Crawling Between Earth And Heaven
I: What Evil Lurks

Part One: Born to Kill

Alex Krycek studied the woman quietly sipping her drink at the end of the bar. As soon as she chose the seat in the corner he knew she must be exhausted. A lot of people seemed to favor that spot because they could lean against the wall. She looked even more pitiful than most tonight. Glancing around the bar, he made sure no one would bother him for at least a few minutes, and he moved toward her.

What were the chances? His target just sauntered into the bar and plunked herself down. At first he hadn't recognized her. He had only a name, address, and an obviously outdated picture. His orders were simple, too simple for his liking. He hated it when they left him out of the loop. Without hesitation he decided a little investigation was in order.

She didn't seem to notice him as he walked up. Instead she studied her reflection in the mirrors behind the bar. Alex couldn't help but wonder what she saw there. He took her in with a glance. He was no stranger to sizing up people in a few seconds. He saw an obviously exhausted woman, small but not tiny, sipping her drink so slowly he wondered if she meant to finish it at all. He'd been told she was a cop, and her eyes reflected it. They seemed to speak of all the horrors she'd witnessed, and that was just this week. Her long black hair looked mussed, as if she'd run her fingers through it impatiently at least a dozen times in the last hour.

"So, what's a guy like you doing in a place like this?" she asked, surprising him. He didn't think she was that alert, much less awake. "Huh?" was all he could get out before she kept going. "I like your outfit, it would look great on my bedroom floor. What's your sign?" Alex said nothing but one raised eyebrow spoke volumes. She explained, "I'm just trying to get all the stupid lines out so you know how many times I've heard them." In spite of himself, Alex grinned. He liked this woman.

"Your father must be a thief," he told her.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Because he stole the stars and put them in your eyes," he explained. She looked at him as if seeing him for the first time.

"That's a good one, I've never heard it before," she said. "I'll have to file it under 'corny', you realize."

"Is that so wrong?" Alex responded. He leaned down and put his elbows on the bar so he could look her in the eye.

"I've got more, if you'd like to hear them," she offered. "Sure," he said, and gestured for her to continue.

"Let's see," she pondered. "Do you sleep on your stomach?"

"No."

"Good, then can I?"

Alex couldn't help it, he let out a tiny bit of a laugh. *She's got a brain, that's for sure,* he decided. "Okay, what were the rest?" she wondered, and looked confused for a moment. "Oh I remember," she said, "I lost my phone number, can I have yours?" Alex smiled again.

She thought for a moment, then continued, "My mind isn't functioning very well right now, I can't think of any more. My name's Kate Marcus, by the way," she said, offering him her hand. "I'm Andy," Alex lied, and shook her hand firmly. *Warm hands,* he filed away under the rapidly expanding 'Kate' file. He wasn't sure what it signified, but he liked it anyway.

"So what is a place like this doing in a girl like you?" he asked, only half-joking.

"I really don't know," Kate admitted, completely missing the joke. "I thought it might help me relax, but..." she trailed off.

Alex knew he had to tread carefully, but that was nothing new. "Work got you down?" he asked cautiously. He didn't want to give away anything he knew about her. *Like I know dick,* he thought angrily.

"You could say that," she replied, and looked away. *Uh oh, hit a sore spot,* he thought.

"Want to take over for me?" he offered jokingly.

"You know what? I might just take you up on that."

"You must be hard up," he said.

She shrugged. Alex realized he wouldn't get much farther on that tack.

"So does your boyfriend work nights?" he asked with a grin.

She gave him a pained expression. "I sure hope you're joking, that line's pretty damn old too," she said, exasperated but laughing.

"I knew it. Whatever's bothering you couldn't be so horrible. Things are never that bad if you can still find something to laugh about," he explained.

"If you say so, Alex," she replied, unconvinced.

For a moment Alex felt like a rabbit caught in a hawk's shadow. *I told her my name was Andy, I know I did,* he told himself. Forcing himself to calm down, he said, "Uh, my name is Andy."

Incredibly he saw the same panic pass over Kate's face. "Yeah, that's what I meant," she quickly covered. "Sorry."

*Curiouser and curiouser,* Alex thought. An idea began to form in his head, a spark on tinder. He would piece together why he'd been sent to kill this seemingly unremarkable woman sooner or later. He was in no rush.

Just then another customer came up to the bar and Alex held up one finger to tell Kate he'd be right back. His back turned, he didn't see the shocked expression cross Kate's face before she quickly covered it. When he returned he could tell her mood changed, but couldn't figure out why.

Kate tried to act light-hearted. "Well, it's been nice meeting you, Andy," she said carefully. "I have to take off now." She paused for a moment. "I hope you don't think this is presumptuous, but what time do you get off work?"

For the second time Alex felt stunned. "Are you...asking me out?"

"I guess so, not like a 'date' date, I'd just like to get to know you better, is that ok?"

Alex shrugged, then smiled to reassure her. "Sounds good, I can meet you in a couple hours."

"Great," Kate said evenly, grabbed a napkin, and began writing. "Here's my address, we can talk over coffee."

Now Alex felt completely lost. *Her home? Is she coming on to me?* he wondered. He couldn't shake the feeling she knew something he didn't. Without a word, Kate swept herself off the barstool and out the door, leaving Alex speechless, clutching her address in his hand.

Part Two: The Gift

"If that was my gift, I'd return it."
-Cordelia Chase, "Angel"

p.s. Many virtual chocolate rats to anyone who can figure out what a cat named Barney could possibly have to do with the X- Files. Not just "Barney", but a _cat_ named Barney. No, really, I'm going somewhere with this.

Kate let out a long, heartfelt sigh as she slid her key into the lock. "Barney?" she called softly. "Silly cat, where are you hiding?" She turned on the light and headed to the bathroom. No cat in sight, she proceeded to shed her work clothes and change into jeans and a t-shirt. She jumped as she felt something fuzzy brush against her leg. "Dammit Barney, don't scare me like that," she chided the cat. He just purred and kept rubbing her leg. She scooped him up and headed to the couch.

A while later, she heard footsteps on the stairs. She checked the clip and made sure there was a round in the chamber of her weapon. When the knock came, she called out, "Come in, Alex."

Outside the door Krycek paused. *The hell?* he thought, and checked the gun hidden under his leather jacket. He opened the door to see Kate pointing a 9mm at his head.

"Close the door and drop the gun," she instructed him. Slowly he complied, tossing his weapon over to her.

"I didn't come here to hurt you," He stood there, his hands outspread, trying to look as harmless as possible.

"The hell you didn't, Alex Krycek!"

Alex shook his head in honest confusion. "Have we met before? Could you please put the gun down, I don't think well under duress," he lied.

Kate complied, lowering the 9mm. Her hands, she noticed, were shaking. Picking up his weapon, she dropped them both on a table on the other side of the room. "Sit down, we have to talk," she instructed him.

Alex flopped down on one end of her couch. He made sure his face was well lit, hoping that might ease her mind. *I need all the help I can get at this point,* he thought. She crossed her arms over her chest and stood above him. Alex sat on his hands for good measure.

Suddenly she leaned forward and grabbed his chin. For several minutes she gazed deeply into his eyes. Alex shuddered inwardly, he honestly feared what she saw there. He stopped looking into mirrors a long time ago. He wanted to ask her so many questions-- who she really was, how she knew him, most of all how she seemed to know everything about him. Wisely, he kept his mouth shut.

"So what do I do with you now?" she asked, more to herself than to him. No reply. Physical contact always helped her read a person, and looking in his eyes made the connection that much stronger. For no apparent reason she took the time to give him his gun back.

"What's this for?"

"It's okay, I know you won't kill me now," she said matter-of- factly.

Throwing caution to the wind, Alex went on the offensive. "How do you know that? How do you know anything about me?"

Kate paused for a moment to collect her thoughts. If anything, she didn't know how much to tell him. "I just know, ok? Besides, if you put a bullet in me now, you'd probably be doing me a favor."

From depths he'd long forgotten, Alex found sympathy rising up in him. "Don't say that, Kate," he said without thinking.

"Why not?" she rounded on him. "If it's not you, someone else will come along and do it for you."

Alex shook his head. "No, I'm the only one who knows," he tried to reassure her. *Knows what?* he wondered.

She looked at him again, sitting on his hands on her couch, this spy, assassin, thief, liar. Only this time he didn't lie. *What have I got to lose?* she decided, and sat down on the other end of the couch. Pulling her arms around her knees, she began.

