Trust No One?

Cordelia Chase was smiling, as they moved under the stars from the garage toward the house that they'd purchased to expand their living space. Dinner had been wonderful. It was nice to have Alex all to herself for a change; she hadn't realized how much she missed that and she wasn't yet ready to give it up. Consequently, she resisted when he started for the side door. "Walk with me."

It was a beautiful warm evening, and a stroll on the beach seemed like an inspired idea. Fortunately, he allowed her to take his arm and direct him. As they neared the water, the silence began to eat at Cordelia. A nervous glance later, she found herself blurting. "Is something wrong?" One terse negative shake of the head added to her unease. He'd spoken less than ten syllables since they'd left the restaurant, which was completely in contrast to his behavior while there. "You're so quiet."

Without warning, his right arm came around her, and he pulled her close. While she enjoyed his proximity, she didn't feel the same about the tension in his muscles. "Strong and silent really isn't my type. Talk now."

His whispered, "About what?" was almost lost to the pounding surf.

"You."

"Boring topic, Delia."

"Not to me. What's with tense guy?"

Leaning back, he looked her in the eye and frowned. "Something isn't right. I feel like ... I don't know. Like someone's watching me."

"Well, our waiter did have his eyes pretty well glued."

Meeting the challenge of her grin with a smirk, Krycek offered additional information he believed that only he was privy to. "He doesn't get off until eleven."

He chuckled at her dropped jaw, but his good humor didn't last. After three looks back over his shoulder and no further effort on his part at conversation, Cordelia reversed course and moved back toward the house. When the idea entered her head, she knew she couldn't relax until she asked. "Are you mad at me?"

"Hmmm?" Alex looked at her for a minute or so without really focusing. When he did, he quickly added. "No. No, Delia, I told you. I've got this strange feeling."

Sliding closer, she murmured huskily. "Anything I can help you ... address?"

He rolled his eyes, as he caught her hands in his. "Your selfless offer is commendable, but ...."

Long since used to the feel of coated plastic in her right hand, she interrupted him with an open mouthed kiss, lingering playfully on his bottom lip. "Don't start with that word. Not tonight."

"All right, if you don't start anything you don't intend to finish."

"Deal." After a brief kiss to seal their bargain, they continued on.

When they reached the house, Janice wasn't at the door to give them the glowing report. Shrugging at her questioning glance, Alex fished his keys out of his pocket and opened it to the primal cries of an eight month-old who only knew a few near words reverberating throughout the lower floor.

"What the fuck?"

"Alex! Language."

Rolling his eyes at her admonishing tone and following in her wake, Krycek muttered. "It's not like she could hear anything over that."

"Janice? What ....?"

"Cordy, thank God!"

Sacha was red in the face and unabashedly wailing. From the look of the kitchen, her sitter had tried everything. Bottle. Toys. Pacifier. Cracker. Cookie. Holding and bouncing her always worked, so Janice was holding and bouncing with a determination that smacked of desperation. To no avail.

"She's been like this ever since I tried to put her to bed. Is she teething?"

In blatant disregard for her strategically tight deep blue dress, Cordelia took the child from the sitter. "No. She's been a little fussy lately, but nothing like this. Tantrum number 1 by my count."

"Maybe she's sick."

Alex sincerely doubted that a sick child could make that much noise for that long, but he wisely kept his own counsel in that regard and listened to those who fancied themselves far wiser in these matters. The howling continued.

Cordelia checked Sacha's temperature with the inside of her wrist. "She doesn't feel hot or anything."

"I'm sorry you guys, but I've got to go." Her shy glance at Alex was followed nearly immediately by a blush and a muttered. "Date."

Tabling for a future "discussion" the additional evidence of the crush Janice had on her lover, Cordy ordered. "Pay the woman."

Only partially as a result of Cordy's imperiousness, Alex and Janice moved out of the kitchen with some enthusiasm. After the door shut behind them and the noise diminished, he drew out his wallet and insisted she take double her hourly rate. It seemed like she'd more than earned it.

Cautiously, Krycek returned to the source of the noise, focusing on mother rather than daughter. She, who had vowed never to yell at her perfect child, was trying to keep it, but he could see chinks forming in the armor.

"Why don't you want to go to sleep, honey? Did Dennis say something mean? You're so evicted, if you terrorized Sacha, Dennis." The poltergeist that Cordelia had insisted on relocating with them wisely remained silent. "Did Uncle Giles not quite close the transfer portal, and demon baby bullies are coming through? Are you allergic to your blanket? Has your favorite teddy bear gone missing? What?"

All through the inquisition, the child remained steadfast in her vocals. Volume rose and fell, but dissatisfaction was a constant.

Alex winced. Sacha had never carried on like this before, and he knew they were both at a loss. Even the intriguing concept of heroically vanquishing demon baby bullies wasn't truly diverting. "The neighbors are gonna think we're torturing her."

"Get real; no one can hear her over the surf."

"Except us."

Rounding on the person at least halfway responsible for the stubborn little girl, Cordy smiled sweetly and growled. "I'll entertain constructive suggestions."

He could actually see her ire manifesting and he certainly heard Sacha's, so he quickly crossing the room to them and placed what he hoped would be viewed as a supportive hand on Cordelia's shoulder. "Take it easy, Delia. You're trying too hard. She's just mad about something."

