black and blue

my heart is black and my body is blue
The Cardigans. Losing My Favorite Game.

middle of the night. she wasn't even sure where she was, who she was, what she was doing, only that the blue alley lights were slanting through the closed blinds. where was she? had she gone out again? this wasn't her hotel room. this wasn't Mulder's room, whose room was this? her flailing hands were catching only loosened sheets, clothing, hard leather belt, and then skin, warm, warm, heated skin that didn't belong to her--

and then green eyes that were electric blue in this light (electric blue!) blinked up at her and pushed her back down on the bed. his canines digging into her shoulder hard enough to make her whimper and try to push those solid shoulders away; there was sure to be a bruise there tomorrow, Mulder would see it and Mul--

Mulder had been looking her at with those lost, lost eyes, his hands curled around the file, there was most of an empty bottle of Jameson's in front of him. she could practically smell the blood in the air. she knew that he was cutting himself again, and all she could think of was that she had an appointment. Appointment. how pitiful.

but she said that she was expected, so she just dropped everything, ran out of the hotel and took the first cab uptown. she had thrown a hundred dollar bill at the driver, then stood in the middle of the street, middle of the pouring rain until he had come out for her and--

he had put her in the bathtub without touching her. handed her a bathrobe, then went outside and made toast and tea and soup for her, then sat there, watching her eat. offered her brandy and a cigarette, let her drink the brandy and enjoy the tobacco, even take a breath of clean air before he pushed her up against the wall and kissed her, pushed her down to nowhere.

and now, before she could breathe, before she could even inhale breath to say her regrets or murmur even the beginning of a notre pater or an ave maria or anything, even scream, she could feel his mouth sliding back between her legs and his tongue and his fingers and when he actually slid into her, she could breathe, couldn't breathe at all...