If I Fall...

How small is this town? And exactly where am I? "Alex, where are we going?" "To the store. We need groceries." "Do I really need to wear this bracelet-microphone thingy?" He doesn't want me to but nods anyway, his eyes never leaving the road. I let out a deep sigh and turn my gaze toward the window and watch the unfamiliar town go by.

"Mom! Dana hit me!" "Did not!" "Did too!" "Girls, you're acting worse than your brothers." Car rides with the family. Always the worst growing u but somehow the best. "Charlie, pass me my bag please." "Get it yourself, Missy, I'm busy." Little brothers. Can't live with them, don't have anyone to bug but the other two siblings without them.

"Watch where you're going!" Alex shouts at another driver. "Alex that was your fault," I whisper. I don't want to upset him. He could kill me at any moment. He was supposed to kill Dana. Shot me by accident. I should be home with my family. But they think that I'm dead. But I'm not. I think I have a headache.

"Earth to Melissa, you coming or not?" Alex looks at me waiting for an answer. I'd go into the store with him, but what's the use? I don't care what he buys. But I know better than to argue with him. I open the door to the black Ford pickup. I slide out of the seat, my flowered dress trailing behind me. He shuts the door and we go indside. We? Did I seriously say "we"? Maybe that bullet did ore damage than I thought it did. I feel so out of place here. I just want to be back in Annapolis. Back with Mom and dana. And even Joe. Nevermind. Definatly not Joe. Mom would kill me.

"Good afternoon, Miss. And how are you today?" Thr store clerk looks to happy for her own good. I'd sure like to..."Fine and how are you?" Be nice Melissa. "I'm good thank you." How much longer do I have to put on this charade of everything being "fine"? I tell Alex I'll wait for him inthe truck. He hands me the keys and jokingly tells me not to drive off without him. I give him my "sure-fine-whatever" smile. The one I used to give Bill when he asked me not to tell mom he'd done someting that he wasn't supposed to do.

I sit in the truck listening to the radio. I remember this song. How old is this station? "Nothing you can say can..." I lean back and close my eyes. "I wanna be lead singer!" "But Dana, you don't even know all the words!" "So!" She sits down indian style, crosses her arms across her chest, and gives me her best "I'm gonna be stubborn" look. I sigh. "Fine Danakat. You can be the lead singer." A huge smile spreads across my little sister's face. I can't stand being the bad guy. She jumps up and hugs me. "Thanks Missy, you're the best."

Thump! My eyes shoot open to the sound of Alex putting the groceries into the bad of the truck. Alex slides intot he driver's seat and glances at me. "Are you okay, Melissa?" "I'm fine." I lie. "Why do you ask?" "Because you're crying." "I'm what?" I reach up and wipe my eyes. I don't even know when the tears began to fall. "I'm fine." He's still staring at me. "Are we going to go or not?" I ask. He turns the engine on and backs out of the spot. "So do you plan on keeping our identies unknown?" I'm trying to drive the attention as far from my tears as possible. "Well the store clerk is under the impression that we are newlyweds and your ring is inthe shop. She also believes that you are getting over the flu. I had to tell her that because she was wondering why you're so pale." I look at him. "I'm sorry for not getting any sun while being locked in a basement for 13 months." I didn't mean to sound so bitter. But I think I hurt him. But he's hurt me. My family too. But I didn't want to hurt him. But...now I know I have a headache. She invited us to some sort of dance at their country club. Do you want to go?" Quick think of an excuse. Any excuse. My stomach hurts. I have a migrain. "I don't have anything to wear." I must be getting stupid. I swear my brain is leaking out from the scar n my temple. "Well, we can solve that" Great. Now he's taking me shopping. Good job Melissa.

Mom's used that as reverse psychology before. Well, not reverse, but it was good bribery. "Well if you don't want me to go shopping with you I'm sure your father would be more than happy to go." ANd then the Look. No, mom, not the..."Fine, I'll go with you." Smart mouth 17 year old. How did they ever put up with me? Rebelious at 15, dying my auburn hair green. That upset dad. And picking on Dana endlessly for being a tomboy. Gosh I miss them.

