Excerpts From The Diary Of Alex Krycek

Mon 8th

Got out of bed and had breakfast. Not much to eat, just some corn flakes. I like cornflakes. Note to self, buy more milk. Cornflakes tastes horrible with stale beer.

Got a call from CSM, wants me to stake out Mulder. OK, I don't mind, think M's a hottie anyway. Just hope he doesn't catch me staking him out and ends up punching me. He always punches me. *Sigh*

Mon 8th, later

Mulder caught me staking him out and punched me

Mon 8th, much later

Note to self, need more antiseptic cream and bandages.

Mon 9th

Decided to pay a visit to Skinner today. Threatened him with nanocytes. Nothing else to do since my playstation's broken. Skinner torture is more fun anyway.

Ugh, fake beard is itching like crazy, it always leaves a rash. Great now I'll be walking around looking like I have the measles. Terrific. Still it was worth it to be able to hassle old baldly.

Mon 9th addendum

Never turn your back on a pissed off Assistant Director to scratch your chin. Note to self, need more bandages and some aspirin as well. CSM called again, wants me to follow Mulder and Scully to some godforsaken place. God when is he going to smoke himself to death. Ha probably never, all that tar and nicotine has probably petrified his insides, preserving him forever. *Ugh, shudder at thought*.

Crap, better get a move on. Note to self, call neighbor and ask if she will take care of cat, houseplants and goldfish.

Thurs 20th

Well that trip turned out to be totally sucky! Note to self, never never NEVER follow Mulder and Scully into dark dank scary looking caves. How does Scully put up with it?

Cat and houseplants okay, goldfish really glad to see me. *smile*

Fri 21

How the hell did Mulder find out that I followed them into the cave????

Fri 21, later

Nothing on tv, bored, bored BORED!!!!! Played with cat and goldfish for awhile. Note to self, buy new goldfish. 2nd note to self, never play with cat and goldfish together at the same time.

Sat 22nd

REALLY BORED! Might go and check out what Mulder's doing.

Sat 22nd, later

Sat in car waiting to catch Mulder coming out of his apartment. Didn't see him. Still bored. Let's go see what Scully's up to.

Sat 22nd, much later

Saw Mulder go into Scully's apartment building. Hmmm, interesting.

Sat 22nd, even later still

Watched Skinner head up to Scully's apartment. Now this is just weird.

Still Sat 22nd

The Lone Gunmen have just turned up. Now this is enough to put me off my popcorn with extra butter.

Sat 22nd, will this day never end?

Pendrell has just turned up, I don't want to know what's going on up there anymore. That's it, I'm so outta here. *Shudder*

Sun 23rd

Oooohhhh, hangover, going back to sleep. No wait, might have that dream about Scully, Mulder, Skinner, The Lone Gunmen and Pendrell again.

Sun 23rd, morning

CSM called, wants report on Mulder. Huh, he wants a report on Mulder why can't he get out of his smoke filled office and go do it himself. Clean air would probably kill him Ha. Someone should pump oxygen into his office and choke him with some fresh air. Note to self, find out cost for tank of oxygen and drill.

Mon 24th

Went grocery shopping today, hate grocery shopping!!!!!!! Some little old lady with blue hair went to grab the last packet of chocolate cupcakes. I grabbed them off her and she attacked me with her walking frame. Some old people shouldn't be let loose in public. Good thing I stocked up on bandages.

Mon 24th, later

Played with new goldfish, have decided to call him Pinky. God I need to get out more. I think I might go and search Mulder's apartment, I'm out of new porn tapes anyway.

Mon 24, evening

How was I suppose to know that Mulder was at home because he was suspended from the Bureau for entering unauthorized caves? Creep caught me going through his collection of porn. Had some really good ones too. Dawson's Crack, How Deep Was My Anus and one I haven't seen before, Backdoor Boys. Ended up watching them with him, weird how he kept accidentally dropping his hand into my lap.

Tues 25th

Gave CSM report on Mulder, cranky old sod. Blew smoke in my face, nearly barfed all over his horrible brown suit. What is the deal that suit, it's almost as bad as his hair.

Tues 25th, later

New shopping list. Cornflakes
Milk
Twinkies
Oreos
Antiseptic cream
Bandages
Cat food
Plant food
Goldfish food
Think that's everything, oh yeah, and more adhesive for fake beard.

Wed 26th

Really weird, got a call from Mulder, wants me to come over and watch some more porn tapes with him. Oh well got nothing better to do.

Wed 26th, a little later

Mulder called back to tell me that he called Skinner and invited him over as well. Didn't think Skinner was into porn, oh well. Might be fun.

Wed 26th evening

NEVER AGAIN AND I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!

Thurs 27th

Mulder called and apologized, said that he didn't think Skinner would come on so strong. Wants to make it up to me. Well, okay then, long as he leaves his boss at home, or better still, a zoo. *shudder*

Thurs 27th, later

WOW!!!!!!

Thurs 27th, much much later

Too tired to write, addendum to shopping list.
Lube, super large size
Condoms, ribbed I think
Whipped cream, *yum*
Body paint, chocolate *oh yeah*

Sat 5th

Finally managed to get home, *moan* going to bed, need sleep. Adding to report for CSM that Mulder's an animal . Made date to see him again tonight *grin*

Sun 6th

Swear that man's going to kill me with sex, still too tired to write.

Mon 7th

CSM called on my cell phone, wanted to know where I was. When I told him heaven, he got all weird and hung up. Oh well, who cares. Oops, Mulder's waking up. Now where did I put that lube?

Footnote: the names of the porno movies I got from Queer as Folk US and a couple I have actually seen in adult shops. Okay, okay, I admit it, I go into adult shops. One day I might even get up the nerve to buy something. LOL