Series: Moments Sacred and Profane

Title: MSP16: Revelations

Author: Mice

Email: just_us_mice@yahoo.com

Category: Stargate: Atlantis, McKay/Beckett

Warnings: slash, angst

Spoilers: season one up to The Gift

Rating: NC17

Summary: With the Wraith coming closer, exhaustion begins taking its toll on the Atlanteans.

Archive: If it's on your list, you can archive it. If it isn't and you'd like it, just let me know where you're putting it.

Feedback: Feed me, Seymour.

Website: Mice's Hole in the Wall https://www.squidge.org/mice

Mirror: http://mice.inkpress.org

Disclaimer: Not mine. They belong to many other people. But if they were mine, they'd be having very interesting adventures.

Author's Notes: Thanks to Abylity as always for Godlike beta duties. Also a shout-out to kt4ever, who pesters me unmercifully, and to Lucia Tanaka for her Kibitz From Hell. Zortified kills me with hotness and also manages to comment on stuff at the same time. That, my dears, takes talent.

~~~

Where does spirit live? Inside or outside

Things remembered, made things, things unmade?

~~Seamus Heaney, from Squarings~~

"Dr. McKay! Dr. McKay!"

Kusanagi's excited voice crackled over his radio. The bespectacled Japanese scientist was part of a small group that was scouring the city for technology to use against the Wraith. "Yeah, what?" he said, annoyed.

"Dr. Simpson and I have found a control chair, like the one in Antarctica. You must come look."

That snapped him from his focus on the new naquadah generator he was working on. Geoff's mining operation had come through, and Osbourne was working on the refinement process while Rodney and Radek were building the generator itself. "Location?" he asked sharply.

She gave him a brief description and Rodney grabbed Radek by the elbow. "We can finish this up later. Let's go." Both of them took off at a run. "Elizabeth!" Rodney called out over his radio.

"Yes, Rodney?"

"We've found something big. I'll give you details as we find out what's going on."

"Keep me posted," she acknowledged.

"I wonder if it will be in working order?" Radek said as they entered the transporter. Rodney hit the closest location on the screen and they hurried on.

Both were panting by the time they got to the chair room. Kusanagi and Simpson were examining the chair carefully, and half a dozen other scientists were cataloguing the other items and panels in the room.

"Get away from that!" Rodney growled, shoving Simpson and Kusanagi out of the way. He looked the chair over. It seemed to be a very close duplicate of the system from the base in Antarctica. He reached out and touched it to see if it would do anything. Nothing happened. "Damn," he muttered. "It's not initialized." He doubted sitting in it would do anything either. There was no familiar thrum of energy under his fingers.

Simpson shook her head. "No. And we'd have told you that if you'd waited five seconds." Her arms were folded over her chest and she was glaring at him.

"Maybe it will if you get Major Magic Gene up here," Kavanagh said, looking over from where he had been examining an unlit display panel in the far wall.

"Kavanagh, I want you to go get the Novograd Twins and help them finish building the new naquadah generator," Rodney said. They'd keep Kavanagh out of trouble and could speak Russian when they didn't want to have to talk with the asshole himself. "Simpson, you're in charge of dealing with the peripheral systems here. Dr. Zelenka and I will take over dealing with the chair itself."

"Asswipe," Kavanagh muttered under his breath. He left the room.

"Heard that," Rodney said.

"Right, McKay," Simpson said. "I'll get on it now. Miko, you're with me. Jubell, you too." They both nodded and scattered around the room. Simpson addressed the other scientists. "The rest of you, head out and finish the survey of this section." The other three nodded and left.

"All right," Radek said. "I think first we should determine which systems the chair is linked to." Rodney nodded, already digging into the access panels.

"Right, Dr. Obvious. I'll poke. You take notes."

***

Geoff Osbourne had been away on the mainland all day, dealing with the naquadah refinement process. It was too dangerous to do in the city itself, so they'd created a small refinery far from the Athosian village and fields, where he and two others from his department had done the work.

Back in the city now, he went home to see if Radek was done working yet. Radek had gotten only a couple of hours sleep in any given day since the Hiveships had been discovered, but they'd made a point of at least attempting to have dinner with each other.

There was a note on his desk.

'Geoff -- A command chair was discovered and Rodney and I are working with it, attempting to discern its functions. We have been unable to initialize. I will not likely see you for dinner tonight. I love you nonetheless. -- R'

Geoff sat down on the couch for a few moments, a little disappointed but understanding the importance of the artifact. He remembered what had happened when Carson had sat in the one in Antarctica. If they could get it up and running, they might stand at least a vague chance of defending the city.

The naquadah generator Radek and Rodney had been building wouldn't be enough. In fact, it would only partially replace the power sources they'd lost since they arrived, but anything at this point was better than what they had. That he was able to contribute at all to the city's defense made him feel a little better.

There was a gentle knock on the door, which turned out to be Peter Grodin. They'd been expecting him, but Geoff hadn't been sure what time he would come by.

"Long day, Geoff?" Peter asked, his familiar British accent comfortable in Geoff's ear.

Geoff sighed and nodded, letting Peter in. "Radek won't be joining us for dinner tonight."

"I didn't think so," Peter said. "McKay's got him working on the command chair. I suspect they'll be at it non-stop until both of them pass out from exhaustion." Peter stepped over to envelop him in a warm hug and they kissed with tired affection.

"I worry about them," Geoff said. "They work so hard."

Peter shook his head. "We all know McKay's insane. I hoped perhaps it had passed over Radek."

"They're both obsessive," Geoff told him. "As if you couldn't guess."

"Not that Radek would let Rodney play with the good toys alone," Peter said with a smile.

Geoff chuckled. "Not a chance. If we get back to Earth, half the science team will be up for a Nobel -- assuming anyone's ever even cleared to know the expedition exists."

"You've got to be kidding." Peter gestured toward the door. "Dinner now, or do you want to rest up and have a shower first?"

"Shower," Geoff said. He grinned. "Want to join me?"

"Radek will probably feel left out." A small, regretful smile turned the corners of his mouth.

Geoff shrugged. "He's the one who can't be home for dinner. His loss. We'll take food up to them. If he wants a kiss and a grope then, he can stop working for ten minutes."

"Well, when you put it that way," Peter said, dark eyes alight, "perhaps a shower wouldn't be such a bad idea after all."

***

Radek stretched and yawned, leaning against the chair.

"Get off that," Rodney snapped. Radek shook his head and edged away a few millimetres.

"It is not as though my leaning on it will damage anything. We can't get it to initialize anyway."

"Who knows what'll happen with this damned thing. We need to get Carson up here. He can sit in it while I monitor."

"You have the gene," Radek said for the tenth time that hour. "You know I--"

"You would screw it up, or you'd make your notes in Czech, and I can't read Czech."

Radek grinned evilly. "You could learn."

"In case you hadn't noticed, I don't have six months to spend on learning a new language at this point. We have one week, Radek. One fucking *week* to deal with this, or we're all dead. Not that we aren't all dead anyway, because of course the Wraith will chase our asses across the entire damned Pegasus galaxy to have us for canapÈs." Rodney glared up at him, looking even more exhausted than Radek felt.

"You need to eat," Radek said. "You're always in a far more foul mood when you don't eat."

"Who has time?" Rodney glared.

Radek patted him on the shoulder, knowing it irritated Rodney. "You keep complaining that you will have hypoglycemic reaction if you don't eat. So take twenty minutes and go get food. The chair will still be here."

"So will the Wraith, but they'll be twenty minutes closer to us, and we'll be twenty minutes further from a solution."

"It does not work that way," Radek insisted, folding his arms and staring down at Rodney. "In five minutes, you will descend into screaming incoherence. Then we will spend at least half an hour arguing about some meaningless minor technical detail, and *then* you will finally decide to go find food. Two hours later, the Wraith will be two hours closer and you will finally begin to approach sanity again. Not to mention my nerves will be in shreds. We will still be no closer to solution."

Rodney started to say something when Geoff and Peter came in. Radek could smell the food and turned away from his annoying friend. "Geoff, Peter! You are just in time. Please, feed the tyrannosaurus before it bites me." He gestured at the grumbling Canadian.

Rodney looked up from his data pad and growled.

"I think we need to toss the food across the room so as not to get in his way," Peter said.

Rodney looked at him. "I know where you sleep."

"Yes," Peter said with a grin. "Tonight, it'll be between Geoff and Radek. They'll protect me." Geoff and Radek both chuckled.

"Nothing will save you from my vengeance," Rodney said, standing up and reaching for the packet Geoff was holding out to him. He looked at Geoff. "You, on the other hand, get to live."

Radek smiled. It was so often this way. He really did like Rodney and care about him, but he could be so irritating. He also rarely listened when his blood sugar was falling, as it had been for the past hour. Radek didn't really feel it was his place to push Rodney to take better care of himself, though he did prod from time to time. Things had at least been a bit better since he'd been with Carson. This didn't prevent Rodney from getting snappish when he wasn't eating often enough. His mood swings were enough to drive most people away. Radek wasn't entirely sure why he tolerated Rodney so well, but he did; their rapport over the technology was rapidly becoming legendary. There were times he even enjoyed the man's company. He grinned when Geoff handed him his own dinner.

"What is it tonight?" Radek asked. He started opening containers.

"Some kind of dead thing from the mainland, with gravy and dumplings," Geoff said.

