Full Marks

Virginia 1863

The sound of the door pulling back from its rusty hinges awakened the sleeping form on the bed.

"Fox! Please - you need to get up."

There was the feel of strong arms as they wrapped around his torso. He was tired beyond the point of simple exhaustion and his wounds dripped blood as he was hoisted to his feet and shoved toward the door.

"No ... no!" He flailed out blindly, hoping to gain his release.

A hand clamped over his mouth. "Be quiet; for both our sakes." The hand was removed from his mouth; his head cleared slightly as he gasped oxygen into his deprived lungs.

"Who are you?" he croaked, as they passed through the door and started down the dimly lit hallway.

He couldn't quite make out the face of the person he followed; instinctually he knew whoever it was they were most assuredly his last chance at freedom.

"The last person you ever wanted to see again."

That voice! The curve of those shoulders and the graceful stride: Alex Krycek.

"I'm not going anywhere with you ... you traitor!"

The younger man turned and grabbed him by the tattered remains of his shirt. "Look, General; you have two choices here: you either trust me and let me take you out of here, or you go back to that cell you were in and let them kill you." He dropped the shirt and shoved the older man against the wall.

Fox watched as Alex turned and continued down the hallway. He glanced back wondering if it were a all a trap? Would they make it outside only to be shot in the back as they tried to escape?

"Wait ... I'm coming."

Six months earlier

He watched as the man next to him slowly opened his eyes to the morning sun. There was no other word for him except beautiful. His hair had grown longer in the month that they had been apart. Reaching down he brushed a lock of it behind the small but exquisitely shaped ear. Alex turned into the hand, seeking his touch even in the haze of sleep. God how he loved this man!

"Alex?"

"Mmm." The face in his hand snuggled past and buried itself in his chest.

"I think it's time for us to get up."

"Well I don't know about you, but I think I already am."

Fox lifted the blanket slightly. "So you are ... well I guess that makes two of us, then."

Rolling to one side he trapped Alex beneath him and ground the solid length of his morning erection against its mate. Alex's eyes clamped shut as he tried to hold himself together.

The moisture from both their bodies soon joined the heat. He felt himself losing control - rushing toward the climax that awaited him. It was always like this after they hadn't seen each other for more than a few days. Hands gripped shoulders, their bodies slamming together - would either ever get enough of the other? Identical moans and the searing gush of liquid between them; it seemed as though they wouldn't.

Fox lowered himself completely, letting his weight settle against Alex's body. Their time together was limited at best. He found himself committing each moment like this to memory, filing it away to be taken out and cherished during the long periods of separation. //Would the damn war never end? //

"You're doing it again."

"No ... I'm not.

Alex shifted under him until they were facing one another. "You forget - I can read you like a book."

Fox shook his head at the younger man. "You're right." He rolled to his side taking Alex with him. "When we're apart I can't think of anything but seeing you again - and when I do see you, I never want it to end."

Alex pushed himself up. "The feeling is mutual, I assure you."

"I'm sorry, all I've been focusing on is how I feel about this." He hugged Alex to his chest. "I haven't even stopped to think about how hard it is on you, too."

It had been eight months since Alex Krycek first came to him; a replacement for his elderly and ailing aide; the war was making old men out of them all. He'd even felt himself slipping into the feelings of despair and loneliness. He'd had it better than most. At least he was still close enough to friends.

A picture of Dana crossed his mind. They'd been friends since childhood - everyone assumed they'd grow up, get married and have a yard full of children. The only problem was they were close all right; just not the kind of 'close' most people associated with those in love.

Of course Dana had sensed the difference at a very early age. She loved Fox; trusted him with her life. She just wasn't 'in love' with him. But they had a bond all right; one that had withstood their wild youth and equally turbulent teenage years.

It was definitely a rarity for two people of the opposite sex to be so in tune with one another, and yet have no feelings of romance or longing associated with their union, but they knew better. What they shared far outshone the simplicity of love. They were a pair; two halves of a whole. They knew all there was to know about one another - their deepest secrets, their wants and desires, and yes, their aspirations of true love.

Dana had grown up in a household commanded by a strong father and a loving mother. She craved strength and leadership in her men, and would settle for nothing less than her equal in love.

Fox, on the other hand, was raised in an atmosphere of apathy and confusion. His father was a brilliant man - a man of science. Revered by his peers as a ground breaker and pioneer, he spared little time for family life and seemed more at home locked in his university office working on his latest project.

His mother was much the same - lost to her own world, virtually ignoring her first born and concentrating instead on the house and surrounding gardens of the Mulder home.

Fox craved the one thing he'd never been given in life: love. He knew his sister was the reason the family had become so distant. She'd been lost to them at an early age by Typhus; a disease so deadly it swept through whole communities leaving a virtual ghost town in its wake.

He tried so hard to make it up to them for surviving - for being the one that didn't get sick. He excelled at school and was accepted into West Point immediately after completing his studies. Yet they continued to ignore his attempts to draw them back to him.

He remembered standing on the platform waiting for the train to take him to New York. Dana had come down to see him off, bringing her latest beau with her: Walter Skinner. He was older than Dana by several years, but he was everything she'd ever wanted in a man and Fox knew instinctively, without her ever saying a word, that he would be the one. The feeling it gave him to see her so happy almost made up for the fact that neither of his parents had managed to come see him off.

Clutching the man he loved to his chest, he thought he must have done something right in life to have ended up with someone as perfect for him as Alex. And to think it almost hadn't happened that way.

