The Secret Logs of Mistress Janeway
by NovaD XXV
Alternate Scenarios  

A Word From The Mistress: Part of this installment is a tribute to one of my favorite pieces of Chakotay/Paris slash. To Jan and June, my thanks for letting me fiddle with your lovely work. Those who have not read "In This Corner" should indulge. It can be found in the ASCE archive.

Note of What Has Gone Before: A new pastime began on Voyager after the discovery of an old tactical simulation that posulates a Maquis takeover led by Chakotay.  While exploring the simulation, Paris and Tuvok were trapped by a holoprogram of Seska that had been modified by the original.

Captain’s Personal Log:

I was almost afraid to go to the Holodeck. Despite constant assurances from Torres that Barrows’ program was unaffected by Seska’s sabotage, I couldn’t shake the fear that she had been altered in some way. After a week without her due to various distractions, I missed her too much to stay away any longer.

Of course, when I called up the program, I found it was already running.

I muttered. I stormed inside to find Chakotay slamming Tom Paris against the walls in Chakotay’s quarters by the shoulders.

"What the hell is going on here?" I demanded.

"Freeze program," Barrows snapped. "Really, pet, you should announce yourself."

"Forgive me, Mistress. I just found this a little startling," I replied. "Is this from the Tuvok training program?"

"No," Barrows replied. "While I was in exile during the holo-novel craze, I went wandering through various systems."

"You’ve been reading personal logs again."

"Well... yes. And I found a lot of fodder for some writing of my own."

"Why are you doing this?"

"You won’t let me play with the real ones," she muttered.

"What do you mean by fodder?" I sighed.

"A lot of seething hostility and old resentments from which passion can spring."

"This is about passion?" I asked indicating the clench across the room.

"All that hostility between two men can’t be about anything but sex," Barrows replied.

"What?"

"Don’t panic, Dear One. They are yours body and soul. But what if you’d never reached out to them," Barrows said. "What if you’d remained as aloof as a Captain as you were in the beginning of this journey."

"Aloof?"

"Professionally distant," she said. "You know how open you are to your crew -- Mistress aside. The situation has made you more accessible and tolerant of crew foibles than you would ever be in the Alpha Quadrant. What if you waited longer to open yourself to them?

I looked at Chakotay and Paris again.

"What is this about?"

"This little scenario is about Jonas. There was a lot of hostility even with all your efforts. I just removed you from the equation and let testosterone take its course," Barrows said.

I conjured my own chair. "Reconfigure so that they won’t see me. Then continue."

The scenario began again. I was stunned by the unleashed fury in the Commander as he slammed Paris into the wall. I could see Tom trying to free himself, but Chakotay was too strong.

"What’ll you do Commander... Kill me... How will you ... explain... to the Captain?"

Chakotay’s assault slowed to a halt, but he still had Paris in a painful grip pressing his entire weight on the slender lieutenant. It wouldn’t take much to shatter Tom. But Paris wouldn’t give up. He tried to push at Chakotay’s chest.

"I thought you were above getting angry at a nobody like me... a liar... a traitor. I thought nothing I could do or say could touch you. Remember?" He gasped out the words through clenched teeth. "Where’s your famous self control now?"

Tom’s words pained me. I was moved by his desperation and anger. The words reached Chakotay as well. He fought to regain control. He relaxed his grip on Paris. I began to breathe again.

Both men were panting still pressed heavily against each other -- the tension still crackled between them. Suddenly, Tom’s expression changed. I knew by the look that he was aroused, and surprised. Chakotay must be hard.

"So is that what you really want Commander?" He hissed the question out angrily, tauntingly, his voice still hoarse from gasping for breath.

Chakotay looked at him warmly, but said nothing.

"To fuck me. That’s what you want." Paris spit the accusation in Chakotay’s face. I waited for the reply on the edge of my seat. I’d never seen such passion in him not aimed at me.

Tom tilted his head toward Chakotay’s, coming millimeters from his face straining hard into the Commander’s eyes.

"That’s why you brought me in here, into your quarters, isn’t it, Commander? You don’t get much, do you? Tom said. He ducked his head to one side to bite the Chakotay through his uniform just above the collarbone.