"It's really quite good," Peter said. "A bit heavy, but you could probably use it after the busy day."

Radek nodded and started eating, realizing suddenly that he was ravenous. If he was so hungry, Rodney must have been on the verge of passing out. For several minutes, there was no sound in the room but people eating. Rodney finished first, of course; he dropped his trash into a corner and got back to work.

"Hurry up, Radek," he grumbled. He was sounding slightly better already. His blood sugar was probably doing much better. That put Radek in a somewhat more pleasant place. He actually worried about Rodney when he was frantic like this. Mostly, though, he was worried about everyone and everything. With the Wraith getting closer by the moment, he knew that he and Rodney held the Atlanteans' hopes in their hands.

Geoff put an arm around him. "Why the heavy sigh?" He nuzzled Radek's ear.

"Nothing," Radek said. "I am just too busy." Geoff kissed him and Peter sat next to him as well. They both started nuzzling at him, kissing his ears and his neck. He sighed happily and made content sounds.

Rodney looked over at them, looked back at the chair then snapped his head back to look at them again. "All right. Drop that scientist. He has work to do." He glared.

"Jealous, Rodney?" Geoff asked, winking.

"He lusts after you," Peter said, grinning wickedly.

"I do *not*!" Rodney insisted. "I have Carson."

Geoff sighed, still smiling. "I wouldn't mind having Carson." There was a wistful tone in his voice.

Rodney snorted. "You've obviously got far too much free time on your hands. Hold this." He stuffed a part into Geoff's hand.

"Hey!" Geoff held the part away from himself, suspicious. "Does this stuff bite?"

"Only if you're Carson," Rodney said.

"I seem to recall you having a bit of a moment with that personal shield device," Peter said, chuckling evilly.

"Which you broke your hand on." Rodney looked inordinately pleased with himself. Smug even.

Peter gave him a sour look. "You're the one who told me to hit you."

"You're the one who hauled off and nailed me without even hesitating." The smug expression spread into a vicious grin. Peter grumbled something unintelligible and Rodney just turned back to his work. "Are you three going to help, or are you just going to sit there and grope each other all night? We're wasting time, which, I may remind you, is rapidly bringing the Wraith closer to all of us."

"It is all right," Radek said, standing up again. "I should get back to work."

Geoff and Peter looked up at him as Carson came in. He was bearing food as well.

"Rodney, I brought you your dinner. You've probably not eaten in hours and I don't want you falling over." He went to Rodney, who looked up at him and took the package. "It's not bad at all tonight, and not a citrus fruit in sight."

Rodney took the packets from him and started in on his second dinner of the evening while Radek and the others stared at him.

"What?" he said, glaring at them. "I need lots of energy to get this project done."

"He's got to eat," Carson said, nodding.

"He just did," Peter told him. Carson looked at Rodney and a slow smile spread across his face.

"Well good for him. It's about time he started taking care of himself in this mess." Carson stood there with his arms crossed, looking pleased and completely immovable.

"Actually," Radek said, "Geoff and Peter brought us dinner."

Carson looked down at Rodney, who ignored the whole conversation in favor of wolfing down his food. He shook his head and sighed. "Still not able to walk to school without someone to hold your hand, then, are you?"

"Tick tick, Carson," he said with his mouth full. "I don't have time to go find food. I have to work. Wraith on their way, remember?" Rodney looked positively grim at that.

Carson sighed and gave Rodney a sad look. Radek wanted to hug the poor man. He looked quite depressed. "Do you think I'm not aware of that?"

Rodney's face softened. "No. Of course you're aware of it. But I'm busy, Carson. It's not like I can tell the Wraith to wait a few more minutes while I mess around with the weapons systems." He waved his hands in the air, addressing imaginary Wraith. "'So, guys, you mind playing a few rounds of Minesweeper while I--'"

"We really should get back to work," Radek said. He took the part from Geoff and kissed him. Geoff nodded. Peter presented himself for a kiss as well, and Radek was pleased to give him one. "I will be home when I am too tired to do anything else tonight."

"We'll be thinking of you," Geoff whispered in his ear.

"I hope so," Radek said softly. He missed his time with them.

Rodney looked over at Geoff and Radek and Peter, then stood and gave Carson a hug. "I'll try to be home before dawn, at least for a little while."

Carson nodded and held Rodney. "You're working far too hard lately, mo leannan. Getting a wee bit of rest would help, it really would."

"I wish I had time for it," Rodney told him. Radek knew exactly how he felt, because he wished he had time for it too.

***

Carson stirred to half awareness when Rodney came shuffling in. Wordless, he stripped and tossed his clothes aside then got into bed. "Rodney," Carson mumbled.

"Go back to sleep," Rodney whispered, exhaustion in the sound of his voice. Carson slipped his arms around Rodney and pulled him close. He was a little chill, and it woke Carson a bit more.

"Wha'time'sit?" Carson asked. He couldn't quite focus on the clock.

"Late," Rodney said, "or early. Depends on your perspective. Sleep."

Carson murmured incoherently, nuzzling his lover's neck, and settled back down. He was almost asleep again when he felt Rodney shaking, but it was sporadic and might just have been muscle tremors from exhaustion. A while later, though, he heard quiet sniffling as well.

"Rodney?" There was no answer, but Rodney stilled for a moment, not even breathing. Carson reached up to stroke Rodney's cheek and found hot tears on his face. It brought him to full awareness. "Rodney, what's wrong, love?" He leaned up on one elbow, caressing Rodney's face.

"Nothing." Rodney's voice was thick and choked. The man didn't cry over nothing, ever. Carson sighed.

"Talk to me," he whispered.

Rodney pulled his face down and kissed him hard. His mouth was hot and too wet and he shook as he ran the fingers of one hand through Carson's hair. A few moments later, he let go and Carson caught his breath. Rodney shook his head and sniffed again. "I can't."

"Please, Rodney, let me at least try to help."

"There's nothing you can do," he said. "Nothing anyone can do." The despair in his voice was an ache deep inside Carson's chest.

"You're not getting enough rest, love. You're exhausted. You should have come home hours ago." He stroked Rodney's back slowly, wishing it was enough and knowing it wasn't.

"There's no time." Rodney's arms wrapped around him and he held on tight, clinging desperately. "No time for anything anymore." Carson could hear the tears in his voice and feel Rodney choking back a silent sob. His lover moved against him, trying to get more physical contact, but they were as close as two naked men could be without one being inside the other.

"Rodney--" Carson was at a loss for what to say. He hated this beyond all reason, hated what the Wraith did and what their approach was doing to him and everyone around him. "Rodney, easy love." He tried unsuccessfully to back away a little, and brought the lights up slightly so he could see Rodney's face.

"Easy? Nothing's fucking *easy* right now." Rodney kissed him again, pulling at his hips to tug him closer.

Carson grumbled and shifted his weight. "Damn it, Rodney, I love you but I just can't give you that right now. I'm too tired and my body won't cooperate. Please, just tell me what's going on in that head of yours."

Rodney looked at him. His blue eyes were bloodshot, tears filling them. "We're all going to die and there's not a damned thing I can do about it."

"We're all working on this," Carson said, but Rodney interrupted him.

"God, Carson, I don't want to watch you die." Rodney buried his face in Carson's neck and clung to him desperately, trembling. "I can't do this. Nothing I'm doing is going to make a damned bit of difference. They're coming and they're going to suck us all dry, just like--" he shuddered, "--just like Abrams and Gall."

"We'll abandon the city first," Carson said, "destroy it so it doesn't fall into their hands. We won't just stand and be slaughtered." He was afraid too but he couldn't dwell on that, not with Rodney weeping and lost. "They won't defeat us as easy as all that." If he tried to give his lover at least a little of what he needed, it might help. He tugged on Rodney to shift him and rolled on top of him, the length of their bodies meeting, then wrapped himself around the man. "It's like I told my mum, love; we're a scrappy lot. The Wraith haven't met folk like us before, and they'll regret it."

"You're an idiot," Rodney said, his voice harsh and shaky. "You are so damned naÔve. You don't actually believe a word you're saying, do you, so don't expect me to buy it. They'll kill all of us. We're nothing more than walking snack food to them." This time, his sob was almost audible. "I've got nothing, Carson -- *nothing.*"

"No," Carson said. "No, Rodney. I swear we'll find a way. Everyone's working as hard as they can and together we'll find a way. You just need sleep. You know how hopeless you feel when you've not had any sleep. Please, love, just breathe for me." He hoped if he could get Rodney to stop crying that he'd calm a bit and perhaps be able to rest.

"I need you," Rodney whispered fiercely, kissing him a third time. This time it was long and passionate, desperately so. "Please, Carson, I need you in me."

Carson wanted to give Rodney what he so obviously wanted, but he was just too worn down by exhaustion and stress. "I'm sorry, mo chridhe," he whispered. "I'm so sorry. I can't. Believe me, if I could, I would."

"Please," Rodney begged, his hands moving on Carson's body in ways that were guaranteed to get a rise from him under any other circumstances.

"I can't give you that, love, but would this do?" He rolled them to their side and slipped his hand down between Rodney's legs, caressing his opening gently with his fingers.

Rodney nodded, his breath still hitching with his tears. "Yes; god, please. I need you so much."

Carson kissed him gently, but Rodney didn't leave it at that. He made hungry, needy sounds, deepening their kiss. They shot through Carson but didn't stir his soft cock to life. He let himself relax though, enjoying the warmth and Rodney's caresses. His fingers pressed at Rodney's opening and he moaned into Carson's mouth.

