Stargate: Atlantis
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard
Rating: PG
Episodes: From Duet to Tabula Rasa
Note: I asked a perfectly innocuous question!
The Truth About Katie
by Night Spring
It was just another device in yet another room in Atlantis. John dutifully thought it on. Rodney tapped a few keys. When it became apparent it didn't connect to any critical systems, they moved on, desperately seeking anything that might defend the city against the coming Wraith.
What possessed him to return to that room, John couldn't say. But the hologram was cool. It actually moved to his thought. And it could walk out the room and down the hallway, while he followed in his mind, seeing through its eyes. Before he knew it, he had walked to the mess hall, and was seating himself next to a startled Rodney.
Rodney stared at the woman smiling shyly at him in disbelief. It was the avatar he'd programmed! But he'd never gotten the system to actually activate -- had it turned itself on somehow? And it certainly had never occurred to him that the range of the device could extend so far. As he stammered through an awkward conversation with the avatar, who called itself Katie Brown -- and what kind of a name was that, really? -- he was again surprised to find that the system must have an extremely sophisticated AI. Damn, but he could swear he was talking with a real person!
A date. With Rodney. Kinda cool.
A date! With a-a-a... pod person! What the hell was he thinking? And Cadman knew? And now Carson too! Although, could that be admiration in Carson's voice?
But wait... Girls' poker night? Whatever had the avatar been up to? What exactly were its capabilities? Could it be dangerous? Harm people?
He'd have to look into it when they got back...
It really shouldn't be this easy to work in a whole extra person into the Atlantis expedition. John should be worried about the security breach, and he'd plug all the holes he found, later. Right now he was having too much fun setting up house. He'd assigned his alter ego prime housing space, raided the "unwanted/unclaimed exchange bin" for furnishings, set up an email account on the Atlantis server -- all he needed now was to filch some lab space and set up a few botanical projects. Fortunately the botanist profile came preprogrammed with a botanical database -- he wouldn't stand close scrutiny by a trained botanist, but faking his way through casual conversations was a piece of cake, and that was all he needed for meals with Rodney and girls' poker night. And really, talk about enlightening. While he knew himself to be attractive, it was something else to hear his physical attributes appraised in minutely frightening detail. And he was startled, to say the least, to discover women actually found McKay hot, despite or even because of his bumbling social ineptitude.
This planet, unfortunately, was a wash -- the Wraith had left no survivors. But when they got back...
Okay, okay focus. One thing at a time. He had to convince people he wasn't crazy. Oh, god, would Cadman just shut up for one minute? He'd be perfectly fine if she didn't insist he talk to her every other second. Maybe Heightmeyer could... Arrrrgh!!! Not the avatar again! What did it want? Oh, dinner? Yes, yes, yes, dinner tomorrow, fine. Oh, great, now Cadman wanted to offer him relationship advice? From a woman's perspective? Oh, if she only knew.
John frowned as he watched Rodney's receding back. Well. That hadn't gone quite as he'd thought. He'd been sure Rodney'd beg off the dinner, considering the whole another consciousness in his brain thing. Which must be really distracting, for Rodney not to notice the huge out he'd just given him. But again, this was Rodney. He wouldn't notice a hint if it hit him in the face.
John carefully walked the hologram into an isolated nook before shutting it off. He knew "hologram" wasn't the right word for it, considering it was solid and could interact with other objects, but he had no idea what the proper term would be. He'd have to ask Rodney about it. After they got Lt. Cadman out of Rodney's brain.
He didn't think too closely about why he didn't want Cadman to know.
Oh, god. This was a disaster. Damn Cadman and her accursed meddling. First she had to drag Carson into this. Then insist that he behave civilly. Damn it, but the reason he liked hanging with Katie was he didn't have to worry about offending her -- it. It was an AI, a machine! It had no feelings to hurt! In fact, he liked tossing in the occasional non sequitur and unconventional behavior to test how it'd react. So far it seemed to treat them as attempted humor on his part, and would awkwardly encourage him, which was kind of -- cute. But now with Carson and Cadman here, he had to behave! Like a normal human being! Urgh! What was he supposed to say? To do?
Oh, damn, no, no, no, Cadman, stop! Please, don't! Stop! Urrrrgh! He was kissing a robot!