"I'm still not sure why I'm telling you this. Desperation, probably." She laughed harshly. She wished for a cigarette, although she never smoked. "I've always been different. Never used to bother me. If I picked up a little of somebody's feelings, it gave me an edge. That edge can be really important when you're a cop." She paused for a moment. "Then...things changed. All the fucking violence I saw on the force, it started making me crazy. I never realized how much energy it took to keep other people out of my head. Living day in, day out with the thoughts of murderers, pedophiles, drug dealers...it was sheer hell. I heard every thought, every grisly detail they were planning. I can't believe I ever thought it was a gift."

"I guess it was, for a while. Like I said, it gave me an edge. But over time it gets really damn hard to explain how I knew the things I knew. There's only so many explanations I could come up with. The other cops, the lieutenant, the chief, they started to wonder if I was in on it. Damn, if they only knew how much I pissed those fucking criminals off, the kind of things they wanted to do to me. I heard the whispers, the suggestions at the station. I used to wonder if I was really crazy like they said."

"So I quit. Well, not quit exactly, I left Denver to get a job in Littleton. That's how I ended up here." She waved around the apartment, deep in the heart of suburbia. "Those bastards were only too happy to be rid of nutty ol' Detective Kate Marcus. After busting my ass to see the fuckers locked up. The chief was only too happy to get rid of me, to pawn me off on someone else. At first it was paradise, nothing but ordinary cops thinking ordinary thoughts. 'Wonder if she's gonna make me sleep on the couch again tonight.' 'God I could use some scotch right about now.' 'Please, please let the Broncos win.' " She laughed in spite of herself.

"But then, I ended up on these cases...how can I even describe it? Do you have any idea what lurks behind all these picket fences, manicured lawns?" Alex knew all to well, but he didn't interrupt. "The young bright professionals with their grinning wives and kids all done up in Abercrombie & Fitch? At least the slime on the streets knows it's slime. These bastards think they're untouchable, and you know what? They're right. Even if I did report all the drugs, wife-beating, and those poor desperate kids..." Kate trailed off. "Not a chance they'd believe me. And even if they did, I couldn't prove a damn thing."

Alex waited until Kate lay silent for several minutes. He felt the beginnings of a plan form within him.

"I believe you," he said softly. Kate turned and looked at him. She laughed, the most wonderful sound he'd ever heard.

"Why?" she asked, simply. Just -- why.

"I don't really know. You have no reason to be lying, and I guess you could say I know a little bit about that."

"Yeah you are a murderous lying son of a bitch aren't you?"

"See, that's the other reason. You just met me and you saw right through me." He shuddered. He hadn't really realized it until it came out of his mouth. She did see right through him. For a split second he reconsidered his decision, then tucked it away to think about later.

"Ah, just how much do you know about me?" he asked, suddenly dead serious.

Kate smirked a little to see him squirm like that. "I'll be honest. I'm so tired right now I'm sure there's a lot I don't know. That's why I didn't know right off in the bar earlier." It seemed like days ago instead of hours.

She continued. "Most people, they don't have very organized thoughts. They don't even know what they're thinking half the time. But you, Alex, like it or not, you have a very systematic brain. You play the part well, I'll give you that. But it's hard to block out someone planning to kill you."

"So why are you even sitting here talking to me?" he asked in earnest.

"That's a good question," she said enigmatically. "The easy answer is, I could tell when you decided not to kill me. For now at least. Now that I know what to look for, I'll know when to run," she finished with a smile.

"Now that I've spilled my guts, Alex, can I ask you a few questions?" she asked politely.

"I guess so, as long as I don't have to answer all of them. I mean, if you can tell when I'm lying, it would be better if I just shut up instead, right?"

Kate wriggled around to get more comfortable on the couch. She slumped down until her head rested on the arm of the couch and her feet almost touched Alex's leg. After a moment, she put her feet on his thigh. She didn't catch much, but he felt at least a little attracted to her, and a lot more comfortable than he did earlier. The thought made her happy for the first time in what seemed like ages. *Alex may be a lot of things,* she thought to herself, *but girl, you can't deny he's a babe.*

After getting her thoughts together, Kate asked, "So this man, you're not even sure who he is, right?" Alex nodded. "He wants you to kill me. Why?"

"I didn't know at first either," Krycek admitted. "I don't know how he knows, or how much he knows about you exactly. Honestly I don't think he has an inkling. But I do know he fears anyone who can expose his dirty little secrets. I can only assume he's afraid you're one of those people."

Kate gave him an incredulous look. "I don't even know who you're talking about, so why should I care about these secrets?"

"I know, I know," Krycek answered, trying to get her to understand. "It's nothing personal, really," he said with a shrug. "I can't really explain it any better than that, I'm sorry."

"Ok, I guess. So who are you really, Alex Krycek?" she asked, and grinned at the look of extreme discomfort on Alex's face. He looked like a bug caught under a microscope.

"Um, can we not talk about that?" he asked. He didn't like having to ask at all, she could tell. He sighed with resignation. "I am really a bartender, I can tell you that," he admitted. "I mean, a man's got to do something when he's not out um, doing what I do. Besides, a good career can get you far," he finished jokingly, praying she'd change the subject. "Is that good enough?"

"Good enough for government work," she joked, and laughed at his pained expression. "Ok, Alex, I won't go there. Just don't think too loud around me, ok?"

Krycek ran a hand through his dark hair. "I'll try my best."

Several moments passed in silence, each of them content with their own thoughts. After a while, Alex said, "Thanks for opening up to me."

Kate wasn't quite sure what to say. "I don't know why I did."

"Are you going to kill me?" she finally asked.

"I was just thinking about that," Alex said. "I don't want to, I don't really see you as dangerous." Kate gave him a hard stare. "Okay, okay, you could say I enjoy thumbing my nose at certain people," he admitted. "But you're right, he won't be happy about it."

In a small voice, Kate asked, "So what do I do?"

"I don't know how you're going to like this but you're in danger."

"No, really?" Kate replied sardonically. "So I should probably disappear for a while, huh?"

Alex nodded. Once he admitted to himself he wasn't going to kill her, he knew she would need help. His help. "You've got some time anyway, I know it's not much to offer," he said.

Kate sat up, scooted down the couch, and laid her head on Alex's shoulder. *This is crazy,* Alex thought to himself. *What the hell am I thinking?* As much as he enjoyed pissing off his "superiors", he recognized the irony of helping a woman who could read him like a book. Secrets were his lifeblood and she could pick out every last one if he stayed around her too long. In spite of himself, he pulled off his jacket and put his arm around Kate.

She began crying silently and Alex didn't know what to do. He may not be the cause but he certainly was the messenger. Through her tears, Kate laughed when he pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it to her. "A true gentleman won't leave home without it," he explained sarcastically.

"You are a gentleman, you just won't admit it." He decided not to argue with her.

Kate cried for a few more minutes, then got up. "I have to go wash off my face or I'll get all puffy and scary-looking," she explained. Alex didn't bother to tell her she looked beautiful anyway. *She can probably hear me whether I tell her or not,* he figured.

He put on his jacket and got ready to leave. When Kate came back, she looked a little stunned. "You're leaving?" she asked, and to Alex's ears she sounded like a little lost girl.

"I should."

"Please," she almost begged. "Please don't leave me."

Once more Alex found himself acting before thinking. He stepped forward and caught her up in his arms. "If you need me, I'm here," he assured her. She buried her face in his chest. He smelled like leather and soap. It was the most wonderful smell she'd ever experienced. She found her fingers clenching the front of his jacket, as if she could keep him here by sheer force of will. *Ever heard of a thing called irony?* a little voice inside her said, and she told that voice to shut the hell up.

Part Three: Stay

Alex didn't sleep well at all that night. Kate asked him to stay, so he stayed. He still didn't agree about the gentleman thing, but he knew to keep his hands to himself. Besides, it felt pretty damn good to have someone curl up and fall asleep in his arms.

As she slept the sleep of the innocent, he counted the dark hours of the damned. He had to admit his attraction to her, and perhaps even sympathy, motivated him. But ever the pragmatist, Alex saw an opportunity. She'd make one hell of a partner. How many times had he wished he could know another's thoughts?

But if he didn't kill her, he'd have to either fake her death or bring her into the loving arms of the Syndicate. Somehow he doubted she'd fit in. In any case, they needed to get on the move. Soon.

In the gray hours before dawn, Krycek fell asleep at last. When he woke up, he found Kate in the kitchen sipping coffee. She smiled when she saw him but didn't say anything. Alex grabbed his own cup and sat down across from her.

"So what happens now?" Kate asked.

Alex didn't like the question. He didn't know if he felt comfortable taking charge of her life. On the other hand, he could manipulate her more easily this way. He looked up from his coffee to see if she'd caught any of his thoughts.

Answering his unspoken question, Kate said, "I know I'm in your hands now. Just remember I'm not as helpless as I seem." She cocked an eyebrow, obviously challenging him. "I don't expect you to do this out of the kindness of your heart, Alex, I know better," she finished.