Reaching out blindly, he found their bedside table with one hand and tugged at the drawer to find the lube. It was awkward and took a few moments, but Rodney wouldn't allow him to move away nor break their kiss. He flipped the tube open with a thumb and got some on his fingers then turned his attention back to Rodney.

Rodney broke the kiss when Carson's cold, slicked finger moved in the cleft between his cheeks. "Carson..." He gasped as Carson slid the finger inside him. Rodney was hot and tight, and Carson wished he wasn't so exhausted.

"Love you," Carson whispered, moving his finger slowly and slipping another in to join it. "I wish I could do more than this."

"Please," Rodney moaned. "Anything, Carson. I need this. I need you." His hands clenched on Carson's shoulders with bruising strength. Carson gasped and stretched Rodney more, his lover writhing on his fingers as they moved.

"Relax," Carson said, "not so hard on my shoulders." He twisted his fingers, caressing Rodney.

"Sorry, sorry," Rodney gasped, barely easing his grip. "Please, more. God, I need more." He slipped a third finger in with the others and Rodney hissed for a moment. "Yes, more. Please, babe, please." He had to slip his fingers out to get more lube, but he nuzzled and sucked at Rodney's neck as he did so. Rodney bucked up at him, protesting the change, but groaned when Carson slid his fingers back in. This time a fourth finger joined them and Rodney shifted, pressing himself into Carson's hand.

"Is it too much?" Carson asked.

"No, no -- oh god, it's almost enough. Please, harder. I need it deeper." Rodney was panting with it, but neither of them was hard. There was an irony to it that frustrated Carson deeply. He wanted to be in Rodney as much as Rodney wanted him, but nothing was waking his cock at all. Carson slipped his fingers slowly in and out, almost to his last set of knuckles, and Rodney groaned. "Yes," he gasped, and opened his legs further. "Please, more."

"I don't want to hurt you. We haven't enough lube for more than this. Even if you could take my whole hand, it would hurt you." Instead, he stretched his fingers a little wider, and Rodney howled, bucking against him.

"Yesyesyesyesyes!" Rodney was breathless and sweating now, head thrown back in ecstasy. It was wonderful to watch, even though Carson's body wasn't responding physically. Right now, just knowing he was giving Rodney pleasure was enough. He kissed Rodney's throat, trailing his lips up his lover's chin and along his roughly stubbled jaw to lick and suck at his ear.

"That's right, love," Carson murmured to him. "Just like that. Relax and let me please you." He twisted his hand slightly, reaching for Rodney's prostate and finding it, stroking gently. Rodney wailed and shuddered in a release that never even made his soft cock twitch. Panting and gasping, Rodney clung to him.

"Oh god, oh Carson, so good. Love you so damned much. God, I don't want you to die." Rodney held him so tight now he could barely breathe.

"We'll get through this," Carson insisted, slowly withdrawing his fingers from his lover's body. "We'll find a way to survive it, no matter what happens." He had his own doubts, but Rodney needed hope and Carson knew he was the only one who could give it to him right now.

"I love you," Rodney whispered. "Don't lie to me."

"Sleep, Rodney, please. You'll feel better in the morning. Maybe you'll have an idea in the night. I know that happens. So do you." He wiped his hand off and hugged Rodney tightly. "But I do think we need a bit of a shower. The hot water will help us both relax, don't you think?"

Finally, Rodney opened his eyes and looked at Carson again. He nodded slowly. "Okay," he said softly. "Yeah. Maybe you're right."

"Good," Carson said. He kissed Rodney and they got out of bed.

***

When Radek got home, Peter and Geoff were both fast asleep, curled together in the bed. He smiled at the sight, looking forward to spending a little time with them, even if they were both unconscious.

A quick shower eased his tight muscles and he slipped into the bed with them. They shifted slightly, not waking, to make room for him and he settled in between them. Geoff made a quiet sound and nuzzled at his neck and Radek sighed happily. Two pairs of arms moved, tucking him close between their bodies.

Peter opened one eye a crack. "Mmm."

"Sleep," Radek whispered. He caressed Peter's face with one hand.

"No," Peter muttered. He kissed Radek softly. "Want you."

Radek grinned. "I am not likely to be much use to you, tired as I am."

"Who said you had to do anything?" Both of Peter's eyes were open now, dark in the dim ambient light of the moons and nearing dawn.

"Ah," Radek said. "When you put it that way, certainly. You may have me." He smiled as Peter's hands moved slowly along his exhausted body. "Mmm. Very nice," he whispered, not wanting to wake Geoff.

Peter's mouth covered his, tongue exploring gently, and Radek sighed into it, letting the warmth overwhelm him. Geoff stirred behind him, tightening the arm around his chest. He felt Geoff's beard nuzzling at his neck and ear and murmured happy sounds into Peter's mouth.

"Mil·cku," Geoff muttered. Warm lips and wet tongue played slowly at his neck, moving up to his ear. Radek moaned quietly, feeling Geoff's hardening erection pressing against him. Peter pressed closer against his body as well, the two enveloping him in heat and arms and touch.

"He's going to want to go again, you know," Peter whispered against Radek's lips. "He was insatiable earlier."

Geoff sighed then muttered, "Flatterer." Radek grinned and turned his head to kiss Geoff. It was hot and sweet, and Geoff's hands explored his chest, tucking between his body and Peter's. His nipples were squeezed and rolled between slender fingers and he groaned quietly.

"Chci vic," Radek sighed. Geoff had wonderful hands, delicate but strong, and he could do such wonderful things with them. "More," he repeated, arching into Geoff's touch.

Peter was kissing Geoff now, his chin on Radek's shoulder, hands slipping down Radek's hips to cup his buttocks. Peter had good hands too, warm and soft and knowledgeable in every way. They were all making happy, content sounds; quiet moans, soft groans, incoherent murmurs and mutters in deep voices.

Peter's hands separated his cheeks and he could feel Geoff pressing against him, hard and thick at his small opening. A moment later, one of Geoff's hands left his chest and Radek whimpered, but knew this meant lubrication was probably coming. It was a reasonable trade and Peter's mouth was moving on his shoulder, sucking and nipping, making up for the loss of touch elsewhere.

"Yes," Geoff whispered, slick fingers touching him. Radek groaned and shuddered as one finger slipped inside. "So hot, baby. I love you like this." The finger slid out and the blunt tip of Geoff's cock opened him, moving slowly as Radek leaned his head back and moaned loudly.

"Please, please," he gasped. He heard Peter moan and the two of them thrust against him and into him, Peter's hardness meeting his body. It was wonderful, hot and sweet, but Radek's own shaft was not cooperating. Exhaustion, he thought, disappointed. Ah well, Peter had said he would not have to do any work. It was just as well. The pleasure was much the same, either way.

He reached down between himself and Peter and took Peter's hard length in hand. Peter gasped and thrust into it, kissing him soundly. Geoff thrust into him more deeply, moving slowly. It felt delicious, and Radek tightened his grip on Peter as he gasped with the fullness of it all. Peter's mouth was demanding now, his hands tightening on Radek's cheeks, squeezing and kneading. Combined with Geoff's penetration, it was intense almost to the point of pain. He moaned again into Peter's mouth. Pain was to be greatly desired when it felt this good.

Pleasure blurred him; vision and taste and touch and scent and hearing blended and swirled in his body. Radek panted as Geoff thrust slow and deep, moving with power and grace. He loved that about the man, the way he expressed so much with his body. Peter's cock throbbed in his hand, the scent of arousal thick in the air around them. He stroked urgently, wishing he could get hard as well. He never used to have this problem. The Wraith, however, wouldn't care when they ate him.

Another deep thrust derailed his train of thought and he lost himself entirely. "Geoff," he moaned, "mil·cku -- please, harder." He wanted it now, wanted hard and fast and deep to drive his demons away. Rocking back against Geoff's body, he wrapped his other arm around Peter, reaching into the cleft of his cheeks. Peter stiffened and shuddered as Radek's fingers found their goal.

"God, yes," Peter gasped. "That's right, yes, make me come."

Radek slipped his fingers in and Peter was still slick from before Radek had got home. There was a strangled groan and Peter bucked into Radek's hand hard and fast as Geoff moved deeper into Radek's body, thrusting forcefully. He howled when Geoff started pounding into him. Peter came with a shout, hot and sticky on Radek's belly.

Radek could taste the sweat on Peter's skin as he sucked at the curve of collarbone before him. He moaned and bit as Geoff fucked him hard and deep, wanting to forget everything but this, everything but the moment and this pleasure and the feel of his lovers' bodies. Even here, in the midst of it all, the shadow of the Wraith fell on him. Work exhausted him. He could barely sleep.

"Love you," Geoff gasped in his ear, hips moving, his fingers squeezing Radek's nipples. "Need you. Oh, god, Radek!" Geoff's release was fast and harsh, his body jerking into Radek's.

Radek couldn't speak. It was too much, too good. He howled, pleasure washing through him. He couldn't come, not like this, though he desperately wanted to. Peter was already asleep in his arms, worn out from his orgasm. Geoff would not be far behind, he was sure. Even without the climax, this was good. It was enough. It reminded him he was alive and loved, even if their lives would vanish soon, snuffed out by hungry swarms of Wraith.

