The Secret Logs of Mistress Janeway
by NovaD VII
Strange Variations  

Note of What Has Gone Before: One of Seska's schemes involved cultivating a spy among Voyager's crew.  To that end Captain Janeway secretly recruited Tom Paris in a dangerous plan to be forced off of Voyager as means to discover the identity of the agent.

Captain's Personal Log:

We had to reward Mr. Paris. There was just no way around it. Despite his incorrigible behavior within our little circle, he had been extraordinary in finding the spy. He had suffered in the weeks before as well performing the act necessary to make the plan work.

He had been more alone than I had ever known him to be. The break with Chakotay had been especially hard because he knew how it complicated my life. Yet he remained brave. His behavior was nothing short of heroic. It should have been easy to lavish upon him all that he deserved. It was not. Torres felt the way I did.

"It’s completely unreasonable," Torres said.

"I know," I replied.

"No one would risk death for sex."

"Even for incredible sex," I concurred.

"Not even Paris," she said. "But it’s the way he’s been looking at us. I’d almost swear he did it all to get his way in the sessions."

"He expects it," I replied. "He knows he deserves it. He knows this is making us crazy."

"That’s probably what he’s enjoying most," she replied. "That’s why he’s smirking at us."

She paced my quarters for a moment thoroughly irked.

"We should reward him as though there is no problem. We can’t let him have the upper hand," Torres said. "We should reward him until he can’t walk."

"I suppose that would show him," I said drily.

"It would, Mistress. It would show him that he can’t make us squirm," Torres said. "It would keep him off balance."

"True. We could presumably put a lot of fear into him with the proper enthusiasm," I said. "Let’s arrange it then."

Torres nodded solemnly. I almost felt sorry for the lieutenant. He was in for what could be literally the time of his life.

"How is Chakotay?" she asked.

I was taken aback though the question had been hanging in my mind every waking moment since the event occurred.

"Hurt," I replied. "And quietly angry. He makes me feel terrible."

"I’ve been there," Torres said. "His hurt is more powerful than any one person’s anger I’ve ever known."

"He won’t come to me. He won’t let me talk to him privately," I said. "I don’t know how to reach him."

"You are the Mistress," she replied. "There are places where he has to come to you. There are ways you have of making him listen to you."

I looked at B’Elanna. How beautiful she was. How honest her eyes were. She was giving him up -- to me. I wondered who she had to fill the void. Someday, I had to make her tell me about Mr. Kim’s special attention to her needs. I had to let her know that if there was anyone in all the quadrants I would give that incredibly gentle, sweet man to, it could only be her. For the moment, I appreciated her encouragement. We had work to do. There was a proper reward to plan for Mr. Paris. I had to figure out how to reach my First Officer.

My next watch was uneventful. We were, in fact, due for a string of routine days. Chakotay and I were busy with long range scans and plotting courses for most of the shift, but we did not really talk much. He was being extremely professional, but not very warm. At least, he was not as cordial as had been his custom before.

We were just past mid-day, and I was tired of his frostiness. I went to my Ready Room to check on some modifications I had made to one of the chairs. I took a deep breath and called on Mr. Tuvok.

"Mr. Tuvok, Mr. Chakotay and I need to concentrate on some long range charts," I said. "You have the con. Send the Commander in to me."

"Yes, Captain."

Chakotay entered a short while later and sat in the chair that I indicated. He looked quite confused.

"Forgive me, Captain, but I thought we’d already plotted courses for the foreseeable future," he said.

"We had," I replied. "We need to talk and you’ve been evasive about coming to my quarters. Secure door."

Before my resourceful first officer could move, I tripped a switch that secured him to the arms of the chair. He was, of course, instantly furious.

"Extending your lair to the Bridge, Mistress?" he asked. His voice was quiet, but angry.

"This was necessary," I said. "I couldn’t go on the way we have been. I have to talk to you about what happened. I have to make you understand."

"I understand," he said. "I understand that you don’t trust me. Me. Mistress... Kathryn, you didn’t trust me."

"You’re wrong, Chakotay," I said. "I did trust you, but how could I put you in the position of betraying one of your own? How could I torture you with one more betrayal? I couldn’t face you not believing me."

"I would have believed anything from you. I could stand anything knowing that you trusted me," he said. He was so sad it was killing me.

"Ask Tuvok. You know he wouldn’t lie -- even for me," I said. "I wanted so much to tell you. Ultimately, it was prevailed upon me that it was best for you and the operation. Ask him, please."