Chakotay closed his eyes then released Tom. I could tell he was fighting his lusts. As the weight was lifted from him, Paris gripped Chakotay by the shoulder then roughly turned his body to push him against the wall. The Commander didn’t resist as Paris began to nip at his chest through his uniform. He leaned his head back then closed his eyes as the Lieutenant worked his way down. Soon Tom was kneeling before him. Glancing up at the Commander’s dazed face, he leaned forward, turned his head and wrapped his mouth then unwrapped his mouth around the Commander’s penis through the material. As he rubbed his mouth and chin roughly over the cloth restraining Chakotay’s erection, he reached up and pulled at the drawstrings holding the pants at the Commanders waist.

A moment later, the pants were at Chakotay’s ankles and Paris was running his tongue over that hot, hard, penis. He gripped the Commander’s balls in one hand as he licked from the base to tip tasting the shaft then scraping his teeth against the head. With the other hand, he squeezed at the base of the thick cock, while his tongue teased the slit at the crown. With a groan, Chakotay brought his hands up to hold Paris’ head as he thrust his erection deep into the wet, open mouth.

"Great googely moogely," Barrows said.

"Mistress!"

Chakotay had Paris by the hair and was giving him a real pounding with no sign of coming anytime soon.

"That man can be exhausting," I said. "He isn’t even trying. He’s just getting off on having him that way."

"Impertinent. What do you do about it?"

Just then, I noticed Tom reach around Chakotay’s hips. The next thing I knew, Chakotay had pulled out of Tom’s mouth, took him by the shoulders and threw him across the room.

"I usually put a finger up his ass," I said.

"That works."

Paris began to back away from the Commander who looked like a wild man. I would have run from that look. Tom didn’t get far. Chakotay straddled him then began to tear apart his uniform. Paris ripped at Chakotay’s shirt then pushed it from his muscled shoulders. Struggling out of the shirt, Chakotay muttered, "Is this what you wanted, Lieutenant?"

I could see the appreciation for the Commander body in Tom’s eyes just before he was flipped onto his stomach. Paris raised himself onto his knees as Chakotay positioned himself.

"He’s going to tear that boy apart," Barrows said.

"He won’t hurt Tom."

Chakotay lubricated Tom with his pre-cum and prepared him with his fingers. Paris relaxed just before the Commander took him by the hips then slowly but firmly drove into the slender man fully.

My dear Paris was gasping for breath scarlet faced. His eyes were dazed. Chakotay stared at him through hooded eyes glazed with lust waiting with his patented patience. After a long moment, Tom braced himself then threw his hips back. Chakotay had his signal at last. He began to pound Tom mercilessly nearly pulling out of then slamming into him completely. Tom’s arms buckled under the assault. He rested his head on his folder arms.

Chakotay was loving this. His excitement was rising. His movements quickened. Paris moaned.

"Please," he pleaded.

Chakotay reached around Tom’s hips and grabbed his cock. Paris cried out as the Commander began jerking him expertly in time with his deep thrusts.

It didn’t take long after that. Paris began bucking against Chakotay as he came loudly. As Chakotay collapsed, he was still pounding away. He came with a roar shortly afterward.

"End program," Barrows said.

"Foreplay and fisticuffs," I sighed. "Men."

"But it was lovely," Barrows said.

"Indeed. I’ve tried to provoke Chakotay into taking me that roughly. Every time I yelp in the least little way, he stops."

"The Commander is chivalrous to a fault," Barrows said.

I shrugged. "Now that they’ve done it and quite well, can they do it without tearing apart a room and each other?"

"Let’s move it forward beyond regret and recriminations and see," Barrows said then set the program parameters for two weeks beyond that encounter.

The setting was Tom’s apartment. He was in civilian clothes, a loose shirt partially baring his hairy chest and loose fitting trousers. He was preparing dinner. There was low music and the lights were low, but not romantically so. The bell chimed just as Paris finished putting the food out.

Chakotay entered at Tom’s summons. He carried a bottle of wine.

"I just thought a fine vintage... replicated an hour ago," he said with a slight smile.

"Such luxury will warp my senses," Tom smiled.

"I’ll pour," Chakotay said.

They attempted to relax, but there was a heavy tension in the air. The anticipation was driving me crazy.

Chakotay downed his wine then placed the glass on the coffee table. "This isn’t working. Tom, I’d better go."

"Why?" Tom was annoyed and hurt.

"It doesn’t feel right."

Chakotay stood as did Paris. "Can you only be with me when you’re angry enough to hit me -- to take what you want?"

The Commander looked pained. He reached out to touch his shoulder but Tom pulled away. That didn’t deter him. Chakotay took Tom’s wrist then pulled him into an embrace.

"I’m sorry. It seems I’m good at hurting you," he murmured into Tom’s shoulder. "It takes me a while to come around sometimes."