That... That had been Cadman, right? No way that was Rodney. Rodney would never... (A) He wouldn't have the nerve. (B) He respected women, way too much. He would kiss, a little shy, maybe, tentatively at first, until he was sure... Wait a second, was he really thinking about how Rodney would kiss? Ack.
John shuddered and viciously thought the hologram off. And he definitely didn't lick his lips, chasing the faint taste of Rodney through Katie.
Rodney frowned at the console of the avatar system, which stubbornly refused to activate, no matter what he tried. So far as he could tell from his discreet inquiries (he couldn't very well ask every single person on base!), Katie Brown hadn't made another appearance since that disastrous dinner. And he still had no idea how the system had gotten activated in the first place. Perhaps he could ask Sheppard to -- but then he'd have to explain. And between Cadman and Carson, he got enough ribbing about all the kissing already. Although Sheppard had been strangely quiet when the subject came up, none of the sarcastic barbs he flicked about, seemingly casual but really both armor and razor, deflecting attention and cutting anyone who looked too close.
Okay, so maybe he might give Rodney a bit of a hard time about kissing a -- robot? android? androgram? But just imagine all the possibilities if they could get this system fully functional. Yes, those hazel eyes would light up, filling with that mischievous twinkle settling so warmly on Rodney...
Maybe, after this next mission, to -- what was the name of that planet? Oh, right, Doranda.
I would hate to think that recent events might have permanently dimmed your faith in my abilities. Or your trust.
John jumped out of the transporter the moment the doors opened, and all but ran down the hall.
At the very least, I hope I can earn that back.
He slipped through the doors he hadn't crossed since that dinner, since that kiss.
That may take a while.
He closed his eyes and willed Katie Brown into existence.
That may take a while.
"Rodney?"
Rodney jerked to a halt. That couldn't be... "Katie?"
Katie looked up into his eyes, solemn and serious. "I... I just wanted to, um, make sure... You're okay?"
Rodney blinked. "Me? Yes, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"
"Rodney..."
"Well, okay. Not fine. But I will be."
"Rodney!" Katie caught Rodney's hands in a surprisingly strong grip. "I'm just... I'm just glad you're alive. I..."
"You are?"
"Yes," Katie nodded. "And I'm sorry about... Just. Give him time. He needs time."
And she squeezed his hands, and was gone by the time Rodney thought to ask what she meant.
John surfaced through the fog of drug and sleep, rapid tapping keys softly luring him to consciousness.
"Hey," Rodney smiled. "You're looking a little less blue."
When he was finally let out of the infirmary, he went on his own little round of apologies, ending finally with Teyla.
Give it no further thought.
Good. I won't.
But if he were honest with himself, there was another forced kiss that never quite left his thoughts.
It had been a weird day, rushing, rushing, rushing to get Sheppard -- in what turned out to be six months for him. That was the only reason Rodney had for why he didn't go for the security panic button the moment he became aware there was someone by his bed, watching him sleep. He did, however, turn the lights up, and blinked up at...
"Katie?"
"Hi."
"Um, er..." Rodney stammered. "What are you doing here?"
"Well..." Katie looked down into her folded hands. "I missed you."
"You did?" Rodney shook his head. "I mean, sorry, but you are the one who... If you wanted to see me you could always... I mean, I have no way of contacting you if you don't..."
"Oh, I never gave you my email?"
"Email?"
FROM: kbrown@altantis.pegasus.net
TO: rmckay@altantis.pegasus.net
SUBJECT: I'm so glad you're safeI thought my heart would stop when I heard your jumper crashed into the ocean. You have to stop doing this to me -- but then this is Pegasus, isn't it?
I kept telling myself that Colonel Sheppard will figure out a way to get to you. That he won't be too late. I'm not sure what I'll do if I lost you. And not because you're the smartest man in two galaxies, and we depend on you to haul us out of fire every other week. But I will miss you. Your smile, your snark, your smug arrogance, your determination in the face of all odds.
I'm going back to Earth. For a while. There are some plants we've gathered in Pegasus that I want to see how they do on Earth.
Stay well.
Katie
Rodney plonked his head back onto his pillow. Oh, god. An AI broke up with him over email. He was hopeless.
"I hate you," Rodney muttered darkly as he stared forlornly at the now depleted ZPM. "You always get the women."
