A Moment Of Wakefulness

POTOMAC, MD
MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

The knocking was insistent. Sharon was out of town, another conference for Georgetown, where she taught art, sculpting and painting. It was a "Bridging the gap of arts and education" or something like that. Walter had stopped paying attention when she stopped asking about his cases. She knew better. The one time he did talk about a case, the details were so graphic, Sharon was ill for three days. They never spoke about his work again.

Donning his robe, Walter made his way downstairs to the insistent knocking on the door. When he opened it, the young face of Alex Krycek was not who he expected. "Agent Krycek, do you know what time it is?"

"I have...I need to talk to you," Alex said, looking directly into Walter's eyes. "Can I...please?"

"Make it fast, agent." Walter stepped back and allowed Alex in. He walked into the living room, not even noticing the darkness of the room and went right to the couch to sit. Walter found it odd that Alex knew where his couch was. "Agent Krycek, how did you find out where I live?"

"Girl in records likes me. She let me peek at your file. I'm sorry, sir."

Walter just nodded as he locked the door and turned on a lamp across the room. "Did you report in?" Walter asked, quietly.

"Yeah, I just came from there. I went there right after I was released from the shooting. Drove back alone."

"Krycek, that was five hours ago. You drove straight back? You must be exhausted."

"Not as tired as the man I killed today. He hadn't slept in twenty-four years. I just...I mean, Mulder said I did the right thing, but did I? Did I have the right to play God, and reverse what Grissom and Gerardi did to those men? That may have been their real path, and I ruined what Cole could have meant to science..."

"Whoa, Krycek, back up," Walter said, sitting beside him. "What you did was follow your instincts and protect your partner. Mulder backed you up 100%. The shooting was clean. You have nothing to worry about."

"Yeah, my jacket is clean. My conscience is another story." Walter could just see Alex shaking where he sat. He couldn't help it, but putting his hand on Alex's shoulder seemed the best thing to do. Alex turned to Walter and looked up, tears streaming down his face. "I didn't know what to do."

"Coming here was smart. Instead of going out and doing something foolish, like getting drunk and driving home."

"No, I don't think I need any alcohol before driving...but...I could use one for my nerves, I think." Alex extended a hand and it shook visibly. Walter nodded. The kid was scared, truly upset by his action, righteous or not.

"You stay here. I'll get us a couple of scotches and we can relax. You can talk to me."

The kitchen was clean and well organized. Sharon didn't use it much anymore, and Walter was more of a "blue plate" man, when he needed meals. The scotch was in the cabinet above the refrigerator, where the Canadian Mist and the Bailey's were kept. Two tumblers with ice and he brought the bottle, since it would most likely be a long night.

Walter handed Alex the glass, and got the two most beautiful eyes looking up at him. They clinked glasses and Walter took a stiff drink. He laughed a bit when Alex choked on the scotch, and patted the young man on the back.

"Take it easy, there, Agent Krycek," Walter said. "This is sipping whiskey."

Shaking his head, Alex put the glass down and coughed a little more. Walter saw a bit of himself in the handsome boy. Young, green, eager and scared as hell. He knew that fear in Vietnam, when he was an even younger man. He remembered crying silently into his balled up field jacket, so no one would hear. Sergeant Bates heard him, though. The sarge was his saving grace. The man who held him while he cried, who made him feel whole again after killing a young boy, the man who showed him that there was a way to comfort each other in the middle of hell.

"Krycek, look..."

"My name is Alex, OK? We're not in the office, or the field, so you can call me Alex, right?" he asked, licking his lips nervously.

"Yes, Alex. That's fine. I guess then, you can call me Walter. But, in the office, it's back to business. Even you being here is highly inappropriate."

"I know, sir...um...Walter. I'm sorry. I've never killed anyone. Not ever. I...have you? Killed anyone?"