"I know we have seventy years, but geesh," Tom chuckled. "When?"

"Now," Chakotay whispered. He shoved Tom gently onto the sofa. He straddled the half- reclining lieutenant then began to kiss him. Their tongues strained against each other while removing each other’s clothes.

"Don’t move, Tom."

Chakotay licked Tom’s nipples then nipped at them. Chakotay worked his way back to Tom’s face. He kissed his eyelids. Traced his lips with his thumb. Tom sucked on it making Chakotay smile. The man then caressed Tom’s entire body with firm even strokes learning his skin. Tom couldn’t take his eyes off Chakotay. He was unusually silent save for the occasional gasp of pleasure.

Finally, Chakotay kissed him again. This time the journey over Tom’s body was with his mouth. He traced the thin line of hair from his navel lower toward the erection that was thrusting upward to meet his lips.

Chakotay continued licking lower tonguing along the shaft of Tom’s cock. Chakotay took him as far back as he could and sucked hard as one hand cradled his balls. Tom moaned as he stroked the Commander’s hair. When he looked down, Paris met Chakotay’s eyes. They were locked on each other’s stare. I knew how he felt to feel Chakotay’s gaze. My body responded. So did Tom’s. He came with a loud moan. He never took his eyes off of Chakotay. Chakotay took it all in his mouth. He washed it down with wine while Tom was trying to settle his breathing.

"You’re some kinda dinner guest," Tom said.

"You’re some kinda host. Where’s my food?" Chakotay laughed.

"This is going to get sickening," Barrows said ending the program. "Your Commander is amazingly sweet."

"Hmm," I replied.

"What’s wrong, pet?"

"Is he mine or did he come to me merely because he discovered the Mistress?" I wondered aloud. "You see what happens when random factors are changed."

"I know better than that. So do you. He would always choose you if the option was open," Barrows said.

"Not always. Not when Seska was on board," I said.

"Were you an option to him then?"

"No."

"There then," Barrows said. "But why don’t you find out for yourself?"

"What?"

"You have Tuvok’s scenario. I can enhance the characters to more closely match the personalities in their personal logs," Barrows said.

"But why use the mutiny?"

"There has to a clear choice made by him. What better way than to choose to abort the mutiny," she said. "It is a clear choice of you over her."

"I’d need more time to sow the seeds," I said. "About a month."

"When do we being?"

"Tomorrow."
 
 

For a long time I thought about the earliest days of the journey home. All I had to rely on was my training. That’s what it was there for. All I had was the regs. If I concentrated on them, I wouldn’t fall apart. It was the right decision, but for a long time the regs were a buffer between me and my crew.

It was clear in Tuvok’s scenario I was reacting tactically. It hadn’t occurred to that Janeway to make a direct appeal to the man I chose as First Officer. Tuvok saw me that way for a reason. If I had known about Chakotay what I knew at present, I would have been much more open. But I did know a lot about him at present. I knew enough about him to know if I had any effect on him at all. But what if I didn’t. I had to be sure.

My experiment began in a staff meeting about three months into the journey. As I recalled it, they were tense affairs. Chakotay awaited being contradicted. Tuvok looked at the Commander for signs of homicidal intent. I went in as I did at present with a wry smile and the ponytail.

I greeted everyone and got down to work. There were some surprised glances, but none more appreciative than Commander Chakotay’s. I didn’t change the substance of the meeting, but since I understood the crew’s real motivations better than I had, my demeanor changed. I was totally at ease which made the exchanges non-confrontational. Chakotay kept looking at me instead of his notes. Even Tuvok relaxed ever so slightly.

When the meeting ended, Chakotay remained. I felt his eyes on me as I reviewed the padd.

"This is fine, Chakotay. Good work," I said with a smile.

"The sensor analysis won’t be finished until 2000 hours," he said.

"It’s okay. I still have to adjust course as soon as we have it," I said. "Bring it to me when it’s ready."

"I’ll be on watch anyway."

"Bring it to my quarters when it’s completed," I said. "I’ll make some camomile tea."

"That may help me sleep."

"I just want it to get rid of this nightmare I keep having," I said.

"Nightmare?"

"I wake up normally, but when I look in the mirror, I have Kazon hair," I said.

Chakotay chuckled. He was guarded but there was a glint of amusement in his eyes. I handed him the padd and patted his forearm. The doors flew open and Seska breezed in.

"Chakotay, I... oh, excuse me," she said in a barely civil tone.

My smile and ease never waned. "We were just finishing. I’ll see you on the Bridge, Commander."