Angry brown eyes bore into him. "I'm waiting."

Cordelia's voice had taken on a dangerous tone, making Alex wary. "For what?"

"Something useful. Pedantic is so not helping."

Moving behind her and rubbing her shoulder gently, Krycek admitted. "I don't think I can. Help you, that is. The strange workings of the female mind happen earlier in development than I thought."

"What's not to understand; she's asserting herself."

"Asserting herself? She can't even walk yet."

"And how would you assert yourself, if you couldn't walk or talk, tough guy?"

His annoyed frown conceded the point to her. And the noise was starting to get to him. "Will she just get tired or something?"

His defeatist attitude made Cordelia smile, despite the somewhat harrowing circumstances. "Or something, I think. And if we can't find the off switch, we'll have to take steps to ensure you procreate no further."

"Me? I'm not the one who can go on a rant about an irrelevancy for hours at a time."

"Your face gets red when you're angry."

A ridiculous assertion, if he ever heard one. "No, it doesn't."

Faced with Sacha's, and to a lesser extent Alex's, behavior, Cordy allowed herself to briefly emulate it. "Does."

Indignant, Alex plotted his next move. He decided on trailing his fingers lightly across her shoulder and down her arm. Leaning closer, he positioned his mouth at her ear and murmured. "Yours gets red when you're excited."

"Alex ...."

"You had a very pleasant flush going in the restaurant. Don't you remember, Delia?"

The young woman breathed his name much more gently, as she rubbed her cheek against his. Sacha paused for a few deep breaths before resuming her performance with a bout of baleful sobbing.

He caught Cordy's earlobe between his teeth briefly before continuing. "A corner table at LA's latest 'be seen' spot isn't the place for the sorts of demands you were making. What a slut you must think I am." Krycek was always amazed at how his voice affected her. Not so much that it did, but how quickly. He considered it quite an achievement that it was effective at all with the lung capacity demonstration currently underway in her arms. "Tell me, Delia. What kind of slut do you think I am?"

Nibbling along the base of her throat earned him a whimper. "My ... mine. Alex?"

Something in her tone demanded his attention. "Hmmm?"

Hefting Sacha a bit higher in her arms and pulling slightly away from him, she bit her lip and asked. "Am ... am I doing something wrong? She just won't stop."

"Babies cry, Delia. Come back here."

Wanting to believe him, Cordelia shifted closer. Alex rested his prosthetic hand on her hip and included Sacha within his supportive and now decidedly non-erotic embrace. Cordelia became suddenly aware that her little family was only missing "Uncle Angel," and that the proximity of the man and the child made her warm inside in a very different way than Alex just had. Contentment. Stability. Happiness. Unwilling to describe her mini-revelation in words, since there was quite enough vocalization going on at the moment, she tilted her head and kissed him. There was little passion in it, but other emotions swept them away just as effectively. When they finally parted, both were significantly shaken.

She thought she could see into Alex's soul; he was so open to her at that moment. Awestruck eyes. Puzzled frown. Blazing smile. And, finally, a non-incendiary whisper. "She's stopped."

Sacha had a firm grip on his shirt between the second and third buttons, her tiny hand balled into a tight fist. She was huffing, puffing and sniffling, but extremely focused. Father and daughter regarded each other closely. To Cordelia's surprise, he began to shift nervously when Sacha sought purchase on him with her other hand.

Grateful and curious, Cordelia transferred the small burbling burden and stood back to observe further. Alex had never been awkward holding his daughter, not even the first time in the hospital when he'd lifted her like she was fine porcelain. He was now, and the young woman knew it had nothing to do with a fear of dropping her. She'd seen uncertainty like this before. When she'd told him she was pregnant and when he'd suggested the name. Both times, his past had come back to haunt him. Concern for Alex and their daughter prompted her memory.

He'd been editing a chapter of his second novel by hand at the kitchen table, when she'd returned from the doctor. He hadn't known where she was going, and she was sure he'd assumed she went shopping or to the gym. Cordelia herself hadn't quite absorbed the shock, but she'd been excited and looking forward to a future she could then describe with much more particularity than she could've when she'd first come to LA. Characteristically direct, she'd taken the pen out of his hand and sat on his lap.

"Delia, I'm right in the middle of ...."

"Chapter 10. I know. You told me you were going to work on it this morning."

An irritated snort hadn't been what she'd expected. "I realized what the problem was in 7, so I had to go back and rethink it. When I did, that fucked up chapter two, so I'm just about back to square one."

She'd smiled, kissed him lightly and whispered. "I've got some good news."

"Don't tell me now; I'm really in the mood to wallow."

The disgust in his tone had convinced her that he wasn't kidding. So she'd taken steps. Shifting in his lap, she'd placed gentle teasing kisses along his throat from the back of his ear to his shoulder.

"Don't do that." She'd ignored him. "C'mon, Delia, that tickles. Stop it."

Relenting, she'd lifted her head and stared into his eyes, challenging him to ignore the intensity in hers. He'd had a 'deer in headlights' look about him, as she slowly unbuttoned his shirt.

"Uh ... Delia ... I ... I've got that dinner thing. Remember?"