I saw him bend slightly. He was less certain. I knelt before him taking his face in my hands.

"You made me turn to you as myself. I grew accustomed to being with you when I was most alone," I said. "When will you believe that I cannot hurt you. When will you trust me?"

Chakotay gazed at me levelly. He was trying to remain impassive. He was still fighting me.

"Let me go, Captain," he said. His voice was full with emotion.

I couldn’t. I had yearned to touch him so badly that I couldn’t help myself.

I began to touch him running my hands slowly over his chest then his thighs. He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. His heartbeat was fast. His breathing was labored. When I began to stroke his hair, Chakotay leaned forward and caught my mouth with his.

The kiss stunned me. I sagged against his chest torn between moaning with pleasure and sobbing with relief. His mouth fused to mine. I felt him straining against the bonds, so I freed him.

"Kathryn," he whispered. I was on my feet pressed against him. He kissed me again. This time slowly and tenderly.

"I’ve missed you," I said as he held me. I wanted to cry.

"I miss you," he replied. Then he gently pulled away. "But I need more time."

I turned from him fearing that tears would spill. Begging him was out of the question.

"Let me work through this," he whispered in my ear.

I released the lock on the door without looking at him. I felt him close behind me as he inhaled the scent of my hair. Then, he was gone. I ignored my shaking hands and turned my attention to rewarding Mr. Paris.
 
 

As always, the feeling of power returned as I put on my leathers. I took great care in preparing that night. I had just laid out my array of strap-ons in size order when Paris was at my door. Upon my summons, he entered and stripped then knelt before me with his eyes averted, but he was still smirking.

"You know how smugness displeases me, Mister," I said quietly. To illustrate my point, I gently traced his muscles with my cat o’nine tails. "You don’t want to displease me, do you, Tom?"

He swallowed hard. "No, Mistress," he said. "Permission to speak?"

"Be careful."

"Yes, Mistress. It’s just that I thought I had finally done something to really please you. Didn’t I please you?" he asked quietly.

I tilted his face upward to look into his eyes. "Was it pride that made you smirk at me, Tom?"

"I suppose," he whispered. "It’s been so long since I’ve been close to the Mistress. I couldn’t help smiling."

"Get on the bed on your belly spread eagle," I said. "Secure your right wrist."

He complied. I secured his other limbs. Then, I sat beside him and stroked the side of his face, his lips and his hair. Paris relaxed as his eyes fixed on mine.

"What am I to do with you?"

"Anything, Mistress."

"That is what I want to hear," I said. "Compliance. We will begin with a full body massage."

"Begging the Mistress’ pardon, but there is no way you can get me to relax tonight," he said with a smile.

"The last thing I want you to do is relax completely, Mister." I replied. "I’m going to massage you with my body."

I removed my bra, corset and panties. Paris watched with rapt attention as I spread fragrant oil all over my torso and my pussy.

"I could help with that," Paris offered. I responded with a few choice whacks on his thighs with my riding crop. "Sorry, Mistress."

I began with the soles of his feet rubbing my rock hard nipples against his sensitive skin. I heard him inhale sharply as I moved to his legs. After slicking them with oil, I massaged his muscles with my muff. We were getting sticky with the oil and my own juices. I did his ass with mine then with my muff as my nipples slid up and down either side of his spine.

Tom’s face was red. He was breathing hard watching me. I never saw his eyes so fixed and glazed.

"You’re mine, Mister," I whispered. "I’m going to turn you over for the other side."

"My, god, Mistress, don’t shackle me down," Tom said hoarsely. "Please, let me..."

I rubbed against him again. "I’m going to oil you down your chest, your stomach, your cock and your beautiful legs while you watch, Tom. Then I’m going to touch everything I can with your favorite parts of me. Why are you fighting this?"

He nearly whimpered. "Please..."

I rose and picked up the riding crop. Then, I released the restraints. I brought the leather down across his backside.

"On your back and shackle that left ankle then your right wrist," I said. When he hesitated, two more lashes fell. The oil made the blows sting all the more.

"This is my reward, Mistress?" He rasped.

I lashed him again. "On my terms, Mister! Are you worthy for a reward beyond your dreams. Have you not enjoyed your massage?"

"Yes, Mistress."

"All you desire will be yours with obedience, delectable Tom," I whispered.

He turned over with the most rigid hard on I’ve ever seen on him. He watched me play with my nipples as he did as I demanded. I finished shackling him. He looked so distraught, I kissed him thoroughly making him sigh and groan.

I massaged his legs and torso with my slick body just missing his stiff penis.

