, he relived the moment over and over again in his head.

Jim and Simon. His mother. All of Major Crimes staring at him expectantly while that detective's badge was held out as a prize and his life's work was pushed aside like yesterday's trash, forgotten.

Didn't they understand? He'd thrown his whole life away to protect Jim's secret -- to protect Jim's Sentinel abilities. After three and a half years of him working beside them as a consultant, didn't they know him? Didn't they know he was lying at that press conference? Jim had known, Simon and Megan had known; but still they thought offering him a job as a cop might somehow soothe his broken heart? At the moment, he couldn't quite grasp their thinking.

And Naomi, he wasn't even going there. Peace and love, my ass, Blair thought. Her being at the station had been pure guilt, as being a pig went against everything she'd ever believed in or raised Blair to believe in.

Now what did he have? He was a fraud in academic circles. A liar. A cheat. All those years of classes, papers, exams and his now infamous dissertation -- a waste. It was all gone. He'd given it up. All of it.

For Jim.

He should feel something -- fury, hurt, betrayal. Instead, all he felt was empty inside, like a rudderless boat floating in an endless, black sea. Adrift.

What had his life been like before college? Before school had become his passion? It had been empty then, too. Empty and lonely, despite Naomi's presence.

Naomi and he had moved so often that as soon as they'd settled in once place and made friends, it seemed like they'd be moving again. Naomi would change her mind about the town, the man she was living with, or her job and want to 'explore other options,' so they'd pack up and move to another town, another life, and the cycle would start all over again. In the end, the extroverted Blair had turned inward and learned not to make friends quite so quickly because he'd just have to leave them anyway. He'd become adept in knowing Naomi's moods and prepared ahead of time, saying his good-byes early. The only thing that hadn't changed in those turbulent years was his love for school and learning. School had been the constant in his life because no matter where Naomi moved them, a new school would be waiting. A school filled with books and teachers that challenged his mind. Friends, lovers, and family came and went, but learning had been his star in the night, his guiding force, and the thing that had made all the moving bearable.

Graduating high school early had been his dream. That way he'd be in control of his destiny, his own future. He'd no longer had to trail after Naomi from town to town, state to state. He could stay in one place and just learn. Blair had picked Rainer University because of their Anthropology Department was once of the best in the country and they allowed emancipated minors to reside in the freshman dorms. So, at 16, he'd started college and soon realized he'd found a comfortable niche at Rainer. He'd found the first true friends he'd ever had, friends he wouldn't have to leave in six or nine months if he'd been with his mother. He'd begun to put down some roots. This new life had been his. He'd made it, created it. And then Jim Ellison had come along and everything had changed.

Meeting Jim, working and living with Jim, Blair finally knew deep down that he'd found a home. His first real home ever. Jim had given that to him and no matter what, he couldn't and wouldn't leave Jim.

Sighing, Blair stretched and put an end to his racing thoughts. It was time to end this trip down memory lane.

Time to stop wallowing in a past he couldn't change. His future was laid out before him, Jim had made sure of that. He would now be by Jim's side at work and at home. So, really nothing had changed but his job title if you truly thought about it. From today on, instead of 'student,' he'd be: Blair Sandburg, Detective Second Grade or Blair Sandburg, Jim Ellison's partner and Guide.

But more importantly, he'd be Blair, Jim's closest friend.

And deep down in his soul, he knew he would stay because he loved Jim. Not as a brother or friend, but something much more profound. It was something they had only scratched at the surface before the disaster named Alex Barnes had entered their lives and whatever may have been brewing between them had been destroyed in the months afterwards.

Blair didn't know if they could go back to that time when a romantic relationship between them seemed possible, so many things had happened since then, but he knew that if he turned down that badge, Jim and he would be over -- in every aspect. The fragile balance of their relationship depended on him taking this job; even their Sentinel/Guide relationship was contingent on it at this point.

Blair knew Jim had to have called in multiple favors to even get him considered to be on the police force, let alone given a detective's badge. Jim had to have deep feelings for him to do this. Blair couldn't return the kindness by turning down Jim's act of trust and friendship. It would be literally a slap in the face. Plus, the guys in Major Crimes had become his 'family' over the past three years. He liked working with them. He could make this work. He had to, he didn't have many other options left.

And if he admitted it to himself, he didn't want Jim and his relationship to be over. Blair wasn't ready for that yet. He wasn't ready to move on, leave, or "detach with love." Jim had gone from his Holy Grail to his best friend and now his true love. And if he had to become a police officer to stay with Jim, then he'd do it, no looking back and with no regrets. If he had learned anything growing up, it was that you didn't run from love, you ran towards it.

So, he was staying and giving this new life a chance.

Despite all the pain and heartache, Blair wouldn't change a thing. He still had hope for them.

Having made his decision, Blair quickly made a mental list of all the things he would need to do to protect Jim from any future Sentinel outings, a repeat of this week would never happen again. That was first and foremost on his mind. Everyone in Cascade, except a few trusted friends in Major Crimes, had to believe Jim was a regular, normal cop. Protecting his Sentinel and partner was his number one priority.

Getting up from the bed, Blair gathered up all of his notebooks, computer disks, and the dissertation that Naomi had sent to Sid, the thing that had started this whole mess. He had to do this before Jim came home from work and tried to talk his out of it in some misguided sense of guilt.

Taking the disks and notebooks into the living room, Blair went over to the fireplace. A few minutes later, a small blaze was going and he slowly fed all seven of his handwritten notebooks into the flames. As he watched them burn, an acute sense of loss filled him. Each binder had been painstakingly detailed with notes of Jim's everyday life: his habits, his food allergies, his Sentinel abilities, and his moods. Blair had spent hours writing down Jim's every quirk, everything that made Jim, well, Jim. Burning these notebooks felt like killing a part of himself.