"That's not for hours, Alex."

"But, I ...."

"Sssshhh."

By then her hands had been inside his shirt, touching, stroking, caressing. He'd relaxed, despite himself, as she continued working over his chest. "That feels really good, Delia."

"Close your eyes."

He'd complied. "This isn't getting the damn book written."

She'd laughed. "I'm trying to inspire you, but you keep interrupting."

"Deadline's approaching, and ... and ... yeah. Oh yeah."

"Like that?"

He'd opened his eyes and pulled her close. "I most definitely like that, but ...."

She'd swallowed his qualifier with a searing kiss. By the time she'd let him catch his breath, he'd been shifting in his chair in pleasant discomfort. "Alex?"

"What?"

She'd tried but failed to keep the tease out of her tone. "Are you too warm?"

"Feeling pretty sure of yourself, aren't you, little girl?"

"Now that I have your attention. I do, don't I?"

Cordelia smiled at the memory of punctuating her question with a wiggle of her ass. He'd groaned his affirmative reply. She'd waited for his eyes to focus on her again to be sure. "I'm pregnant."

Instantly alert and tense, he'd breathed. "That can't be."

"Doctor verified. It's the real deal, morning sickness, food cravings and hormonal surges. I'm about to lose the body I've worked so hard to build to make room for mini-Alex or mini-Cordy."

His eyes had been haunted, when he nearly shouted. "You can't!"

"Don't worry. I'm not going to demand marriage, and my father certainly won't arrive at our doorstep with shotgun locked and loaded."

"I don't give a fuck about marriage; I just ... fuck ... I don't want ... how the fuck can you be pregnant?"

"Same way as everybody else. Sperm met egg. Struck up a conversation. Barged his way in. You know how men are."

Alex had just stared at her for several minutes, his face a mirror to his inner turmoil. When he'd spoken, it was in the flat monotone that frightened her. "You aren't on the pill or anything. How could I have been so stupid?"

Climbing off of his lap, she'd reverted to reliance on a shield of sarcasm. "Maybe there's something in our brand of bottled water, because I'm having trouble following. You never said you didn't want kids."

"I don't want to choose!"

She remembered that moment very distinctly. Those words had sounded like they were ripped from his throat. Watching him practically leap to his feet and begin to pace, she'd softly prodded. "Choose?"

"Choose. Jesus Christ, Cordelia. What were you thinking?"

She'd had no idea what he'd been talking about. "Alex? I ..."

"I've got to get out of here."

"But, Alex. You can't just ...."

"Bye, Delia."

She'd whispered, "Walk out," to a slamming door that only added to the finality she'd been sure she heard in his voice. Then she'd cried. Gotten angry and yelled at the walls and Dennis. Sobbed piteously. Yelled again, stronger this time. And then cried herself to sleep. When she'd woken at around 1:30 am, Alex was standing beside the bed in the diffuse light of a half moon, looking down at her.

Cordelia had turned on the light on her nightstand and regarded her lover. His suit was new, signaling that he'd opted to purchase something rather than come home and change. Tie undone and jacket unbuttoned, he'd continued to stare at her. To break the silence, she'd demanded. "Are you staying?"

He'd flinched at the bitterness in her tone. "If you'll have me."

Giving in to what she wanted rather than her anger, she whispered. "Come to bed, Alex."

He'd approached fast. She'd felt a surge of fear and had been shamed by it when he pulled her into his arms and held on for dear life, rocking them both slowly. "I'm sorry, Delia. I'm so sorry."

She hadn't been able to believe what a difference a few hours had made. "Explain." He'd just held and rocked, whispering more non-specific apologies in her ear. A stern speaking of his name got his attention. "I'm tired of crying over a mystery. What choice are you so afraid of?"

Anguish and fear intermingled as he'd sought to explain. "The one they all had to make. The men cooperating with the aliens. They chose someone to sacrifice to the cause. Most selected one of their children. I couldn't do that. I swore I wouldn't."

"What for?" At his blank look, she'd clarified. "What did the aliens do with them? Design a better green goo?"

Leaning back so he could look her in the eye, he'd slowly continued. "Experiments. To figure out how to get maximum performance out of their slave race. Sometimes, we gave them people who were causing trouble to ... to eliminate them without leaving a body behind. I delivered a few of those myself."

"But, Alex, that's the past." Taking his hand, she'd gently placed it on her abdomen and held it there. "My loss of muscle tone is the future."

"Yeah, I ... I know. When you told me, the memories just came flooding back, and I forgot that I wouldn't have to choose between the two of you. That I could have a family. Jesus. Me with a family." The look of wonder on his face at that moment had warmed Cordelia's heart to the extent that she would've said "Yes" to a proposal of marriage, regardless of her predilection to buck that particular convention. Then he'd spoken again and the moment passed. "I didn't mean to scare you or upset or hurt you. I really didn't."

Suddenly anxious, Cordelia had caught his face between her hands and whispered. "Are you ok with this? Truly ok?"

He'd smiled slightly before replying. "Yeah, I think so. But ... we'll need a bigger place."

