A Bottle of Wine

How the X-Files team would open a bottle of wine

Agent Mulder - Would pull at the cork, and pull at it, and pull at it again, then drive to Scully's place and ask her if her can borrow her corkscrew

Agent Scully - Would pull and pull and pull at the cork until it came out, pour herself some, and casually hand the bottle to Mulder

A.D. Skinner - Would pull it out with his teeth

Alex Krycek - Would hold the bottle between his knees and try to pull the cork out with his right hand, if it won't come out he would smash the top of the bottle on the table and pour some wine in a glass

Cancer Man - Would observe Skinner pulling the cork out with his teeth, then try that also, but instead of pulling the cork out he'd break a tooth

Well Manicured Man - Would ask the faceless, rebellious alien to kidnap Scully, so she can open the bottle for him

Grey Haired Man - Would pout some of that black oil stuff over the bottle and hope the bottle will open itself

Marita Covarrubius - Would pay Cancer Man a visit and use the hole between his teeth to open her bottle

Mr. X - Would use a stiletto to screw the cork out

Deep Throat - Would freeze the bottle in an Erlenmeyer Flask and hope the cork will break when unfreezing

Cassandra Spender - Would call upon the help of her alien friends to abduct the bottle, then perform tests on it and see if they can open it

Agent Spender - Would first try to pull the cork out with his hands, if that fails try to pull it out with his teeth and is that fails go visit his mother to see if her alien friends have open her bottle and ask if she will share with him

Byers - Would write a computer program that can tell him what the best way to open a bottle of wine is

Langly - Would steel the solution Byers' computer program gave him, and use that to open his bottle first

Frohike - Would hack into the FBI computer network to find Scully's cell phone number, the call her and ask her how she opened her bottle