John shrugged, and didn't bother pointing out that he hadn't actually gotten Mara.
"I mean, what's wrong with me? For once I'd like to..."
"Hey," John cut in. "I like you."
Rodney sputtered, eyes bulging then narrowing suspiciously at John. John returned the gaze as levelly as he could, until Rodney's cheeks flushed red, and he looked down and away, lips tilting soft with the faintest ghost of a smile.
There. That wasn't too hard, was it?
How many more minutes until the next feeding? Until the Wraith struck again, its gaping maw of a hand draining years, draining life, Sheppard's face crumpling in agony as it shrunk and withered, dark hair turning limp white, light fading from those brilliant eyes...
Be alive, be alive. Let us be on time. I will miss you, your smile, your laconic drawl, your insolent slouch, your defiance in the face of all odds...
And why was he thinking of Katie's email, now?
The Wraith raised its hand for one last time.
Sorry, Rodney, John thought, as the world exploded in searing white.
John was home, safe and sound -- looking a few days younger, even.
Rodney holed up in the labs, determined not to think, or to feel.
Jeannie was everything John had carefully not hoped for, and more.
While Rodney never shied away from recounting, in often painstaking detail, the colorfully unfortunate incidents that littered his train wreck of a love life, hearing them filtered through Jeannie's acerbic, bitter-fond perspective was, well...
"Actually," John found himself saying, "he's been seeing someone."
Rodney finally managed to pry Jeannie away from Rod, helped, though it killed him to admit, by Rod agreeing that he was tired, and they would have plenty of time to get to know each other -- which, if he had anything to do with it, they definitely wouldn't -- and was hustling Jeannie down the hall to her own guest quarters, when he bumped into...
"Katie?"
"Rodney! Hi! I've been looking for you!" Katie babbled. "I'm sorry I wasn't here to meet you when the Daedalus arrived, but I was on the mainland... Oh," she turned to Jeannie with a wide smile. "You must be Jeannie! It's so nice to finally meet you!"
"Uh..." Jeannie looked between Rodney and Katie.
"Um... right. Jeannie, this is Katie Brown. Katie, my sister, Jeannie."
"Oh, Katie? You're the one... I mean, Colonel Sheppard just mentioned you!"
"Did he really? Oh, I'm surprised he even remembers me! But really, I've been hoping to get a chance to meet you ever since I heard you were coming! Tell me, how was your trip?"
Rodney could only stare in amazement as the two women -- or woman and AI, to be precise -- walked into Jeannie's quarters nearly hand in hand.
Ugh. Talking with Jeannie as Katie was fascinating -- did women really open this much to each other on first meeting? -- but his butt was becoming seriously numb. There were no chairs in the hologram room, and the floor was too hard and cold for long-term sitting. If only he could do this in his room, sitting on the chair, or the bed...
A soft click sounded from the console, and a small drawer slid out. Bemused, John stood to take a look. He picked up the small disk lying inside, and felt the connection to Katie flicker, then snap firmly into place.
A remote. How handy.
FROM: rmckay@altantis.pegasus.net
TO: kbrown@altantis.pegasus.net
SUBJECT: Fancy meeting you againI thought you were gone for good.
FROM: kbrown@altantis.pegasus.net
TO: rmckay@altantis.pegasus.net
SUBJECT: Re: Fancy meeting you againSorry. I needed to think.
FROM: rmckay@altantis.pegasus.net
TO: kbrown@altantis.pegasus.net
SUBJECT: RE: Re: Fancy meeting you againThink about what?
FROM: kbrown@altantis.pegasus.net
TO: rmckay@altantis.pegasus.net
SUBJECT: Re: RE: Re: Fancy meeting you againDinner tomorrow?
FROM: rmckay@altantis.pegasus.net
TO: kbrown@altantis.pegasus.net
SUBJECT: Sorry about missing dinnerUnfortunately, as you may have heard, I was inextricably detained.
FROM: kbrown@altantis.pegasus.net
TO: rmckay@altantis.pegasus.net
SUBJECT: Re: Sorry about missing dinnerinextricably detained? I heard you were shot! Don't worry about dinner, just get well soon. Maybe I'll stop by the infirmary later. In any case, we'll have plenty of time to get together once you are better.
P.S. I'll bring blue jello.