When Cordelia returned to the here and now, she consciously decided not to relive the moment when Alex had tentatively expressed his wish to remember the woman who had been his primary contact by naming their daughter after her. At the time, he'd been having a recurring dream about her, complete with vividly detailed imaginings of how she'd died. The dreams had focused him on the past far too much. Half the time, he'd seemed to be living in it. Was it happening again?

Dragging her attention back to the matter at hand, Cordelia saw that Sacha was squirming and giggling and Alex was watching her with his heart on his sleeve and sadness in his eyes. Best to tread a little bit lightly. "You're not afraid of our little girl, are you?"

His head snapped up, and in that moment, he completely looked the part. "Deathly."

Unaware of the consternation she was causing, Sacha snuggled against Alex's chest, smiling and, more importantly, yawning.

"What's to be afraid of? You can still take her, if she decides to play rough."

"She ... she just ...."

He was struggling to deal with something serious. His agitation gave way to blind devotion when the bundle in Winnie the Pooh pajamas wiggled a bit more, tugging on his shirt and softly cooing. A brief return to anxiety was sidetracked by Sacha's smile up from her recumbent position and gentle murmurings. "Da da da da." Alex gazed at the baby helplessly; there was no doubt who was in control of this encounter. None at all.

"Wanted her daddy to hold her?"

"Why would she want me? You're her mother."

This wasn't fishing for a compliment. His question had been genuine. Putting her arms around his waist, she leaned against his shoulder and sighed. "Why not? I do."

"Yeah, but you're blinded by lust."

"Swayed by it, maybe. Not blinded."

A small crash in the dining room communicated Dennis' take on the subject. Cordy was annoyed at the poltergeist on her own behalf, yet pleased that Alex relaxed and chuckled at her threat of repercussions if anything of value, sentimental or otherwise, had been broken. Unfortunately, she couldn't let him evade this topic; it impacted Sacha too much.

Taking a deep breath, she ventured. "Perfectly normal. Daddy's little girl."

"This isn't normal!"

Sacha seemed to disagree, her eyes drifting closed as she emitted a small sigh and a few more "das".

"Alex? Spill."

"She couldn't. I mean, she shouldn't. She doesn't know that ... what I ...."

The will to try and express himself seemed to flow out of him, when their daughter relaxed completely and drifted off to sleep. Lifting her slightly, he kissed her forehead and muttered something softly to her in Russian. Cordelia had, over the almost three years they'd been together, picked up a little of each of the six languages he spoke, but she didn't recognize those words.

"My secret decoder ring clashes with this outfit. Translate."

He shook his head and refused to meet her eyes. Fortunately, Cordelia knew how to deal with reticence of this type. Gently caressing his cheek, she added. "Please, Alex."

"I just gave her some advice. That's all."

His defensiveness had a harsh edge. "I'd like to hear it."

"Trust no one."

"Lots of words for just that."

"Russian is an imprecise language."

The strain of crying child and evasive lover needed to be voiced. "There'll be no imprecision when my foot kicks your ass, Alex. What did you say to her?"

"Delia, I ...." Sacha shifted in her sleep, and her fist finally relaxed to release Alex's shirt. "Will she start up again, if I put her in her crib?"

"Don't take that risk yet." Seeing his small smile, Cordelia proceeded to dash his hopes. "Oh, and ... answer my question."

Moving toward their black leather couch, Alex sighed dramatically. Actually sitting like a civilized being instead of launching himself onto the furniture as was his usual wont, he proved to Cordelia that he was taking the responsibility of keeping Sacha quiet seriously. Alex was regarding her warily, when Cordy snuggled close and smiled expectantly.

"I told her that she shouldn't trust blindly like that."

"Not even you?"

"Especially not me."

Cordelia shifted slightly away from him, laughing in disbelief.

"What's so funny?"

"I wish you could've seen yourself. One little "da da" from Princess, and you turn into this big squishy mushball. It's really cute."

"What did you call me?"

"A big ... squishy ... mushball."

Alex made a rude noise and froze, as Sacha murmured nonsense and forced her eyes open. The combination was so comical that Cordelia couldn't keep from giggling. When he glared at her, she grinned. "You trying for the world record?" At his quizzical irritated look, she instructed. "Don't hold your breath, Alex."

He hadn't realized he was doing it, but was distracted before he could register any true embarrassment by the determined movements of the child he was holding. A few seconds of observation gave him enough information to guess at what she wanted. Sacha beamed to reward him when he shifted her so that her head was almost even in height with his. Encouraged, he pleaded. "Don't cry any more."

The child burbled happily at her father's effort at a preemptive strike, wiggling into a somewhat precarious position. Turning toward Cordelia, he wondered. "What's she trying to say do you think? Owww!"

Chuckling again, Cordelia maneuvered the baby to firmer ground. "Let go of daddy's ear, Sacha. You aren't going to fall."

Settling onto Alex's chest, the baby shut her eyes once more and Cordelia smirked. "BSM. No doubt." Kissing him on the nose, she picked up the rest of her earlier train of thought. "So why aren't you trustworthy?"

After one more glance at the bundle resting against him, he replied. "I've spent half my life telling lies. Most people would consider that a huge black mark."

"How many have you told me?"

He was fighting a smile when he muttered. "Not that many."

"You've lied to me?"