The words, though true, stung. "I could still kill you, you know," he threatened.

"But you won't. I'm too useful to you." When Alex didn't respond, Kate knew she scored a point. *Cold comfort,* she thought. "Look, Alex, I'm not wasting away under any delusions here. As soon as I met you life took a left turn. Can't say I'm too sorry to walk away right now, either," she calmly stated. "I've got no family, and few friends. I'm only worried about saving my ass and trying to make a new life somehow. I'm a cop, I've always been a cop. I don't know much of anything else."

For a moment they sat in silence. Suddenly, Kate glared at Alex. "What's this about the Navajo?" she demanded, but didn't wait for an explanation. "Yeah, I know I look Indian, my grandfather was full blood. But I grew up in Oklahoma, and I'm Osage, not Navajo, ok? And my grandfather's been dead for years. Jesus, you spies are nosy as hell." Alex decided not to point out the obvious redundancy of her statement.

"You could help me. You're right, I'm just a damn nosy spy. But I have some ah, valuable information that I can't get to for the simple reason that I don't know how to read Navajo."

"So what are you asking me, exactly, Alex?" she answered, not ready to back down. "You want me to find a translator," she sighed. "Just do me a favor, I don't want to know anything about this whole super-secret-spy crap. Old habits are hard to break, I'm used to being on the other side of the law. The right side."

Kate leaned back in her chair. "I guess I know where we're going now," she said with resignation. Changing the subject, she asked, "What do you think, make it look like a missing persons case?" Alex nodded, and explained, "That's what I would have done, it's hard to prosecute for murder when there's no body. The bad news is, you have to disappear, like ditch all your stuff and don't go near your bank account."

"I hear you," Kate answered, though she seemed to be somewhere off in the distance. "It's not like I have a huge stash on my cop's salary." She came back into focus and pointed her finger like a knife on the table, separating them. "Hear this: you owe me. I don't get used and left to rot in the desert, Alex Krycek. You may not believe me now, but I can find your ass and kick it into next year," she threatened. Alex couldn't argue. He didn't want to take any chances, and his devious mind already started thinking of uses for her. Next to that, the translation was the icing on the cake. *No more taking orders for me,* he promised himself. *Alex Krycek's going into business for himself. Ah, with a partner,* he added, conscious Kate might be listening.

Part Four: A Brief History of the Rat

Notes: I had a lot of fun writing the dialogue between Kate and Alex. Let's just say I got frustrated with the way a lot of writers seem to assume certain facts about Krycek. I'm not saying they're wrong, I just wanted to be different. So there.

A few hours later, Alex Krycek and Kate Marcus packed up his rusty Jeep Wrangler. She looked it over, kicked the tires and asked, "You sure we can make it all the way to Arizona in this thing?" Alex didn't look at her. "If you want, you can take your car and your chances. It's up to you," he said harshly. That shut Kate up quickly.

She'd packed only a few things, some clothes, old pictures, and a few special pieces of jewelry. She hated to leave everything else behind but she knew too well what the cops would look for. Trying to think of something else, she decided to grill her new friend. She refused to think of him as a partner in crime, yet. Besides, he got to bring along most of his belongings, what little he had.

"So where did you grow up, Alex?"

Keeping an eye on the road, he replied, "Well, contrary to popular belief, I was a pretty normal kid. I mean, it was just my mom and me, I never knew my dad." He shrugged it off. "Can't miss what you never had, I guess. And no, I didn't plan on this particular career. What kind of kid says he wants to be a wanted felon on career day? Not me, anyway."

"So what did you want to be?"

Alex looked a little embarrassed. "A football player. Give me a little credit, I was the star runningback in high school."

Kate looked him over, then giggled. "I guess I can see that," she said. "I bet the chicks were all over you."

Alex rolled his eyes. "Good little Alexander? I don't think so. At least, not back then anyway. No, I wasn't a mama's boy," he insisted when she kept grinning. "Just a little, well, naive. After graduation I signed up with the Army. I was realistic enough to know a small-town football star has a snowball's chance for making a living. Besides, I wanted to be a hero. Hard to believe, huh?"

"Not really."

"Despite what you think, you don't know me at all," he insisted. He suddenly noticed how much of his true character he kept admitting to, even talking about. *Guess it's just the mind- reader thing,* he thought. *She'll know when I'm lying anyway.*

"So I did the Army thing for a few years, even signed up with Special Forces. That's when I ah, got recruited." Alex paused. He hated thinking about the past, especially this part of the past. "You know that guy I was telling you about? The one who sent me to find you? Well he's got a lot of friends just like him. One of them found me and offered a me a new assignment."

He fell silent and Kate didn't push it. She could feel the anguish he remembered from that time not so long ago. She picked up the thoughts from his head, almost see the man he spoke of through the haze of hatred he felt. She realized how innocent Alex had been. He was a patriot, proud of his country and his career. He'd been trained to follow orders, and he was very good at what he did. He'd assumed the--what did he call the man?--the Cigarette Smoking Man was simply another of his superiors in the Department of Defense.

Alex interrupted her thoughts with a question. "Bet you know all about me now, huh? Just picking it up off the top of my head?" he asked bitterly.

"Not really, Alex," she tried to reassure him. "A little bit here and there, mostly feelings."

"Great," Alex said sarcastically. "If you don't mind, I'd rather tell you than have you rummage through my head."

Kate wished she could make him feel better. "When you talk, I'm focused on that and I can't really hear the rest unless I try."

He looked annoyed, but continued his story. "So the Smoking Man"- -Kate could almost see the capital letters--"found me, I guess he saw my record, figured I wouldn't question orders. I did his dirty work for a while, but it didn't take me long to figure out he was only using me. I had the skills and the shooting arm, he didn't give a damn about anything else. When I made my own way, he tried to get rid of me." Instead of annoyance, now Kate heard satisfaction in his voice. "He underestimated me, because here I am."

Kate knew the man she teamed up with wouldn't qualify for sainthood any time soon. But hearing his words, and the thoughts behind him, chilled her to the bone. He calmly spoke of murder, torture, secrets and lies. He obviously resented being used, but never seemed to realize he was setting her up the same way. In fact, he thought he was doing her a favor. For some reason, whether it was arrogance, his training, or simply part of his nature, the rules didn't apply to him. She thought she'd accepted her fate, welcomed the chance to start fresh. Now she had second thoughts. Her only hope lay in her ability to predict his next move, to keep herself useful, and keep him happy.

"So how did you end up with this information you think is so valuable?" she asked, hoping he hadn't noticed her silence. Though his tone stayed even, she could feel the satisfaction radiating off him in waves.

"I took it from my former employer. He knows I have it, but he doesn't know where I am."

"Then how did the other man, the man who hired you, find you?"

"Let's just say the two of them don't always get along. He needed some work done, and I made myself available," he answered. He didn't seem to remember the piece of work was Kate herself. "I guess you know the rest," he finished.

"Let's see, you became a bartender?" Kate asked, trying to lighten the mood.

"Like I said, it's good to have skills to fall back on," Krycek answered her seriously. "Now you know where I got the files, but they're pretty useless to me if I can't read them." Krycek finished abruptly, as if daring Kate to challenge him.

Instead she only nodded. "I may not know much about doing what you can to survive, but I'm learning," she told him. If Alex recognized the mockery in her voice, he hid it exceptionally well.

Part Five: Desperation is a Tender Trap

That evening, they found a cheap motel room in a cheap little town, hardly more than a speck on the highway. Alex left to scrounge up some food, so Kate cleaned up in the shower. When he came back he found her sitting on the bed, combing out her wet hair. "Hope you like onion rings," he said, then noticed the tears running down her face. "Are you okay?" he asked, and dropped the take-out on the nearest table.

"It's nothing, it's stupid," she insisted, silent tears falling from her eyes like liquid stars.

Alex knelt before her, holding her hands in his own. "It's my cat, okay? I'm worried about him, I can't believe I left him behind, he's going to starve-" she broke off as Alex grabbed her shoulders and lifted her off the bed to look at him. "He's gonna be okay, I promise," he said gently.

Suddenly she'd had enough of his attitude. She turned on him, her voice hard as steel. "You ratfuck son of a bitch!" she screamed and mindlessly pummeled his chest with her fists. "You-did-this- to-me--" she stuttered out, punctuating each word with a fist, piercing him to the core. He held her shoulders to keep her from hurting him too badly, but otherwise he stayed still, expressionless. Finally, her anger spent, she gulped in air and sobbed, her head in her hands. Alex pulled her close and let her cry.