"Should I ride that rod or should I have you suck off all the wetness from my pussy, Mister," I whispered in his ear. He moaned in response. "I didn’t understand. Do you want my tight little box, Lieutenant?"

"Yes, god yes, anything, Mistress...."

I mounted him and covered his open mouth with mine. Then, I rode him undulating rhythmically against him as we kissed heatedly. Mr. Paris was very excited and was coming quickly. He was angry when I collapsed upon him.

"Don’t fear," I said breathlessly. "Your reward is only beginning."

Torres appeared in the doorway then. She was completely naked. She sank to her knees.

"I am here to serve."

"We need to be cleaned before continuing," I said. "Mr. Paris will join me in the shower. I’m sure he won’t mind being shackled. Will you, Mister?"

"No, Mistress." He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.

Torres brought over the fur lined cuffs and easily removed him from the bed and cuffed his hands behind his back. I put a leash on him and led him to the shower. I removed the rest of my leathers while Torres lathered Paris’ whole body. He watched her. She lathered me next, as Paris continued Paris watched.

He was getting hard again as Torres dried us. The poor man was fighting for control.

"Should I gag you?" I asked.

"Not that way, please," he whispered.

I kissed him as I led him back to the bed. He was docile as Torres shackled him on the bed on his back.

"It’s time for my protege to learn how to use some of the Equipment," I said. "The only way to really learn is to experience the sensation. She rushed this lesson with you, so she must be punished first. Stand in the middle of the floor, B’Elanna."

She complied quickly and was shackled with her arms extended above her head and her legs spread wide. I took out a small, lightweight leather paddle.

"This is a clit whip," I said kneeling in front of B’Elanna. "It causes torment, but no real pain in the right hands."

I smacked her muff with it three times. She almost arched toward it. I smacked her a few more times, then reached up to squeeze her nipples. She cried out in ecstasy. I whipped her clit again while kneading her breasts one at a time. Torres whimpered and squirmed. I smacked her again for moving.

"This makes her clit swollen and sensitive like foreplay," I said. "She wants a good fucking now, don’t you, B’Elanna."

"Yes, Mistress!"

"Not yet," I said. I squeezed her tits once more. "You haven’t had your lesson yet."

I released Torres from the shackles and ordered her onto the bed. I made sure her little ass was positioned so that Paris could see what I did. I put on the strap-on and oiled the nice sized dildo attached to it. Paris watched as I worked some oil into her asshole with one finger, then two. When I opened her enough, I mounted that wiggling behind. Then I slowly screwed her while fingering her clit. Every time she bucked against me, I slapped her ass.

Paris was again transfixed as I rode Torres until she was screaming and trashing beneath me. Finally, her knees gave way. I pulled out.

"That’s the way it’s supposed to happen," I told her. "Do you understand?"

"Yes, Mistress."

"Now, as part of your punishment, you must make amends to the Lieutenant."

"Yes, Mistress."

I got off the bed then released Mr. Paris.

"Fuck her," I said.

He hesitated for just a moment. Then he sat up. "Yes, Mistress!"

He had her on her back in an instant kissing her deeply while fondling her breasts. He kissed her over and over, sucking her lower lip then tasting the skin on her neck. He licked her forehead. It was as though his tongue was on a long thorough about journey over B’Elanna’s body.

Paris sucked and licked and nipped her nipples until she was gasping. He lapped her belly button and the line down to her bush. He didn’t eat her though. Paris licked his way down one thigh, nipping at her calf then sucking her toes. Only on his way back up her body did he finally seek the nub nestled in her muff. He sucked at it until she nearly screamed.

When Tom finally entered her, he had her legs over his shoulders and both hands tormented her tits as he pumped hard into her. It was a long, hard ride. Her hips met his every move enjoying his roughness. Just after B’Elanna stopped coming, Tom pulled out and shot his load all over her breasts. He fell to one side of her in exhaustion.

"Clean her up, Tom. Yourself as well," I said quietly.

"Yes, Mistress," he replied. He scooped her up into his arms and carried her to the bathroom.

I must have dozed off then on my chaise lounge, because I don’t remember them coming back. A gentle hand brushed my cheek stirring me.

Tom was kneeling beside me with his eyes averted.

"Yes, Mister?" I asked. "Look at me."

His eyes were soft in their gaze at me. "Please, Mistress, let me give you pleasure, now."

"You have given me pleasure tonight, Tom," I replied. He was warming me with his soft voice and sweet words.

"I want to..." he said. "I want... let me touch you, Mistress. Please..."

