Speed's POV:

"Oh God, H." I moan as my lover slowly pushes into me. He cornered me in the shower and now has me bent over the sink. I'm watching his face in the mirror, but he's watching his dick disappear into my ass. "I love you." I whisper and his eyes flick up to meet mine in the mirror and then back down to my ass. I have yet to really say it, I only whisper it when I think he isn't listening or is asleep, although I know he knows how I feel.

"So beautiful, Speed. You are so beautiful like this." He is, of course, talking about seeing me take his dick inside me. "Speed! God, don't move," he says through gritted teeth after only a few thrusts.

"Wha...?" I'm so close I can taste it and he wants to stop! No way in hell. I know he's as close as I am. I can hear it in his voice; see it in the way the tendons stand out in his neck. I try to stay still, I really do, but he feels so damn good inside me that I can't help but squeeze my muscles around the fullness in my ass.

"Damnit, Speed!" he shouts as hot fluid coats my insides, pushing me right over the edge with him.

"That was..." I sigh as I falter with what I'm trying to say. Because what I want to say is, 'That was so beautiful', but that would be too sappy. "...the best ever." I know its kinda cliché, but what can I say? We've only been lovers for a few weeks. Right now, every time's the best ever.

"Yeah, it was," he agrees as he pulls out of me. We both groan at the loss of contact. "So, another shower, then?" he asks as he places an open-mouthed kiss to the middle of my back.

"Not with you." There's no way I am ever again going to step into a shower while he's around. The first time we ever fucked was after he caught me masturbating in the shower at work. Every time I even think about taking a shower when he's near, he jumps me and I have trouble sitting for several hours, sometimes even days, afterwards. And after the first time, for a whole week.

"Oh come on," he chuckles. "I'm not that bad am I?"

Our eyes meet in the mirror and I can't help but laugh at the look of mock affront on his face. "Yeah, you are. I would really like to go into work just once without everyone knowing what I'd done the night before," I state as I start to clean myself off.

"Like they wouldn't still know that you'd gotten laid. You can't keep that silly I've-just-been-fucked look off your face." He was right. Even if it had been hours since we'd last fucked, I couldn't keep from smiling like a loon.

"So? Maybe I'm tired of walking like I have a stick up my ass." I regret the words as soon as they leave my mouth. I love it when he takes me; however he wants to take me, whenever he wants to take me. Whether it's gently, while flat on my back in bed, roughly on my hands and knees or pressed up against a wall with our pants pushed down around our ankles. "H? I didn't mean it the way it came out."

"Yeah, I know." He's hurt. I've actually hurt him with my words. Something I swore I'd never do.

He won't meet my eyes in the mirror, so I turn around only to find him walking away. "H? I'm sorry."

"Yeah? Just how sorry are you?" he challenges me as he stops next to his bed. A bed that I now know better than my own. When I don't respond, he glances back at me over his shoulder; a shoulder that bears my mark. A mark given just hours before in the heat of the moment. Biting him is the only way I can feel in control, when he fucks me. It helps if I think we have this connection. The pain of having skin broken. Blood spilled. "Come on, Speed. Show me just how sorry you really are." The gleam in his eyes is one I've never seen before, at least not when he's looking at me. It's the look that he reserves for the worst of the worst. Those suspects that think they're better, smarter, than he is and will get away with whatever it is they did wrong. I, of course, know better. No one is smarter or better than Horatio Caine. Especially when it comes to getting a suspect to confess or getting me to scream in ecstasy. And man, does he know all my hot spots.

The first time was fast and furious, the second only a little slower. It wasn't until several days later that I learned every inch of his body and he mine. Now, we only go straight for the hot spots when there isn't time to go slow, like when he catches me getting out of the shower or sees me heading towards the locker room at work. The one and only time he fucked me at work is still a hot memory. I get hard just thinking about how wild he was that day.

"...sorry you are." I shake my head to clear it as I realize he's still speaking to me. "What are you going to do, Speed? You hurt my feelings, so how are you going to apologize? Hm?"

I can think of something, something that he's wanted me to do, but I've been hesitant to try again. I can see that same thought in his face, his eyes, clear blue with sparks of mischief. He looks like a leprechaun or some escapee from A Midsummer Night's Dream, standing there, naked and gorgeous and all mine. A Puck. A Pooka. He's enchanted me. The bastard. I can't help smiling a little that he's got me thinking about going somewhere I swore I wasn't ready to go. Again.