The look in Alex's eyes was fear, was longing for comfort and truth. "Yes, Alex, I have. I did a tour in Vietnam, albeit a short tour. Four months, before I was shot, myself. My first confirmed kill was a ten-yea-old boy, who was covered in grenades and I took him out from ten yards. I saved my entire platoon, and I was commended for it. For killing a child. That was the day I credit to be the beginning of the hardening of Walter Skinner."

The admission wasn't easy. It was something Walter hadn't told anyone, but telling Alex was something that brought them closer. It helped bridge a gap between him and his subordinate.

"How did you overcome the hard parts?" Alex asked.

"Well, if you ask my wife, I haven't."

Walter looked away. That was something he didn't want to say. It just came out. The scotch was doing the opposite of what he wanted, loosening his own tongue and quieting his agent.

"I'm sorry. Did I wake her?" Alex asked, truly concerned.

"No, she's away this weekend. At a conference for Georgetown. She teaches art there. I'm alone."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Alex raised the bottle to his glass and refilled it partially. He held it up for Walter, who nodded and had another couple fingers of scotch over ice. Walter held his up.

"To our lives behind the gun," Walter said. Alex clinked his glass on Walter's. They took a deep sip and Alex polished his off. "You don't want to do that, son. That's going to go right to your head. Did you drive here?"

Alex looked around the room, and noticed the decor immediately. "You wife do this place?" Alex asked.

"I made some of the furniture. It's how I supplemented my income while I was an agent and Sharon was going to school. You work with wood?"

"My grandfather did."

"Why thank you." Walter was grimacing as he finished his scotch and screwed the top back on the bottle. "I think it's time to hit the hay. You're not driving anywhere, so let me introduce you to my spare bedroom."

Walter couldn't read the look that Alex gave him. It was a surreal night. Walter never opened to anyone the way he did to his agent. Not even to Mulder. True, Mulder wasn't the most open to listening to anyone else, but still, he knew Mulder a bit better than Alex. Yet, he knew what Alex was. And Alex was a pawn in the Consortium's twisted game.

Standing, Walter held his hand out to Alex, who allowed himself to be helped up. "I didn't mean you were old, Walter," Alex said, getting his balance.

"Sorry?" Walter asked, leading the way to the stairs.

"When I said my grandfather worked with wood. I didn't mean you were old. I loved him. He was the only man who knew how to make something from nothing. A stick became a toy. A log became a chair. Three trees became a beautiful bed. He was a renowned man. And he worked very hard to send my family to the states." Alex looked up at Walter standing at the top of the stairs, waiting for him. "Sorry, I'm babbling. Happens when I drink." Alex looked at Walter again, cocking his head to the side. "Sir, you look younger without your glasses."

Walter hadn't really thought about not putting them on. He was used to his home, so the blurriness of the rooms was ignored.

"Thank you, Alex. Now, come up here so I can show you where you'll be sleeping." Walter was slowly losing his patience. But the young man was smiling, a little wobbly, and he looked absolutely adorable. Thinking about how he's watched Alex in the gym at the Hoover building, watching the young man lift weights, run on the tread mill and then dressing after his shower. The young man was well-built, solid, not narrow and wiry. He was also unashamed of his own nudity, proving so when he stood to comb his hair and put that horrible gel in it before putting any clothing on. Just thinking of it at the moment, Walter was concerned that his pajama pants and robe would not be enough to hide his appreciation. As it was, the silk of the robe was rubbing his hardened nipples, which in turn did something to his loins.

Alex began ascending the stairs so Walter went to the spare room to turn the light on, turn down the covers and make sure the connected bathroom had towels for the morning. Finally, Alex wobbled in the room and looked around. "This is nice. Thanks, boss."

All Walter could do was shake his head. The boy was tipsy, but shouldn't be pissing drunk. Unless... "Alex, when was the last time you ate anything."

"I think...breakfast? I don't remember. Mulder and I were all over the place, today."

"Well, we'll have a big breakfast in the morning before I send you home." Walter nodded and moved to go to his room.