He sighed as Geoff relaxed, softening inside him and finally slipping out. "Dekuju," Radek whispered. "Mil·cku." Geoff hugged him tightly for a moment, but his grip loosened and soon he was snoring.

Radek looked at Peter and Geoff. He was responsible for so much. He and Rodney had to save everyone. Radek didn't think it could be done. If the chair could not be powered, it couldn't be initialized, and there would be no chance at defense.

In all likelihood, they would lose the city, even if they did not all die. He closed his eyes against the tears.

***

Sheppard sat and listened as McKay denied crying himself to sleep every night, in front of the assembled Atlantis personnel. Kavanagh, as usual, was whining. There was no way Sheppard would be sending a bunch of untrained scientists into battle with the Wraith, but he did think Atlantis might be defensible. New weaponry and a command chair like the one in Antarctica had been discovered, but from what McKay and Zelenka said, there were likely to be a number of problems just getting the thing up and running.

With Teyla saying the Athosians would help fight, he thought there might be options.

"There are tens of thousands of life-sucking aliens in highly advanced space ships on their way here to destroy us, and we have, what, two hundred people? Most of whom are scientists, who've never even fired a gun before," Kavanagh said.

"Shockingly," Rodney added, "it's the first time ever I find myself having to agree with Kavanagh."

Sheppard shook his head. "All I'm saying is, let's not give up just yet."

McKay bitched, citing the Alamo, and Sheppard pointed out that science had done a lot to turn the tides of war before. He really thought this crew could pull off more than one miracle, given the chance. They were good, damned good. They just needed to act instead of panicking.

Fortunately, Weir reminded them of the need for focus. She, at least, wasn't willing to just abandon ship quite yet. He was grateful for her confidence. It would help with the others. When she dismissed the group, Sheppard sighed to himself. He had to talk to Kate Heightmeyer about Teyla's nightmares. They were really throwing his friend and teammate off her game. That would be trouble and he knew it.

It only took a few minutes to find Heightmeyer. "Doc," he said.

She looked up from her conversation. "Yes, Major?"

"Can I see you for a few minutes?" He looked pointedly at the woman talking to Heightmeyer. Dr. Wen, he thought.

"It's all right," Dr. Wen said. "I'll come and make an appointment with you later today."

"Thank you, Lin Yao. I'll be sure to save you a slot this afternoon." The Asian woman hurried off. Heightmeyer turned to him. "And what can I do for you, Major? Do you need an appointment as well?"

He shook his head. Well, yeah, he probably did, but he wasn't going to make one. "Not today. I need to talk to you about Teyla."

Heightmeyer nodded. "Ah, I see." She gestured. "Come to my office. I have about ten minutes before my first appointment today. We can talk privately there."

"Sure thing." He followed her down the corridor and into her large, bright space.

"Please, Major, have a seat." He sat and sighed, not really wanting to deal with it but knowing he had to. "What's happening with Teyla that's giving you cause for concern?"

He took a deep breath. "She's been... off lately. Her sparring is slipping. This morning, I even beat her. That never happens. She said she's been having nightmares about the Wraith, really bad. Said it hasn't been so bad since her father got taken. She hasn't been sleeping either. I mean, I know pretty much nobody's getting enough sleep these days, but I'm worried that this is going to effect her in the field and I need my team to be on their toes when they go through the Gate."

"I understand, Major," Heightmeyer said. "I'll talk to her today, see if we can work on this."

Sheppard stood and nodded. "Thanks, Kate," he said. "I appreciate it."

"You're welcome, John." She offered her hand and he took it. It was chill. She was probably exhausted herself, though she looked the same as always, except maybe around the eyes. "If you need anything else, please don't hesitate to talk to me."

"Thanks," he said again. "I might do that." Maybe tomorrow, he thought. If there was a tomorrow.

***

"Damn it, Kate, how do you *think* it makes me feel?" Rodney gritted his teeth and scrubbed another tissue over his eyes. "I haven't slept more than an hour or two on any given night since we were rescued from the Genii. Every time I close my eyes, I slip back into being tortured or seeing Carson being tortured or the Wraith sucking him dry. I feel *fabulous*!"

He took a deep breath and Heightmeyer nodded. "It's all right, Rodney. You're safe here."

"No. No, I'm not safe, and neither are you, nor is anyone else. In case you hadn't noticed, there are three Wraith Hiveships on the way. We're nothing more than snack food. Ever see 'Soylent Green'? It's *people*!" He hugged himself and shuddered. "And everyone in this damned city is operating under the spectacular delusion that I can save them!"

"Everyone is working hard to get the Alpha site ready, and to evacuate should it become necessary," Heightmeyer said. "You're not alone."

"No, but I'm the genius here, I'm the Answer Man. Everybody seems to think I'm Superman or something, and they can deny it all they like but it's true. Every single goddamned one of them, except maybe Kavanagh, thinks I'm going to pull some miracle out of my ass. Well let me tell you, it's not going to happen this time. There *is no miracle.* We're going to die, or at the very least the city will be destroyed."

He couldn't hold back the tears anymore, couldn't deny they were streaming down his cheeks. He sobbed and buried his face in his hands, nose filling up with snot in a terribly unpleasant manner. Not that there was ever anything pleasant about one's nose filling up with snot.

"I can't do this," he shouted. "I can't save everyone." He blew his nose loudly and panted to catch his breath. "Can I even save Carson?" he whispered. "He's going to stay until the last fucking second. I know him. He thinks he can save lives, and all he'll do is lose his own."

"He's the head of the medical department. He feels it's his responsibility to see his people are safe before he can go," Heightmeyer said. "Just as the Major is responsible for the military personnel, and you feel responsible for the sciences division."

"I'm responsible for everyone," Rodney snapped, not feeling the least bit charitable. "You know it, I know it, everybody knows it. I don't have a choice. I have to stay here until the last minute, just like I did during the storm, because there will no doubt be some kind of bizarre emergency that requires my attention. It sucks being the smartest man in two galaxies."

Heightmeyer sighed and reached out, taking Rodney's hand. "You're not the only one working on this, Rodney. Your brilliance is certainly not in dispute, but everyone here has a job to do and is doing it to the best of their ability. The survival of the expedition isn't on your shoulders alone. The responsibility for that belongs to all of us."

"Platitudes," he spat, tears still running down his face. He wiped at them viciously. "They all look to me for leadership and inspiration. I have to set a good example for them, because they're colossal idiots. Some of these people couldn't find their ass with both hands and a map, I swear."

"That's really cynical of you." Kate quirked an eyebrow. "Do you realize how megalomanaical that sounds? You're not God, Rodney. Don't try to convince yourself you are."

"There is no god," Rodney said, and sighed. "And I'm neither omnipotent nor omniscient. So why do people treat me like I am?"

"You've convinced yourself that they do, but look at the people in your life. Does Carson treat you like you're all-knowing and all-powerful?"

Rodney snorted. "No, he treats me like I'm a brain-damaged five year old."

"Well then," she said, smiling. "I think you're safe from Godhood."

"Yeah," Rodney said, "but is it safe from me?" He sobered. "What can I do?" he asked softly. "I don't know what to do anymore. I can't sleep. I forget to eat -- god, me, forgetting to eat. I can't focus. Hell, I can't even... I mean... nevermind." He sighed sadly. "Look, our time's up. I really need to get going."

Kate nodded. "Let other people take care of you, Rodney. You need that right now. It's okay to lean on others, especially after what you and Carson went through with the Genii. Under any other circumstances, I wouldn't have released either of you for duty yet, but we don't have a choice. Please, just try to let people take care of you, all right?"

He sighed and nodded. Standing, he wiped his eyes, and Kate turned to her desk to start her notes for the session. Rodney startled when the door opened and Teyla walked in.

Embarrassed, he stumbled on himself and made some lame excuse about 'seeing' Heightmeyer, even though everyone knew he was living with Carson. It just fell out of his mouth before he could think of anything else to say. Teyla solemnly swore to keep his 'secret' for him, but now he was going to have to tell Carson what he'd said.

God, he was an idiot.

***

"Carson, I have to talk to you." Rodney came sweeping into the infirmary exam room as Carson was talking to Erin Siwicki.

"I don't have time right now, Rodney. If you're not bleeding or about to faint, you'll need to get me later." He looked back at Erin. "Your leg's doing much better, lass, so you don't need the crutches anymore. You might need a cane now and then for about a week, but so long as you don't abuse it, you should be fine without."

Erin nodded. "Thanks Carson." She turned to Rodney. "Do you mind? I'm sorta half naked here." She pulled the sheet up over her hip, where her thigh had been exposed so Carson could examine the scar.

"Sorry," Rodney muttered. "No, this can't wait, Carson. I've done something really stupid and--" he looked at Erin. "Okay, so maybe it can wait five minutes while she gets dressed."

"Rodney, I'll see you at lunch, all right?" Carson sighed and shooed his lover out. "Sorry about that," he said to Erin.

She shrugged. "It's okay. I don't have issues about it, I was just a little startled, and he's really got to learn not to do that kind of thing. What if you'd been giving me a pelvic exam or something? He'd have passed out from the embarrassment." She grinned.

Carson chuckled. "Aye, he might at that."

"Now shoo," Erin said. "You have work to do and I have to put clothes back on. Nobody wants to see me running around dressed like this." She flashed her thigh at him.

"I wouldn't be so sure of that, my dear," he replied with a grin. He might be tired but he wasn't dead, and she was a friend who provoked the teasing rather than objected to it. "There are any number of lads who follow you about with their eyes."