'Cause let's face it, until H came into my life I was as straight as they get. I mean, just months before he and I first got together, I broke up with a girl who could have been in pornos. Yeah, she was wild and so sexy. But then again so is Horatio. He's taught me things that I'd never even heard of or thought were possible.

"Okay, you want me to show you just how sorry I am?" I ask, willing to play his game, as I approach where he's still standing by the bed. "How about this for an apology?" I stop just inches away and place both hands on his shoulders to push him backwards onto the bed.

He lands with a slight bounce and a huge grin. I don't usually take the lead; I was a virgin in the ways of sex with another guy until I met him after all. He's been trying to get me to be more aggressive in bed and top, but that's just not me. I love being his bottom. I know he likes to be topped from time to time and I did it for him once. I don't think I did it right. Neither one of us came while I was inside him. It was only when he entered me that we both came. I've never had a more intense orgasm in my life, before or since. Then there are the blowjobs. He loves to give and receive them. I love to get them, especially from him. I tried to blow him once, but the size of him, trying to take it all, well, it didn't work.

"Oh, so now you're mister tough guy, huh?" he's taunting me. I know he is and damnit all to hell, it's working.

"I'll show you tough," I growl as I crawl up the bed to lie on top of him. He just grins up at me. He knows how scared I am and he's getting off on knowing that I'm stepping out of my comfort zone. I straddle his torso and kiss him for all I'm worth just to buy myself some time. I want to do this for him, I need to do this for me, I just don't know how. I love this man more than I've ever loved anyone and I'm so scared that if I don't get this right, he'll leave me for someone who will.

"Speed, baby. It's okay. You know you don't have to." He always seems to know when I need encouraging. "Just being with you is enough." The compassion in his voice is almost painful to me. Like I need to feel even more inadequate. Damn him.

"No it's not, H. Not anymore. I need to do this. I just don't want to fuck up again." I feel bad whining about this. He's been nothing but patient with me and here I am complaining about being a total screw up.

"You could never fuck this up, baby," he gives me a gentle smile of encouragement.

"I fucked it up last time." I duck my head to hide my tear-filled eyes.

"You tried to do too much, too fast last time. Just go slow. Take it easy. And don't forget to..."

"Breathe," I finish for him. The first time we fucked, he told me to breathe at least five times. It has become something of a code for us. Whenever one of us is doing something we find uncomfortable we'll say, 'Just breathe' to let the other know it's okay and that we understand how hard it is. "Yeah. How could I possibly forget that? You're always telling me to breathe," I snap at him as I glance back up. It's damned heard to, with his dick down my throat, dammit all.

"Well, it works, doesn't it?" he just grins at me. He makes it really hard to stay mad. "Whatcha gonna do now, tough guy?" He licks his lips as one hand reaches out to stroke my reawakened erection. "Are ya just gonna sit on my chest, or are ya gonna fuck me?" With the emphasis placed on the word fuck, I know he's on to me. He knows I want to blow him.

"I...god, Horatio. Why is this so hard for me?" Again, I'm whining like a girl.

"Maybe cause it's a dick and not a pussy?"

I glance at him, not sure how to read his tone. "No, that's not it," I say, refusing to let him provoke me again. "I've been dreaming and thinking about doing this for a long time now. I don't have a problem with your dick." I sigh and start to get off him, but he grabs my thighs and holds me in place.

"Tim. Look at me." He commands, my boss once again, then the lover returns as his grip and his voice softens. "Just start with my face and work your way down when you feel like it," he continues when I look him in the eye.

I can do this. I can. I lean down and start to kiss his forehead. Just little chaste pecks at first, then bolder open-mouthed kisses as I forget that my goal is to take his dick in my mouth. I kiss him everywhere. His eyes, his nose, his cheeks. I ignore his lips for now, just concentrating on the feel of his skin beneath my lips, the taste of his sweat on my tongue. One of my favorite things is to nibble on his ear. He has really sensitive ears. And nipples. But I'm getting ahead of myself. I lick a path from his chin to his left ear and start to nibble. He starts to moan and squirm. "Tim..." His voice is husky and he's a little out of breath, like he's just run a marathon. "God, Tim. I lo..." he stops mid word and I stop mid nibble. Did he almost say what I think he almost said?

"H?" I pull back to look him in the eye.

"Tim. I...uh...I..." he falters and turns his head away. I guess it's just too soon for him. But not for me.

"I love you, Horatio Caine." I finally say it out loud and I've never felt...more sick to my stomach in all my life. Oh my god! I can't believe I just said that. "H, I..."