"Hey, wait," Alex said. He was pulling his jacket off. "I...thanks, Walter. I don't know what to think, still. Does that happen a lot?"

"Does what happen a lot?" Walter asked, stopping at the door. Alex continued to undress, dropping his clothes on the wing-back chair beside the bed.

"Shooting people. Killing suspects. I mean, how many suspects have you killed?" Alex swayed a little as he pulled his suit pants off and dropped them on the floor. He allowed gravity to take him down to the bed. Walter stood there, watching Alex reach for his socks to pull off. The young man wore white boxer briefs and a white cotton tank top.

"This isn't something we should talk about now, Alex. It's late. I know you're scared and confused. Maybe when you see the bureau psychiatrist..."

"What? Wait, why do I have to see a shrink?"

"It's bureau policy. They won't let you back on active duty without being cleared. It's a formality. I'm confident that you'll be fine."

Alex just nodded. Walter stood by the door, watching Alex look around the room. "You have a really nice house."

"Thank you." Walter walked further into the room and looked at the nervous young man. He hadn't realized his robe had slipped open at his chest, and followed Alex's eyes.

"You have a nice chest, sir," Alex said, eyes going hooded and sexy.

"I think...this is..." But Walter didn't have a chance to finish his statement as Alex rose from the bed and reached out to touch his chest.

"Lots of hair. I don't have much myself." Alex pulled his shirt off and dropped it on the bed. The surreal nature of the situation was not lost on Walter, but the scotch still smoky on his tongue and swirling in his head softened his resolve, gave him almost permission to enjoy the hand on him.

"Sir...uh...Walter, I know the bureau has a, um, a don't ask don't tell policy, but I have to tell you, I'm very gay...and very into you." The color bloomed in Alex's cheeks, only proving to make him look even younger. Both of Alex's hands were on him, slowly stroking his chest. Oh God, how long had it been since Sharon touched him. Alex stepped closer, which was when Walter put his hand up and stopped him.

"What are you doing, Alex? This is insane."

"What's so insane about it? People in the bureau have affairs all the time," he answered, pushing Walter's hands from his shoulders and pressing his mouth to Walter's chest.

"Wait, this isn't just an affair. If the members found out...they'd own us..."

"They already own us!" Alex shouted. "Don't you get it! They don't need to find out, and if they do, who cares! They own our lives, holding them out before us like carrots to a donkey. Walter, all we have is every moment we're not with them. Don't you get that?"

A shake of the head and Walter stepped back. "What makes you so sure we couldn't just walk away?"

"Are you serious? There have been men there trying to escape for fifty years. And you think you can just walk away after ten? Or me, after two? No, Walter, we are in this for the rest of our lives. However long they may be. Which is also in their hands."

Walter appraised him carefully. "How do you know this? And...it seems your inebriation has subsided. Are you here because of them? Are you here to get me in a compromising position?"

Heat filled Walter's head and chest. This little bastard was trying to put him in a position where he would never be free. This was directly because he told the smoking man to get the hell out of his office. This was because he was trying to break away, for the good of his marriage, and the good of his self respect.

The smile was disarming. But the laugh was more of an insult and with all his teeth showing, Walter only wanted to knock them out of Alex's mouth.

"Don't laugh at me. You think this is funny?"

"Walter, you think I want to make love to you to have dirt on you for the Consortium? You know what will happen if they find out, don't you?" The look on Alex's face went from mirth to deadly fear in a matter of moments. "You, they'll just pull your noose tighter. Me, they'll pull the box out from under my feet. And I'll be an MIA, or simply KIA. And this night will be the most exciting part of my life. Ever."

"I find that hard to believe, Alex. A broken down, bald, nearsighted old man is not the most exciting thing that will ever happen to you."

"So far, you are."