When Kate's helpless sobbing stopped, she sniffed a little and looked up to meet his green eyes. Alex reached out to brush a lock of hair out of her face, then wiped away one last tear with his thumb. The sheer compassion of the act made Kate lose control again. She began shaking. Her arms found themselves wrapped around his neck, her lips on his.

For a while nothing else seemed to matter. All she could feel was the warmth of his hands on her back, her neck, pulling her closer to his heat. She opened her mouth eagerly, hungrily. His tongue caressed her teeth, her tongue, making her gasp. Her fingers twined in his hair, he left her lips to nibble on her earlobe, working his way down to her jaw. She surrendered to the sensation of Alex's hard body against her.

His breath caught in his throat as she pressed herself against the unmistakable bulge in his jeans. Her eyes were dark and smoky and locked on his, her mouth open, panting. He wondered incoherently what she saw in his face. They both stopped for a moment, still clasped together.

"What are you doing to me, woman?" Alex whispered, his breath caressing on her face, his mouth inches from hers.

"I don't know," Kate said softly. "But I don't want to stop."

To prove her point, Kate reached down and squeezed his ass, pulling him incredibly closer to exactly where he most wanted to be. Alex groaned, beyond speech. Trying desperately to think straight, to think at all, he took her arms and pushed her gently away.

"No," he said, "Not like this." He couldn't believe his own ears. An incredible, gorgeous woman just told him she wants to go to bed with him, goes out of her way to prove it, and he pushed her away.

Seeing her hurt expression, he tried to explain. "It's not that I don't want to, believe me, it's not," he said, and actually sounded convincing. "I just...don't like to take advantage, as strange as that sounds."

"I guess you're right," Kate admitted, her voice throaty and deep. The sound alone sent his heart, and other regions, to pounding again. "I..." Kate started, then continued, "I don't want you to think, I mean, I'm not usually like this." Alex nodded.

"I understand, that's why I did what I did, ok? Let's eat before it gets cold."

Part Six: Bellagonna

Author's notes: I love trivia. I hope you do too. "Bellagonna" is a real Navajo word. Now that you know to listen for it, you can hear Albert Hosteen call CSM that very word in "Paper Clip". I don't know if "Hosteen" is an actual Navajo surname, but literally it means something like "respected elder". Kinda fits, huh? I love in-jokes too. Here's the latest: Begay is the most common last name on the reservation. Everyone and their brother is named Begay, it's like Smith or Jones to us.

Some people might be offended by the comments Kate makes about Navajos. What began as a plot device became a huge discussion about racism on another mailing list. This is the rewritten (and IMHO, much better) version. If you have any problems, just email me, I'm willing to listen.

Now on with the story.

"Where to from here?" Alex asked Kate once they hit the Arizona state line. She had the map in her hands, studying it carefully.

"Let's see, my guess would be Winslow. The reservation is dry, so all the drunks find a little hell hole like Winslow to get their hit." Kate continued staring at the map.

Alex didn't know how to react to her blatant prejudice. Taking a chance, he asked, "What do you have against Indians? I thought you were one."

That hit her like a slap in the face. "What the hell do you mean, I am one?" she snapped. "I told you, I'm Osage, not Navajo."

"Okay," he responded carefully, "What do you have against Navajos?"

Kate thought for a moment, considering how to answer his question so he would understand. "My grandfather raised me to honor the old ways. The people I knew in Tulsa, not just Osage like me, but Cherokee, Comanche, or one of the other tribes, we share many of the same values. To begin with, we believe in working for a living. In the old days, people did what they could to help the whole tribe. If someone was too old or sick to work, everyone else would help them. It's our way. People who live on the reservation--and I'm not just talking Navajos--well, they basically just soak off everyone else. It's no different than people living off welfare simply because they're too lazy to get a job. That's one thing."

Alex nodded. After serving his country in the military, he felt the same way.

Kate went on. "A lot of people think all us Indians want is to return to the old ways. I'll admit, things were a lot better before the whole genocide thing." She laughed ruefully. "But we aren't stuck in the past. It's important to us to make a better life, to improve our standard of living. Running water, modern medical care, refrigeration, these are all good things. The Navajo--well, let me put it this way. The government will give you a house, provide free heath care, education, even give you enough money so you never have to work, just for being Indian and living on the reservation. But when you get to the res, you'll see. Most Navajos don't even have running water, much less telephones. They live in tiny little hogans made out of mud and logs. You'd think it was 1895 instead of 1995. How backwards is that? Where do you think all that money goes?"

"Now I'm not saying all Navajos, or only Navajos, are like this-- lazy, drunk, whatever. But many of them are. They don't share the values most of the other tribes hold in such esteem. They never have. Have you ever heard that old cliche about the Indian honoring his ancestors? That's exactly what I'm talking about. Your moral code, the way you live, it reflects on your ancestors. If you are a lazy good-for-nothing drunk, you bring dishonor on your whole family, your whole tribe, and nowadays, all native people. Does that make sense?"

Alex stared at the road, taking in everything she'd told him. She remained silent, waiting to see how he would react. At length he said, "I think I understand. I never realized what Native Americans really meant when they talked about honoring their traditions."

Inwardly Kate sighed with relief. "It's not just talk for me and my people. In fact, it's something we hold dear and don't discuss with outsiders very often. Our way of life may have changed, but our beliefs make us who we are."

They pulled into Winslow late at night and as usual, found a low- profile place to crash. Luckily Alex's Jeep held out for the whole trip. Low profile, that was the key. And another rusted out truck wouldn't get two looks in the dingy, gray hole they'd chosen.

The next day Alex insisted on following her. "I fit in here a lot better than you do, you realize," she tried to explain. "Just don't cramp my style, ok?" she asked, and he agreed let her do the talking. They walked along the main drag, a never-ending array of pawn shops, check cashing stores, and of course, bars.

After what seemed like hours to Alex, she stopped in front of some dive that looked like every other dive on the block. "This is the place," she announced, and walked right in. He blinked, his eyes trying to adjust to the dim light after the bright sunlight outside. Kate found a table near the back and they tried to get comfortable. "Why--" Alex started to ask, and Kate hushed him. "I'm trying to find the right person," she explained. Her eyes focused on the graffiti-covered table for several long moments. Alex tried to relax and let her concentrate.

At last she met his eyes and nodded. "Let's go," she instructed, and led him over to the bar. She found a spot next to an old Navajo man. He looked up with watery eyes and leered at her, showing gaps in his yellowed teeth. "Well hello there little sister," he rasped. Pointing at Krycek with his lips, Navajo- fashion, he asked, "What are you doing with this *bellagonna*?" Alex didn't understand the term, but caught the obvious insult. He started to get up but Kate motioned for him to sit. "Nothing I'd do with you, grandfather," she replied in the same tone. "But I'm looking for a man for a special job."

The old man laughed, but it came out as more of a cough. Kate winced as his toxic breath hit her nostrils. She waved a hand in front of her nose. "What kind of job?" the man asked, his interest wavering. Kate leaned in closer, speaking softly. "One that pays well." The man's eyes lit up as she fingered the bills in her shirt pocket. "But only for someone who knows how to keep his mouth shut." The man nodded, smiling once again.

Walking briskly back to their motel, Alex flung questions at Kate like an interrogator. "Just what do you think you were doing back there? What makes you think we can depend on that--that--sot," he sputtered.

Kate stopped and stared him down. "Look, the old man, he used to be a code talker, so he can decrypt your precious files. He's so drunk he won't even know what the hell he's reading. His type only cares about one thing--where his next drink is coming from. We pay him off, he translates your stuff, and we're out of here. If you have a better plan, let's hear it."

"Fine," Alex replied. "Whatever. Just do your thing and let's blow this shithole."

At the motel, Krycek rummaged through one of his nondescript bags until he found what he was looking for. Pulling out a sheaf of papers and of all things, a laptop computer, he handed them to Kate.

"Where are you going?" she asked as he climbed into the driver's seat of the Jeep. He wouldn't look at her.

"You don't trust me," she said.

"It's not that," he replied, although she hit the nail on the head. He trusted her, but only to a point. "I just don't feel comfortable letting you go alone, ok?"

Kate heard his unspoken thought. Determined not to let him get to her, she allowed him to drive her to the old man's place on the reservation.

Kate eyed the trailer Charles Begay called home. She walked up to the sagging metal door and rapped loudly. "It's me, Mr. Begay," she called out. The old man staggered to the door and pulled it open.

"Don't let the flies in," he told her.

Kate could see why: his place smelled even worse than he did. His eyes widened when he saw the computer.

"I'm just going to take notes while you read," she explained.

Begay nodded. He sat down at the kitchen table where a bottle of Jack Daniels and a greasy glass awaited him. Hopelessly cursing fate, Kate sat down across from him. She tried to push his thoughts, as greasy and stinking as the place he infested, out of her head.

