Title: Leaving Cascade
Author: PattRose
Email: PattRose1@aol.com
Genre: Pre-slash
Warnings: Angst and self-pity, (Drama Llama below)
#397: Failure
Summary: Someone is feeling sorry for himself and thinks his life is over.
Leaving Cascade
By Patt
I ran farther and farther every day-but I never did get out of Cascade. Not really. My heart and my mind were always still there.
After the fiasco with the dissertation, I didn’t know what to do or what to say to anyone, so instead I left, thinking I could escape the heartache. It didn’t work-I failed at that, just as I failed at everything else in my life. I’m a complete failure. I have no where to turn and no one to talk to.
One of the worst things that happened is I went and fell in love with my partner. I’m not worthy of his love and I would have failed at that too. I wish I did have someone to talk to, but that’s my own fault. I brought this all on myself.
My phone is ringing again. It’s him. I’m not going to answer it again. But he continues trying to get a hold of me. He doesn’t know how lucky he is to be rid of me. Finally after five long rings, I answered the damn phone. It’s the least I could do for him.
“Hello,” I said quietly.
“Jim, where in the hell are you? I want to talk to you right now. You don’t just leave someone after you tell them that you’re crazy about them. You stay and have a life with them. Now get your ass back here and we’re going to talk.”
“Blair, what is there to talk about? I treated you like shit and blamed everything on you, when it should have gone on me too. I don’t deserve you. I’m a failure, Chief and I don’t want to drag you down with me.”
“Where are you?” Blair asked softly.
“Why?” I asked.
“Because I want to be with the man I love. We can do anything we want with our lives, Jim. I don’t want to live out mine alone when it could be with you instead. Please come home. Where are you?”
“I’m about 25 miles outside of Cascade, at a Motel Six, worrying about bugs in the sheets and pacing my life away,” I answered.
“Come home now… I love you…”
“How could you love me?” I wondered aloud.
“Easily, now get home as soon as you can and you don’t have to worry about the sheets in this house. Everything is clean. Come home now, man, okay?”
“Okay… I love you, too.”
I closed my cell phone and hurriedly picked up everything that belonged to me and jumped in the truck. He loved me. We’re going to have a long talk.
On the short drive home, I realized one thing I knew that had to be true and that was the fact that I could no longer be a failure when it came to me and Blair. He deserved the best and he was going to get it.
The end