"Most of them need glasses," she said with a snort, and waved her trousers at him. "And some of these guys? I'm old enough to be their mother. Go!"

"All right, all right, I'm going. And pass my greetings to Tanya when you see her." Thursday nights hadn't happened in at least two weeks. No one had time for being social anymore, with the crisis looming over their heads.

"I've barely seen her," Erin said with a quiet sigh. "She's been offworld with the teams dealing with the Alpha site."

Carson nodded. "Oh, aye. I didn't realize she was part of that."

"A lot of people are. I probably would be if I hadn't been on crutches." She gave him a wry half-smile. "They'll probably have me hauling things tomorrow, now that I'm off them."

He shook his head. "Oh, no. You'll not be hauling any real weight yet. Not for another few days. You've too much of a limp still, and you wouldn't be able to bear the weight. And besides, you're needed for translating the Ancient databases."

"Great. More flight time behind a desk when I should be doing something useful." There was a bitter look in her eyes.

"It's not your fault, Erin. And I know you've been doing what you can. The translations are critical."

"It's not enough. I feel like I should be *doing* something, not sitting around reading."

Carson sighed. "No, none of us are doing enough. But we're doing what we're able. Now, no muttering about it. I don't want to see you carrying crates."

She smiled. "Okay. No crates. Just very small boxes."

"Off with you, then," he said to her, leaving her to dress. He chuckled.

It was about an hour later when Teyla came in, asking him questions about her heritage. She wanted to know if she was different, somehow, but he'd been over Athosian genetic structure when they'd first arrived in Atlantis and hadn't found anything anomalous at a superficial level.

"Any chance you would have time to fly me over to the mainland?" she asked, the strain of her upset showing on her face.

He chuckled. "If you're willing to take your life into your own hands." She nodded to him and smiled. He took a deep breath. He could do this. "I'd love a break," he admitted.

"Good," Teyla said. "Let us get you your break." She grinned.

When they were in the air, Teyla turned to him. "McKay said he was seeing Dr. Heightmeyer. He implied they were in an intimate relationship, yet he told me he wished to keep this a secret. This does not seem like him. I believed he was only with you, Dr. Beckett. Has this changed? I do not understand why he wishes to keep this a secret. Among my people, it is an honor to be loved by more than one."

It took a moment for what she'd said to hit his brain. When it did his eyes widened. "What?" He looked over at her. "He said he's seeing Kate?"

She looked chagrined. "He did say he did not want anyone to know of it, but since you are his mate, I thought you were aware."

Carson blinked and tried to wrap his brain around the idea of Rodney seeing Kate in anything other than a professional capacity. Then he realized that Rodney'd had an appointment that morning. "Oh," he said. "No, Teyla, he wasn't seeing her like that. I think he was just embarrassed that someone found him at her office and said the first thing that popped into his idiot brain."

She looked at him strangely. "He was embarrassed?" A thoughtful look passed over her face. "That would explain much," she said. "Dr. Heightmeyer did not appear to be acting like someone who had just seen a lover."

Carson chuckled. "I'll have to have a few words with him when I get home."

***

Teyla sat silent in the Jumper on the way back to Atlantis. Dr. Beckett concentrated on his piloting and she could see that he was still uneasy with it, despite the calm weather. She wondered whether he would ever be at ease with the technology of the Ancestors. Of all the people she had met from Earth, he was the one most uncomfortable with the devices.

He was one of the gentlest people she had ever met. She had never thought of him as a coward, though she knew some of the others said that of him. She knew he was often afraid, but he always did what was necessary, much like McKay. Both of them had a tendency to complain when they were under pressure, though their complaints were of differing natures, yet they often found brilliant solutions to the problems facing them.

The Wraith and the puzzle of the Taken must, she thought, be something Beckett could help her solve. He knew more of the Wraith's secrets than anyone she had ever met. He had taken them apart and studied the very motes that made up their being, their DNA. Charin's story left her confused and anxious. What connection linked her to the Wraith so that she and her family could feel them?

"Dr. Beckett," she said hesitantly.

He looked over at her. "Teyla, lass, you know you can call me Carson if you like."

She nodded and smiled slightly. Perhaps she should. She did like him, and the Earth people tended to use first names when they were in informal situations or when they were friends. She wanted to consider Carson a friend. "Carson, I would like you to re-examine my DNA when we return."

"Why is that?" He looked back out to the sky, watching cautiously.

She sighed. "Charin told me many things that make me believe I and my family are different from the rest of my people. My line are among those Taken, but who were returned by the Wraith for some reason. I cannot help but wonder if they did not do something to us -- change us somehow."

He looked thoughtful. "Aye," he said. "I'll do that. What did she say; if you don't mind telling me?"

"She said that the people of one village were Taken, but some were returned. No one knew why, and while at first this was counted as a blessing, eventually my family and others like them were driven from that planet, exiled, because they sometimes heard voices in their heads, they acted strangely, or became violent for no reason."

Carson nodded and looked over at her again. She could see the tension in his eyes and the way he held his shoulders. Flying, she thought, would never be easy for him, and certainly not fun, as it was for the Major. "Have you ever heard voices, Teyla?"

"No," she said. "But I have had... terrible nightmares lately. This is why I was seeing Dr. Heightmeyer. The Major insisted that I speak with her. I do not know if it has helped or not. This is not a thing I understand, though it seems many of your people are eager to have her time. I feel more like McKay, I think; I am not comfortable with this, nor with others knowing I am using her services."

"You know, I see her as well. It's not a shameful thing to need help sometimes." He sighed. "God knows I've got enough problems I can't handle on my own." His face darkened as he watched their progress through the sky. "Between the Wraith and the Genii and Rodney's problems and my own fears about the Gate and flying and all this Ancient stuff, it's a wonder my head doesn't explode. If I didn't have someone to talk to about it, to help me see it from another side, I don't know what I'd do."

"You are stronger than you believe, Carson. I have seen you struggle with so much, yet you always manage to help others." She watched as doubt crept into his eyes. "And perhaps if you can find out what is different about me, this will help all of us."

He nodded and sighed quietly. "For your sake, I do hope it's something definable. I'd like to see you without the nightmares. It sounds like they're very bad."

"I dream that I am a Wraith," she whispered. "That I am... that I am feeding upon my friends." She lowered her eyes to her hands, examining them, almost expecting to see the marks in her palms.

"Oh, lass," he said softly. "I'm sorry. That truly must be awful."

"It is," she said. "It is terrifying. The need is insatiable and I cannot stop myself."

He took one hand from the controls, tentative, and stroked her shoulder gently. "It's only a dream, Teyla. As terrible as it is, it can't hurt you or anyone else, except by keeping you from your rest." His hand moved quickly back to the controls.

"I know this is true, but still, it is extremely unsettling. I must visit the planet where the Taken were returned. I am convinced that I will find answers there."

"Talking the Major into it will be the hard part," he said. "What with everyone rushing about to get the Alpha site ready, he may feel there's no time."

"It is important," she insisted. "I will make him see that." She knew in her bones that she would find something there, something that might be the key to a great mystery.

"I don't doubt you. You're very persuasive, my dear." The city was coming into view and he tensed as he started the landing procedures. "But I think we should talk about this once I have the Jumper safely in the bay. I need to concentrate here."

"It is all right," she told him. "I will speak to the Major when we land."

***

He found Rodney alone in his lab, sipping coffee and staring at something on his laptop screen. "So," he said, trying to conceal his grin, "I hear you and Kate are an item now. When did this happen?"

Rodney looked up, shocked. "What? Oh my god, Teyla--"

Carson chuckled. "If you wanted to be playing around with someone, all you had to do was ask me, you know." He grinned evilly, watching Rodney squirm.

"Look, I tried to tell you what happened, but you chased me off! There's nothing going on with me and Kate!" Rodney's eyes were wide and he was obviously upset. "It was stupid, okay? I was embarrassed about having to see her and said the first damned thing that fell out of my mouth."

It was obvious he hadn't heard anything Carson had said after the 'you and Kate are an item' moment. "Rodney--"

"No, damn it! Jesus, Carson, how could you believe I would cheat on you? And with Kate, of all people? Come *on* -- Kate?"

"No, Rodney, I never said I thought you were cheating on me!" The offense in Rodney's eyes was just growing deeper. "It was a joke, mo leannan. I was only teasing you. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset." Carson moved to stand next to him.

"God, Carson, I'd never date a shrink. Can you imagine? She'd never stop trying to analyze me. It would be horrible." He shook his head, still on his rant. "And--" he stopped, coffee mug held high, in mid-gesture. "Ask you? All I'd have to do is ask you? Wait a minute." He blinked, confused.

"Rodney," Carson knew he had to take advantage of the moment or he'd never get another word in. He put a hand on Rodney's arm. "It's all right, love. I wasn't accusing you of anything. And yes, if you really did want to be seeing someone else as well, I'd not mind, so long as I knew about it and didn't utterly hate the person."

Rodney just stared at him. He slid his hand up Rodney's arm, stroking softly. Rodney blinked again, looking like he was about to start hyperventilating. "Carson, you have got to be kidding me."

"No." He shook his head and smiled tentatively. "I'm not pulling your leg. I'm quite serious." His arm slipped around Rodney's shoulders.

"Why would I want to be with anyone else?" Rodney asked softly. His confusion was painfully intense.