Risking movement, Alex leaned in to kiss her. Since there was a good chance Sacha would wake again, he made the most of the opportunity. Slow, sensual and thorough. When he pulled back and looked into Cordy's flushed face, he whispered. "Not about anything important. Nothing like before. Then I knew the truth about so many things. I had information that men killed for and lusted after. I told someone once that there was no truth. That he was searching in vain. I didn't realize at the time that that's what I was doing. With respect to myself, anyway."

"You lost me."

"What? I mention the word lust, and your brain does a core meltdown?"

"After being kissed senseless, I'm susceptible. Rephrase?"

His eyes unfocused for a moment or two as he looked inward. Frowning, he tried again. "There was no 'truth' about me. I was a chameleon. If the situation changed, I altered the persona to fit. And after a while I started to shift just to do it. To keep my edge. That's what I told myself."

"There wasn't a 'just plain you' character?"

"Too risky. You never knew when you were being watched or by whom. Once I adopted a persona, I had to stay in it."

Cordelia's gut wrenched, as she began to envision some highly undesirable paths that this conversation could take. She couldn't wait; she had to know. "And now?"

"Now, I guess I'm a part-time hopeless helper who's got a house on the ocean, a beautiful lover and a stubborn child. Or is that a beautiful child and ... never mind. Oh, and I write books on my days off." Seeing her look down at her hands, he ventured. "But that wasn't what you were asking, was it?"

Increasingly afraid, she persisted. "Is it really you?"

Calmly meeting her eyes, he replied. "I don't know."

"Are you planning to change it? Your persona, I mean."

"No."

"But?"

"That's a switch. You using the 'b' word."

"Alex!"

Meeting her eyes, he tried to let her see what he was feeling. Not to project it, as he'd done so often before, but to show it. "I'm not, and that scares me. For two reasons. One is that I don't know if what I feel is real anymore. I'm so used to gauging my reactions that even I can't tell if I am or not. I thought that would fade over time. Hell, I thought it had. And then I got that weird watched feeling today, and this doubt got dredged up along with everything else."

Cordelia considered his dilemma for a moment, having a passing familiarity with persona adoption, and decided that her observations might be useful to him. "What I see when you look at Sacha is completely and utterly real. So is what's in your eyes when they fix on me, particularly when you don't think I'm noticing."

His voice was low and tentative. "What do you see? Tell me what my reality is, Delia."

The enormity of what he'd asked threatened to overwhelm her. So Cordelia felt that a slight deflection wasn't a cop out. "What do you see when I look at you?"

"Exasperation and lust in about equal parts."

Pleased that he could joke about their discussion, however uncertainly, she smiled and suggested. "That's a pretty good definition of love."

"Is ... that what you see when I ...?"

"Say it, Alex."

"Cordelia, I ...."

He'd stalled and it didn't seem like he was having any luck jump starting. "Just the word itself. Say it."

Staring at her, he seemed to be trying to understand something important and mysterious. Taking a deep breath, he murmured. "Love."

"Now that wasn't so hard, was it?"

He met her eyes so tentatively that she was moved to hug him hard. He muttered, "No," into the top of her head. "That's just not an emotion I had much experience with before you two. Delia?" When she met his eyes, he whispered. "I love you. I do. Sacha too."

Her eyes brimming with tears that embarrassed her, she ducked her head and murmured. "We need you, Alex. Remember that when you go walking in the dark with Angel. And delving into your past."

"I will." Smiling slightly, he cradled his sleeping daughter closer to his chest. "Do you think we can put her to bed now?"

Standing and extending her hand, she replied. "Let's give it a try."

They installed Sacha in her crib without untoward incident, an act that for some reason jogged Cordelia's memory. "What's the second reason you're scared to continuously reprise your role as 'My Alex'?"

For a moment, he looked as though he'd avoid replying. Cordelia had opened her mouth to lecture on the importance of open communication, when they reached the couch once again. However, he made it unnecessary. "If I can't shift personas, I'm stuck. When the situation changes, I can't deal with it like I used to. My coping mechanisms are gone. And I feel ... don't take this the wrong way, Delia ... but I feel trapped."

Fighting panic, she retorted with a biting edge. "How is you feeling trapped in our life supposed to give me warm fuzzies?"

"I was just trying to describe ...."

"An excuse you can use to walk out on us at any time?"

He reacted as though she'd slapped him. "I don't need an excuse, Delia." She tried to sit up, but his arm came around her like a band of iron, holding her in place. "My life is different now. That's all. Different."

"Loitering in a 'trap' would be a departure for you."

The bitterness in her voice cut him deeply. "Cordelia, don't make this any harder. The 'trapped' feeling is something I just have to get used to. A ... you know ... an adjustment. Probably less of one than Sacha's arrival was."

She didn't understand. As much as she tried, she didn't. "Why is the trap springing now? It's been almost three years, Alex."

"Remember what I said about feeling like I was being watched?" She nodded and took his hand. "Whenever I felt like that .... before, it was time to move on. Occasionally, past time. This is the first warning sign I've gotten, since I met you." When she didn't speak, he ventured. "That's a personal best for me, Delia. Three years."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"It was, but I guess it didn't."

Frustrated, she leaned in intently. "Alex, I don't want to trap you."