Pushing those feelings down, Blair repeated over and over again in his head: This has to be done. This has to be done.

As the notebooks turned to ash, the only thing left in the fireplace was the burnt metal of the rings that had once held them together. That done, Blair then took the computer disks to the kitchen, he found a round pizza tray in a drawer and put all the disks on it. Turning the oven onto 450F, he then put the tray with the disks on it into the oven, closed the door and walked away -- never looking back.

There was one final thing to do. He had to shred his dissertation.

* * * * *

Blair heard the front door open. Jim was home.

He sat up, nervously running his fingers over the wood of the dining room table, waiting for Jim to take in the destruction around him. The burnt disks were now in front of him, warped beyond recognition. Shredded paper overflowed from every trashcan in the loft and the smell of burning paper from the fireplace emanated from the loft.

He didn't have to wait long for a reaction.

"Blair-"

Jim's voice sounded pained even to his non-Sentinel ears. There was no way around this and Blair didn't want a long conversation, for once, about this topic. He wanted this subject over and done with. His life's work had been destroyed -- by his own hands -- and he didn't want an in-depth discussion of the hows and whys of it.

Better to just be matter of fact.

"Jim. Uh, sorry this stuff's not out of here yet. I'll be done in just a sec, and then I'll bag all this stuff up and-"

"I'll help, Chief."

It was the 'Chief' that got him to look up. Blair was so grateful that Jim wasn't making a big deal out of this right now. He couldn't handle Jim's guilt along with his own feelings at the moment.

"It's the least I can do. I just wish..."

Suddenly, a hand fell on his arm and Blair looked up to meet Jim's eyes. He saw shame there, mixed in with regret. Schooling his face into a mask of understanding, Blair said, "I know, Jim, but his is the way it had to be."

Jim nodded in response and then helped Blair gather the disks and the shredded paper, each man working in silence until then task was done.

"I'll take this down to the incinerator, Blair, just to make sure, okay?"

Blair nodded slightly.

Then, as Blair watched Jim leave the loft, he felt as if a heavy weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Frankly, the feeling surprised him. Moments ago, he'd felt depressed and miserable, grieving for the loss of his old life. And now, he was happy? No, maybe happy wasn't the word.

Relieved was more like it. Yes, relieved was it.

The dissertation was gone and all the baggage that had come with it. It was dead. A part of their past. It had represented all the mistakes they'd made, the mistrust on both their parts.

They could start fresh now. Blair wouldn't have to study Jim for anything now. No note taking, no more dissertation. He could be with Jim because he wanted to be with Jim and for no other reason. He had a place in Jim's life, at home and at work. He would show them that he was worthy of that gold shield.

He would prove to everyone that Blair Sandburg wasn't a fraud.

After the academy, he'd become the best damn cop Cascade had ever seen. Well, second best, second only to Jim. They'd become the best team since that Cascade had ever seen. They'd win awards and make everyone jealous. The Dean from Rainer would come crawling back to him...

"Chief? Chief?"

Slowly coming out of his daydreaming, Blair realized Jim was talking to him.

"Sorry, Jim. You say something?"

"That must have been some fantasy."

"Yeah. Guess, it was."

"I said, I burnt everything. It's taken care of. You want order some dinner?"

"Sure. Thai okay?"

"Sounds great. Order for me, will ya? I'm going to hop in the shower."

"You want your usual?"

"Yep."

As Jim turned away to walk to the bathroom, a new feeling of contentment overcame Blair. Things were finally beginning to get back to normal, or what was normal in the Sandburg-Ellison household. The tension of the past week, the anger between them, had seemingly vanished.

And now that Blair was going to be a cop, he'd be able to be with Jim nearly 24-7. There'd be more chances for them to grow closer, to work on their issues and see where their relationship was headed.

Jim was home for Blair, Sentinel or not. If the events of the past week hadn't proved that he loved Jim, he didn't know what would. Blair knew Jim felt the same way, it was in the other man's glances, his touch, his every move.

They weren't ready to take that trip yet, but soon they would be.

Soon, it would be soon, Blair could feel it. That connection between them, the one that had saved their lives so many times, was beginning to flow again. Blair knew it would take some time and effort on their parts to build back their earlier trust, but it would come. A Sentinel couldn't exist without his Guide and this Guide couldn't live without his Sentinel.

He thought again about the police always getting their man. It applied in this instance too. Basically, in apprehending a fugitive, you had to plan your strategy. Then, you hunt your prey, capture it, and the target is yours. Blair was going to make sure he'd learn every trick, technique, and procedure of catching a man at the police academy and use it to lure Jim in. And while Jim may not be a suspect he wanted to detain, the same theory applied, Blair figured.

He wanted Jim and he was going to get him.

And when he finally did catch Jim, he was going to keep him forever.

Author's Note:  The premise of the Remix/Redux Challenge is to take another author's work and 'revise' it, using your own perspective as a writer to reshape the story. You can change the POV, the dialogue, but not the main focus of the story or the pairing. So, if you see some of Alee's dialogue in this story, that is okay, as I had her permission to use it per the rules of the remix challenge.

I chose this Sentinel story because I felt it was original and had the potential to explain why Blair would sacrifice his career for Jim. And while the original narrative was in Jim's POV, I decided to write in Blair's POV for my version. I hope I captured their voices.

To read the original work, go here and read, "Returning to the Scene," by: Alee. Send this wonderful author some feedback and thank her for letting me play in her universe.

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Copyright © Dana Lea Moore