"Do you want me to go in with you?" Does he look hopeful? Oh God I think he does. If I fall in love with this man..."If you'd like." I swear mom'll kill me. I walk aimlessly through the rows of dresses. I pick out a long sleeved, lengthy, burgundy dress. "That one looks nice," Alex comments. I look at him and put it back. I have a dress too much like that at home. Not like I'll ever see home again. Nope. I'm stuck in Where-am-I, USA. Where you don't know how you got here and you don't know how you'll leave.

"But dad, I don't want to move!" We moved so much I'd swear we had more frequent flier miles than the pilot. "It's not a matter of wants, Melissa. The Navy doesn't cater to those." Dad's trying to be patient. But I don't care. We'd been in San Diego for a little over three years. Dana was begining her first year at Berkley, and I was in my second. I would have gladly stayed there and lived on my own, but I couldn't support myself and dad knew it. "I hate this!" I yell,"Everytime I begin to think we're actually going to stay in one place, it's time to move again. Do I have "Move Me" written across my forehead?" By now the tears are streaming down my face. "Melissa, please. Will you be reasonable?" I was pushing dad's limits. We argued for three days straight. Dana and Charles took dad's side, Bill took mine. Mom never took sides. Mom was the peacemaker. I cried myself to sleep those three nights, and mom was always there to comfort me.

I look down at the dress that is as dark as my mood. A velvet black. I look into the dressing room mirrorandn confirm that the dress looks great. It's three sizes smaller than I usually wear, but it fits. I change back into my flowered dress and step out of the dressing room. "Well?" Alex asks. I hand him the dress. "I guess I'll get this one." He walks ahead of me to the register. I feel so confused. I know this feeling. This is the same feeling that I had sophmore year in highschool.

"But Missy, you two look great together." Dana didn't get it. The year age difference was closing, but I was still older. "Listen Danakat, looking great together doesn't matter to me." When did I lie so much? "And besides, I don't know if he's right for me. He's so...tame." "Melissa, he dyed his hair purple to match with your green." Why was she always so logical? But in the end, her logic always won. I wound up in a reationship with Joe all through highschool. But people change. Sometimes I regret that. maybe I should have married Joe when I had the chance.

The radio is playing another oldie. It reminds me of San Diego. I can almost smell the California Beach. Please change the station. "I get knocked down.." Chumbawumba. Who thinks of these band's names? "He drinks a whiskey drink..." At least this doesn't remind me of anything.

The groceries have been put away and an early dinner eaten. I can't believe that I'm actually going through with this. How do I get myself into these things? All I was trying to do was have a talk with my little sister who was going through a hard time. And here it got me. Getting ready to go to some Small-Town, USA gathering. And posing as Alex Krycek's wife? But around these people we'd be the Brown's. If mom knew I was doing this, she'd kill me. Not to mention what Dana would do. And her partner at the FBI, Fox Mulder, you could be certain he'd have a gun to Alex's temple. But I wouldn't be able to let that happen. Not now. Maybe 10 months ago while I was still "living" in the basement, but not now. "Mel! Are you ready?" Alex's voice drifts from downstairs. "Yeah." I speak calmly into the stupid microphone that is contained in my bracelet. I gotta find a way to get this thig off my wrist.

Walking down the stairs, I hear Alex let out a low whistle. I blush. I can't help it. he sounded just like Joe on or prom night. Stop that! I've got to stop comparing him to Joe. But I can't help it. Mom is going to kill me, but I think I'm falling in love with Alex Krycek. I shouldn't worry so much about mom. Dana will kill me before mom does.

Alex tells me I look gorgeous. I tell him to stop lying. Then I swallow my pride and tell him that he looks great as well. We leave to go to the Country Club. When we get there, the clerk from the store greets us. She introducesus to a couple who happens to be the most annoting people in the world. I shoot Alex at least 20 desperate looks to save me from this annoying woman. He finally gets the hint and asks me to dance. Just as we walk onto the dance floor, a slow song starts. Just my luck. I look up at Alex, and our eyes lock. It's then that I see him for the first time. I mean really see him. I've always known that the eyes were the window to the soul, and what I see in his eyes is just unbelievable. And I know he's seeing me for the first time as well. That's when I realize, I could lose myself in those green eyes forever.

So what do ya think? Should I continue on? Should I leave it alone? Should I throw it in the fire ad forget it ever happened and stick to just reading the fic?