Voice rising in exasperation, he growled. "You aren't! You didn't do anything. It's me. My instincts are telling me something. I've learned to listen over the years. But, this time, I intend to ride it out and see what happens if I don't run. Ok?"

"Are you sure?"

"I'm tired of running, Delia. I don't have the energy or the will for it. Or the desire. I ... I have a family now. My place is here."

Cordelia had just begun to grin, when the lights in the living room went out. Alex's voice was low and dangerous. "Don't fuck with me, Dennis."

The lights came back up slowly and grudgingly, and Cordelia found herself giggling in relief. He's staying! And he doesn't seem to resent it too much. Allowing him to settle her against his chest, she recalled the final issue to be addressed. "So what did you lie to me about?"

Laughing, he observed. "You're relentless."

Cordelia nodded firmly. "Might as well tell me and save us both the trouble of a fight you'd lose."

"Well, ok, um ... at the restaurant tonight."

He stopped, looking hopefully for a reprieve. He didn't get it. "Yes."

"I was looking at that woman's legs."

"I knew it! You're such a pig!"

"Her dress was really short, and, be fair, Delia, you were in tease mode in the car."

"Your attention span is your problem, not mine."

He smiled with a glint in his eye and murmured. "Come here."

God, that voice can make me do anything. Well, almost anything. "No."

He had to have heard the, "But I want to," in her refusal, because she surely did. Before she could use checking on Sacha as an excuse to create some distance, he whispered as he stroked her stomach lightly. "Let me make it up to you, Delia. I want to worship your body, starting with those long gorgeous legs. Far far superior to those pale imitations I was forced to peruse at dinner."

If anyone else said that, she'd have laughed in his face. But Alex was watching her, touching her and talking directly to her body in that deep resonant tone.

"Eventually, maybe you'll wrap them around me and give me some relief from wanting you. If I asked nicely or begged, you would, wouldn't you?"

Shifting in his arms, she murmured. "Service me and maybe you'll get lucky."

Neither could resist the urge to laugh. Giving into the temptation, they held each other and enjoyed the moment. Something that having a young child made more infrequent. The kisses that followed were intense. Desire flared and was stoked lovingly. Cordelia was pleading with him to touch her breasts when the doorbell rang. They froze.

"Ignore it."

Alex's order sent a shiver of anticipation through Cordelia's body, but the incident of earlier in the evening was still too fresh in her mind. "Whoever it is will wake up Sacha. No one wants that tonight. I'll be right back. Hold that thought."

He chuckled as she climbed off of him. "What thought's that?"

Buttoning her shirt, she hissed. "That it was past time to ... comply."

Still smiling at his laughter, Cordelia peeked through the peephole. A man and a woman. Both in suits. Official looking. What kind of trouble is Angel in, and why does he have to drag us into it tonight? Sighing, she opened it. "Yes."

Suit woman glanced at suit man as if to say, "It's your show." Suit man looked Cordelia over and raised an amused eyebrow, making the young woman sure her appearance screamed, "Been making out."

"Is Alex home?"

The conversational tone of the question surprised but didn't disarm her. "Who are you?"

"Special Agents Mulder and Scully with the FBI."

Cordelia didn't like the tone or the demeanor of the man in the Armani. A bit pricey for a government guy, Mr. Mulder. Alex's warning to Sacha came to mind, prompting her to ask. "Is this an official visit?" A nod. "What do you want?"

"To ask him a few questions. We won't take up much of his time."

Too reasonable and too smooth, Cordelia decided she didn't like him. "FBI agents come in twos?"

The petite red-haired woman stepped forward. "Is Krycek here and, if so, may we speak with him? And, if not, why not?"

No-nonsense through pouty lips didn't work for Cordy. "He's here." Without more, the young woman executed a half turn toward the living room and gestured for them to follow. Cordelia couldn't help wishing for a telepathic link to Dennis; she could fathom no other way to warn Alex without leaving their visitors alone. Something would have to be worked out for the future.

Mulder was right on her heels when Cordelia entered the living room. In stark contrast to her best case scenario, Alex had remained lounging on the couch with his eyes closed. Movement in her peripheral vision attracted her attention, so Alex's voice startled her.

"You don't need that, Mulder."

Cordy stared at her lover. His eyes remained closed, posture completely relaxed. Agent Mulder, on the other hand, was the epitome of tense alertness, firearm at the ready.

"Mulder, this isn't the way to settle anything."

"I'm not settling, Scully. I'm establishing the hierarchy."

Alex presented his view on the matter, while casually shifting to get more comfortable. "Everyone knows you're low man, Fox. Just accept it, once and for all, and put the damn gun away."

"Get up!"

"Shouted orders are bad for that sort of thing. Ruin the mood." Cordy smiled incredulously at the highly strange counterpoint that this conversation was to what she and Alex had been doing. She was also relieved that she'd managed to put some distance between herself and the man waving the gun around.

"God damn it, Krycek. Get off your ass, so I can check you for weapons."

A slow smile spread across Alex's face and his correction was murmured in the voice that shut down Cordelia's higher thought processes. "I'm on my back, Mulder."