Soon she found herself too distracted to eavesdrop. Begay read what she gave him, stopping often to point out a difficult translation. Kate copied down every word he said. What she heard she had trouble believing, but it was so well documented, so organized. *Systematic, that's what it is,* she thought, a tiny part of her brain reminding her that's what she called Alex when she first met him.

After hours of work, Begay's words slurred badly and he finally slumped over, his mouth hanging open. Kate pulled the papers out from under his elbow. She packed up the laptop and walked out to find Alex still waiting in the Jeep.

"Do you know what is in here?" she demanded, waving the stained papers under his nose.

"I'd sure as hell like to find out," he replied, starting the long drive back to town.

She tried to talk to him about it, but he told her to wait until they had a better place to talk. Kate tried to clamp down on her impatience until they arrived back at the motel.

Once Alex closed the door behind them, Kate burst out with everything she'd been holding back. "This--this--information, it's unbelievable. It's criminal. If I didn't know better I'd think you made it all up." She laughed without humor. "UFO's? Government conspiracy? A planned invasion? Makes me sound like some barnyard hick trying to get on the news!"

Alex nodded patiently. "I know. Maybe now you understand why I was sent to kill you. An outsider, knowing these things, could undermine years of work."

At her incredulous look, he explained, "Look, the last thing I'm doing is defending them. Can't you see what we are up against? Resist or serve, that's the choice we have to make. And I don't plan on being one of the slaves."

Kate sighed deeply, pushing her hair out of her face with a hand. Alex had noticed her habit almost at once and it never failed to amuse him.

He pulled her close to him, laying her head against his chest. "I'm sorry you have to be a part of this. I didn't choose it either. Why don't you go get cleaned up, it'll make you feel better," he suggested.

"Okay, mom," she answered, rolling her eyes. But she headed for the bathroom and a hot shower anyway.

Part Seven: Black Beauty

While she tried to scrub the filth from her skin, Alex opened up the laptop to read Kate's notes. Long ago, Alex Krycek thought he'd seen it all. This changed his mind in a hurry. There was more than he'd ever imagined. For a while, he simply took in the sheer magnitude of the history one simple laptop contained. A voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Um, Alex, can you do me a favor?" Kate asked, peeking around the bathroom door. "I forgot to get a towel."

"Need any help?" he asked slyly, handing her the tiny piece of cotton. Kate grabbed the towel and slammed the door in his face.

Drying off her hair, Kate tried to control her furious blushing. *Don't think about it, think about little gray-skinned aliens instead, invasion from Mars, come on girl,* she told herself. Her body answered with a undeniable "No!" The recent events had consumed her mind so much, but now her mind found itself consumed with something altogether different.

*Who knew?* she asked herself. On the trip she'd studied Alex when he wasn't looking. Sure, he was no Prince Charming, but damn, he was easy on the eyes. She'd memorized every nuance of his face, his deep green eyes, the long, dark lashes any woman in her right mind would kill for. Not to mention his ass. She refused to pump gas just so he had to get out and give her a better view. Now she caught his thoughts of her in the shower-- imagining her wet and soapy, the water pounding on her bare skin. He pictured himself in there with her, his hands around her, his lips exploring every dip and curve.

She shuddered. Working as a cop where men ruled toughened her to the jokes, the comments, and yes, even the imaginings of her co- workers. Alex was different. Hell, Alex was different in a lot of ways, but this one in particular. She wasn't a virgin by any means, but for several years her life demanded so much time and energy she hardly even thought about sex. Sure, there were attractive men on the force, but none of them seemed to have the effect on her that Alex did. *It's just the bad boy thing,* she tried to convince herself. But deep down she new it was something more. Maybe because they were both trapped--manipulated by the same men--or simply because he understood her better than she'd ever imagined anyone could.

*What does that say about me?* she wondered. He had a dark side. Sometimes she wondered if he even had a light side. But then he'd do something completely unexpected and compassionate and she'd realize again how little she understood the man. Oh, lord, when she touched his thoughts, her body went from cold to burning in seconds. It was a completely new and unexpected experience. She took his ideas and entwined them with her own, seeing herself writhing in his arms, his name on her lips as he stroked her body. She forced herself to calm down, to master her own mind again.

Then she realized she hadn't brought any clean clothes into the bathroom with her. *Why me?* she pleaded in silence. She wrapped the scrap of a towel around her, determined not to lean over and give Alex an eyeful. She poked her head out of the door again. "Forgot clean clothes," she explained sheepishly, and eased herself into the room.

Just seeing the look in Alex's eyes had her heart pounding again. She quickly grabbed what she needed and fled back into the bathroom. Once again she could see his fantasy: taking her right then and there, still warm and pink from the shower. *Aaarrrrgh,* she thought, too far gone for words. So tempting...all she had to do was walk out there again and...what? Wink? In spite of everything Kate giggled at the image. *I'm not Jennifer Rabbit, dammit,* she thought. Finally back on track, or perhaps finally off the previous track, she emerged fully clothed. It was time for a little payback. She hadn't spent so much time living in a man's world without learning a few tricks.

He looked up as she re-entered the room and sat down beside him on the bed. "Well aren't we just a bit arrogant?" she asked with a glimmer of mischief in her eye.

Alex looked confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Maybe you forgot the whole mind-reading thing? I've seen how a lot of guys picture themselves in the buff, but must be something else, Black Beauty." Kate could barely stifle her giggles as she saw his face turn from pale white to bright red.

"What, you want me to prove it to you?" Alex gave her a grin that Kate just had to wipe off his face.

"Yeah, like you're packing it down to here." She gestured with her hand, measuring right below her kneecap.

"Did anyone ever tell you it's not nice to eavesdrop?" Oh yeah, he was pissed. *Turnabout is fair play!* Kate thought gleefully.

"Well I can hardly block you out when you broadcast like that!" She gave him a pained look, blaming him completely. "Makes it hard to concentrate."

"Oh yeah? I'll make it hard to concentrate!" Alex grabbed her wrists and threw her back against the bed, holding her down with his body.

"Get off me!" Kate shrieked, giggling. She kicked and struggled, trying to get out from under him without doing any serious damage.

"You won't get off that easy," he threatened in a mock-angry voice. She got one hand loose and grabbed his waist, digging in with her fingertips.

"Ack! No tickling!" Alex gasped out. He tried to grab her wrist, but she freed the other one and kept tickling him mercilessly. Finally they slumped down on the floor, hair and clothes rumpled, out of breath from laughing.

"No fair." Alex pouted. "How am I supposed to keep up with you, woman, when you're always one step ahead of me?"

"Makes life more interesting," Kate informed him without apology.

"And here I thought my life was interesting enough."

"You started it."

"I did not!" Alex looked indignant. "I had to defend my manhood."

Kate snorted. "Fine."

"Fine."

Part Eight: Leaving Arizona

The next day, Kate arrived early and found the old man still passed out. Luckily she thought to bring along strong coffee. She wanted to get the translations done and get the hell out of there. This day continued much as the last, Begay droning on and swigging down more whiskey. Kate knew where most of the initial payment went. She fended off his leers, comments, and even a grab or two. *Dammit, why don't I just drag the *bellagonna* in with me?* she asked herself ruefully. The word was Navajo, but Kate understood it just fine. Technically it meant simply "outsider", or the more polite term, "Anglo", but had a much different connotation. Kate found herself wondering who was worse, Begay with his whiskey or Krycek and his thirst for revenge.

At last Begay finished up the last page and Kate closed the laptop. "Thank you for your time, Mr. Begay," she told him. "I'm sure you understand the need for secrecy. My partner and I would appreciate you keeping quiet about this whole deal." She gave him the rest of his money, more than he would likely see in a year of government payments. Then she wiped the proverbial dust off her shoes and returned to Alex, still waiting outside.

"I got your damn files translated," Kate commented as she slammed the door. Alex started up the Jeep, throwing her a satisfied smile.

She couldn't help but resent that look. She was sick of it. "Are you happy?"

"Yes, I appreciate it." Alex said absentmindedly.

"I paid him for you."

"Mmm hmm."

"You could at least say thank you."

Finally Alex noticed Kate's discontent. "I'm sorry, I guess I'm not used to depending on other people."

"You don't like it," she accused him.

"No, I don't, but in this case we both got something out of it. What is it with you?"

Kate sighed. "I guess I'm just sick of this place. I will be happy if I never set foot in Arizona again."

Alex grunted agreement. "Me too."

After dinner, Krycek mumbled something about getting ready to leave in the morning and took off in his Jeep. Kate sat alone in the motel room, contemplating her life. She wondered if Alex would let her disappear but knew better. Besides, she didn't really want to try living on the run. He seemed to have more experience and strangely enough, she felt safer tagging along with him. Not to mention she was out of cash and out of options.

