Checkmate

"Jack?"

I just can't catch a break. On the ramp, ready to cross over and he just has to make one last ditch effort. So close I can smell his fear, his need, his blood from where I slammed him against the wall.

I turn around. "Jack. Is. Dead, Daniel. Get that through your thick skull." I tap him right in the middle of his forehead. Not that it'll do much good, but I have to try.

"Jack, would you just listen to yourself?" I always did like watching him when he was passionate about something. That's when Daniel seemed the most alive. When he was studying his rocks, artifacts...whatever. To me they all look like bricks. "This is not the Jack O'Neill I know. Not the man who would have given up his life for a perfect stranger or threaten his entire career just so a child could have a life. He's in there somewhere and I'm not ready to give up on him."

"You better, Jackson. You're looking for someone who doesn't exist."

"I'm not ready to give up yet, Jack. I've brought Lya. She can help you. Just give her a chance."

"I'm not letting anyone screw with my head. You left me behind. You deal with your own guilt. I'm not having any part of it." I shrug off his hand and turn around, ready to slip through the event horizon when he speaks again...so softly I almost miss it.

"What about me?"

I glance over my shoulder, annoyed and losing what little chance I have of getting away by the second.

Oh just great. Perfect. Can you say timing? As usual the Marines have arrived in a blaze of glory, weapons hot. I'm sure Lya, the General, Anise, and a few others are right behind them.

I'm just another walking corpse waiting to fall down dead. And he stands there, the demand in his face, in his body just begging me to remember, to wake up. He's the only person I know who can ignore a battle zone when he focused on something.

There comes a point where you don't want to remember who you were. Where it's more painful to be alive than dead. I liked being dead. Liked not being Jack O'Neill. Just bidding my time.
I haven't had much room for love and romance in my life. Been too busy being honorable, serving my country, being a 'good' soldier. Look where it got me. Sara and Daniel, they'd always been the best part of who I am. There's only one thing wrong with that, Sara gave up on me years ago. Daniel never will. Not unless I put it in a language he can understand.

'You just had to make me remember didn't you Daniel. Well, I don't want to. There's nothing left in this world for me. Not even you. You can't love me, not the man I've become.'

Power, subjugation, oppression, salvation, damnation. It was all a blur. I really didn't feel like trying to explain it all to Daniel. So I took the easy way out.

"Sorry, Daniel. No time for explanations. It's in the handbook." With that, I pulled my gun from my pocket, pointed it at Daniel, pulled the trigger and fell backwards through the Gate. The last thing I saw was the complete look of surprise on Daniel's face. He truly believed I would never hurt him.

Sorry I had to destroy your illusions, Daniel. I'm not a nice person anymore.

It was after all, the will of my Gods and I'd do anything to please them. Maybe one day I'd get lucky and they'd let me die too.

--The End--

One person with courage can make a miracle happen.
--Andrew Jackson