Carson kissed his cheek. "I'm not saying you would, but you know that no one can be everything to another person. That's why we have friends, because we need different things from different people."

"You're leaving me, aren't you?"

That stunned him. "What? Leaving you? Are you daft?"

"That's why you're saying this. You want me to find someone else." Rodney looked devastated now.

"Wha-- *No*! Good god, man, no!" He put both hands on Rodney's shoulders and turned his lover in his chair to face him. He looked into Rodney's eyes. "I love you, Rodney. Never think that I don't. I love you more than you can imagine. All I'm saying is that... oh, god, love. All I meant is that I'm fine if you saw someone you were interested in and wanted to play a bit. I'm not the sort to get angry and jealous about it, that's all." He leaned in to kiss Rodney, but his lover pulled away.

"Sure. Right. Because I have so many people chasing my ass around Atlantis that I just can't make up my mind," Rodney snapped. "What kind of an idiot do you think I am?"

"I don't think you are at all, at least not most of the time," Carson grumbled. "But you're panicking for no reason here."

"Uh huh." Rodney crossed his arms and leaned back, blue eyes hard now.

"I could start with that Japanese lass, Miko Kusanagi. She follows you about like a lost pup! And don't tell me you've not seen the way Radek looks at you sometimes. I suspect Erin is interested as well, though I doubt she'd admit it to anyone."

"Yeah, right. She lusts after *you.*" His eyes widened. "You're sleeping with her, aren't you? I mean, you must be saying this because you want to be with somebody else. She's not bad looking. She's smart. She's funny. She's apparently got no problem with seeing other people's lovers."

Carson jerked back as if he'd been slapped. "*What*?" He let go of Rodney's shoulders, angry and deeply offended. "I can't believe you'd think I'd cheat on you!" He took a deep breath and bellowed at him. "After all we've been through, you think I wouldn't bloody well *talk* to you if I had my eye on someone?" Rodney looked shocked. "You bloody *wanker*! I would *die* before I'd see you hurt, and you think I'd do *that* to you?"

"Whoa, whoa, Carson!" Rodney's hands went up before him, trying to get him to back off, but Carson was having none of it.

"And with Erin? Do you think so little of her that you think she'd go behind your back? She's your *friend* Rodney! She's not like that! You see how she is with Radek and Geoff!" He barely paused for breath. "She'd no sooner hurt you than either of them would!"

"Carson!" Rodney was pleading now, but Carson wasn't quite finished yet.

"I don't believe your bloody distrust. I've tried so hard, Rodney. Has any of it made a difference? Have you learned nothing at all about me?" He was winding down from the shouting, the hurt starting to settle into his chest. "Why don't you trust me?"

Rodney deflated entirely, pain in his eyes. "I'm sorry," he said. "I just... I mean, I've never had anyone I *could* trust before. You know what my life has been like. I'm sorry, but how could I not react like that? I can't..." He took a deep, harsh breath. "God, Carson, it was so hard just letting you in, and I just don't *get* this thing with Radek and Geoff, and then you go pulling this on me. What the hell am I supposed to think?"

Carson sighed. "You're supposed to think that I love you and that I would never deliberately hurt you."

"Carson," Rodney whispered. "Oh, god, I'm sorry." He stood and hugged him, shaking. "I didn't mean it. I just... when you started talking like that, I was so afraid I was going to lose you. I freaked, okay? You fried my brain and it sort of leaked out my ears. I can't stand the idea of losing you, and with everything going on right now, I'm just so fucking scared that we're all going to die..." Rodney trailed off into nothing, holding Carson so tightly he almost couldn't breathe.

Carson slid his arms around Rodney. "We're all right, mo leannan, mo chridhe, I promise you that. But you need to learn to trust me. You need to know that I'm not going to leave you, and that if anything ever happened to make me think I would, or if I was interested in seeing someone on the side, that I'd talk to you about it first. I would never go behind your back like that. Never."

He rubbed Rodney's back, both of them silent for a long moment. They both had to catch their breath after the intensity of their fight. Rodney slowly loosened his grip on Carson. "I'm doing my best," Rodney said. "Sometimes, for a genius, I'm pretty fucking stupid."

Carson snorted. "Aye, I'll give you that one for free." He kissed Rodney hard, not letting go.

***

"Oh, bloody hell," Carson muttered to himself. He sat in the music room, alone, a little time on his hands while the DNA work on Teyla was progressing. He'd had no idea Rodney was still so insecure about what they had together. At the beginning, it had been so hard. Everything had been difficult and they'd had to fight for every moment of understanding.

He thought they'd made progress. Rodney had finally started spending nights with him, said he loved him, had even asked Carson to live with him. Why hadn't he seen what was in front of him? God, it would take years for Rodney to get past some of what he'd been through.

Carson sighed. If they had more than this week, it would be a miracle. He buried his face in his hands and wondered what to do.

"Carson?"

He looked up toward the sound of Radek's voice. "What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Looking for you. Rodney seemed quite disturbed. He said there was some sort of argument?" Radek looked puzzled. "I did not think you two fought."

"Not as such," Carson said. "I didn't think he'd tell anyone about it, really."

Radek shrugged and came to sit next to him. "Actually, I harassed him until he told me."

Carson chuckled. "Ah. That would explain it then."

"What happened?" Radek asked.

"I teased him about the fact he'd tried to cover something by telling Teyla he was seeing someone else and he didn't realize I was teasing. When I told him I'd be all right with it if he'd actually wanted to, he thought I was going to leave him, or that I'd been cheating on him." Carson just shook his head sadly. "Can you imagine?"

"Cheating? You?" Radek laughed. "Oh, yes, certainly. The man who turned down half of Atlantis?"

"With Erin, if you can believe it," Carson said. He raised his hands helplessly.

Radek smiled. "Oh, yes. Erin. She is very good." He blushed a little. "And she would never be with you unless Rodney said yes. She did not even ask me, until after Geoff suggested it. She is a flirt, but does not mean anything by it."

Carson nodded. "You know that and I know it, but Rodney seemed to think she was the likely suspect." He snorted. "He thinks no one would be interested in him at all."

Radek looked surprised. "If he has not seen how Miko deludes herself that he is just your roommate, he is entirely blind."

"And there are others," Carson said. He gave Radek a meaningful look, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes," Radek sighed, "there are. Not that he would ever notice. If the man were any more blind, he would have no eyes at all."

"It's all right," Carson said. "I'm just worried he'll never work any of it out. I thought we'd come so far."

"You have," Radek said. "You are just too close to see it sometimes, I think."

Carson folded his hands and looked at the floor. "You've been a good friend to him. Sometimes I wonder if he realizes how much."

Radek snorted. "I think I care too much," he said softly. "He worries me. Then again, right now, everything worries me."

Carson looked up at Radek, whose shoulders had slumped. He looked sad and depressed. This wasn't really a surprise. Carson laid one hand on his shoulder and rubbed. "How are things with you and Geoff going, since Peter's joined you?"

"Very well, if only we had time for it." He heaved a heavy sigh. "Last night... well, let us just say that things are not working as they should due to mechanical stresses."

Carson nodded, giving him a sympathetic look. "I know what you mean, mo ch‡raid."

"You too, eh?" Radek gave him a wry smile.

"I'm too tired for all this. I'm frustrated by not being able to do anything, and not being able to help him. He just... I love him too much. I can't stand back away anymore and see what's before me. All I can see is how afraid he is, and how much of a burden he's carrying." Carson's hand fell from Radek's shoulder.

"I know." Radek looked at him a little askance. "I hope you do not mind if I say this." He hesitated a moment and Carson nodded, gesturing with one hand for him to continue. "There are moments when I would cheerfully murder the man. Much as Rodney annoys me..." He took a deep breath and continued, his voice soft. "There are times I envy you." Radek looked away. "Sometimes..." He sighed again.

Carson blinked. He'd been guessing about Radek, but that he had been right surprised him a bit. "But you have Geoff, and Peter now."

Radek looked at him, chuckling. "Both of them are good men. I love Geoff more than I can tell you, my friend, but neither of them are Rodney. He is... he is unique."

Carson laughed. "That he is."

"You do not mind that I feel this way?" The question was tentative, and Radek reached out to him, putting a hand on his arm.

"No one can help how they feel," Carson said. "I don't mind, though. I've never really been that way. Not so unlike Geoff, I think."

Radek nodded, the tension around his eyes easing. He pulled off his glasses and rubbed his face. "How did you know? You implied--"

"It's the way you look at him sometimes. I've seen others look at him that way as well, but he never sees it. I think he'll never understand how well he's liked despite his ways. People have gotten used to him now. They know him. They've seen what he's like when his back's to the wall, and he's a good man."

"He is looking better for all his field work, as well," Radek said, a bit of a smile curling his lips.

Carson grinned. "Aye, he is, isn't he?"

Radek gave him an uncomfortable look. "Sometimes, I think I would like to kiss him." The admission was barely audible.

"He's not ready for anything like that, Radek," Carson said. "Maybe not for a long time. I don't know what will happen, though, if we get through this. Maybe there's some hope for us all." He shrugged.

"Do you think so?"

"I don't know. With Rodney, nothing is ever easy."

Radek nodded and hugged Carson. It felt good, his friend's warmth seeping into him. He'd always liked Radek, and the thought that perhaps someday, if they survived this mess, there might be more than friendship appealed to him. That, though, wasn't something he could dwell on.