Rodney sighed as he patted the console, as unresponsive as always. When they found the Ancients, he'd hoped to get answers to a lot of questions, including this one. Now they were getting summarily kicked out, and who knew if he'll ever see Katie again?
He could have sent an email and hoped she would get it, but...
"Bye," he whispered. "I'll miss you."
John stood on the balcony, watching as he carefully worked Katie into and through the throng of returning expedition members, guiding her straight toward Rodney. He watched as Rodney's eyes widened in delight as he saw Katie -- and turned away, unable to watch any longer.
The conversation between Katie and Rodney flowed through him, nice and easy, leaving John alone in his longing.
Conversations with Katie were definitely an adventure. They would be having a perfectly pleasant, normal conversation one moment, and then...
"So, what would you do if Colonel Sheppard asked you out?"
Rodney choked on the vegetable he was in the middle of swallowing.
"Wha.. wha... what kind of question is that???" He sputtered when he could finally talk.
"Oh, a hypothetical one. Like the one about the train and the baby?"
Oy. What were the Ancients thinking when they programmed this thing?
He would die for Teyla. For Ronon, Carson, Elizabeth. For Ford, if they ever found him.
For Rodney, he'd sit in the mess, nodding attentively as Rodney attempted to clumsily explain his latest project in terms he thought a botanist might understand.
If he tossed in the occasional off kilter question to throw Rodney off his stride, well... A man needed to get his entertainment where he could.
FROM: rmckay@altantis.pegasus.net
TO: kbrown@altantis.pegasus.net
SUBJECT: SAVE ME!Meet me tomorrow?
FROM: kbrown@altantis.pegasus.net
TO: rmckay@altantis.pegasus.net
SUBJECT: Re: SAVE ME!LOL, save you from what?
I'll be in the botany labs all day. Come find me there.
Fishing poles. Brand new. Two of them.
Now they would never be used. Because Rodney couldn't stand the sight of them, and he couldn't bear to part with them.
And he wasn't sure he could bear to see Katie again, either.
"You haven't seen Katie in a while," John said.
"Katie?" Rodney frowned. "What made you think of her?"
"Boat. Whale. Fishing."
"Ha. How do you get from fishing to Katie?"
John silently pointed to the box in the corner that held Carson's fishing rods.
"What?" Rodney paled. "You know what's in there? When did you look?"
"The fruit basket you were going to give Carter. It was on that box when I came in."
"Oh, that. Thanks for that, by the way."
"You're welcome. So?"
"So?"
John stared at Rodney.
Rodney sighed. "What's up with you anyway? You don't do emotional stuff."
John shrugged. "We almost died."
"Again. Yes, thanks for the reminder."
"Carson asked me, too. You know. To go fishing."
"Oh. Really?"
"Yeah. And I... Well, just... If I knew I had a day to live... I know who I want to spend it with."
"Oh."
The silence stretched, eddying deep and thick between them.
"So..." Rodney finally spoke. "You think I should see Katie?"
John shook his head. "See her if you want. Don't see her if you don't. Just... don't do it because of Carson. He wouldn't want that."
"Right. Yeah... Okay."
Well, John was finally back, having saved himself again, over Rodney's best efforts, and wolfing down food as if nothing had happened, and to top it all off, he'd apparently gotten hooked with a hot alien babe, again.
If he had one day left to live, he'd spend it with John. On good days, he thought John felt the same. On days like this...
He opened his email program, and clicked on Katie's address.
Some things were better said to Rodney as Katie, and some things were better said as himself. Then there were things he couldn't decide -- like this plant. A phallic shaped cactus. That was the only way to describe it. He imagined Rodney's reaction when Katie gave it to him, then imagined the reaction when he gave it to Rodney. He had just about decided it would be funnier to give it to Rodney himself, when Rodney walked into the botany lab, taking the decision out of his hands. Oh, well. Watching Rodney swallow down his gut reaction to the plant was almost as fun as hearing him blurt it out.
But, oh fuck. He was suddenly dizzy with a splitting headache. Pulling away from Katie for a second, he discovered that he was feeling fine. Huh. Since when did holograms get sick? And damn, how could he shake Rodney so he could shut down Katie?