"I know you don't want to hear this, but ... we have to get back."

Alex huffed and then pushed himself up on an elbow. He traced his index finger down the middle of Fox's chest, relishing the tremors it caused. "Ten more minutes? "

The hand grasping the back of his head and pulling him closer answered the question.

The first few weeks after Alex had been assigned to him had been hell on earth. Fox didn't have time to train someone new to his needs as an officer. His former aide, a man he'd come to know as 'Jack' due to his propensity for the cards, had been a virtual mind reader. He had only to think about what he might need and it was there in front of him. After twenty years in the military there wasn't anything Jack didn't know about assisting his superior officer. The coffee was always good and strong, and his belongings always polished and taken care of.

Alex on the other hand had been a patent disaster. During the first week alone he'd lost or broken just about everything he touched of Fox's. Add to that the fact the man was a bedeviled curse to any pot of coffee he touched, and you had reasons for dismissal that would make a mans head swim.

Fox was sure Alex would ask for a transfer during those first two weeks. Especially after he'd left him in the lurch on several occasions when Alex was supposed to be accompanying him about the camp. In a way he was probably trying to force the issue by leaving him the way he did; but he just couldn't be bothered with the younger man.

He missed Dana; he missed their talks and their ability to know what the other was thinking without needing to ask or be told - and he most definitely missed his privacy. It seemed every time he turned around he was tripping over Alex. The man was like a puppy - trailing after him and forever in his face.

The situation reminded him of another eager young man. Someone he hadn't thought of in years; at least not consciously. They were memories best left to dreams - or nightmares, however one cared to interpret their visitation.

West Point; it all seemed so long ago.

He'd come to the Academy a fresh-faced babe, believing his education would put him above those in his class. While his beliefs in that area were borne out, it was, as he was soon to find out, not the type of environment wholly dependent on the education you could receive from merely reading a book.

It was military - it was tactics. It was knowing how your enemy thought, and what he thought, before he himself had even had a chance to acknowledge the thought as it passed through his mind.

Pulling the weather worn box from his trunk, he rummaged until he found the faded photo of himself and Jamie. Cadets Pendrell and Mulder; could there have been two greener young men?

Rubbing his thumb across the faint coating of dust covering the picture, he smiled. It had been taken on the day of their graduation. Even now he could remember the feeling of pride that swelled his chest as they stood for pictures. Dana and Walter had come up - his parents had not. No surprise there, really. Why should they? What was the use in continuing the pretense of family anyhow?

At least, that's how he'd felt that day. He had Dana with him, and Jamie. One he considered his sister in every way but birth, and the other he'd planned to spend the rest of his life with.

Their third year at West Point they'd become lovers. For years he'd known he was not attracted to women; not the way most men are. He'd resigned himself to living out his life with Dana and Walter as close friends. It was no secret even then that marriage was in the cards for them as soon as Walter established himself in the lumber business.

It wouldn't be a bad life, really. He'd have his military career; he'd be making a difference. The four years at West Point had brought out the born leader in him. He found that he enjoyed the camaraderie immensely, as well as the self-discipline and work ethic. He loved everything about it, and he felt for the first time in life that he'd found his niche.

Jamie had been his polar opposite; he was boisterous, loud, and woefully uneducated. It had only been through the grace of a distant relative that he'd made it to the Point. They bonded immediately.

Fox found himself envious of the good-natured Pendrell. His parents adored him, and though they had little in the way of monetary means, there were always packages arriving from home. Some with baked goods, others with clothing; but all of them sent with the love and concern Fox had never experienced in his own home.

They quickly became inseparable; Fox helping Jamie with his studies and Jamie giving Fox a leg up with his shooting and riding; two things he'd had little time for while pursuing the higher learning required of him by his father. As they neared their third year they were three and four in their class, respectively.

That spring there was a cotillion at the school. Fox was taking the niece of his Napoleonic Tactics professor. Jamie had asked a local girl. The four of them attended the ball together. Fox tried to engage his date in conversation but found it stilted and uncomfortable. From the looks he was receiving across the table, Jamie wasn't having much luck either.

The band struck up another song and Fox found himself dragged to the dance floor for yet another reel. He tried to catch sight of Jamie about halfway through the dance but found the seats at their table empty. Resigning himself to the fate of having to spend the remainder of the evening with his less than interesting date, Fox concentrated on the dance.

As they finished, his professor approached and told his niece it was time to go. She looked completely despondent and begged for another couple of dances, but her Uncle was adamant. As they exited Fox could feel the tension leave his body. Loosening his collar, he headed toward one of the balconies surrounding the hall. The cool night air was a welcome relief from the stifling heat of the dance floor. He reached under his tunic and pulled out the small flask, draining it in one gulp.

"Why Cadet Mulder; don't you know that drinking at a school affair is not permitted?"

He jumped, coughing up a small amount of bourbon as he turned. "Jesus, Pendrell! I thought you'd left."

He was leaning against the stone facade of the hall, a cigarette in his hand. "Want to go for a ride?"

Knowing his fate if he returned to the ball, and hating dances as he did, accepting seemed the most logical thing to do. "Don't have to ask me twice."

Returning to their room they changed and dashed to the stables to saddle their horses. As they galloped away from the school Fox felt himself truly relaxing and having a good time for the first time all night.