"We all know this, Carson." Radek let him go, smiling. "Sometimes, you know, it is part of his charm." He chuckled.

"You really do care for him, don't you?" Carson smiled.

"Yes. I do. He will never accept that, though." Radek shrugged again.

"We can worry about that later, assuming we have a later."

Radek shook his head. "I do not know if we will. I hope so. We are doing everything we can to save everyone, but I am afraid."

"We all are," Carson whispered. He stood and pulled Radek up in to a hug again. "We all are."

***

"I know there is something here," Teyla said when they landed. She could feel it to the marrow of her bones. She didn't know how or why, but *it* was here. What *it* was, she did not know.

"This is a wild goose chase," Ford muttered.

The Major shrugged. "I'd rather Teyla got this out of her system. If we find something, great. If we don't, well, we tried."

"Your confidence is inspiring, Major," Teyla said. "I can feel it. Something is here. Something important." It pulled her, like some strange force. It was as though she was the needle in Ford's compass, pointing toward some true north that only she could sense.

They wandered the old, burned-out village, poking here and there in the failing light. There were clouds in the sky and rain threatened. She could hear the thunder rolling in the distance. The storm would be upon them within half an hour or so, she knew. That she could feel as well.

The village had been burned and ruined generations ago. There was little here but broken shards of pottery, and the spirits of the fallen. Ford got more restless as night came on. She could hear him speaking with the Major, continuing his complaints about her insistence on searching.

"This way, please," she said. "I think it is near."

"What?" Sheppard said.

"I wish I knew," Teyla admitted. "But it *is* here."

A few minutes later, McKay said that the Ancient device had detected a faint energy reading, and it was only moments later that Teyla found herself stepping through the stone of a cliffside. It startled her for a moment and she froze, trying to get her bearings in the blackness. There was nothing near her that she could hear, not even the movement of air. The only sound was her own breathing.

When she touched the wall, it opened before her, revealing her startled companions.

"How'd you do that?" Sheppard asked.

Teyla thought for a moment. "I do not know. I was just looking for a way out." They all stepped inside after her. The chamber around them was large and there was a corridor leading further into the hillside.

"Looks like the inside of a Wraith ship," Ford said.

McKay looked uneasy. "What the hell were they doing here?"

"I do not know," Teyla said, "but this... this is what I was looking for." She knew it. Her entire being vibrated with it. Whatever was here, it would answer her questions, solve mysteries she did not yet understand the questions for. She trembled slightly but suppressed it, not wanting the others to know how deeply she was affected.

"Wait a minute," Rodney said. "You knew there was a Wraith installation here?"

She shook her head. "No, but I knew there was something. The Ancient device and my bones both led us here. It must mean something. Surely the Ancestors have brought us here for a reason."

"Yeah, well let's just stay sharp here people," Sheppard said, looking around carefully, P90 at the ready. "We know those things can live for ten thousand years in hibernation if they have to, and this destruction was a hell of a lot more recent than that."

"The energy reading is down there," McKay said, looking about uneasily. He started off, cautious but curious. "Ford, stay close."

"You got it." Ford's voice was hushed and nervous. He looked over at her. "Sorry I didn't believe you, Teyla. This is just... weird."

"Yes," she said, nodding. "It is very weird. I do not understand why the Wraith would build anything here, much less something hidden. Why would they need to hide?"

"That's what I want to know," McKay muttered, still gazing down at the device in his hand. "Come on."

"Stay quiet," Sheppard cautioned. "We have no idea if anybody's awake."

"Just what we need," McKay said, tension in every line of his body. "If they're here, please, let's not wake them up."

Ford stayed close as Sheppard and McKay led the way down the corridor. Teyla's nerves sang, crackling with nervousness. The nightmares of the past weeks had been unnerving, and being here left a chill in her that was impossible to ignore.

It was not long before they found the end of the corridor. "Wow." McKay stared into the large room, his mouth open in awe. It was some sort of lab. There were panels and tables and devices scattered around in disarray. She watched as he hurried over to one of the consoles. "My god," he said softly. "This looks like some kind of research installation."

"Don't get carried away, McKay," Ford said.

McKay turned and glared at him. "Do you have any idea what kind of information this place could provide us with?" The fear she'd seen in him a few moments ago was gone, replaced by his overpowering curiosity.

"Yeah, yeah," Sheppard said. "But let's make it quick. This place gives me the creeps."

"You, it gives the creeps. Me, it gives a serious case of 'where's the secret toy surprise,'" McKay said.

"Figures you'd treat a Wraith hide-out like a box of CrackerJacks," Ford snorted. "We should get out of here."

"Who knows what we'll find? This is huge," McKay insisted.

Teyla nodded. "There are answers here," she agreed. "I do not know what they are, but we shall find them." She gazed around, taking in the curves of the walls, almost organic, as the interior of the Wraith ships had been. She shivered at the memory.

"This looks like it could be some kind of control area," Sheppard said, pointing the light of his P90 at a series of computers. She wanted to see more, and the lights came up.

McKay stared at her. "Did you do that?"

"I... I think so," she said. It took everything she had not to shiver. This was very bad. She didn't know what it meant, but she did not like it at all.

"Hey, look," Ford said. He picked up a data device like the one they'd gotten from the Genii.

"Give me that!" McKay shouted, snatching it from him. "You have no idea how important that might be!"

"There may be more here," she said, still nervous.

"Yeah," Sheppard said, "but we're not staying to find out. It's dark now. We can come back later if this doesn't give us what we need."

"About time," Ford grumbled.

McKay shook his head. "No way. We're just getting started. We have to map this place out, find out what else is here."

"No way, Rodney," Sheppard said. "We don't know that there aren't hibernating Wraith here like..." he stopped for a moment.

McKay paled. "Yeah," he said, all enthusiasm gone from his voice. He clutched the data device close to his chest. "You're right. Time to go home."

None of them could leave fast enough.

***

Elizabeth sighed, staring at the Wraith text. Her initial thought had been correct. It was derived from Ancient, meaning Carson's theory on Wraith origin was most likely correct as well. She was slowly resolving the grammatical differences and still getting used to the vastly different alphabetic system. What she was finding disturbed her profoundly.

'The experiments are proceeding, though the Hive disapproves. I have had to remove myself, working in shadow and secrecy. I do not understand the reticence of the Hive in this regard. Their shortsightedness lacks sense. Modification of the herds to allow more efficient Feeding would provide us with far more nutrition from each animal. We could Feed more fully upon the weak and ill, rather than wasting resources as we do now.'

She shuddered, trying to understand the mind of creatures that thought of a sentient species as nothing more than a food source. This raw look at the mind of their enemy frightened her. The clinical detachment left her cold.

A few paragraphs later, she knew she needed Carson. He had to have this information. It could be critical, not just to his work on the Wraith, but to Teyla and their immediate situation as well. With a sigh, she stood. It was going to be a very long night.

***

"I can't thank you enough for saving me from that bloody chair," Carson said with relief as he followed Elizabeth away from the room. He'd been sure Rodney was going to make him turn it on and he'd end up accidentally blowing something to hell.

She shook her head. "You won't when you see what I have for you." She handed him a folder.

"What's this?" he asked, opening it.

"A partial translation of what Rodney found on the Wraith data recorder."

He looked up at her. She was pale and her eyes were grim. "Why do I think this is very bad news?"

"I'm not entirely sure what it all means, but I suspect that a Wraith scientist was tampering with human DNA, and this may have something to do with Teyla's ability to sense them."

Carson's eyes skimmed the top page, keeping enough awareness on the corridor that he didn't run into a wall. "This bit's inconclusive. Do you have more?"

"I will within the next couple of hours, but I'll need your help with the translations. I haven't got nearly enough medical terminology to follow the logs. You'll understand more of it than I will." She sighed heavily.

"Bloody lovely," Carson muttered. Suddenly, he wished he were still being badgered about activating the control chair.

***

Rodney poked his head into the lab. The Novograd Twins were there, looking nearly identical as usual. Kavanagh was with them. "How's it going?" he asked in Russian. "Ready to strangle his ass yet?"

Viktor Ivanov shook his head. "Actually, he has been an incredible help."

Rodney looked over at Kavanagh, who was deeply involved in re-checking variances, and raised an eyebrow. "That idiot?" Kavanagh ignored them. Rodney knew he didn't understand Russian.

"He's not stupid, Rodney, he's just a pig." That was Nikolai Gasparov. "He made a few adjustments to the reactor design, and we believe it will improve efficiency by approximately twenty percent."

"Really?" Rodney found himself hard-pressed to believe that.

Viktor nodded. "Yes. We're almost ready to encase the naquadah and start the initialization process. We should know within six hours."

"If it works," Nikolai added, "you should put a commendation in his record. The solution was brilliant."

"Yes, brilliant," Viktor agreed. He shrugged. "Who would have known?"

"Hmm." Rodney nodded. "Okay, right. *If* it works." He hated Kavanagh, but he actually did believe in credit where it was due. It wasn't his fault that it was mostly due to him and his own brilliance. If Thomas Kavanagh, homophobe and professional asshole, had found a way to increase energy production in a naquadah generator by twenty percent then he deserved the kudos. It might just help save their lives, and this was a good thing, no matter who got their name on the paperwork. Then Rodney would have him retrofitting the other generators and the bastard would be out of his hair for a few more days. "Keep me posted."

"Always," Nikolai said, already absorbed in his work again.

