Clinton Sex Scandal
Due to Clinton's escapades The Lord added an 11th commandment:
11. Thou shalt not stick thy rod in thy staff.
As Air Force One prepares to land, the captain makes his usual request over the loudspeaker: "Mr. President, would you please return the stewardess to the upright position and prepare to land?"
Q.What's the difference between Clinton and a screwdriver?
A.A screwdriver turns in screws, Clinton screws interns!
Did you hear Clinton has announced there is a new national bird?
It's the spread eagle
A reporter asked Clinton one day, "Was Monica lying?"
Clinton responded by saying. "No, she was on her knees."
Dan Quayle, Frank Gifford and Bill Clinton were in a spelling bee. Unbelievably, Dan Quayle won! He was the only one of the three who knew that 'harass' was one word.
Q. Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill every day at 5 am?
A.She wants to make sure that she is the first lady.
Q. How many White House Interns does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. None, they are too busy screwing the President.
It was all a misunderstanding. He didn't tell her to lie in a deposition; he told her to lie in a new position.
Q. What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common (aside from living in the Watergate Hotel)?
A. They were both upset with Bill finished first.
Q. Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East?
A. He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.
Q. What is Bill's definition of safe sex?
A. When Hillary goes out of town.
Q. Johnnie Cochran offered to take Clinton's case. His defense?
A. If she didn't spit, you must acquit.
Q. Why does Clinton wear underwear?
A. To keep his ankles warm.
Q. What's one of the advantages of dating Bill Clinton?
A. No dry-cleaning bills.
Q. How does Bill keep Monica away from the White House?
A. He offers to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.
Q. What does Bill say to Hillary after a romantic interlude?
A. "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
Q. Why does Bill cheat on Hillary?
A. He wanted to be on top.
Q. How did Bill paralyze Hillary below the waist?
A. He married her.
Q. What game did Monica and Bill like to play?
A. Swallow the Leader.
Q. What does Monica Lewinsky
have on her resume?
A. "Sat on the Presidential Staff."
Q. When did Clinton realize Paula Jones wasn't a Democrat?
A. When she wouldn't swallow everything he presented.
Q. What's the new press name
for the latest presidential scandal?
A. Fornigate. Or, Unabanger. Or, Zippergate.
Q. What is the name of Hillary
Clinton's new book?
A. "It Takes a Village (to Satisfy My Husband)"
Q. What's the definition of an Arkansas virgin?
A. A girl who runs faster than the governor.
Q. Who does Hillary Clinton
want for the next White House intern?
A. Lorena Bobbett.
In a survey of American women, when asked, "Would you sleep with the
President?" 86 percent said, "Not again."
Bill Clinton and Pope John Paul died the same day. There was a mixup in
their souls and they went to the wrong places. The mixup was discovered
and they met in the corridor on their way to where they belonged. Bill told
John Paul, "You'll love it in heaven. It's everything they say it is."
John Paul said, "Oh, well, you won't like Hell, it's just what they
say it is. But I'm really looking forward to meeting the Virgin Mary."
Clinton said, "Uh, oh. Virgin?"
Starr I Are -- a newly discovered Dr. Seuss tale
I'm here to ask
As you'll you soon see
Did you grope
Miss Lewinsky?
Did you grope her
In your house?
Did you grope
Beneath her blouse?
I did not do that
Here or there,
I did not do that
Anywhere!
I did not do that
Near or far,
I did not do that
Starr-You-Are.
Did you smile?
Did you flirt?
Did you peek
Beneath her skirt?
And did you tell
The girl to lie?
When called upon to testify?
I do not like you,
Starr-You-Are.
I think that you
Have gone too far.
I will not answer
Any more.
Perhaps I will go
Start a war!
The public's easy
to distract
when Bombs are falling
on Iraq!
If you have a joke to add, send
it to me.
Also see my lightbulb jokes
Nic's Abode