They rode out to a small wooded area that boarded a rolling stream. It was a favorite of theirs used for moments when they needed the peace and quiet to study. They tethered their horses and sat on the small bank sloping to the water.

Jamie pulled his flask out and offered Fox first drink. The liquor burned his throat on the way down, making his eyes water. Jamie laughed as he retrieved the flask and took several large gulps. The moon winked at them from between clouds and the dancing of the water was almost hypnotic. They sat in silence, enjoying the shared peace.

"I think I'm falling in love with you."

Fox was in mid drink from the shared flask when Jamie made his declaration. Coughing and spitting, he handed the flask back. "What?"

"You heard me," he said, keeping his eyes focused on the stream.

"Look, Jamie. I think we've both had too much to drink. I'm sure tomorrow..."

Jamie turned to look at Fox. "Tomorrow, I'll feel the same way I do now about you."

His mind was a blur of doubt - he'd wanted to be close to Jamie, almost from the moment they'd met. But the last thing he needed was a drunken one-night stand to ruin his remaining years in school.

"Don't you believe me?"

Fox looked back at him wanting to believe so badly. The odds against it working were astronomical, especially in an environment such as this. He needed to set the record straight with Jamie. Their friendship meant more to him than any relationship they could ever have.

"Yes," he breathed, licking the lips to his left. So much for stoic sacrifice.

Their relationship continued unabated until graduation. They'd made plans to be together in South Carolina. Jamie's family was there and Fox felt sure he could get a commission that would bring him close enough to Jamie.

Waving goodbye to the carriage as it pulled away from the school, he felt as if life was finally rewarding him for all that he'd done without.

One week later he'd been in the process of packing his meager belongings when the letter arrived. Jamie had been killed on his way home. They'd stopped at a small tavern along the way and Jamie had gone to the aid of a woman being harassed by a drunken patron. He'd never seen the knife in the mans boot.

Almost every citizen in Jamie's small town attended the funeral. Fox had remained at graveside for several hours after the ceremony. He didn't recall what he'd said to Jamie in those hours. How he'd poured his heart and soul out, reiterating his love and devotion. Telling his dead lover that, save Dana, he was the only one he'd ever met that had made him feel truly loved and cherished.

Lifting the lid of the coffin, he kissed his beloved for the last time and placed a small button from his West Point tunic on his heart. Closing the lid he replaced his hat and strode purposefully out of the cemetery, vowing never again to give his heart so foolishly.

It was their third week together when Alex forced Fox to confront those long hidden feelings.

It was raining at the time. Not the kind of misting spring rain that everyone welcomes after a sultry summer either. It was pouring - had been for the better part of three days, and everyone was in a mood to match.

Alex was under foot again arranging Fox's personal belongings after a two-day march that landed them closer to Washington than Fox had hoped he'd be. He looked forward to seeing Dana, who was now officially engaged to Walter. The wedding was a week away and he'd given his solemn oath he would move heaven and earth to be there. The smile had barely crept across his face when he'd heard the sound of splintering wood from behind him.

He turned to see Alex hastily picking up the scattered pieces of his favorite humidor. The one Dana had given him upon his acceptance to West Point.

"I'm sorry, sir," the younger man stammered, stuffing the broken pieces into the bottom of the box. "My hands were wet and I guess it just slipped..."

Fox strode across the tent and ripped the box from his hands, inadvertently cutting Alex's hand in the process. "This box was given to me by a very dear friend of mine and look what you've done to it!"

Alex grasped his injured hand, trying to stem the flow of blood. "Permission to be excused, sir."

"Yes, go please - before you single-handedly destroy what's left of the North's armed forces."

Alex ducked out of the tent, trailing small droplets of blood after him. Fox adjusted the box, noting that the pieces of wood had broken in a fashion that would make it easy for him to simply glue them back together. He toyed with it for several minutes and managed to get it back to an acceptable condition. Placing it on his desk he noticed the drops of blood leading out of the tent. Swearing softly, he gathered his cape and hat and headed out to find his errant orderly.

A quick check with the camp surgeon yielded nothing, and he was not in his tent. After questioning several of his men, he found himself headed for a grassy area over looking the encampment.

He found Alex leaning against a large oak tree, still clutching his hand to his chest, which was now wrapped in white linen handkerchief. Darkness was fast approaching and it made Fox nervous to be so far from camp without adequate weaponry.

"You really should have the surgeon take a look at that."

If Alex heard him there was no outward sign of it. "Look, Kry ... Alex; I'm sorry, I shouldn't have lost my temper with you like that."

"Permission to speak freely, sir?"

Fox nodded.

"Is there some reason you accepted my request to be your aide? I mean, there were other requests, were there not?"

"Yes."

"And yet you picked me."

"You seemed the best qualified, Alex. I think that's all that needs to be said on the subject."

The look of hurt in his eyes was almost painful to witness. Alex pushed back from the tree. "You'll have my transfer request in the morning."

The guilt welled up in him as he heard Alex's statement. "I ... I don't want you to leave."

"You don't want me to leave? Well excuse me, sir, but you've done nothing but try to push me toward this since the first day I was assigned to you. I would think you'd be overjoyed to be rid of me - at least now you won't have to lie to me about why I'm not needed to accompany you around camp and to staff meetings when you and I both know that your former aide did."

He moved closer to Alex, who retreated slightly, still clutching his injured hand. "Alex, listen; I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm ... I've been missing someone lately and I guess I've taken that out on you. I would really like for you to continue as my aide ... that is, if you want to."