The man annoyed the hell out of her sometimes, but the rest of the time she couldn't stop thinking about him. Kate hated being pulled in two directions like that. Krycek wasn't exactly her dream date. She hoped once they left she could settle down somewhere, at least for a while, and maybe she would feel centered again. Kate wished she could go back somehow, live a normal life like a normal person without a clue about the real world. *While I'm at it, why don't I wish for the moon?* she sighed.

Alex returned a few hours later to find Kate watching TV. She didn't seem to be paying much attention. He'd been around women enough to know when not to ask. He liked his anatomy the way it was, thank you very much. Still, a small part of him knew it was inevitable.

"Do you think we could hit a mall sometime tomorrow? I'm wearing my last pair of underwear and they're inside out," Kate complained.

"No problem, I figured we could head for Salt Lake City. I know some people, I want to get you a new identity as soon as I can." Alex had a song stuck in his head, and he concentrated on repeating it, over and over.

"Really?" For the first time, Kate perked up.

"What, did you think I would just leave you here?" Alex tried to look as innocent as possible. She probably wouldn't buy it, but it was worth a shot.

"I don't know, we haven't really talked about what happens next."

"Actually, I was waiting to see where the files led me. Look at it this way: you've done a job for me, and I owe you, money at least. I'll try to get you set up on your own, someplace safe, so you can get on with your life." Alex wanted to make her happy, and it surprised him. Why should he care about anything more than her abilities?

"I know, I'm useful and you want me someplace convenient. It's ok, I understand." She sighed. *Guilt is good,* she thought. *Guilt works.*

"Well, yeah, but I can't have you following me around everywhere either," he grinned, and she grinned back.

"You can thank me now," Alex said.

"You!" Kate mock-slapped him. The moment her hand touched his face, she went deathly pale. *Oh shit, here it comes,* Alex thought.

"What--" Kate started, then fell silent. She sat down on the bed, staring at him, through him. "What the hell have you done?"

He braced himself. "I did what I had to do. Look, little girl, there's a lot about the world you don't know." She didn't like his tone; her face hardened. Alex wondered if she would slap him for real this time. "I didn't have a choice, my life, and yours"- -he emphasized that part--"are on the line. So I slipped a little wood alcohol in the old man's bottle. He'll never notice it. From what you told me, no one will question another dead Indian. They'll assume he drank himself to death. Chances are he wouldn't have lasted another year or two anyway."

Alex knew he was rationalizing, and he resented the necessity. He learned to survive by not letting things like this get to him. Why was he even bothering to explain this to her? She had to learn sooner or later. Then why did the look on her face tighten the knot in his gut? He pushed the thought out of his mind.

"You really think so." She said it without emotion, daring him to challenge her.

"I know so."

"And you really think I'm that naive."

"Not naive, Kate, but you have to learn to survive in my world."

"What if I don't want to? Dammit, I didn't ask for this." Her resentment echoed his own, dredging up forgotten memories. Knowing he could never go back, trying to run, run as far and as fast as he could from the pain, the guilt.

"I know you didn't. I don't like it either. I'm sorry, I mean it, I'm so sorry." He leaned in close, cradling her face in his hands, their foreheads touching. His compassion proved her undoing; she began to cry.

"Dammit, I'm so tired of crying," she said through the tears. "How do you do it? How do you live with yourself?"

Alex closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. "I do it because I have to." He really really didn't want to be thinking about this, especially right now.

"Maybe you can tell yourself that and believe it. I don't know if I can." He expected Kate to be angry, to lash out at him and his indifference. Instead she simply sounded tired. Somewhere deep inside, a part of him made a decision. He hated to put her through this, he hated to see her becoming everything he hated about himself. *I may go down but I'm not taking her with me. I won't let them do it to both of us.*

Wiping away her tears, Kate got up and began pacing. "We better head on out. I can't stand staying here anymore either. Is there anywhere else we can go?" she asked, nearly begging.

"Sure," Alex said. He wanted her to feel better but he knew she couldn't run away from herself. Still, he would do everything he could to keep her safe.

Part Nine: Moonlight Rambler

With the top down, the warm night air running its fingers through her hair, Kate could almost forget. Forget where she was, what she was doing, and everything she'd seen. She smiled at Alex. He turned to see her teeth glowing in the moonlight. "You like this?" he asked. "Yes," she simply said.

"When I was in high school, I used to take my grandfather's truck and drive for hours. I didn't care where I was going as long as it was away." Kate smiled at the memory.

"He didn't mind?"

"My grandfather? I don't think so. I always tried to return it with gas, parked in the same place. But I think he knew anyway." A shadow crossed her face. "Growing up in Tulsa is bad enough, but being different in a small town is...uncomfortable."

"How bad was it? I mean, when did you start hearing thoughts?"

"It wasn't so bad back then. I only sensed feelings, not words. But you know how it is. I knew I was different. So everyone else treated me like a freak."

"What was it like? With the boys I mean," Alex said sheepishly. "They say women have ESP--they always know when they're going to get laid."

She laughed aloud. "I guess you're right," she agreed. "If you mean I had it easy, I don't know if that's true. The only guys interested in me were only interested in one thing. Most of them were scared of me."

"Why is that?"

"You know how I told you I always wanted to be a cop? I guess it showed up early. I was a tomboy, and guys don't usually go for the kind of girl who can beat them in a fight."

This time Alex laughed. "Yeah, in high school most guys are so insecure they get weird about things like that." He didn't add that he kind of liked a woman who wasn't afraid to stand up to him. "Did you grandfather teach you how to fight?"

"No, I always seemed to be getting into fights when I was a kid. I had a friend, an older boy who lived down the street. He took pity on me and taught me some of the basics. I guess he didn't like seeing me get beat all the time. Or maybe he thought his little sister deserved a good ass-kicking now and then."

"You are really something, you know that?" Alex smiled at her, a smile full of secrets and promises.

If Kate saw it, she ignored it. "What about you? Get your ass kicked much by girls?"

"If I did do you think I'd admit to it?" Alex laughed. "All men are still little boys at heart, like the insecure thing."

"You're telling me. I used to work with cops."

"Yeah, and I was in the Army."

After a pause, Alex changed the subject. "Are you really wearing your underwear inside out?"

Kate gave him an inscrutable look and turned his words back on him. "If I am, do you think I'd let you know? Us women thrive on keeping you boys in the dark."

He mumbled something. When she asked what he said, he looked pained. "I said, 'Don't I know it.' "

"See, you haven't cornered the market on secrecy."

"Does that make me effeminate?"

Kate shrugged. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't really know," Alex admitted, laughing at himself.

"What about you? Many moonlight drives in your past?" Kate asked.

"Are you kidding? I can't even remember back that far. Ouch!" he exclaimed when Kate elbowed him in the ribs. "Okay, fair's fair. I guess I didn't feel the need to escape. Or if I did, I didn't know it. Good enough?"

"I guess so. I envy you, you know. For that at least."

"What? You think I had it easy in high school?"

"I didn't say that," Kate explained. "I don't think anyone really has it easy. But maybe you were a little more normal. Back then anyway."

"You calling me a freak?"

"What if I am?"

Exasperated, Alex asked, "Why do you always answer my question with a question?"

"Adds to the mystery," Kate told him. Alex rolled his eyes. Kate laughed and said, "You love it, you can't tell me you don't."

"I didn't say that."

"Yeah but you were thinking it." Kate looked smug.

"Will you stop that!"

"Stop what? Jeez, Alex, how paranoid are you? I told you, it's hard for me to read you when you're talking, the words sort of drown out everything else. I am more than just a radar, for Chrissake."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that." He was actually relaxing and having fun and didn't want to spoil it. It had been so long since he'd felt this way, and who knew when he would again.

"It's okay, I guess I'm kind of touchy too." Kate reached over and grabbed his hand in apology. But then she made a quick grab for his kneecap.

Alex jumped about a foot in the air and gasped out, "No tickling the driver!"

"Then let me drive."

"No."

"Why not?"

"It's my Jeep, I get to drive it."

"Oh don't tell me you are all manly and possessive about your car. Here we go again."

"Oh stop it. You won't even pump gas, are you afraid you'll mess up your manicure?" Kate blushed, hoping he wouldn't notice in the dark. She made him pump gas on the way to Arizona just so she could get a better view of his posterior.

She tried a different approach. "You seem to forget, I'm wearing two-day-old underwear. Like I'm that shallow."

"I could have done without that image." Alex winced, as if she just described a pelvic exam in gruesome detail.

"Then buy me some new clothes!"

"I already told you I would, will you keep your pants on?"

"Why Alex, I thought you were trying to get them off."