The sheer need and desire in Alex's eyes were more than Walter could take. His hands started on Alex's shoulders, to push him away and send him to bed, but he wanted to touch that young, pretty face, if just once before letting him go. Touching just wasn't enough, and Walter leaned in to taste the plump pink lips. Alex slipped his own arms around Walter's waist, pulling up tight. Walter felt the bulge growing in Alex's briefs, and ground against him.

"Have you been with a man?" Alex asked, as Walter's mouth moved to his throat.

"A long time ago, but it's like riding a bike, isn't it?" The small ear next to his mouth was begging to be bitten, and obliging, Walter sunk his teeth into the lobe, causing Alex to squirm in his arms, against his chest.

"As long as you're the one riding me," Alex said. Their mouths met again, a strong, rough kiss, tongues playing and tasting each other, testing the waters to see who would dominate the kiss.

"Oh, yes, I think I can manage...wait," Walter said, pulling back.

"What?" Alex asked, anxiously. Was Walter's fear going to end their encounter?

"We need lube," he said. "I accepted spit once, but that was the jungle. Let me go get something. Don't go anywhere."

As he walked out of the room, Walter realized how stupid the statement was. Where the hell was Alex going to go? Walter went to the bathroom, and found nothing he could use. There was hand lotion, but Alex certainly didn't want an ass full of Jergens. His bedside table was empty of anything useful. But that novel he'd thought he lost was towards the back, behind too many tissues and his back up glasses. Thinking with the head that was pressing against his pajama pants, Walter went to Sharon's side of the bed.

He'd never looked in the drawer of her bedside table, but just maybe she had something useful. Walter was not prepared to find a huge dildo in there, with a remote control for the internal vibrator. And the dildo was far bigger than he was. And black. Walter's mind swirled, wondering whether his wife was having an affair with one of her African American students. Next to the appliance was a bottle of Sex Grease, an ultra slick anal lubricant. Walter didn't want to know why his wife was using an anal lube with her dildo, or why she had a dildo, and it was bigger than he was.

Walter brought the lube to the bedroom to find Alex on the bed, nude and stroking himself gently. His body was art, a smooth chest with just a sprinkle of hair in the middle, around his nipples and down near his navel. The need to taste that flesh, to graze his teeth over pectoral muscles, to nibble at Alex's nipples and lave them to soothe the angry redness Walter's teeth left in their wake.

Oh, how sweet and delicious his young body was. Walter wished he could take bites, and satisfied his hunger by sucking on the flesh, leaving angry red marks behind, on his ribs, which proved ticklish, and his taut belly. Those angry marks couldn't just be left, and Walter found it was soothing to kiss those marks, which brought a sound from Alex that was almost a purr. Who knew that the boy with oily skin and stiff hair would have such a deep, resonant voice when he was turned on?

It truly was like riding a bike, and when Walter saw that beautiful cock rising, anticipating pleasure, he couldn't wait to reach for it, and felt his movements restricted. He realized he hadn't removed his robe or pajamas yet. Standing, Walter reached for the belt tie and released the knot, spreading the front of the robe wide open. Walter watched Alex's eyes go wide, noting the pink tongue that licked his lips. He reached for his pants and slipped them down over his narrow hips, stepping out of them.

"Very nice, Assistant Director Skinner. Who knew you were hiding this gorgeous body under those boring suits?"

Walter crawled across the bed and lay beside Alex, pulling his body over onto his chest.

"You just want to get your hands on me to take advantage of me, don't you?" Walter joked, surprising the hell out of himself. He never joked with Sharon in bed. Mostly, it was kissing, playing with her nipples, touching her thighs and then either getting on her, or her getting on him. The passion had gone long ago.

"I want you to get on me, and in me and I want to make sure you enjoy me so much, you'll want to do it again."

Ah, that thought was a tickle to Walter. A boy lover. A regular lover. That was something he could get used to. And getting used to it would lead to sloppiness, and that would mean someone would find out.