Alex relaxed slightly. "Who?"

"What do you mean 'who'?"

"Who are you missing?"

"A friend. A very good friend who is getting married next week and I've got to be there to witness the joining of the happy couple."

"You don't sound very happy about it."

Fox sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose and noticing that what light there had been was almost gone. He hesitated slightly wondering if it was a wise thing to share such intimate feelings with someone he barely knew.

But there was sincerity in Alex that he hadn't noticed before - an easiness that made him feel as though it would be all right to unburden himself. It reminded him of someone he'd been very close to at the Academy. It reminded him of Jamie. "I am happy ... for her, that is. I want her to be happy and I know she will be. I just feel..."

"Lost?"

Fox moved closer to Alex. "Lost - yes, I guess that's it. I see her moving forward, finding someone to love. I can't help but feel as though I'm losing a part of myself in the process."

"Well, you know what they say: when one door closes, another opens."

"Yes, I guess that's true," he answered, noticing for the first time how beautiful Alex's face was as it captured the last retreating bits of light.

They both stared at one another until Alex broke the silence. "We should be getting back."

"Yes, I think you're right." They headed back toward camp each lost in his own thoughts.

"Would you like to join me for a drink, Alex?"

Alex glanced in his direction, smirking. "Right after I visit the surgeon, sir. I can't be bleeding all over your belongings as well as breaking them."

Fox smiled at him, feeling lighter than he had in days. "Whiskey all right? It's all I've got."

"That will be fine, sir."

They parted company and Fox walked toward his tent, humming to himself as he went.

He raised Alex's hand and kissed the small mark on the palm of his right hand, a reminder of their first turbulent weeks together.

"We need to eat something and get going."

Reluctantly letting one another go, they moved out of the bed and began to dress.

"This is quite a lovely party Mrs. Scully."

"I would think after all these years you'd be comfortable calling me Maggie, Fox."

He blushed brightly at the thought of addressing his best friend's mother by her first name. "Maggie."

She leaned closer to him as they both watched Walter and Dana on the dance floor. "You know I always hoped that you and Dana would marry, but I guess it just wasn't meant to be."

"Walter is a good man, Mrs. ... I mean, Maggie."

"I know that, Fox," she smiled. "He makes her happy, and she's chosen him. That's all that matters." She turned to him fully and took his hands in hers. "But a mother can still have her preferences, can't she?"

"Yes, she can."

She leaned in and kissed his cheek. "Now where is that nice young man you brought with you? He seems quite taken with you."

"Mrs. ... Maggie, he's my new aide. We're not ... "

"Fox, I've known you since you were a little boy. I know these things aren't spoken of in 'polite' society, but let's just say that I can spot someone in love when I see it. That boy hasn't stopped looking at you since you both arrived. It's as plain as the smile on his face... that is if you care to look that closely."

Her words shocked him. How could she have known that he'd never really been attracted to women - not even Dana? At least not in a romantic sense. And if she could see it, could others?

"Don't worry. No one else has noticed, I'm sure of it." She let go of his hands and stood. "Now, let me go rescue those poor people from my husband. I swear he tells the same stories over and over again whenever he has a new audience." She started to walk away, then stopped and came back to him. "I really think you should give the boy a chance, Fox. Love isn't something that comes along every day." Kissing him on the cheek she headed toward her husband.

He stood there wondering if it was just him or had the entire world lost its collective mind? Alex in love with him?

After seeing to his hand Alex had come back to his tent and they'd shared several drinks over the course of a very long and relaxing evening. It turned out that their childhood's seemed equally devoid of any kind of real love and attention. Alex's parents had come to this country as poor immigrants. They'd spent their lives toiling in the family store, which left very little time for their only child. Books had become a passion for the boy and his level of intelligence was remarkably keen.

Unable to attend West Point, Alex had never the less joined the army right after the war had started. Two more years of hard work had earned him the respect and admiration of every man in his former unit.

When a bullet to the arm had wounded him, he'd been sent to Washington to recover. It was after his recovery that he was assigned to his new unit.

Thinking back on it, Fox remembered something from the night before that struck him as oddly prophetic given Maggie's observations.

It was their third; no maybe fourth drink, when Alex had confessed that he had actively pursued the position as Fox's aide. In fact, he'd used every bit of influence he'd had to make sure he was well in the running for it.

After hearing this Fox had chalked it up to a young man's desire to further his own career ambitions within the military. Being an aide gave them exposure to the higher echelon of officers that the ordinary soldier would never get - but was that all it had been?

He concentrated on the conversation, using his eidetic memory to recall the way Alex had told the story. The soft whisper in his voice as he'd recounted his desire to watch and learn from someone he so deeply respected. Could he have been letting him know that his desire was more than occupational?

"General?"

Fox started at the sound of Alex's voice. "I'm sorry, sir. Didn't mean to startle you, I just thought you might like a drink."

"What? Oh, thank you." He took the glass and swallowed a large amount of the julep. "Are you enjoying yourself, Lieutenant?"

"Yes sir, I am. Although I really don't know anyone here."

"Well, I think we can remedy that. Follow me."

Leading the way across the room, he introduced Alex to Dana and Walter. Alex shook hands with Walter Skinner and congratulated them both. Fox caught himself watching as Alex slid easily into the small talk that passes between people meeting for the first time. He felt an inexplicable sense of pride at the way Alex handled himself, as though he'd played some part in grooming him to be the man he was.