"Yes, Captain."

"Seska."

Upon exiting the Ready Room, I accelerated the time to 2000. I was in my quarters wearing a very demure but very flattering gown and robe. The tea was steeping when the door chimed. I was brushing my hair when he came in. Chakotay was slightly more guarded than he was in the morning meeting. I wondered what Seska had said to him, but I wasn’t discouraged. The look in his eyes as I finished with my hair almost took my breath. It was a quality of wonder that always amazed me.

"I’ve got that report," he said softly.

"Come sit," I said pouring the tea. He sipped in silence for a while. I reviewed the padd.

"Barring any long range scans from these systems, we should pass through this entire sector quickly and quietly," Chakotay said.

"That wold be a nice change of pace," I said drily. He smiled at me. I smiled back.

"You seem different -- not different but..."

"I understand. I’ve just decided that we have a long trip ahead, might as well relax and..."

"Let your hair down?"

I felt a wicked smile form. "Don’t you like it?"

Chakotay looked startled.

"Seska to Chakotay."

I nodded then got up and moved to give him some privacy. I could still hear the amazement and annoyance in her voice.

"You’re still there? What could you be talking about?"

"We can discuss that later. I’ll be there as soon as I can," he replied. "Chakotay out. Forgive me Captain."

"Nothing to forgive," I said placidly. "Those of us lucky enough to have a personal life, should get to enjoy it. I’ll see you in the morning."

"Goodnight, Captain."

"Goodnight, Chakotay."

He looked like he didn’t want to leave, but he did.

I summoned Seska’s quarters and took a position to watch. Seska was pacing when Chakotay came in. She embraced him immediately.

"I’m sorry," she said brushing her lips against his. "I got annoyed that Janeway would keep you working so late."

Chakotay gently disengaged from her. " I volunteered to get that report to her. She offered me tea."

"What’s this about? A new tactic to throw you off guard?" Seska asked. "I can’t deny its effect. She let’s her hair down and you come running."

"That’s ridiculous," Chakotay said wearily. He sat back on the sofa closing his eyes. "No matter what our plans are, we still have to calculate where the ship is going.

She sat closed beside him tracing the lines of the tattoo with her index finger. "So you haven’t forgotten our plans. There will never be a better opportunity."

"No," he sighed. "I sense the ability for a real alliance with Janeway, but there is still Tuvok. I don’t yet sense that she will trust me as much as she trusts him."

"A real alliance," she scoffed licking his ear. "Wishful thinking. Her hair may be unpinned but her mind isn’t."

Seska swooped onto his mouth as she straddled him. Chakotay grunted impatiently pulling her dress down from her shoulders. He maneuvered her onto her back to suck her nipples. Seska moaned while pushing her gown over her hips.

I felt Barrows presence at my side.

"I’m surprised you want to watch," she said.

"I enjoy watching him work," I shrugged.

Chakotay was licking Seska’s abdomen. He pulled the nightgown from her legs parting them for his hungry mouth. He worked at her until she was squirming against him. He was out of his trousers in an instant. In the next he had her legs draped over his shoulders thrusting vigorously. She encouraged him with her moans and thrusts. Reluctantly, I reacted to the eroticism of the coupling. It was a hell of a fuck.

"I hate that bitch," I said quietly. "She won’t win this."

"That’s my pet!" Barrows exclaimed. "And afterward you can vent your fury on skin that won’t bleed."

"Well said," I replied. "End program."
 
 

I avoided seeing Chakotay that night. I wasn’t angry with him; however, I didn’t want to divide my focus. I thought about how I would handle my next encounters with the holo-Chakotay. I had to be just me or it wouldn’t be valid.

The next time I went back to the program, I had several encounters with Chakotay that were routine daily events. This time though I did things like allow my gaze to linger a tiny bit longer than was appropriate. I allowed him to catch me looking at his lips. Despite his guardedness, I knew he was shaken. My impression was confirmed by Seska’s increasingly intrusive behavior when I was alone with Chakotay for longer than five minutes.

I no longer eavesdropped on Chakotay and Seska, nor would I let Barrows tell me what she knew. I wanted to rely on my instincts with this man.

The night before the mutiny, I was in my Ready Room ‘dozing’ on the sofa with a report on an away mission in hand. I heard Chakotay come and felt him standing over me staring at me in the soft light. He bent and took the padd from my hand. I stirred looking up at him.

"I suppose I should get to my quarters or I won’t be able to turn my head," I said rolling my neck slowly back and forth.