"No, Tim don't ever be sorry or try to apologize for how you feel. Just because I'm not ready to say it, doesn't mean you're not." He's starting to look as terrified as I feel. I hope my declaration doesn't scare him off.

"Then you know." A statement, not a question.

"I hear you say it all the time. You might think I'm not paying attention or I'm sleeping, but that's what I want you to think." He shifts so that he's sitting up and is eye level with me. "The first time, I thought I was hearing things, you'd said it so softly. But you said it again the next night and I started to pretend I wasn't listening or was sleeping so I could hear it again. I feel better knowing you love me." His eyes soften as he says 'love me'. Is this what he needs? To be loved?

"H?" I say as I shake my head. I'm becoming more and more confused by this conversation. The Horatio I fell for would never allow himself to be seen as vulnerable. Not this vulnerable, at any rate.

"It's okay," he says. I don't know if he's reassuring me or himself. "I knew before I even heard the words come out of your mouth. It's in the way you touch me, the way you look at me when I enter you. But mostly it's in the way you say my name as you climax."

All this emotion has me kinda choked up and to hide the tears that are threatening to fall, I grab his head with both hands and try to remove his tonsils with my tongue. I am so going to give this man the blowjob of his life! Even if it kills me, and it just might.

"Speed," he pulls back to gulp some much-needed air and to try to get me under control again. "Go slow. We have all night." The smile on his face is the same one he gave me the first day we met. The one that the victims get. The 'I'm here for you if you ever need anything' look. The one I just realized I fell for all those years ago. I've been in love with Horatio Caine for years and didn't even know it, until now.

I lean back in and capture his lips with mine. The kiss starts out slow but then gets deeper, more desperate. I can feel his stubble rubbing against my cheek as I kiss my way back to his ear, where I continue to nibble on the lobe and lavish attention on the delicate outer shell. Then I kiss my way down to his shoulder to deepen the mark I placed there earlier. Again taking some control of the situation. This is all I can do for now. Maybe someday soon I can forget my inhibitions and do more.

He hisses at the pain of my teeth breaking the skin. "Good thing that stays covered. I really don't want to have to explain why I've got a bite mark on my shoulder," he gives a small half-chuckle. I am encouraged by this. I was afraid he would be disgusted by my need to mark him. Let him see a little of my world.

"Mmmm," is all I say to that. Like he'd ever explain something he didn't feel others needed to know.

Once the mark is as deep as I want it, reveling in the sharp, metallic taste of his blood, I kiss and lick my way across his shoulder to the hollow where his collarbones meet. I dip my tongue there just like he does to my navel and press my lips to the pulse jumping there. I leave another mark, this one without the teeth, and continue my exploration of his body. He is so very perfect. Just the right amount of hair on his chest and these pert little nipples hidden underneath. As I kiss my way across his upper chest, one hand finds a nipple and begins to tease it to attention.

"God, Speed. The things you make me feel. Those hands of yours should be illegal," he gasps as I finally take his right nipple into my mouth and start to suckle.

My hands, my illegal hands, are on the move. Stroking and teasing everywhere I can reach. Everywhere except where he wants my touch the most. His dick. That's for later.

I push him back down onto the bed and lick my way down his side to where his body meets his leg and then run my tongue over to the other side, stopping to lap at his belly button. He's bucking like a wild bronco now as he tries to get some friction on his dick. I hold him down with one hand, while the other continues to play with his nipples.

"Speed!" He's frantic now. Just the way I usually am. He's been teaching me how to please him by using my body as an example. Now I'm going to show him what I've learned.

I kiss, nibble, suck, and lick my way down his left thigh. I look up at him through my eyelashes and catch just a hint of blue peeking out from beneath his half-closed eyes. I feel a rush knowing I'm making this man feel this way. Just knowing that I can make Horatio Caine lose control is like the drugs I used to do to forget about my painful existence. Now Horatio is my drug. A drug like no other because he makes me stronger. As we gaze at each other and our eyes meet, I know without a doubt that he loves me every bit as much as I love him. Like he said to me, it's in the little things. The way he touches me, even at work, the way he looks at me as he enters my body, and most importantly, the way he says my name. It doesn't even have to be in bed; he puts everything he feels, but can't say, into my name.

I dip my head down to continue to show him just how much I love him. And find that I'm finally ready to give his dick the attention it deserves.

