Love Is Blind

Sitting and reading was all Fox had done since he found his lover laying on his bed with so much painkillers and alcohol in him, that it would have been enough to kill an elephant.

Luckily Fox, came home early and found Alex only minutes after he had passed out. He was able to bring him to a hospital, where they pumped out his stomach, but his lover remained in a coma.

Fox sat by his side, reading his lovers letter over and over again, hoping his Alex would wake up so they could talk and smooth things over.

Dear Fox

I'm sorry I did this, but the pain is just to much for me to deal with any longer. I'm also sorry to bother you with finding me, but I really have nobody else left who would care to find me. I'm so alone, Fox, so utterly alone.

It is hard for me to explain what you did to me all those years and so I'll let somebody else explain. I know what you think now. 'Poor, weak Alex choosing the easy way again.' It was never easy with you, Fox. I love you and you make it so damn hard for me.

Here is a song for you Fox, that shows you how I felt. The song is called "Love Is Blind" and it's from Uriah Heep. Maybe you should listen to it at some point.

I tried to give you love
That was ever flowing
I tried to give a love
That could be so true

"I love you Fox." Alex said softly pressing tight against his lover.

"I know Alex." Was the cold reply, no little kiss, not even a few sweet words.

Fox turned around in bed and went to sleep, but Alex lay awake, trying to think about something that would show Fox just how much he loved him.

Silent tears flowed from his eyes, as he realized that he had done all that there is to show his lover his love, but that Fox didn't really want his love,anymore. He just wanted a warm ass for his cock.

But you wanted less
Than I had to offer
What was I to do
I tried to bare a soul
That would swear devotion
I tried to promise dreams
I would make come true

"I don't know what to do anymore Scully. I love him and he just wants to fuck. I show him that I would do everything for him and he just looks at me and forces a 'Thank you'. I get him the stars from the sky and he just goes on with what he's doing," Alex said sadly to his best friend.

"I don't know what to say Alex, I would say leave him, but I know how much you love him so I would not suggest that" Scully said, holding her own lover, Walter, close to her and cursing her partner to hell for what he put Alex through.

"I can't leave him. I just can't, Scully," Alex said and went to find his so called boyfriend.

But you said that love was
A game for children
Here I stand, a fool

The four friends stood together in Skinners office after a meeting.

"Hey guys do you want to come with us to a club tonight?" Scully asked, smiling.

"Sure where do we go?" Fox asked, almost glowing at the prospect of partying.

"Well I'm not sure, I think we'll just see where we end up." Scully said.

"Oh, ok." Fox said, just as Walter and Scully kissed each other.

"Wow, for what was that?" Walter asked breathless, but smiling.

"Just 'cuz I love you." Scully grinned.

Fox rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath too low for Walter or Scully to hear, but Alex had heard it just fine.

'Love is just a game for children' the words broke his heart. But sadly he was used to it.

He wondered why he just couldn't leave his lover, from who he knew that he slept around.

The answer came just moments after the question, he loved his Fox and could do nothing to change that. He could never admit all the things Fox did wrong, he just saw his beloved.

Alex knew that he should stop being with Fox, but at the same time he knew he never could.

"Let's go then." Scully said cheerfully, breaking Alex out of his thoughts. Alex just followed numb as they went to their homes, getting ready to go out.

Love is blind
Blinded by love
You're all I can see in my eyes
My mind says, stop
But my heart says, go
And oh, how it hurts to find
It's true when they say that
Love is blind
Love is blind
I told myself if there
Was a chance to show you
Just how good a love affair could be

"Welcome home baby," Alex said tenderly and took Fox's jacket off his shoulders. "Hey," came as only response, no kiss, no nothing.

Alex tried not to notice as he guided Fox to a table. Alex had set the table up beautifully for two with flowers and candles.

"I made us some dinner, lover." Alex said seductively.

"Thank you Alex." Alex would have rather heard nothing than those forced words, but he smiled nonetheless, trying so hard to make his lover see his love.

They ate in silence after that, but Alex saw the rolled eyes and heard the quiet moans from Fox, who just wanted to fuck and not waste time on a pointless dinner.

But love was something that
You had never given
I just couldn't see
I closed my eyes to all that
You never gave me

"That was incredible, baby." Alex panted in the afterglow of their passion, trying to catch is breath.

"Hmmm hmmm," Fox murmured, starting to get up as Alex wanted to cuddle up to him.

"Where are you going?" Alex asked, seeing his lover put on his clothes.

"I'm going out!" No word as to where or with who. Fox left the apartment.

Never seeing how Alex curled up into a ball and began to cry.

"He forgot my birthday." Alex whispered. "And that after all the things I got for his birthdays."

Waiting for my heart didn't wanna see
How you played around
And how well you showed me
How wounded love can be

Alex wanting to surprise his lover with a shared dinner, went to Fox's basement office.

As he opened the office door he stopped dead in his track.

What he saw made him run to the next restroom and throw up his lunch.

His lover was fucking some guy from the Violent Crimes Department.

"Why can't I stop loving him?" Alex asked himself as he sat down on the cold tiled ground.

"Why does he hurt me so bad?" Again Alex received no answer from the chilly room.

Love is blind
Blinded by love
You're all I can see in my eyes
My mind says, stop
But my heart says, go
Oh, how it hurts to find
It's true when they say that
Love is blind
Love is blind
So blind

So Fox, now you might know how I felt all those years.

I want to end my letter with another line from a song, I don't know who sang it but again those words seemed to demonstrate my feelings just fine.

And in the arms that couldn't hold me
Gave my love to one who told me
I don't care.

I cared Fox, I always cared.

Goodbye

Forever in Love

Alexei Krycek

"Wake up Lexi, please!" Fox begged.

Nothing, Alex didn't move.

"My god what have I done? Please Alex wake up, let's talk. I'll change I promise, but please Alex don't leave me!" Fox sobbed.

It was the first time in what seemed like forever since Fox cried, he liked to be seen as the strong, tough guy, but he was everything but. He was a weak, drunken bastard, who could not show his true feelings and pushed his beloved Alex into attempting suicide.

"Lexi please give me another chance, please just wake up and tell me what I need to do." Fox cried.

"Give me time Fox." Fox was shocked, to say at least, to hear Alex's deep but soft voice again.

"Alex you are awake?" Fox asked stunned, "How long?"

"The whole time." Alex said softly.

"Alex please I love you, please give me another chance," Fox begged again, tears in his eyes.

"I'll give you a chance, but I need time Fox. What you did to me was just too painful." Alex sighed.

"I'll give you all the time in the world, just please don't ever leave me again. I can wait to have you as my lover again, but I could never lose you as my friend ever again."

Fox cried and hugged his lover carefully, not sure how Alex would react. He didn't need to worry as Alex hugged him back.

"Thank you for saving me." "No need Alex, it was my fault after all," Fox whispered. Afterwards silence filled the room, until the doctors rushed in to do some more tests on Alex.

Over the next year Alex was amazed by the change in his lover. He stopped drinking and sleeping around and didn't party as often as before and when he did Alex was always with him.

They both mended their relationship as friends, but Alex was still reluctant to become lovers again.

Then finally on his birthday he agreed to go out on a date with Fox again and he was swept from his feet by how much Fox had changed.

He was now the sweet, caring gentleman that Alex always wanted. It wasn't long after that, that the two had their new first night together and it was all Alex ever dreamed of.

A love that was true and one, he felt it with his whole being, that would be ever flowing.