Katie was feeling sick? Was it for real, or did she just not want to talk to him? But here was his chance to get Katie under a medical scanner. Well, it would raise questions when Keller discovered she wasn't human... But, what if she did go to the infirmary by herself and he wasn't with her? That would create even more of a scene. Best just grit his teeth and face the music. Perhaps he could talk Keller into keeping it under wraps. Tell her he was running an experiment on the AI's capabilities, and didn't want it to become aware it wasn't human. Yes, that could work.
Dream and memory. Flights of fancy and wishful thinking. Drugged hallucinations and alien incursions into his consciousness. He was a diminutive woman looking awkwardly up into a beloved face. He was the self-assured military commander of Atlantis, smirking fondly at the antics of his flustered companion. He was a young scared child, sitting alone in a hospital waiting room. He was a broken man aged beyond his years, mourning the loss of a friend who was his whole world. There was a flag-draped coffin, empty speeches, nuclear explosions and an alien drone chasing him out of the clear blue sky. Endless desert and endless ocean. The dark cold of space and the heat of a scorching sun.
He was asleep. He had to wake up, to get back to a reality where all this made sense, where everything was ordered in its proper place.
He slept.
Memory returned in fits and starts, vague shadows of images and impressions gradually coalescing until entire chunks suddenly slotted into place all at once. One moment he was keeping vigil beside his stricken girlfriend, and the next moment the knowledge that Katie was a projection of Ancient technology crashed through his brain like a tidal wave of ice.
Then Katie woke up, smiled at him, called his name.
The cold dread that seeped through his stomach at Rodney's absence from his bedside turned to a sharp breath-stealing kick in the gut when he saw Rodney slumped onto a corner of Katie's bed on the other side of the infirmary. He quickly asked for his "locket," which Teyla passed over immediately without question, probably assuming it was some sort of a charm. He flicked on the connection to Katie, without which she had apparently registered as unconscious to the medical scanners, and opened her eyes.
The dawning joy on Rodney's face was a knife of ice stabbing John's soul.
Rodney did not know what excuse he gave, but somehow or other, he found himself out of the infirmary and bending over the avatar console. He'd let this self-indulgent charade go on too long, let it spiral out of all control. A sophisticated system, capable of somehow projecting a human body that passed muster against all medical technology at their disposal, Earth and Ancient. An AI capable of creating an individual so nuanced, so real, he'd -- yes, okay. He'd fallen in love with it. He should have taken this system apart to study and appropriate its technology, months, no, years ago.
And dismantling the system would wipe Katie from its memory, her existence winking out in a scatter of dissipating electrons. If there was a way to offload and preserve her data, he'd only find it once he'd taken apart the system, after Katie was already gone.
Rodney closed his eyes and thought of John, face still pale against the infirmary pillow. What was wrong with him that he realized in one day he was in love with two people? Neither of which could go anywhere. Katie wasn't human, and John was a man. Yes, he'd really done it this time.
He ran a trembling finger over the lever that would shut off power to the system. One firm yank, and it would be over. But there was no lever to reset his feelings for Katie, much less for John.
Behind him, the door slid open.
Thank god the infirmary was still so crowded, Keller readily agreed to let him go recuperate in his own room, relieved to take any pressure off the infirmary staff. John made his way rapidly through the halls of Atlantis, needing to get this done and over with before he changed his mind.
He'd been blind to Rodney falling in love with Katie, willfully and unforgivably so. Complacent in the ease and convenience of Katie as a conduit for his emotions toward Rodney, he'd stretched this deception too long, let it spiral out of all control. He'd convinced himself that Rodney couldn't be serious about Katie, seeing how he'd never even tried to kiss her, conveniently forgetting that his own love for the man had only deepened over the years, despite the rarity of physical closeness between them. In the process he'd betrayed Rodney in ways so heinous, so utterly despicable and unforgivable -- he didn't even deserve to beg for forgiveness, to ask for a chance to earn back the trust he'd so callously shredded.
It was time to assess the damage, to limit it if he could. To spare Rodney any more pain than absolutely necessary -- and he winced at the pain that was already unavoidable.
But the first step was to remove the temptation to rely on Katie again -- to shut down the system, erase Katie from its memory. To destroy the machine completely, if all else failed.
Taking a deep breath, John keyed open the door.
Rodney turned from the console, eyes widening in surprise.
John stood on the threshold, frozen in shock.
The truth stretched waiting across the room between them.