I lean up just a little and look at it. It's a deep purple that looks painful, and steadily weeping pre-come. As I run my fingers up the side, he holds his breath. I know what he wants, needs, me to do and I'll do it. When I'm done teasing him. I treat him to the same torture he's inflicted on me each and every time he's done this to me. A soft stroke with just the fingertips up one side and just a little more pressure down the other. Then I grab the base and give it a squeeze, which makes him whimper in need. "Not yet, baby." I remind him. "I'm in charge right now."

"Speed," my name is both a curse and a plea on his lips.

I just chuckle as I stroke my fist lightly up the shaft to the head where I rub the palm of my hand in tiny circles, making him hiss in pain/pleasure. I've never been able to make him this needy before and I'm afraid the power is going straight to my head. This must be how he feels when he brings me to the brink over and over before allowing me to climax.

I continue to lightly stroke him as I watch his face. I can tell when he's getting close. He bites his lip until he draws blood. When I see that, I lean up and lick it off. "Mmm. Horatio Caine. My favorite drug," I murmur in his ear as I increase both the pace and tightness of my hand on his dick. He knows he's like a drug to me. The first night we were together I told him I was addicted to him. He just laughed and said he felt the same.

As I feel his climax drawing ever closer, I lean down and take him into my mouth.

"Shit, Speed!" he cries out as I swallow him whole. "Easy, baby. Maybe a little warning next time?" I just look at him through my eyelashes as I continue to suck on his dick. He grabs fistfuls of my hair and starts to fuck my mouth with the same intensity as he fucks my ass. I suck air in through my nose with every outstroke, so I don't suffocate, and listen to him pant his need.

"I'm gonna come now Speed!" he warns as I feel his balls tighten up in their sacks. I pull back until just the head of his dick is in my mouth and start to swallow right before the first of his liquid hits my tongue. The taste is so Horatio: slightly bitter with a salty aftertaste. I love it and want more. I suck him dry and continue to hold his dick in my mouth until it's soft and then I allow it to fall out with a soft 'pop'.

"Mmm. Yummy. Now I know why you love doing that so much," I say as I crawl up his body to share his pillow.

"No. I love to do that because it's the only time you'll allow me to take part of you into my body," he says, and the anger in his voice throws me.

I roll over to stare at him, my heart hammering. Not again. Please, not this again. Can't he take this one step at the time? I just blew another man for the first time in my life. And loved it. Why does he feel the need to push me so fast?

"I couldn't get you off, H!" I can't believe he wants to discuss this now. I just want to bask in the post coital glow and he wants to rehash an old fight. The time in question happened about a week ago and was our first fight as a couple. "Please let's not argue about that again. Okay?"

"No," he says in a clipped voice as he sits up, dislodging me from his side.

Uh-oh. I know that voice. It's the one that Stetler usually gets. I call it his 'I really can't stand you, but I have to be polite to you' voice. Only this time, it has real hurt and anger in it.

"We need to discuss this, Timothy."

Oh, god. He used my full name. I'm Speed when he's happy, horny, or about to come; Tim when he's being serious or is getting angry, and Timothy when he's pissed. When he reaches the point where he's using my full name, I'd better do my best to make things right.

The last time he called me Timothy was on Dispo Day, months before I realized I am attracted to him. And after he found out that I wasn't cleaning my gun. I hate guns.

I know, what am I doing in a job where I have to be around something that scares the shit out of me? Well, I really don't know why I started working as a CSI. But I know I'll never leave as long as Horatio is around.

"Please, Horatio. Not now," I beg.

"Then when?" he demands as he gets out of bed to pace the room like a caged tiger. "We've been together almost a month now, Tim. When are we going to discuss this?"

"Discuss what exactly?" I ask as I climb out of bed to approach where he's standing staring out the window at the ocean. "I thought this was about the fact that I don't want to top you."

"It is." He's rigid and angry, and he scares me when he's like this.

"Liar," I whisper. There has to be more to this.

He turns around so fast he almost hits me. "What did you just say?" his eyes narrow, his attention focused completely on my face.

God, did I just blow this? The best relationship I've ever been in? With just one word?

"Um..."

"Don't even think of lying to me, Speedle." He's never called me that before. This is a new element. A part of him I don't know and am not sure I ever want to.

"I called you a liar," I swallow past the lump in my throat, mouth dry, knowing I'm taking the biggest risk I've ever taken with Horatio. "We both know this isn't about the fact that I couldn't make you come when I topped last week. So why don't you just tell me what's wrong? Maybe I can help."

"Get out," he growls.

My god. I did just blow this. I fight back tears as my world comes crashing down.