Five By Five

The stench of his own vomit was the first thing he smelled. That stale feeling of the day after that doesn't quite measure up to the enthusiasm that began the binge in the first place. Shoving the pillow away from his face he grimaced as the first rays of sunshine hit him full on.

The sound of AC/DC filled the air as his alarm clock tolled the hour of seven. 'Shook me all night long' he thought. Yes, it certainly had.

Dragging himself out of the bed and into the shower, he made a note to purchase more Stoley's. Wouldn't do to be without his favorite. He briefly wondered if he was becoming dependent on the mind numbing effects of his favorite drink? Then countered that with a 'what the fuck?' If he was, he was. There were worse things in the world. Things like carrying a torch for someone for years. Someone who, in all probability, was now truly dead.

Shaking off such thoughts he turned off the water and toweled himself dry. Looking into the mirror he noticed for the first time the subtle lines creasing his forehead. Was this what wanting had done for him? Did he truly deserve to bear this as well? When would enough be enough?

Noticing the hour he swiftly dressed, donned his shoulder holster, and left his apartment. Actually, Mulder's apartment. He'd been staying here ever since ... since that fateful night in Oregon. When Skinner had returned without Mulder. One look in the man's eyes had been all he needed; Mulder was gone.

He'd pocketed the keys to the rental car and ran from the conference room, all but leaving Marita behind. She reached the car seconds after he did and refused to release the door until he allowed her to come with him. "I'm going to fucking kill him this time!" he screamed at her as he angled the car out onto the deserted street. "You fucking get in my way and I'll kill you too!" He was like some crazed animal; totally out of control and beyond any reasoning.

"I know." She replied quietly. "What makes you think I don't want that as well?"

He glanced over at her as she gripped the dashboard. He'd never stopped to consider her pain in this. It seemed there were very few people CSM had failed to damage in his quest for domination.

Releasing the handle to the chair, he'd shoved him with everything his right arm could muster. For Mulder, for Scully, for his ruined youth, for Marita ... for everyone who had ever suffered at the hands of the man who now lay crumpled at the bottom of the stairs. It was all he could do not to pump several rounds into him as he stepped over the lifeless corpse.

He immediately drove to the hospital and took his place outside of the door to Scully's room. Marita took the keys from him and leaned down to kiss his cheek. "I wish it could have been different, Alex," she whispered. The clicking of heels was the only thing that registered as he sat there outside room 369; tears running down his cheek. His only shot at a life now gone, but someday to return; he hoped.

Pulling up in front of Scully's building he smiled as he watched her waddle toward the car. She was close; only one more month to go. They'd discussed the situation after many weeks spent bickering and grieving over someone they'd both grown to love. He'd known that the baby wasn't Mulder's, and he'd accepted that Scully was unsure just how or when she'd conceived. All of the standard tests had been performed and the child appeared healthy.

It was enough for him that she trusted him now. That she understood that this was something he'd promised Mulder he would do.

The night before he'd left for Oregon Mulder had motioned Krycek into the hallway. Alex had stiffened, waiting for Mulder to attack as he usually did. This was different, though.

"Is this some kind of game, Krycek? Or are you really serious about getting out from under?"

In a way he'd almost been hoping for the hatred. That he knew how to deal with. Convincing someone who wholey mistrusted you of your good intentions was something all together different. "I can't go on with this, Mulder. I want out. I want ... a life."

He'd cried then, unable to hold back after so many years of running and surviving. Mulder reached toward him and pulled him against his chest. Alex had broken down at the warmth of his embrace. How could this man he'd so violently betrayed find love in his heart after all he'd done to him?

Guiding them toward the men's room, Mulder grabbed several sheets of toilet paper and dabbed at Alex's face. "I had to know if you were telling the truth this time. I don't know what's going to happen when I leave and I'd like to think that Scully will be protected; if anything should happen."

"I need to go with you, Fox. Please!"

Alex could feel any control over the situation he'd had slipping away. Mulder was as much as saying he thought he wasn't going to be coming back.

"No, Alex," he soothed, placing light kisses on his tear stained cheeks. "If you love me, you'll stay here ... for her."

"If I love you? I've never cared for anyone the way I care for you, Fox."

"I know, Alex. I've always known." He leaned in and captured the lips next to his own, bearing their bodies against the wall. They grabbed for one another simultaneously and ground against each other in a frenzy of lust that surprised them both. Alex was the first to come, gripping Mulder's hand as it caressed him through the open fly of his pants. Mulder followed him, groaning loudly as he spilled himself onto Alex's hand and crotch.

"Fox, I ..."

A finger reached his lips and silenced him. "Do this for me Alex, and I'll consider us squared."

Alex licked the finger, tasting himself. There would be no arguing; Mulder asked this of him and it would be the least he could do for him.

"You'll try and come back, won't you?"

He sounded like a frightened child asking for a night light to chase away the nightmares. "I'll never stop trying."

They held onto one another for several moments, knowing it would probably be the last touch they'd share for quite some time. It would have to be enough; for both of them.

"You want to stop by the bakery again this morning?"

Scully yanked the seat belt across her bulging middle and rolled her eyes at him. "You're going to get me in trouble with my doctor, Alex. You know I've gained two pounds in the last week alone."

He smiled at her and headed out into traffic. "So I take it that's a yes."

"Damn straight," she laughed.

It felt good to laugh again; it almost made the unbearable emptiness in his heart that much easier to handle. He'd do what he was asked to do. He'd protect Scully and her baby with his life, if that's what it took. And he'd wait for that day when Mulder returned. The day he'd know that Alex had kept his word and they were square. What was it the kids called it now? 'Five by five.'

"So what do you think? Cherry or blueberry this morning?"

"How about one of each? I think we've both earned it."