Because You Would Ask Me Why I Love You

Because She Would Ask Me Why I Loved Her
by Christopher Brennan (1870-1932)

If questioning would make us wise
No eyes would ever gaze in eyes;
If all our tale were told in speech
No mouths would wander each to each.
Were spirits free from mortal mesh
And love not bound in hearts of flesh
No aching breasts would yearn to meet
And find their ecstasy complete.
For who is there that lives and knows
The secret powers by which he grows?
Were knowledge all, what were our need
To thrill and faint and sweetly bleed?
Then seek not, sweet, the "If" and "Why"
I love you now until I die.
For I must love because I live
And life in me is what you give.

Krycek was considering Mulder's collarbone as he fucked him. They were lying on their sides in Alex's bed (much larger than Mulder's, and much more sleek of linen), and Alex had Mulder's leg drawn up and back over his hip as he thrust slowly and strongly into the tight, sweet heat of Mulder's body. But as one hand steadied Mulder's hip so that he would not slip out when Fox squirmed, the other hand traced over the delicate ridge of bone.

Mulder had his head far back as he relished the slide of his lover's cock as it plumbed him so deeply, gliding firmly over his prostate with each thrust, and the line of bone that passed across his upper breast, with the tiny notch just at the base of his throat, seemed to be thrown into high relief. Alex had really never noticed it before.

Mulder seemed so sturdy in other ways. Was it like this with everyone? A vulnerability unsuspected till a sudden twist of the neck or tilt of the head revealed it? *I need to check myself the next time I look in the mirror--see if it's true for me, too.*

Krycek found the hollow of Mulder's throat just over the collarbone's notch, and stroked it with his thumb. Even as he felt Mulder reach orgasm, his body squeezing around Krycek's buried prick, milking his own orgasm from him, a cold, reptilian part of his brain was recalling that a properly trained man could kill with a stiff jab to that unprotected spot. Alex Krycek was a properly trained man. Mulder would never know that this thought had visited Alex, however fleetingly, but Alex held him close and kissed the back of his neck in silent apology.

After a moment Mulder pulled away, rolling onto his belly. Alex rubbed the small of his back for a moment, then let his fingers trail down to skim the crease of Mulder's ass. He pushed, finding the entrance to his body. It was loosened by their lovemaking oozing with his sperm. They'd stopped using condoms not long ago, after both had been tested.

Alex reached over to the damp rag that waited on the nightstand. The heat had seeped away, but it was still moist. He cleaned Mulder tenderly, then himself, then lay back down. Mulder turned on his side again, moving up under Alex's arm and curling against him. He rested his head on Alex's shoulder and made ready to sleep.

He'd just closed his eyes when Alex said, "Why?"

Mulder rubbed his face against the smooth skin under his cheek. "Why not?" He felt a sharp pinch on his hip. "Ow." Mulder opened his eyes to find Alex looking down at him, green eyes solemn. "Okay. Why what?"

"Why do you love me?"

Mulder considered saying, 'Because you're such a spectacular fuck', but Alex had already shown that he wasn't in a joking mood. "I dunno, babe. Hell, why does anyone ever love anyone else?" He considered Alex, seeing that the answer wasn't enough. He sighed. "Probably for the same reason you love me."

There was a faint hint of a smile curving Alex's generous mouth. "And why do I love you?"

Mulder groaned, "I can tell you right now, it isn't because you insist on talking after sex. I love you because you're Alex Krycek." Alex arched an eyebrow. Even ALEX wasn't entirely sure that was who he was--originally. Mulder dismissed it. "A rose by any other name, and all that good shit. And I think you love me because I'm Fox Mulder."

"Are you sure? Is that all there is to it?"

"Alex, sometimes the most profound things sound fucking SIMPLISTIC when you say them out loud." He thought for a moment, then said slowly, "'If questioning would make us wise, no eyes would ever gaze in eyes. If all our tale were told in speech," he kissed Alex softly, "no mouths would wander each to each." He could feel Alex smiling beneath his kiss.

"Author?"

"Christopher Brennan."

"Yeah, Because She Would Ask Me Why I Loved Her. She. Damn. The chicks get all the good stuff."

Mulder chuckled. "'Were spirits free from mortal mesh and love not bound'," one hand settled over where Alex's heart beat steadily. "'in hearts of flesh, no aching breasts would yearn to meet'," he rolled over on top of Alex, blanketing his body. "'and find their ecstasy complete.'"

"'For who is there that lives and knows the secret powers by which he grows?'"

Mulder murmured against his throat, "Scully can make a pretty good stab at it. She explained the various reactions caused by twenty separate hormones once. It took her, like, two hours."

"You didn't strangle her?"

"It was her birthday."

"Anyway, ask her some time. She's Catholic, Mulder. Push her and she'll admit to the 'mysterious powers' thing. 'Were knowledge all, what were our need to thrill and faint and sweetly bleed?'"

"How the hell did Brennan hear about our relationship?"

Now it was Alex's turn to chuckle. "You know that we're both fucked up, don't you? I mean, if we can laugh about that now."

"Yeah, but we have one thing in our favor--we KNOW that we're fucked up, and we can deal with it."

"'Then seek not, sweet, the "if" and "Why"--I love you now until I die.'" He looked up into Mulder's eyes, hands cupping his cheeks, and whispered, "All together now."

So they spoke the last two lines together, husky voices blending. "'For I must love because I live...'" Without planning, without consulting, they paused and kissed deeply. At last they finished, "'and life in me is what you give'."

Alex rolled over, putting Mulder beneath him. "Now, shut up and be a Muldermattress."

"Fine by me. I wasn't the one who wanted to 'explore our relationship'."

There was a pause. "So, why DO you love me?"

Mulder sighed. "Because you're such a spectacular fuck."

Alex grinned slowly. "I can live with that."