Saturday Night Fiasco

Alex ran down the alley, garbage scented rainwater drenching his jeans and his jacket as he splashed through the unavoidable puddles. His pursuers were not far behind. He turned a corner and tried the nearest door. Locked! The second door he tried was open and he dashed inside.

A flight of stairs in his path surprised him and he tumbled down the steps. As Alex landed hard on his left shoulder, he heard a snap and felt the straps holding his prosthesis come loose. He didn't have time to deal with it, so he shed his soaking jacket and pulled the arm free so that he could carry it.

The throbbing music told him he'd come in through the back door of some kind of night club. He found the men's room and slipped inside. Luckily it was empty and he hid in one of the stalls. He had to get out of here unnoticed and there was no way he could do that smelling like a sewer, so he stripped off his wet clothes and waited.

It didn't take long. A lone man entered the men's room and walked over to the urinals. Alex exploded from the stall, clubbed the man over the head with his left arm and dragged the unconscious body back into the stall in a matter of seconds.

It would have to be 70's night. The man was dressed in a bright white polyester leisure suit. Not exactly low-key, but Alex didn't have a lot of options. He put on the clothes, tucked his prosthesis under his right arm and left the men's room.

Alex was almost all the way across the dance floor when a hand landed on his shoulder and he heard a familiar female voice.

"Hey, what took you so long."

Alex turned around to see Dana Scully, dressed in gold lame', smiling up at him.

"Krycek!" she snarled as soon as she recognized him. "What have you done with Mulder?"

"Mulder?" Alex asked confused.

Scully was distracted by something behind him and Alex turned to see what it was. A man dressed in nothing but his briefs was making his way across the dance floor. It was the man from the bathroom. It was Mulder.

"Oh, f..."

"Krycek!" Mulder growled, then punched him squarely in the jaw. Alex landed on his ass with Mulder and Scully standing over him.

"Mulder," Scully warned before he could commit any more violence. "Krycek, you're under arrest."

"I don't think so," Alex replied.

"What do you mean, you don't think so," Scully asked.

Alex reached into Mulder's jacket pocket and pulled out a handful of condoms, a pair of FBI issue handcuffs and Scully's panties. "Care to explain this to Assistant Director Skinner?"

Scully blushed and Mulder rubbed at his chafed wrists.

"Ok, Krycek, what do you want?" Mulder asked.

"Well for starters, I'd like to dance," Alex said getting up off the floor.

"Forget it!" Mulder spat. "If you think I'm going to dance with you, you're..."

"Not you Mulder," Alex interrupted. "Her." He pointed at Scully. Then before either of them could object further, Alex grabbed Scully's hand and pulled her onto the dance floor.

Alex did a passable John Travolta impersonation despite the fact that he was carrying his own left arm.

Alex paused for a moment and caught Scully's attention. He patted Mulder's jacket pocket and waggled his eyebrows at her suggestively.

"Forget it Krycek," Scully answered. "Blackmail will only get you so far..."

"I'll let _you_ wear the handcuffs," Alex offered.

"Ok," Scully said.

Alex smiled and continued dancing. Once again he'd managed to turn a life threatening situation into a carnal encounter with his favorite FBI agents. A new song started playing, and Alex began to sing the oddly appropriate words out loud.

"I've got all my life to live and I've got all my love to give. I will survive. I will survive. Hey. Hey!"