Eyes

6 months.

Almost 6 months I've been locked up, which wouldn't be that bad if I was alone, but I'm not.

She's with me.

Marita Covarrubias has been with me since I first came here, and hasn't left me since.

Marita and her dead eyes.

Eyes that I promised I'd protect.

Eyes that I abandoned.

Eyes that use to look at me with a love and acceptance I could never understand.

Maybe that's why it was so easy for me to believe she was making it up.

Maybe that's why it was so easy for me to believe she betrayed me.

It was more convenient that way.

It was more convenient to accept the bargain, a bargain that allowed her to be a test subject.

I didn't know how far it would go.

It was more convenient to take the power offered. I rose in ranks, gathered information, became confidant that I'd survive this mess.

Until I saw those eyes.

Dead eyes, that were once so beautiful I'd offer anything they wanted.

Eyes that looked at me helpless.

Eyes I couldn't bear to look at.

So I ran from them. It was easier to look at faceless rebels, and burnt children than those eyes.

I did tasks for the old man, no matter how absurd, anything to escape those eyes.

But there is no escape here, and for 180 days I've had to face them.

I've had to face her.

At first she came when I was sleeping.

She'd be beautiful at first, and as I'd reach for her she'd change. Skin would turn white, hair would go limp, and her eyes would turn dead.

Eyes that never judged me

Eyes that never pitied me.

Eyes that gave me a thousand times the amount of faith I gave her.

Then she started to appear to me in the day. In a dark corner, I'd see her.

Curled up and shivering.

White and dead.

She'd look at me and she'd ask me why.

Why did you believe them?

Why did you let this happen to me?

Why did you leave me?

I don't even remember the official reason I'm in here, but I know the real one.

I'm here because of her eyes.