The band started playing again and Fox felt the need for some space between himself and Alex. "I believe they're playing our song, Mrs. Skinner." He extended his arm to Dana. "May I have this dance?"

"Yes you may - and it's about time, I thought I'd never get to dance with you today." She placed her glass on the table and kissed her husband. "Excuse us, gentlemen." They swept into the middle of the dance floor, catching the eye of everyone present.

"You look beautiful, Dana."

"Why thank you, Fox." She batted her eyes in an exaggerated coquettish way.

"Seriously." He gripped her waist a little tighter and tried to convey his sincerity. "It makes me very happy to see you like this. Walter is a wonderful man and I know he'll make a good husband."

She stared back at him, her eyes filling with moisture. "I know, Fox. I can't tell you how much it means to me to have you here today."

He leaned down and kissed her. "I wouldn't have missed this day for the world, Dana."

Alex was helping Fox down the long hallway to their room. "Did you really have a good time tonight, Lieutenant?"

"Yes sir, I did."

"Good, I'm glad," he smiled, barely missing the leg of a small table with his boot, and causing Alex to pull him closer to his body. "Dana really likes you."

Alex tightened his grip on Fox's arm and reached out to open the door to his room. "I like her, too, sir. She seems like a very nice person."

Looking around the room Fox seemed confused. "Is this our room?"

"Yes sir, it is."

He wobbled over to the bed and sat down. "You know, I haven't been in a real bedroom like this in years. This calls for a celebration - is there any brandy nearby, Alex?"

There had been but Alex had taken the liberty of removing the bottle before he'd brought the General up to the room. "No sir, I don't see any. Guess they forgot to put it out."

"No matter, I can always go downstairs and get some." He levered himself to his feet and started to move forward.

"Oh no sir, I wouldn't think of having you go downstairs," he smiled solicitously as he once again placed Fox on the bed. "Let me help you get into bed and then I'll go myself."

Fox shook his head in agreement. Alex removed his boots and brought him a change of clothes.

"You're not really going to get me that brandy are you Alex?"

Caught between his duty and the need to protect the General from himself, Alex was unsure how he should reply. "No, I wasn't," he answered.

Fox eyed him silently as he began to unbutton his jacket. "Good."

"Good? I thought you wanted something to drink."

"Yes I do, but right now your honesty means more to me than the brandy."

Alex considered the weight of the words as he made his way into the small adjoining room to change. He was pleased that Fox seemed to want him to be himself. It was a rare thing to be allowed ones head as a subordinate - to be able to express opinions freely without fear of censure. It gave him a feeling of belonging that he hadn't felt before; at least not since his early days of training.

He glanced over at Fox as he struggled to remove his shirt; not an easy task after all he'd had to drink. The shirt was finally yanked out and tossed aside and Alex was presented with an unfettered view of Fox's chest. Pulling his own shirt off he busied himself with getting ready for bed. His hands shook as he moved the sheets down the small bed. It was getting more and more difficult for him to be around Fox like this.

As it was he'd spent most of the night watching him - not because it was part of his job, but because he was in love with him. In all honesty, he'd been in love with him for well over a year - ever since the General had made an unexpected visit to his tent.

He'd been involved in a game of cards with the General's aide, and he was actually winning for once. The pot had been almost two dollars and the men were locked so tightly in 'battle' that they hadn't noticed the young General watching them as he leaned against the tent flap.

"I call."

"What have you got, Jack?"

"A pair of jacks with ladies high," he smiled, laying them down one at a time.

"Well, you know that would be impressive if it weren't for the fact that I've got their brothers with kings high."

Jack slapped his knee as Alex reached over and collected his winnings. "Christ on a cracker, Krycek!"

"My sentiments exactly."

They both pushed out of their seats, knocking them over in their haste to come to attention. The General was dressed in full uniform with his jacket open; the first two buttons of his shirt were undone as well; a testament to the early heat wave gripping the area.

"I hate to add to the bad evening you're already having, Jack - but I was wondering if you had gotten around to packing my bag for tomorrow."

"Yes, sir. Your bag is ready and I took the liberty of getting your tack together as well."

"Thank you, Jack. Efficient as always."

Jack smiled at the General and fought to keep his fidgeting to a minimum. "You gentlemen carry on," he smiled. "I apologize for the interruption." He turned and started out of the tent.

Both men relaxed their posture. //Apologize for the interruption?// Alex was confused; in his other units the Generals were always doing as they pleased and certainly never apologized for anything they did. He'd heard

that this unit was different; that it was commanded by a younger General who, while educated and more than capable, actually listened to his men and made it a point to earn their allegiance and respect.

"You know, there is one thing, Jack..."

The duo came to attention once again.

"Do you think you might have time to brush this jacket for me?" He removed the jacket he was wearing and handed it to the aide. "I wanted to wear it tomorrow and I seem to have covered it in horse hair."

Jack took the jacket from the General. "Of course, sir. I'll have it done within the hour." He saluted and left the tent.

For several seconds Alex stood at attention wondering why the General continued to stare at him.

"You're the new man, aren't you? Krycek, is it?"

Alex cleared his throat. "Yes, sir. Krycek - Alex; I mean, Alexander Krycek, sir."

"Do you prefer to be called Alex or Alexander?"

//Prefer to be called?// "Alex, sir."

The General moved closer to him, studying his face in a way that made Alex feel disturbingly vulnerable. "How do you like your new unit?"