"Not right now I don't. Like I want to see some skanky-ass three- day-old crusty underwear." He tried to keep his mind off the images that kept invading his mind: not skanky ones, but rather nicer ones of silk and lace and...oh well.

"I said two days, not three."

"I bet you need a bath too."

"Is that an offer?"

"Oh you'd like that wouldn't you." Despite his sarcastic tone, Alex wouldn't mind giving her a bath one bit.

"I don't even know why I put up with you." Kate crossed her arms over her chest, acting as annoyed as she could while trying to stifle her giggles.

"It's my charm."

"Dream on."

"My rapier wit?"

"Hardly."

"Then why do you put up with me?"

"I don't know." She didn't add the 'and if I did I wouldn't tell you' part, but he seemed to hear it anyway.

"Well too bad, you're stuck with me," Alex gloated.

"Sucks to be me."

Alex put his hand to his chest as if she scored a mortal wound. "And I thought you cared."

"Why should I?"

That made him think. "I go out of my way to show you the scenic view of the Southwest, and this is the thanks I get."

"Like there's so much to look at. Take me to Aruba and then we'll talk."

"Just you wait." Alex grinned.

Kate shivered. Not cold shivers or scared shivers, but shivers she didn't want to think about. She couldn't believe herself, flirting her ass off when a few hours earlier she wanted to kill, er, seriously wound this man. At least she could hold her own, not let him get too close or score too many points.

Otherwise she enjoyed every moment of this night: the desert air, the feeling of freedom, a chance to just let go and see what would happen next. Alex seemed enjoy it just as much as she did, which made it twice as fun. It seemed like ages since she felt this way, not just the fun of it, but being with someone she could really talk to. Not just about the serious stuff, but kick back and have fun with too. For a while at least, she could forget about the rest.

Part Ten: Moonlight Rambler, part two

"What are you thinking about?" Alex interrupted her pondering.

"Nothing important."

"Must be important from the look on your face."

"Okay, I was wishing you would change the tape." Kate wouldn't give an inch.

"Change it yourself!"

"Like there's anything good in here," Kate replied, pawing through the glove compartment.

"Well excuse me for not stocking up on Clint Black and the Judds for you," Alex replied with disdain.

"Is that a country music slam?"

"You grew up in Tulsa right, land of shitkickers and Skoal?" He attempted a West Texas accent and failed miserably.

"Okay, now you're getting personal."

"You just now noticed that?"

"I hate you."

"You still haven't answered my question."

"Yes, I grew up in Tulsa, that doesn't make me a country freak."

"That's not the question I meant."

Not sure what he referred to, she tried to change the subject. "Speaking of questions, you never even told me where you're from."

"I know."

"Is it that important?"

Alex considered the question. "Yes."

"Why? It's not like you're from Plano or someplace embarrassing."

"How do you know I'm not from Plano?"

"If you were from Plano, you could do the Texan cowboy thing a lot better."

"Maybe I'm just trying to throw you off."

Kate shook her head. "No, that was truly painful. You couldn't have done it worse if you tried."

"Thank you very much, Miss Texas Expert."

"Are you going to make me guess?"

"You can if you want, I'm not going to tell you either way."

"What is your deal?"

Alex sighed. "Do you have any idea what it's like to be around someone who picks up your every thought? It's unnerving to say the least. Let me cling to whatever shreds of privacy I have left."

Kate looked a little shocked. "I never thought about it that way. I never told anyone before you."

"Well maybe you could be a little more considerate."

"Well if you didn't shout at me all the damn time--"

"What do you mean I shout at you?" Alex looked alarmed.

She tried to explain. "Sometimes you just think so damn loud. I'm sorry, it's not your fault. I wish I could block it out, trust me, I do." She sounded as upset about it as Alex did.

"Have you ever tried?"

"Tried what? Blocking people out? Of course I have, it drives me crazy."

"Not people in general, I mean blocking just one person out."

Kate went silent for a moment. "I never thought of that before. Obviously I don't hear everything, you've hidden the whole hometown thing from me pretty well."

Alex felt a wave of relief. At last he could begin to figure out how to keep her out of his mind. "All I did was think about how much I didn't want you to know."

"Well it worked." Kate didn't tell him that if she really wanted to, she could probably concentrate hard enough to rummage through his mind like dirty laundry. Besides, she really didn't like doing that. It was just too invasive and almost violent.

"You still knew I was hiding something though, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but I knew that already because you told me."

"Hmmm."

"What, hmmm?"

"Just hmmm."

"Okay, Alex, you can have your secrets."

"I'm so grateful for your permission." Despite the words, he sounded more amused than angry. He glanced over at Kate, who seemed to be wriggling around like a dog at the vet.

"Panty creep?"

"What? Oh, I just hate wearing dirty clothes."

"I can fix that."

"I'm sure you can."

"Why the sarcasm? What could be more romantic than moonlight in the desert?"

"Let's see, keeping an eye out for the highway patrol while making out in the back seat?" Kate gestured to the tiny back seat, packed solid with their belongings.

"I wasn't talking about that anyway. I have some extras you could swipe if you wanted."

"So want me to get in your pants?"

Alex snorted laugher. "I never thought of it that way, but yeah, sure."

"What, you mean now?"

"I promise not to look."

"Good, because I would know if you did."

Alex shivered in mock terror. "I'm so scared."

"You should be."

He pulled over to the shoulder, put the Jeep in neutral, and reached back into one of his bags.

"I thought you were kidding."

"Hey, you look uncomfortable. Can't let that happen, my sweet." He blew her a kiss.

Kate rolled her eyes. "I've been uncomfortable since I met you."

As way of response, Alex retrieved a pair of boxers from the bottom of a duffel bag. "Think these might work?"

"Jesus, you're serious."

"I haven't seen anyone for miles. Just hop behind some sagebrush, I'll keep watch for Peeping Toms."

"I'm looking at one right now."

"Don't be so touchy."

Despite the strangeness of the situation, Kate took him up on his offer. When she walked back to the Jeep, Alex asked politely, "Feel better?"

"Yes, thank you."

He pulled back on the highway and soon had them back up to 75 mph. "Where'd you run off to anyway, you were gone for hours."

"Oh please, let a girl have her privacy."

"I never claimed to be a gentleman."

"You're too nosy, for one."

Alex laughed. Exasperated, Kate asked, "What?"

" 'Hello Kettle, this is Pot. You're black.' "

"Will you please just drive? And keep your thoughts to yourself."

"I'll do my best."

Part Eleven: Intermission

Krycek peered over Kerowyn's shoulder. "How's it going?" he asked, a loaded question if she ever heard one. "What do you think?" she asked, letting him read what she'd written that night.

Krycek let out a low whistle. "Don't you think you're going a little easy on me?"

Kerowyn shrugged. "Probably. But you aren't Chris Carter's Krycek right now, you're mine, and I get to do what I want with you."

"I thought you wanted my opinion." Krycek looked indignant.

"I do, let me have it."

"Okay, first, when do I get some action? I mean, come on, you've been making me jump through these hoops, any more sexual tension and I'm gonna explode. Or have you forgotten, I'm the bad boy, I might just take it if I want it. You seem to have forgotten, Ker, I'm evil. I lie, I kill, I steal, I leave hearts bleeding in the dust. You make me sound like some misunderstood Boy Scout."

Kerowyn couldn't help it, she laughed in his face. "I call 'em like I see 'em. Go ahead, keep up the tough guy act. That's what we love about you. Patience, my dear, you'll get to do some nasty stuff before too long."

"What do you mean, nasty? Do I get to do the nasty or just whack a bunch of innocent people?"

"Both. But you'll have to wait and see."

"Okay, but what is it with the flirting? Could it get any fluffier?" Krycek growled at her.

"Hey, I enjoyed writing it, so you must have enjoyed doing it. Writer's prerogative."

Krycek hrrrmph'd. "You're obviously happy with the situation you stuck me in. I'd just like to see how you're going to get me out. And don't forget the smut, woman, make it snappy. I get violent when I get frustrated, and you're the closest female in sight."

She grinned. "Give me some credit, at least you don't have to deal with Mulder and Scully." Kerowyn considered adding, "yet," but didn't want to yank his chain quite that hard. Besides, she hadn't made up her mind about that. "There has to be something you like about the story so far."

"Yeah, finally someone made me American. Half the time I can't even pronounce what the other writers have coming out of my mouth. Like I speak Russian in my sleep, and that little tidbit slipped right past the FBI background check."

"See, I didn't make you FBI either."

"I noticed. Nice touch."

"I knew you were alright deep down."

Krycek ignored her. "What's with this Kate chick? Like I'd spend two minutes with someone who could read my mind. You should have let me blow her head off around page three."