"Lets just have tonight for now. We can worry about a next time later." Before Alex could answer him, Walter took his mouth in a soul-touching kiss, sliding his tongue between Alex's lips, tasting every part of his mouth, trying to taste his very being. Alex responded in kind, questing as deeply as Walter, allowing Walter to slide his hands up and down Alex's sides. Alex's hands started at his chest, but one slid up, to Walter's face, then up and over his head, smoothing over the soft skin there.

"I've always wanted to do that to a bald man," he admitted, as Walter's mouth worked his jaw and chin.

"Answer any questions?" he asked, before going back to suck at Alex's collarbone.

"Yeah, soft as your cock," and Alex stroked Walter's member, pulling gently. Alex moved over Walter, hands traveling over Walter's body, leading as his mouth traced over Walter's collarbones, teased his nipples and the best part to him, Alex rubbed his face in the scruff of Walter's chest hair.

"Mmmm, I love a man with hair on his chest," Alex said, as he was moving towards Walter's belly, tasting his navel.

"Yeah, it just comes naturally to me." Walter meant it as a joke, but Alex just looked up at him, then smiled. Without breaking eye contact, Alex slipped down onto the hard cock in front of him, letting it slide all the way down his throat. Walter near came off the bed. He looked down and saw the face of an angel performing the most evil acts on his most sensitive spot. It was heaven shaped from the pit of hell.

Walter let Alex play a little longer before pulling away. "Come up here, Alex. I don't want that."

"No? I don't know any man, gay or straight who refuses a blowjob."

"No one's refusing, I just want to save what little control I have with you for something much better," Walter purred before kissing Alex deeply again.

Alex relaxed back, spreading his legs so that Walter could reach down to stroke him. Cupping his balls, Walter pressed his face into Alex's neck, inhaling his musky scent. Alex writhed against him, fitting more contact of skin on skin. He reached over Walter and grabbed the bottle of lube, thrusting into one of Walter's hands.

"You need to grease up, sir," Alex moaned in his ear. "I think it's time to move this...investigation along."

"I think you may be right, agent," Walter quipped, nipping at Alex's earlobe.

Alex took the hint and turned onto his stomach. Walter shoved a pillow under his hips, raising the young, plump ass. It was the most beautiful ass he'd ever seen. So round and ripe, like cherries. Walter couldn't resist grabbing that juicy ass and squeezing both cheeks. The giggle from Alex, with the furtive glance over his shoulder, all hooded eyes and pouty lips only made Walter want to take a bite. White teeth sinking into white tender flesh, and Alex shouted, half in pain, half in pleasure.

"You're a kinky old man, aren't you?" Alex said, then thinking better of his comment.

"Old man? I'll show you old," he said, and poured lube onto his fingers. Walter pressed a kiss to the same cheek he bit and slid his long middle finger into Alex. The groan came up from Alex's belly, coming out through gritted teeth. "Did I hurt you?" Walter asked quickly.

"No, it doesn't hurt. God, your fingers are big. Your cock is going to kill me."

Walter stopped, finger in to the knuckles. "Do you want me to stop?" He was serious, regardless of the painful erection throbbing between his thighs.

"Don't even think of it. I want you inside me, the sooner the better." Alex turned his face away slowly, sexy eyes hooded seductively.

It was all the encouragement Walter needed to add another finger to the tight, hot ass presented to him. It had been a while since Walter had helped prepare someone for a hard fucking, but one thing Walter didn't forget, and that was where to find a man's sweet spot. It took a few blind stabs, but once Walter found it, Alex was writhing on the end of his hand.

"You want more of that? More of me inside you, Alex?"

"Yes, please, sir, I want you now!"

Alex pressed his face into the pillow and raised his ass, pressing back onto Walter's hand. Needing no further invitation, Walter slathered more lube onto his erection and knelt between Alex's legs. With two handfuls of ass, he spread Alex open and found the entrance to paradise. He pressed the head of his cock just at Alex's hole, watching as gentle pressure led him inside slowly. Balls-deep, Walter stopped a moment to relish the feeling of lying on Alex's body, groin pressed against the smooth skin of Alex's ass.