"I like it, sir. A welcome change from my former unit." //Damn// Why had he said that?

The General's brow furrowed at the statement. "Why is that, Alex?"

He could just make out the hazel glow of the General's eyes; like cat's eyes changing color with every flicker of the lantern. "Begging your pardon, sir. I'm afraid I might have spoken out of turn."

"At ease, Alex," he answered, pulling up the stool left vacant by Jack. He motioned for Alex to sit as well.

"You were in the unit commanded by General Spender, is that right?"

"Yes sir."

"And why do you find my unit more to your liking?"

Alex studied his hands, trying to formulate a response that would be devoid of any overt criticism. "The men seem more ... cohesive here."

Fox studied him from across the table. "In what way?"

"Sir, I don't feel it's my place to criticize my former commander ... "

Waving his hand the General replied, "We're alone here, Alex. Nothing you say to me will leave this tent, and I will not hold your opinions against you ... especially after I've asked you to express them."

Alex cleared his throat. "Well sir; General Spender's record speaks for itself. He's a highly decorated officer with many years in the military. However, I found him to be arrogant and quite frankly, ignorant in the ways of motivating those in his command."

Looking up he checked the General's face for any sign that he'd gone too far in expressing his requested opinion. There was none, and so he continued. "A leader should not have to intimidate those around him in order to make them follow him. A leader should command allegiance with his ability to know those under him, and to appreciate their strengths as well as their weaknesses.

If men follow, it should be because they want to, not because they're forced to. It should be because they have confidence in their leader, and he in them. This is where the General fails and you succeed.

In fact, this conversation is a perfect example of what I'm talking about - General Spender was my commander for almost one year; in that time he never knew my first name, nor cared to ask. His men were nothing more than fodder to be moved from one battlefield to another, and he made this clear to the men under his charge. In short, he is no leader, sir. You are, simply because you make the men here feel as though you're sharing in their sacrifice, and you applaud them for it."

The General remained still. Alex felt again as though he'd gone too far. //Why couldn't he have just given the usual rehearsed answer and let it go at that?// It seemed as though his mouth was always running ten steps ahead of his brain.

"A very astute observation, Alex." The General rose from his seat. Alex followed snapping to attention. "I've enjoyed our conversation immensely and I'm glad that you feel so at home here."

Alex nodded and watched the older man start toward the tent entrance.

"But remind me never to play cards with you."

The memory of that first conversation was still fresh in his mind, and he knew that the meeting had been the beginning of his infatuation.

For days after that he made any excuse he could that would place him near or around the General. Even if he could only see him from a distance, it seemed more than enough.

In July there came word that Jack was leaving the unit; his wife was ill and, truth be told, Jack was well past his prime and not in good health himself. Alex saw in this news an opportunity to be as close to the General as possible, without having to make excuses to do so.

And so, on that hot summer day as he bade farewell to his favorite poker companion, he found himself moving into the small tent adjacent to the General.

"Alex?"

Gripping the sheet in his hand, he prayed for the stamina to make it through the night. "Yes, sir. I'll be right there."

He finished preparing the bed and hurried into the room. The sight that greeted him was enough to make him wish he'd prayed for more than stamina.

"What's wrong, Alex?"

He was lying in bed, the sheets barely covering his bare body. It seemed he'd given up on the nightshirt in favor of nudity.

"I ... sorry, sir. What was it?"

"Alex, how many times have I told you to stop addressing me as sir when we're alone?"

"I'm sorry, sir ... I mean ... Fox."

He sat silently for a few seconds. "Lock the door, Alex."

Swallowing, he moved to the door and did as he was told.

"Come here."

Hesitating briefly he moved toward the bed. Fox moved closer to the middle of the bed and motioned for Alex to sit on the edge.

"I need your advice on a problem I'm wrestling with." The younger man finally looked up, glad that he wasn't immediately required to speak.

"I'm afraid I've been overlooking something that was brought to my attention tonight. Something very important, that I should have seen before this - maybe I did see it and I just ignored it because I was afraid."

Alex was genuinely confused, and his look conveyed this. "What is it?"

Fox moved closer and took Alex's hand in his. "It has to do with a member of my company who seems unwilling to reveal certain truths to me - do you know what I'm talking about, Alex?"

Alex looked down at their joined hands, unable to meet the shining amber eyes of someone he'd only dreamed of touching. "I ... I can't stop thinking about you. I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't be saying this."

"You think?"

Looking up, Alex couldn't keep the tears from his eyes. "This is so difficult for me ... I've never felt this way about anyone."

Fox continued to look at him, not saying a word. Alex continued in a rush of words. "Forgive me. I'll ride back to camp with you tomorrow and see about getting a transfer to another unit as soon as possible. I can probably go back to my old unit, although I'd rather ... "

"I feel it too, Alex."

He stopped in mid breath. "What did you say?"

"I said; I feel it too."

Fox leaned in and captured Alex's lips with his own. The younger man stiffened against him thinking there must be some mistake. Surely a man of the General's stature would never be attracted to someone like him. But, General Fox Mulder was summarily kissing him, and seemed to be enjoying it despite Alex's less than inviting posture.

Their lips parted and Fox leaned his forehead against Alex's. "I have a confession to make as well - I've wanted you since the first time I saw you. Do you remember; that night in your tent?"

Alex smiled, despite the tears rolling down his cheeks. "Yes, I remember."

