Title:

Title: Midnight Blue

Author: Mice

Category: Stargate: Atlantis, McKay/Beckett

Warnings: slash, angst, slight AU

Spoilers: The Return part 1

Rating: PG13

Summary: What did Carson really intend to say?

Archive: If it's on your list, you can archive it. If it isn't and you'd like it, just let me know where you're putting it.

Feedback: Feed me, Seymour.

Website: Mice's Hole in the Wall https://www.squidge.org/mice

Disclaimer: Not mine. They belong to many other people. But if they were mine, they'd be having very interesting adventures.

Author's Notes: Fanfic100 prompt "Blue"

***

"I was just goin' to say goodbye, Rodney," Carson ground out, angry and upset. He turned and walked away before his eyes could betray him further. In his time in Atlantis, Rodney had become his closest friend and, irritating as the man was sometimes, Carson regretted never having looked into those blue eyes and said what he'd been feeling.

And now, the blue splash of the wormhole would take Rodney away. He'd be working at the Area 51 facility, and Carson would be left alone under the blue Colorado skies near Cheyenne Mountain.

Their first night back on Earth looked like it would be a long, uncomfortable one. They were scheduled for debriefings all day, and saying goodbye to everyone before they scattered to the quarters of the globe was painful. Carson knew every last one of them, from the folks who'd walked through the gate with him that day to the newest replacements from the Daedalus. It would take time for Carson to find a flat and settle in, so he'd been given quarters under the mountain for the first week. He carried his pack along the blue line on the floor that led out of the Gateroom.

Surrounded by the bustle of the hundreds of returning Atlanteans, Carson didn't notice Rodney's presence until one hand landed on his shoulder. "Why are you in such a hurry?" he asked.

Carson sighed and shrugged. "My pack's a bit heavy. I just want to get into some regular clothes for once."

Rodney nodded and followed him. "Yeah." He paused for a moment, looking vaguely uneasy. "So, uh, what -- what were you really gonna say back there?"

Carson looked away, his eyes on the blue line. "Nothing, Rodney," he said softly. "It's all too late for that anyway, really." An ache bloomed in his chest. He was going to miss Rodney very badly. "You'll be off to your own lab in a day or two, and--" He couldn't keep speaking. The loneliness was already eating away at him.

"Hey." Rodney took his elbow. "I'm not that far away, you know. It's only an hour from here in one of those unutterably slow and entirely uncomfortable Air Force planes."

"Oh, aye," Carson said, not able to stop a small smile from gracing his lips. "Nothing like a puddlejumper." He glanced at the note he'd been given with his room assignment. "So where are they putting you?"

"G-3," Rodney answered.

"Ah," Carson said, "it looks like we're next door for the night." His own note said G-5.

"Good." Rodney sounded pleased, and looked over at him, catching the bright smile on his face. "You're a terrible liar, you know," he added. "You look like there's still something on your mind."

"Not here, Rodney." Carson punched the call button for the lift and stood silent, waiting.

"Does this mean I'll get an answer when we get to our rooms, then?" It was so very like Rodney not to let the issue go.

Carson looked up at the indicator lights. The lift was still eight floors away. "Perhaps."

He was quiet for the rest of their walk, Rodney prattling about the lab he was going to have, and how they'd promised him anything he wanted to go with it. The good humour and gloating in Rodney's voice left a warm spot inside the ache. Carson really did care for the man, but there was nothing he could do now. He'd waited too long. He wasn't sure he could even tell Rodney now, much as he wanted to.

Unlocking his door, he went into his room, and Rodney followed him. Carson dropped his pack on his bed.

"Well?" Rodney dropped his own pack on the table and sat in one of the chairs. "There's nobody here but you and me," he said quietly. "And I really wasn't... I didn't think you wanted to say anything, really, with Radek there." There was an expectant look on Rodney's face.

Carson raised an eyebrow. "What is it you think I'm going to say?" he asked, leaning against the wall and gazing into Rodney's blue, blue eyes.

"Maybe something like I've wanted to say to you, but never really found a way." Rodney looked away, uneasiness in the angles of his body.

"And what's that?" Carson prompted gently.

Rodney shrugged. "I'm -- you know I'm lousy with all that stuff."

"Please."

Rodney looked back up at him. "I-I'm... I'm gonna miss you," he said finally. Standing, he walked over to Carson. "This is hard, okay?" He took Carson's hand, moving closer than Carson expected, and Carson's heart was thundering, leaving him dizzy, wondering if this was what he thought it might be. "I always just... the way things were in Atlantis, you know, I guess I just thought we'd... we'd be spending the rest of our lives together, however long that happened to be." Rodney took a deep breath. Carson couldn't breathe, feeling his face flush. "I don't want to leave you here," he whispered, leaning in and kissing Carson softly. "Come to Area 51 with me. You can set up your medlab there."

Carson nearly passed out, he was so dizzy and surprised. "You... you want me to come with you?" he asked.

Rodney snorted. "Isn't that what I just said, you moron?" He swatted the back of Carson's head with an open palm then looked at him, his eyes filled with worry under the humor.

"Rodney," Carson whispered. For a moment he didn't know what to say but Rodney's eyes were widening with alarm. "Oh, Rodney." He took one step away from the wall and into Rodney's arms, holding him tight. "Yes," he said, "I'd like that very, very much." They held each other close, and Carson could feel Rodney's heart beating as fast as his own.

Perhaps this night wouldn't be nearly so lonely as he'd anticipated.

~~~fin~~~