Mr. FBI had some serious issues to work through. He'd taken a step back, and his mouth had dropped open in surprise. A blush of anger preceded a growl and rapid charge. He hauled Alex up by his expensive dress shirt and leaned in close to drive home his point. "Submission becomes you, Krycek. How many ...?"

Fast enough to impress Angel, Alex grabbed Mulder's tie to facilitate a head butt, while driving his knee into the agent's gun hand. Before the weapon hit the floor, Alex had lashed out at Mulder's face. The agent was slowly sinking to his knees with a look of surprise on his face.

"That's enough, Krycek."

Smiling engagingly at the female agent whose gun was aimed at his chest, Alex nodded as he stood, smoothly kicking Mulder's gun under the couch. "No, Scully, it isn't. But it's something for all those times I had to act like I couldn't kick his ass." Alex moved between Scully and Delia and faced the small agent with a grin. "Don't you want to frisk me, Dana?"

"Move away from her."

"No. Don't you need to frisk me, Dana?"

Panting heavily, Mulder forced himself to his feet and muttered. "I'll do it."

"Your fingers go anywhere they shouldn't; I break your arm."

Cordelia Chase watched the FBI agent approach and shook herself out of her uncharacteristic passivity. She hadn't expected "a few questions" to be a guns drawn event or Alex to slip so immediately and effortlessly into a cocky sarcastic persona. "Don't touch." Well, that got everyone's attention. "She can. Not you."

Mulder hadn't expected a challenge from her. That much was obvious, but he managed to compose himself and overly politely inquire. "And why not?"

"I don't trust you."

Alex was laughing again, a challenging alpha-male laugh that seemed to get under the skin of both Mulder and Scully. Then he was grinning at her, and she was inordinately grateful when she saw genuine amusement in his eyes. "That was perfect, Delia." Turning a smirk on Scully, he needled. "C'mon, Dana, there's frisking to be done. Get those cute little hands on me."

Scully's expression got even sterner, her lips pressed still flatter together. Cordelia hadn't thought that possible, but here was incontrovertible physical evidence of it. Dana handed her gun to Mulder and set about her task.

When she reached one of his thighs, Alex murmured. "Don't tease me like that. God, you Catholic girls are all alike."

Cordy saw the woman freeze and flinch before continuing more quickly and less thoroughly. Not sure she liked the "Krycek" persona, Cordelia demanded. "Enough with the groping. Ask your questions and get the hell out."

Mulder began his interrogation without preamble. "How did you do it, Alex? A full pardon for ... now what was it ... thirteen counts of murder in the first degree."

Mulder was observing Cordelia closely. Armani man was obviously surprised by her failure to react appreciably to his intentionally inflammatory pronouncement.

"I traded in my palm pilot for it."

A longer than polite perusal of Cordelia led into question number two. "How expensive is she? Must cost a fortune to touch anyone talented enough to be worth it with one hand plastic and the other covered in blood."

A glass paperweight launched from the mantle toward Mulder's head. The agent dodged, and it shattered against the far wall. The Special Agent looked at Krycek warily, wondering how he'd managed that from his position well distant. Alex shrugged. "Localized earthquake or someone with a pretty good arm thinks that that's an inappropriate topic for this conversation."

Discretion won out. "Where's the Smoking Man?"

"Dead."

"You?"

"Nah. He'd outlived his usefulness. We all do eventually."

The Smoking Man? Please. "You people only know one chain-smoker? You don't get out much, do you?"

Mulder was warming up to a sparring match. "We were out tonight, and what did we see? Ratboy and working girl laughing over smoked salmon and steamed mussels. It was enough to put me off food."

Dana Scully considered what she'd seen and thought as Mulder and Krycek did verbal battle with the young woman, Delia, Krycek had called her, weighing in from time to time. She'd watched two people having a good time. Her observations had been well underway by the time Mulder returned from the men's room and announced that he'd found Alex Krycek. They'd been talking and laughing, totally focused on each other. Indulging in a discreet kiss or two. A few moderately indiscreet caresses, but nothing too outrageous. The restaurant owner had stopped by their table and greeted them like preferred patrons. It was a normal scene. A couple out on the town on Saturday night. She'd been jealous, sitting as she was with a table of FBI agents from the Los Angeles field office.

Mulder's near shout recalled Scully's attention to the matter at hand. "What do you mean it's over?"

Krycek was sporting an impudent grin and alert darting eyes. "Over. Done. Complete. Disaster averted. Invasion stopped."

"How?"

"A weapon designed by the alien rebels."

"So they could have us for themselves. Frying pan to fire, and I mean that so very literally. What's next, Krycek? Do we line up for conflagration?"

A flicker of emotion flashed across Alex's face, before he softly replied. "It destroyed them as well. And the viruses in the bees, the people they'd already infected and every black oil deposit. All of their DNA is gone."

"Who fired it?"

"Does it matter?"

When Mulder was considering that question, a plaintive cry rang out. Alex and Cordy looked to each other and sighed. Sacha was awake. And on the way to unhappy from the sound of things. A second mournful wail broke the silence of four adults listening for it.

Cordelia settled a hand on Alex's back and suggested. "Maybe you better ...?"

Krycek stiffened, his eyes darting from Mulder to Scully to Cordelia. "I ...."