I leaned forward and Tom’s lips met mine, slanting across them, pushing them open. His tongue moved against mine. He had handfuls of my hair feeling it, holding it. I relaxed under his touch surrendering to him and was pushed onto my back.

The kiss grew rougher, devouring me. Tom looked at me after breaking free. He licked my lips, then down my throat. One hand was moving toward my crotch. My left nipple was being sucked hard as he pushed three fingers inside me. His mouth came back to cover my cries.

"It’s always too fast for me, Mistress," he whispered against my swollen lips. "I always want to hear your sounds and they end so fast."

He thrust his fingers again and I moaned.

"I’m going to hear those sounds until you can’t come anymore, my beautiful Mistress," he said renewing the attack on my tits.

Paris sucked and pulled on them while finger fucking me. I let go and fell into sensation, moaning and crying and begging for release. He was merciless. Instead of pounding me into oblivion like he did Torres, the Lieutenant moved his tongue between my legs. He lapped at my soaking muff like I was a favorite taffy for a time. Then he went after my hyper-sensitive clit. The bastard got his sounds alright. I was certain that I had never made some of them before.

Then he was in me. We were pressed torso to torso looking into each other’s eyes.

"Let me see it happen, Mistress," he said. "Please, don’t close your eyes. Don’t turn away."

He didn’t have to wait long. I was there caught in an intense spectacular roll deep within me. I cried out, I moaned. I eventually swooned.

I vaguely felt the warm shower , a gentle lathering and drying afterward. I noted the familiar scent of my sheets being pulled over me before everything turned dark.
 
 

The next morning, I kept them with me. We dressed together and headed for breakfast where Mr. Kim awaited. He almost laughed at the sight of Paris. The poor man did look exhausted, but he had the stupidest grin on his face.

"It’s okay," Paris said. "I owe you those rations, no problem."

I arched a brow at the Ensign.

"He didn’t think he’d get his reward," Kim said. "I bet him that he was wrong."

I smiled at Paris and said quietly. "Five lashes for doubting me."

He sighed. "All is back to normal."

"Not quite," Torres said.

Chakotay sat down with his tray nearby with his jaw set as ate his breakfast. I looked for a moment in his direction then returned to my coffee. Somewhere, my appetite and good humor had fled me.

"Let me talk to him," Paris said. "I need to anyway."

"Not about me, Mr. Paris." I said. "Make you own peace with him, but I fight my own battles. I have to go. I’ll see you all at your posts."

"Don’t run away," Torres said.

"I’ll be walking, but I most go," I replied.

I left the room as quickly as dignity would allow and headed for the nearest turbolift. Chakotay followed. My back hit the smooth cool wall next to the control panel. Chakotay asked for the deck where his quarters were located. He pressed me against the wall with his face nuzzling my hair. He held my wrists in one hand, but didn’t speak to me. Without a word, I was pulled from the turbolift and hauled into his quarters, then to his bed.

Chakotay straddled me pulling pins from my hair as I was held still beneath him. His eyes were black mesmerizing mine. They were full of emotion: lust, anger, pain, maybe even resignation. His hands absently ran through my hair then over my face as though he was memorizing it. He pinned me down under the dense weight of his body. His heat suffused through me. One hand was held fast anchored in my hair. Then his mouth took mine. The force of his will overpowered me, and I was lost in his kiss.

"Tuvok to Janeway," I heard vaguely long moments later.

Chakotay raised his lips from mine. "Janeway here," I replied in as normal a voice as I could.

"Is something amiss?" he asked.

"No. Forgive me, but I need to confer with Mr. Chakotay for the next hour. I should have reported," I said. He smiled a small smile then was nibbling my neck. "You have the con."

"Yes, Captain."

The kiss began again. This time it was not as angry. At some point, I realized that I was only partially dressed. His strong fingers were cupping my breasts. I moaned into his mouth. Chakotay tore away from me and pulled my uniform from my writhing body. He ripped his off clothes, parted my legs and plunged into me.

It was intense and volatile and highly erotic. He rode me hard and kissed me thoroughly the whole while. I came the moment he pushed into me and didn’t stop until he spent inside me.

"Chakotay," I whispered. He still covered my body. His lips were pressed against my neck.

"Kathryn," he replied. "Never protect me from the truth. I can bear anything but feeling betrayed. I can bear anything but being apart from you."

"Understood, Mister. Never keep yourself from me. Even angry, I want you," I said. "I need you."

He began to kiss me again. I wondered what Tuvok would think about our tardiness.

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