Chakotay was mesmerized. "I can help with that."

"Would you?" I said. "I don’t want to go to the Doctor. Everything comes with a lecture."

He smiled briefly then got to work on my allegedly stiff neck after gently moving my ponytail aside. It was delicious as always and I responded as always relaxing for him and sighing frequently.

I stood to face him when he finished.

"Thank you," I said. "I’d better get to bed. Paris and I have a busy day."

"Captain, can I talk to you about something delicate?" Chakotay asked.

I touched his shoulder. "Chakotay there is nothing you can’t talk to me about -- ever." I knew his expression. He wanted to kiss me. Would he not tell me about his plans to do that? My hand stayed where it was. Chakotay stepped flush with me then gently set his lips against mine. When I sighed into him he sought my tongue. He held me with one arm at my waist. The kiss heated, but I was aware that he would release me if I made any protest. I wasn’t about to do that. The intensity and wonder in his touch were too moving to stop. He pulled back first.

"Don’t apologize, Chakotay," I whispered.

"I’d better go," he said.

I let him leave. Gods, I was wet. Would he stop the mutiny? Could he stop it?

I accelerated the program to the point where Paris and I got onboard. I sent Tom to try to shut down as many systems as possible. Chakotay would be there soon. I waited, unarmed working on a panel. When Chakotay entered the room I raised my hands and put them at the back of my head.

"My weapon is on the console," I said. "This looks intractable, Chakotay, but it isn’t. We can put this crew back together."

"You’re buying time, Kathryn," he said.

"Scan the systems, I’ve done nothing but get back on board."

He did check, then lowered his weapon.

"We have more common ground than differences Chakotay," I said. "You know that... Talk to me."

There was a pause. He sent the security ensign away. Before I could say a word, Seska was in the room. She fired at me hitting me on my left shoulder. I went down reacting to the ‘wound’. Chakotay snatched the weapon from her.

"She was unarmed!" He shouted.

"Until she got close enough to kick you in the crotch," she sneered. "Not that you don’t deserve it."

"Secure this deck! I’m taking the Captain to Sickbay," he said. I was lifted into his arms. I was in a ‘faint’ listening to him mutter at me and himself.

"Dammed stubborn woman. Why did you wait so long to talk to me like a friend? Why did I kiss you instead of clearing the air?"

We were in the turbo lift.

"I still want to kiss you, Kathryn," Chakotay whispered. "I’ve wanted to since we met."

The Doctor revived me. Chakotay turned him off immediately.

"Chakotay..." I said.

"I have to get you out of here," he said. Again, I was scooped up into his arms. We barreled through empty corridors to his quarters where he secured the door with a personal code. I was gently placed on his bed.

"What do we do now, Kathryn?"

"We will stay locked in here and talk until we’ve passed out. Until we find a way of working that respects both sides," I said. "Ever considered the alternative -- for you?"

"Alternative?"

"A life where you remain forever in conflict with everyone and everything... Where you fit in nowhere..." I said. "Where you will always be angry."

He was startled by my words -- his words really.

"You can be part of a community here working towards home instead of continuing on the run in a constant battle," I said.

"How do you know my mind?" He murmured.

"It took me a while to look past the regs and really see the man next to me, but I do now," I said. "Can’t you see me, Chakotay?"

"I do now," he replied.

He was kissing me pressing me back onto the bed with urgency and heat. I held him this time provoking his tongue. We pulled apart with surprise. I saw him come to some sort of decision in that instant. With a groan, he was on top of me kissing me, caressing me.

"This is crazy," he said.

"I know," I gasped. "And complicated."

"I know."

Seska burst in then. Clever bitch must have known all of his codes.

"You’re a bigger fool than she is," Seska said. "Or are you into abusing prisoners?"

Chakotay moved away from me. We both were straightening clothes. She made a move to hit me, but Chakotay got between us.

"I didn’t think so," she said.

"We have to stop this now, Seska," Chakotay said.

"Oh, I agree," she replied. "I can’t have any weak minded idiots in my way."

She pulled a phaser set to kill. Chakotay got between us. I had my answer.

"I’ve seen enough. Freeze program," I said. "Reconfigure to Club One. Transfer the Seska character and delete the phaser."

Barrows appeared as I removed my uniform. The Outfit was underneath. She handed me the bullwhip.

"Resume program."

Seska looked quite startled.

"Welcome to my world, Seska," I said. "I’m sure you won’t enjoy it."

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26: Captain Kathryn Janeway