Frowning, Kerowyn answered, "Yeah, and then where would the story be? I thought you wanted to get laid."

"Not that bad I don't. I learned that lesson the hard way, if you remember."

"That hasn't happened yet, you aren't supposed to know about Marita."

"Could we leave her out of this story?" Krycek looked positively gleeful at the idea.

"Only if you're a nice boy and you keep doing what I tell you to do."

"Like I have a choice."

"Hey, I don't have to ask for your opinion at all."

Krycek conceded. "Okay, you win. Just don't forget what I told you about the sex and the violence, dammit." Throwing her a final scowl, he stalked off.

"Oh, go sell some government secrets," Kerowyn muttered, and returned to her keyboard.

Part Twelve: Pit Bull on Crack

"You sure know how to show a girl a good time." Kate took in the relative grandeur of their room at the Holiday Inn.

"Are you being your usual sarcastic self or could you be paying me a compliment?"

"Don't be so bitter. I like it." Kate bounced on the side of the bed. "Wow, a mattress with springs!"

Avoiding a really bad line, Alex just smiled. "Show me what you got at the mall today."

Kate looked sheepish but happy. "Thanks, I mean, for the money." He'd dropped her off at a mall in Salt Lake City earlier that day with a wad of cash and directions to buy whatever she wanted.

"You earned it. Hell, I'm just tired of you stealing my clothes."

"You can have them back."

"I'll wait till after laundry day if that's okay by you."

Kate laughed. She gestured to the shopping bags stacked in the corner. "I tried not to overdo it. I know it looks like a lot."

"What, I don't get a fashion show?" Alex pointed to the bag clearly marked "Victoria's Secret" in bright pink.

"No!" snapped Kate. "I thought you didn't like me stealing your clothes, what are you complaining about?"

"Nothin'." Alex shrugged. "I was busy today too." He handed her an envelope. Inside she found a driver's license with her picture on it and Social Security card. She looked them over, then asked, "Who's Kristine Murphy?"

"I hope you like the name I picked. I find it's better to have something similar to your own, so it doesn't sound so strange when people call you that."

"I'm from Minnesota?"

"Is that okay?"

"I guess so."

"One more thing." Alex reached into his jacket and pulled out a Glock, handing it to Kate. "This is for you too."

"What's wrong with the one I have?"

"It's registered, isn't it?"

"Oh. Yeah." She looked at the cards, the gun, her new identity. "I guess this means Kate Marcus is dead, huh?"

Trying to comfort her, Alex said, "Not dead, just hiding. As far as the rest of the world knows, she's dead. But you and I know where she is. Right here." He pointed to her heart.

Kate took in a deep breath. "Sorry, it just didn't seem real until now."

"I can understand that."

She looked at him. "I guess you can, huh?"

He shrugged. "This means you can start over."

"I know. I just don't know where to start." She looked at him, another question on her lips. He tried to answer it before she had to say the words.

"I have a few ideas. I'm not going to just ditch you. And before you say it"--he held up a hand to stop her--"it's not just so I can use you to do my dirty work. You can have your own life if you want."

Kate shook her head, trying to take it all in. "I don't know what I want. I don't think I could go back to living the way I was. I'm not talking about my job driving me out of my mind either." She paused, trying to figure out how to say what she needed to say. "What I heard, what's in those files you have, I can't pretend it doesn't exist." She searched his face, looking for an answer she wasn't sure he could give. "I have to do something about it. I want to help you."

Alex rocked back on his heels in shock. If that wasn't the last thing he expected to hear, it was pretty close. "I don't think you know what you're talking about."

"Maybe I don't. Maybe I don't know anything about anything right now. But will you think about it?"

Alex nodded. Of course he would think about it, whether he wanted to or not. He gave her freedom, and now he had to let her make her own decisions.

Kate carefully set her gifts aside, stood up, and wrapped her arms around Alex. For a moment he didn't know how to react. Then his body took charge where his brain stalled, and he hugged her back. "Thank you," she said into his shoulder. "Thank you for not killing me." Alex didn't know what to say, and he didn't want to say the wrong thing by mistake. "I know it's not just because I'm useful," she began, but Alex silenced her with a kiss.

The last time Kate kissed him, she was beyond thought, beyond comprehension. This time she realized what she was doing and who she was doing it with. Despite the trap, the lies, the death, right now, in this eternal moment, nothing else mattered. She didn't think he understood. Let him think she only wanted his body, let him think she only did it out of gratitude.

Alex kissed her gently, more of a whisper than a kiss. His deep green eyes were still open, gazing into her brown ones. She wondered what thoughts lay dormant behind them. Right now she couldn't sense much besides desire, and she didn't want to pry. She slid her hands up his chest to run through in his hair, cup his jaw in her palms.

Alex moaned silently. Her lips so soft, so willing against his own, he pulled her closer and slid his tongue into her mouth. Her eyes slipped shut as he caressed her mouth, stroking her teeth, the roof of her mouth. Her hands twisted in his hair, then moved down to dig her fingernails into his shoulders. She broke off the kiss to lock her teeth on to his earlobe like a pit bull on crack.

In response Alex moved a hand from her back to her hip, then worked his way up to just under her ribs. Her teeth never left his ear, not biting hard, just nipping and teasing. The sensation made his eyes roll back in his head. She arched her back in response to his hands, so he lifted her shirt. The moment his fingers touched her skin, it felt like a lightningbolt passed between them. He looked in her eyes: she felt it too.

He kissed her again, this time on the lips, and not so gently either. She met him breath for breath, moving with him, into him, around him. He felt himself falling, falling, down to somewhere he'd never been, didn't recognize. Losing himself in her, and it frightened him.

"This is crazy," Alex whispered.

"I know," she breathed softly in his ear.

"Not just this," he continued, "but all of it. You, me, here, I don't get it."

Kate stopped what she was doing and took a good look at him. "Wow, I reduced a man to single syllables. I must be doing something right."

Alex shook his head. "No, I'm serious. Don't you wonder sometimes how we end up like we do? Like this?"

She considered his words. "Yes, I do. And no, I don't understand it. Why does it bother you so much?"

"It just does." He thought about her question. *Maybe it's about control,* he wondered. He knew himself well enough to know he liked to have a plan, liked to know what was going on at all times. Those simple tasks became impossible around Kate.

She laid her head on his chest and listened to his heart beating, warm and comforting under her cheek. Alex ran his hands through her long hair, down her back, coming to rest holding her. Just holding her.

"This is nice," Kate told him.

"Are you still wearing my underwear?"

"Yeah."

Alex considered making a come-on, asking for his boxers back or something equally inane, but dismissed the idea. He didn't want to push her. "You have nice skin," he said instead.

"You think so?" She sounded a little surprised. She probably didn't get compliments like that every day.

"Yeah, it's kind of a neat color." He lifted her arm to show her. "And softer than I expected."

"Okay, now I am getting weirded out."

"Why?" Alex sounded concerned.

"Why? Because a minute ago you were licking my tonsils and now you're telling me I have nice skin."

"What do you expect me to do? Rip your clothes off and have at?"

"Yes. No. I don't know. I don't understand you."

Alex smiled. "Good."

"I knew you would say that."

"You must understand me a little if you knew I would say that."

"I guess." She sounded unconvinced.

"Are you disappointed?"

"About what?"

"Well, maybe you wanted me to rip the rest of your clothes off." Alex came across as merely stating a fact.

"Not disappointed, just confused."

"I get it."

Now she was getting annoyed. "Get what?"

"You think you don't got it, or I would want it."

"You think so huh? I know very well what I got. Got a problem with that?"

Alex laughed. "Good, I was worried you were getting depressed again."

Kate sighed. Alex only laughed again.

For the first time since the night they met, Alex held Kate as she slept. He used the "only one bed in the room" excuse, but they both knew better. Something profound had changed between them. Neither one knew what it was, or would even talk about it, but they couldn't deny it either.

Alex meant what he said about giving her a new life. He hadn't planned on it originally but nothing had gone according to plan since he met her. He knew he would have to leave soon and didn't know when he would be back. Even though she hadn't said anything he sensed she knew. For right now he simply enjoyed the feeling of her in his arms, the steady sound of her breathing. He relaxed in a way he swore he'd forgotten long ago. Soon he followed her into dreamland.

Give up yet about the cat named Barney in-joke? I admit, this is pretty obscure! I'm a fan of "Due South", and if you are too then you might notice a lot of "Due South" in-jokes in all my stories. Laurie Holden, that's right, our own Marita Covarrubias, guest- starred in an episode of that series. In one scene she tells Fraser, the star of the show, "I have a cat. His name is Barney." She says it out of nowhere too, so it stuck in my head. Yeah, I got you all worked up over nothing. Sorry.