"You are so fucking tight," Walter moaned.

"I usually top," Alex said, turning to press his cheek to Walter's over his shoulder. "For you, I'll do anything."

The kiss Walter pressed on Alex's mouth sealed the promise of passion and secrecy, wanting each other, yet keeping it as private as possible. Walter started slowly but soon the rhythm was everything. Watching as his hips pressed into Alex's ass, the jiggle of the young, supple flesh, it drove Walter on, bringing himself closer and closer. The soft grunt of Alex below him almost took him over the edge, until he thought that it would be so much better to prove to the young man who was truly in charge. Shifting his position, Walter changed his angle and slammed right into Alex's prostate, sending a jolt of electricity up his spine.

The sudden rigid shock of Alex being pleasured caused him to tighten every muscle in his body, clamping down almost painfully on Walter. The smile was hard to hide, and Walter used his bared teeth to sink into Alex's shoulder, clamping almost to the point of pain before sucking the skin into his mouth, hoping the mark would be dark and last. Over and over, he pressed at Alex's sweet spot until he felt the younger man get tighter and tighter and then, pleasure took over, causing the sexiest sounds to come from Alex's pouty mouth. Walter could feel the orgasm coursing through Alex, the waves of pleasure flowing through his body and limbs. It was enough to take Walter with him, into oblivion. The throb of his cock emptying into Alex was satisfying, a high he hadn't felt in years.

When Walter finally collapsed beside Alex, having pulled all the way out, he could feel every muscle in his body turning to water. Alex turned towards him and looked at Walter, looked at his face. The gentle smile on Walter's face told a story all it's own.

"Did you like that, Walter?" he asked, reaching out to touch his chest. Walter's big hand covered his, stilling it.

"More than you can imagine, Alex. Thank you." Walter took the hand he held and brought it to his lips.

"Thank *you*, Walter. That was something I will never forget."

They shared another kiss before Alex stood and went into the bathroom to get a washcloth and hand towel. He wiped off Walter before cleaning off himself. The soiled pillow was removed when Alex returned from the bathroom, and it looked like Walter had gotten the pillows from his bed.

"Aren't you going to need those?" Alex asked, getting onto the bed.

"Well, yes, that's why I got them."

"You're sleeping here?" Alex asked, scared to look hopeful.

"Yeah, I want to. I want to sleep with you, but...I can't take you to my wife's bed."

Alex nodded. He knew he was going be crushed at that moment, this was a terrible mistake, they should never speak of it again, much less ever do it again. Alex expected it. He should. Walter was a married man.

"I know. I...I should go, really." Alex moved to rise, ready to grab his clothes, when Walter grabbed his wrist and pulled him back down. He covered Alex's mouth with his own and kissed him silent.

"You are staying here tonight. I can't sleep in my wife's bed because if I make love to you there, it's...not right. I don't even make love to her there. And I haven't...for some time."

Alex got it. He wouldn't betray her by having the only sex he's having in her bed with someone else, and she would smell them there. And that was worse than just ignoring her sexually.

"Does she know you...like men?" Alex asked, unsure if he should have asked that question.

"No, and I prefer it that way. If she finds her pleasure elsewhere, that's fine. But I won't rub my affair in her face."

Alex didn't quite understand it, but he didn't care. It was comfort. He was terrified of his situation, in the FBI, in the Consortium, and in the world. He'd just killed a man for the first time, and everyone wanted him to act like it wasn't a big deal. At least, one person would help him, tell him the truth, and guide him through this hell he'd entered into.

"Walter, thank you. For...everything."

"You're welcome. Let's sleep."

Alex turned out the light and settled beside Walter, smiling as the large, warm body pressed against his back and slung an arm over his waist. He nestled back, ass in Walter's groin, and sighed. He would finally get some sleep.