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Pairing: J/D
Category: First Time
Season: 1
Episode: Fire and Water
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: None
Summary: in the instant that you love someone

Sunlight pours in through the window, pooling soft and warm over Daniel's hair, glinting red and brown as Daniel shifts, his hands precise and swift as he spreads butter over toast, then tops it with a generous helping of jam. His eyes half-close as he bites into the toast and chews in bliss, quick tongue flicking out to lick the excess jam off his lips. His eyes slide open and he sees Jack, and the lips quirk into a soft shy smile.

And Jack suddenly realizes his own toast is growing cold untouched on his plate.

Daniel blinks. The journal sits on the bedside table. Jack must have slipped in and left it while Daniel slept. The familiar worn covers are soft against his skin. He doesn't need to open it to know the smell of paper and ink inside, the smudges of dirt on wrinkled pages, the words crossed out, rewritten, crossed out again. He imagines Jack finding the journal at his apartment, picking it up, flipping through the pages and realizing what it was. He wonders if Jack has read it, traced the words with his eyes, followed the thoughts with his mind... and he shivers as the sharp sudden shrill runs through his spine and stakes through his heart.

Daniel is ablaze in the sunlight, Daniel is ablaze in the fire. Jack closes his eyes against the false memory, against the solid reality. When he opens his eyes, Daniel is looking at him, toast forgotten in his hand.

Jack looks into those eyes, knows he is captured -- has been captured for some time now -- and finds he doesn't care. He wants this, wants Daniel. And he sees acceptance in Daniel's eyes, and knowing understanding, and desire. He is terrified, and he is exulted.

Daniel kicks his way through the water. His head breaks through the surface, he gasps as welcome air rushes into his lungs. For a second he is blinded by the sunlight and the sting of spraying water. Then his eyes find the shore, find Jack. Adjusting his course, he kicks out, stroking toward home, toward Jack.

Jack watches as Daniel gets to his feet, as Daniel moves around the table toward him. He is out of his chair too and meeting Daniel halfway, without really knowing how. Then Daniel is in his arms, and his face is buried in Daniel's shoulder, and his mind screams they shouldn't, but his soul knows this is right.

The bedroom is dark, the shades drawn against the sun. The bed smells of Jack, his scent permeates the pillows, the sheets, everywhere he presses. Jack's body feels cool against his own heated flush, Jack's tongue wetly tickles at his throat. His heart skips a beat as the last of his clothing is removed, cool air sliding past his exposed skin.

"Did you read my journal?"

Jack pauses but a moment. His eyes are dark in the shaded room as he looms over Daniel, sinking into position. Daniel flinches as the sleek hardness touches him, but it slides ineffectually aside. Jack makes an impatient, exasperated noise in the back of his throat, and shifts angles and tugs at himself to guide his way. The cry of pain is out of Daniel's mouth before he can stifle it, but Jack only grunts low and keeps pressing in.

He's hurt Daniel, he knows. Daniel's not comfortable, he knows. But the pain, the discomfort, doesn't change Daniel's acceptance, and he revels in that knowledge. He'd make it up to him, make it good for him, another time -- and a small part of his mind wonders if there'll ever be another time, but he ruthlessly pushes that thought aside. He knows he hasn't answered Daniel's question, doesn't know if he ever will. He can't explain why he took that journal, that piece of Daniel from the year he'd spent away on Abydos, away from earth, away from Jack. He doesn't want to talk about the nights he spent on his roof, looking at Abydos, or more accurately, at Abydos' sun. Not ever, not even with Daniel. He just pushes deeper into Daniel, and knows he'll never have enough -- not of Daniel, not of his body, not of his heart, his soul, his mind, his...

His completion slams into him suddenly, knocking him out of his body, out of Daniel. Jack lets himself sink against Daniel, glad of the solidity of Daniel's arms around him.

He seeks out Daniel's mouth, tasting Daniel, tasting the faint remnants of sunlight and jam.