***

Carson squinted as he examined the stains that revealed Teyla's DNA patterns, comparing them with the DNA taken from the various Wraith samples he had available. He wasn't sure if it meant he was starting to need glasses, or if he was just exhausted from being up all night after too many prior nights with too little sleep. He suspected the latter.

Closing his eyes, he set the slide down. He yawned and rubbed his face. It was hard to focus when he opened them again, but a few blinks helped. Maybe he needed some saline eye drops. He definitely needed some coffee. He sat heavily, resting his forehead on his wrist for a moment, nose nearly on the desk.

"Carson." Shel Tuchman's quiet voice interrupted his reverie and his head snapped up.

"I'm sorry, Shel. What is it?" If he were any more exhausted, he felt he'd be crushed under his body's own weight.

"You need some sleep." She wrapped a blanket around his shoulders. "Please, try to take at least a short nap."

"I can't, luv. This is just too important." He tugged the blanket around himself. He really was just a wee bit chilly.

"Is this just about Teyla?"

He shook his head gently. "No. Not really. It's about the Wraith more than anything else. God, what those creatures have done."

"This isn't going to make up for what happened on Hoff. You can't keep beating yourself up over that."

He looked into her tired brown eyes. "No. Nothing will ever make up for Hoff. But perhaps it'll give us a way to work on a weapon against the Wraith that won't harm humans."

She took his hand and pulled up a chair, sitting next to him. " Biowarfare?"

"You know as well as I that it's our only real hope, if we manage to survive the next week." His cold fingers twined in her warm ones. He wondered if he was getting a chill or starting to come down with something. That would be just what he needed.

"How's Rodney holding up?" she asked, concerned.

He sighed. "Not well. He's gettin' frantic. Hasn't slept more than maybe two hours a night in most of the past week. I don't know how he's still on his feet. It worries me."

She nodded sympathetically. "Nobody's really getting much sleep, which is why I want you to go lie down for half an hour."

"Really, Shel, I just--"

"Carson, please. I swear I'll wake you up. This can wait half an hour." She didn't look like she would take no for an answer. Tugging on his hand, she pulled him to his feet. "I've got a bunk made up for you in a quiet room."

He took one last glance at the slide on the desk. "All right, then. Half an hour. Not a moment longer, though. Elizabeth's still working on this as well. She's waiting on my results."

"I promise."

He followed her out of the lab.

***

Miko sat with her eyes closed, trying to concentrate, but Dr. McKay's constant urging was distracting. "Come on, Kusanagi, focus," he snapped. She could hear Dr. Zelenka fiddling with wires and crystalline panels in the base of the chair.

She opened her eyes and looked up at McKay's handsome face. "I'm doing my best." She really did want to please him, though that was often a difficult and frustrating process. "We have been at this almost all night. Do you think we could take a break?"

"She's right," Zelenka said. "My eyes are starting to lose focus."

McKay looked down at him. "So push your glasses back up your nose."

Zelenka did so, staring up at McKay with an annoyed expression. "It is not the glasses, Rodney. Is the eyes themselves. They get tired, they lose focus, not unlike your brain."

She had never understood why Dr. Zelenka continually insulted McKay. She knew they were friends. It had to be one of those western things, or maybe just another thing that men did when they were competing. That McKay accepted the insults, or perhaps ignored them, and continued with his work was an admirable quality, showing him to be the superior man.

"Not that wire, Radek, *that* one." McKay pulled a wire from Zelenka's hand and handed him another. "It goes *there.* You really do need a break, don't you?" He turned to her, his blue eyes tired. She wanted to rub his shoulders and soothe him, knowing he would refuse to rest. "Try it again."

She nodded, closing her eyes and focusing. Nothing shifted. Opening her eyes, she sighed her frustration. More than anything, she wanted to give Dr. McKay what he wanted. She needed to please him, to find a way to get him to see her as more than just another random scientist.

McKay gave a tired sigh. "Okay, okay. This isn't gonna work. Let's get Sheppard up here. If he can't get the damned thing to initialize, nobody can." He tapped her shoulder and she looked up at him. "Out of the chair. Go get some sleep."

"Yes, Dr. McKay." She smiled at him shyly, pleased that he was concerned for her. "Perhaps... perhaps you should as well."

It was as though he didn't hear her. "I'll be right back," McKay said, poking Zelenka with his foot. "Keep at it." He hurried out of the room. She stayed seated in the chair, watching him go, surreptitiously enjoying the view of his broad back and shoulders.

Zelenka looked up at her. "Miko, you shouldn't bother."

Startled, she gazed down at him, blushing. Had he seen? Did he know? "What do you mean?" she asked cautiously.

"I know you are fond of him, but you have to face the fact that he is with Carson." He sat back on his haunches and rested for a moment, watching her face.

She shook her head, eyes wide. He knew! How? "No, you must be mistaken." She wanted to hide but Zelenka's gaze held her. She thought of Dr. McKay longingly, a knot building in her chest. He was brave and brilliant and handsome. He was tall and strong, and she thought he would be a very good lover as well. If he would get over his temper he would make a wonderful father, but if he would just notice her, she could help him with that. "He and Dr. Beckett, I'm sure they are just roommates, good friends." Even if they were together, one didn't speak of it. A good wife ignored such things so long as they didn't threaten the family's honor, and a good husband was discreet if such things were necessary.

"No," Zelenka said quietly. "They are lovers. They are very serious about each other. He said as much in public. After what they have been through together, how can you not see that?"

"We should not be discussing this," she said, fighting the urge to run. "Men, they don't stay with other men. It isn't honorable. A man should have a wife, a family." She could imagine how Rodney McKay would hold her at night, how happy he would be with her. Maybe he would want to be with another man now and then, but in the end they always married and had children -- this is what her mother always said.

Zelenka sighed. "He will not change any more than I will, and he is in love with Carson." There was something almost wistful in Zelenka's voice as he said it.

Miko adjusted her glasses and stood, eyeing the door. "Men want children to continue their family. He can never have that with another man." She would give that to him, happily.

Zelenka just shook his head and shrugged. "Rodney? With children? That is most unlikely. He barely tolerates adults." He snorted and smiled at her. "Go get some sleep. Someone here should."

She nodded. "Yes, yes, you're right. I really am tired. I should go now." She didn't know how Zelenka knew. Did Dr. McKay know? She'd been so discreet. She turned and hurried out of the room.

***

"They're looking for a way to get to Earth," Carson said. The cut on his face was starting to bruise. Geoff shuddered. "We have to assume they know what Teyla knows now."

"That's bad," Geoff said, shaking his head. "Does she know where Earth is?"

"Not that I know of," Carson replied. "Only that it's in another galaxy. For that much, we're safe."

"But if they get here, they can use this Gate," Rodney said.

"It is not even so much that," Radek said. He wondered if any of them had thought through the implications. "Atlantis, it is a massive space ship. They could use the city itself to get there. The city's database knows where Earth is."

Geoff paled. So did Carson. "That's very, very bad," Geoff said. He leaned against Carson's shoulder. Carson patted his back gently.

"I know," Radek said softly.

Rodney shook his head. "They can't fly it. No ATA gene."

"Perhaps not," Radek said, "but it would be simple enough for them, with their technological level, to examine the intergalactic drive engines and build their own."

"I like that even less," Carson said. "There would be no stopping them. Even the Goa'uld would be no help."

Rodney sighed. "I'm not even sure the Asgard could stand up against these guys without a little advanced warning."

"I just hope our messages got through," Geoff said.

***

Carson stood in the door of the chair room watching as Rodney worked. He was alone now. Radek had gone to bed some time ago. Carson had, in fact, been in bed himself until about fifteen minutes ago, but waking without Rodney had bothered him. He still had a massive headache from Teyla's clout.

"Rodney, mo leannan, come to bed."

Startled, Rodney looked up at him. "Oh, Carson. Sorry. I was busy."

"I know. You've lost track of time so much lately I'm surprised you're still in the same dimension."

Rodney sat heavily on the step by the chair, elbows on his knees, arms dangling in front of him. "It's impossible," he said quietly. "We're never gonna pull this out. They're going to come and they're going to kill all of us. We don't even have an Alpha site to retreat to now."

Carson sighed and went to sit next to Rodney. He slipped an arm around his shoulders. "Rodney, they're looking again. We'll find something. It's not hopeless."

"Oh, let's see. Life-sucking aliens on our doorstep. No defenses. No hole to hide in. Supplies are low. Morale is nonexistent. No, Carson, you're right. It's not hopeless at all. This is a walk in the park." There was anger mixed with the sarcasm, and it didn't surprise Carson at all.

"Come to bed. Your brain works better after you've had a wee bit of sleep."

Rodney sighed and shrugged. "There's nothing else I can do here alone anyway," he said. He took Carson's hand and stood, pulling Carson to his feet. "Come on."

"You'll feel better in the morning."

"No. I'll feel just as lousy as I do now, but at least my head will be a little more clear." He tugged Carson into his arms. "Thanks."

"For what?" Rodney's embrace was warm and his chin rested on Carson's shoulder.

"Trying to take care of me. Giving a shit." He sighed. "I love you, you know."

Carson smiled softly. "Oh, aye. I know." He led Rodney home.

~~pau~~

Gaelic in the story:

Mo chridhe -- my heart

Czech in the story:

Chci vic -- more, please

Dekuju -- thank you