"I sent Jack out on purpose that night. I wanted to be alone with you," he confessed. "I think that's why I was so hard on you those first few weeks after you were assigned to me. I wanted you, but I was so frustrated by it. I really never thought you'd be receptive to the idea of being with me."

Alex laughed and kissed his cheek. "Receptive? I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to hold you. This is like a dream come true."

"There is one thing, Alex."

The statement on the younger mans face fell slightly. "No, it's nothing like that, really. I know I want to be with you, more than anything. It's just that I'm not the most popular man in the North right now and there are those who would love to see me gone; one way or another."

"Who?"

"Well, your old General for one."

Alex's eyes widened at this. "That was one of the things that attracted me to you right from the start - your ability to call them as you see them. Your former General has had it in for me for most of the war. It seems we differ on the way to obtain our mutual objective. I think the North should win the war by fighting more strategically than the South. General Spender believes we should win by sacrificing overwhelming numbers of our young men to the cause."

"The good of the many outweighing the lives of a few."

"Something like that."

"So what do we do? I mean, I can't stand the thought of someone like him knowing about us ... a thing like this could ruin your career and - "

"Shh, Alex," he whispered, clutching the younger man to his chest. "Now that we've had a chance to speak openly about this, I don't plan on losing you. We'll just have to be discreet, that's all."

He moved Alex's hand to the hardening bulge at his groin. "Touch me Alex."

A tentative hand at his groin moved the sheet away as Fox leaned back against the pillows. Closing his eyes he arched into the feel of Alex's palm as it slid slowly to the moistened tip of his cock.

Removing his hand, Alex stood and removed his nightshirt. Fox opened his eyes and Alex stayed where he was, feeling himself stiffen under the gaze.

He moved across the bed and ran his fingers between Alex's legs. "You are so beautiful. Do you know that, Alex?"

The only answer was a low groan. Fox smiled and lowered his head to lick at the head of Alex's cock. "Mmmm ... you taste like spice."

Alex buried his hands in Fox's hair; the feel of his tongue was almost too much to bear. "Please ... Fox!"

"Please what, Alex? Tell me what you want ... how you want me to touch you and I'll do it."

"There's something I have to tell you."

"What is it, Alex?"

He swallowed, searching for the right words. "This is my ... I've never been with a man before."

"Did you think I didn't know?"

Alex turned his head, feeling somehow inferior because of his inexperience.

"I remember my first time," Fox laughed. "I think I embarrassed myself in the first five minutes. I don't think I've ever been that nervous in my entire life."

"I can't imagine you nervous about anything."

Fox smiled and brought Alex's chin around to look at him. "I haven't always been this suave and sophisticated, you know."

Alex smiled at the joke. "Who was your first ... I mean, if you don't mind my asking."

"No, I don't mind at all," he replied. "Someone I loved very deeply. Someone I never thought I'd be able to live without - until I found you, Alex."

He hugged Alex to his chest. "I know this is new to you and I promise we won't do anything you're not comfortable with. I just want to be with you - whatever that means for both of us."

Alex nodded.

"What else?"

The younger mans eyes darted around the room; it was obvious he was not at all at ease with this new situation.

"Are you sure about this? I mean, you're a General and I'm just..."

Fox cupped the delicate chin before him. "Of course I am. Are you?"

"I can't think of anyone else I'd rather be with," he smiled. "It's just that I'm not sure what we're supposed to be doing and I'm afraid I'll ... disappoint you."

"Never," Fox assured him. He leaned closer rubbing his hands up Alex's side. "I know you're nervous, Alex. But I find it hard to be this close to you and not touch you. Can I touch you, Alex? Can I kiss you again?" Their lips met, and Alex seemed as enthusiastic as Fox.

"I love your lips, Alex. Can I touch you here?" His hands stroked the firm chest, brushing over Alex's nipples. He took the time to run his tongue over them as well, knowing that it would excite Alex even further.

"Are you all right?"

Alex pushed his hand through Fox's hair and guided his mouth back to his left nipple. "Yes, I love the way that feels."

Fox continued to lick and suck his nipples, enjoying the way Alex flinched and moaned with each pass of his tongue.

"I want to touch you again, Alex. Is that all right with you?"

In response Alex took Fox's left wrist and moved it to his cock. With hands intertwined they stroked up and down, licking each other's lips.

As the months played on, this night was to come to him many times. Alex had never thought about his attraction to Fox in the context of right or wrong, good or bad. In fact, when he thought about it he was hard pressed to remember a time when he'd even given the possibility of love and companionship a thorough going over.

An indifferent family had been replaced by the military. In it he'd found the ideal outlet for someone of his nature. A place where he could excel and be rewarded for his time and efforts. It was a lonely existence, to be sure, but one in whose service he'd flourished.

It had been enough - until now.

"I want you to show me how you touch yourself when you're alone, Alex."

"I don't..."

Fox brought Alex's fingers to his lips, licking each one. "I know you do; I've heard you late at night when you think I'm asleep."

Alex closed his eyes, fighting back the embarrassing flush creeping up his neck.

"What do you think about, Alex?"

Fox placed the fingers at the base of his own cock.

"Do you think about us? Like this; touching each other ... do you think about this?"

He opened his eyes and watched as Fox reached out and began to stroke his cock. Their arms brushed against one another as they stroked matching erections. In all his life he didn't think he'd seen anything more erotic.

"Yes," he whispered.

"Tell me, Alex. Tell me what you think about."

"I think about ... you; us. I think about doing this."

Fox concentrated on the head of Alex's shaft, coaxing the fluid from it and using it to coat his palm as he continued to stroke him. Alex let out a soft moan and inched forward, trying desperately to come.

A hand steadied his hip and Alex opened his eyes again, unaware that he had even closed them.

"Not yet, Alex ... please, I want to know." Once again Alex closed his eyes. "With your eyes open, tell me."

Alex opened his eyes. "I think about how it feels to watch you work every day. How you move around the camp ... I watch the way the sunlight hits you ... the way you smile." He laughed softly and placed his forehead on Fox's shoulder. "I don't think I've ever told you just how beautiful your smile is, have I?''

Fox caressed the back of Alex's neck, laying soft kisses on the skin there. "No, I don't think you have."

"Well, it is."

"Is that all you think about at night - my smile?"

Alex leaned back, moving his hand to stroke the face of the man he'd grown to love. "No, that's not all. I think about how much I'd like to be with you and what I'd like to say to you."

"I'm right here."

Feeling tears come to his eyes, he continued. "I know I've never felt this way about another person in my life ... man or woman. I want to be everything to you; I want you to know that I yearn for every scrap of time you give me during our days together. That I want to please you with every fiber of my being ... so much so that I've taken to making up excuses to be near you."

Fox smiled. "So that's why you always seem to be underfoot?"

"I can't help it," Alex sighed. "I find myself looking forward to our time alone - the times when the conversations are between just the two of us. When you turn to me and say something and I have your undivided attention; possibly for the first time that day. Our eyes meet as you speak and then there's that inevitable smile, and I wish that I could freeze those moments in time and keep them for all eternity ... the times when it's just us." Blushing, Alex tentatively moved his head from Fox's shoulder and kissed him. "No war, no pain, no one else ... just you and me."

Their hands once again grew active, both of them putting their all into the kiss.

With a soft moan Alex came first; his entire body shuddered with the subtle force of his release until he thought he would lose the ability to remain standing.

Fox followed him, grinding his pelvis into Alex. Their bodies both slick with semen they continued kissing and holding one another until Fox could no longer hold himself up. Clutching Alex against him, Fox fell back on the bed. Alex laughed and rearranged himself so that he was lying across Fox's chest.

Judging from the way that Fox had reacted; Alex felt that he'd done well.

//Done well? As though it was some contest and he'd won first prize// Well, he had in a way, he guessed. After all, this was someone he'd wanted for a very long time. It did make him wonder, though. How long would it last? What if Fox only wanted him for a short time?

"Stop it."

Alex removed his hand, which had been rubbing a circle in Fox's chest.

"Not that - the worrying."

Pushing himself up, Alex eyed Fox suspiciously. "How did you know what I was thinking?"

"Wouldn't you love to know?" he smiled.

"Yes, I would."

They traded looks, each daring the other to look away first.

Fox pushed himself upright and crawled up to the pillows. He opened his arms to Alex who quickly joined him.

"I know because I feel the same way - I have the same doubts." Alex opened his mouth to speak and was silenced by the finger over his lips. "But I have no doubt about the way I feel for you. I haven't felt like this in a very long time."

They kissed, and Alex found himself under the warming body being stroked and licked.

"Show me, Fox," he sighed. "Show me how to love you."

Mrs. Scully reached up and kissed Fox's cheek. "Lieutenant Krycek looks positively radiant this morning," she chided.

Blushing, Fox watched as Alex accepted a kiss from Dana and a hearty handshake from Walter.

"Yes, well - a break from the war will do wonders, won't it?"

Mrs. Scully laughed and hugged Fox to her. "I'm so glad for you Fox, really. Please don't be a stranger - you're always welcome here."

Releasing her, Fox stood ready to mount. "Thank you - for everything."

She smiled back at him and watched as he mounted.

Alex walked over and kissed her hand. "I thank you for your hospitality, Mrs. Scully. It was an honor to be included."

"Thank you, Lieutenant. Consider our home yours should you ever be in the area again."

Alex nodded appreciatively and mounted his horse.

"Ready, Lieutenant?"

Alex smiled and nodded. "Anytime you are, Sir."

They spurred their mounts forward and started on the long journey back to the regiment.

Exiting the tunnel, Fox turned sharply to his right.

"No, this way!"

"Why should I listen to you?" Fox's wound had opened up again and was seeping blood through the makeshift bandage on his arm.

Alex turned to him, a frenzied look in his eyes. "If you ever loved me ... ever felt anything at all for me; you'll follow me now!"

The thundering of horse's hooves broke through the haze of the night; from the sound of it they were almost right on top of the two men. Alex dove down taking Fox with him.

Pain ripped through him as his arm impacted with the hard earth; the only thing keeping him from screaming was the hand across his mouth.

"Wait here; and keep watch! We don't want any unexpected visitors."

Fox recognized the sound of that voice: General Spender. He began to struggle, desperate to move as far from this place as possible.

The hand clamped tighter. "How long do you think it will take them to find us in the woods; you trailing blood and me hauling you behind me," Alex hissed in his ear.

Their eyes met in a silent understanding of their current situation.

"We wait here; I need to see what he'll do when he finds you gone."

Fox nodded, dreading the possibility of ending up in that hellhole again. Or worse yet, dead.

"He's gone! Search the woods; I want him found!"

Flinching, Fox gripped the body next to his and waited for the inevitable.