She had no patience for a persona conflict. "Break out the earplugs then." In his ear, she added. "And prepare to sleep alone for the foreseeable future."

After a few moments, Alex chose his path. "Ok, I'll be back in a few."

"I don't think so, Krycek. Where you go, I go."

The gun in Mulder's hand decided Alex. "Don't make me take that one from you too, because this time, I will hurt you." The sounds emanating from above were now unmistakably those of a baby crying. "Shit! Here we go again."

Alex moved and Mulder followed. Scully cut him off. "I'll watch him, Mulder."

Cordelia added her voice to the female agent's actions. "No guns in the baby's room. House rule."

Mulder's dumbfounded reaction to the word "baby," even in the face of the audio evidence, kept him immobile while Scully followed Krycek. She caught up as he was bending over the crib and whispering. "I'm here, Sacha. Don't cry now. It's way past your bedtime, sweetheart. Time to sleep. You can carry on again tomorrow. After tonight, Delia will spend every moment with you. Think of how you can torture her. A little crying. Maybe refuse to eat. Then bang some toys on your high chair. The possibilities are endless. And if you do a good job, she'll lose interest in providing you with siblings. I have to say, little one, your plan to secure your kingdom's off to a good start."

The moment Krycek began talking, the child stopped crying. It took a few minutes for her to calm down her breathing and stop sniffling, but Alex lifted her with the casual confidence of practice, speaking to her the entire time. After his initial strategy assessment, he continued in at least four languages by Scully's count, none of them English. Dana moved closer and got a good look at the child in the moonlight. She was a gorgeous little thing. Daddy's eyes. Mommy's hair. Temperament, from Scully's admittedly limited experience, was likely a toss up.

She hadn't realized she'd spoken her conclusion as to the baby's appearance aloud until Krycek spun toward her. For an instant, he looked as though he'd mock her. Instead, he asked. "You think so?"

"I do, Alex." Scully saw the surprise in his eyes at her use of his first name, but it was impossible to see him as he was at this moment and refer to him as Krycek, a man she'd come to hate. "She favors you."

"Too bad for her. Her mother is ...."

Smiling despite herself at his somewhat vague gesture, Scully observed. "Young."

"Strong."

"Tan."

Not sure how to reconcile the smiling woman before him with Special Agent Dana Scully, Alex ventured. "Fit."

"Da da da da da."

Alex hugged the child close and muttered. "I think I have to keep her with me for a little while to keep those tiny lungs from overdeveloping, but I promise you this, Scully. If he so much as thinks of hurting Sacha, I'll kill him."

Fierce protectiveness was communicated unconsciously in his posture and aggressively by his voice. She recognized that emotion, remembering Emily sadly. Alex Krycek had an opportunity forever lost to Scully, and he wasn't squandering it. She had to admire that. "If I don't beat you to it."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"You shoot him every year or two just to remind him who's boss?"

"Something like that. Let's get back before ... Delia eats him alive."

Krycek chuckled heartily. "She'd kill him and try to make a roast. The smell of burnt Mulder would permeate the house for months. I'll pass; let's move."

Still amazed by how seeing him with his lover and child had humanized him in her mind, Scully followed quickly. She was glad she didn't miss the shocked look on Mulder's face. It was actually fun to be in on the joke.

"Who the hell is that?"

Cordelia stepped to Alex's side. "Our daughter."

Mulder's grip on reality was becoming more tenuous by the second. Alex Krycek with a babe and a baby. What was the world coming to? Could it ever be safe enough for this? "What the fuck are you trying to pull, Krycek."

Alex met the eyes of a man who'd been his enemy and suddenly understood a number of things about himself. "I'm not Krycek anymore, Mulder. I answer to Alex and ... pretty soon, I think, Daddy."

"Da da."

That being the first time in their hearing that Sacha had stopped at two syllables, Cordelia smiled at the named parent and leaned in for a kiss. Alex didn't want to resist, so he didn't try. Mulder watched the tableau for a long moment before turning anguished eyes to Scully. She was reasonably sure what was coming next.

When the two broke apart, Mulder whispered hoarsely. "Alex, what about Sam?"

Krycek reluctantly looked away from his family. "She's gone, Mulder. The Samantha you knew died within a year after they took her. They all did."

"How the hell can you be sure?"

"I saw what was left of them about ten years ago. It wasn't worth saving."

The Special Agent sat down and put his head in his hands, knowing that Krycek's choice of pronoun hadn't been accidental or ill conceived.

The first thought that entered Alex's mind was truly worthy of Krycek. If he affected innocent amazement that Skinner hadn't passed on that particular news, the reaction was as predictable as it was potentially useful to those who still troubled themselves with these matters. Word of that "favor" would reach them relatively quickly and further secure his future. When the FBI agent looked up with a lost expression, Alex made his choice. "I'm sorry, Mulder."

"Was she ... did you ever see her when she was still ... Sam?"

How close to the truth could he safely get? Stick with your stated position with respect to when she "died", Alex. "No."

Cordelia heard the slight hesitation, and wasn't sure how to interpret it. Catching Alex's eye, she lifted an eyebrow. The intensity of his stare convinced her to let it pass.

Mulder's voice took on the bleakness of the despair of a life wasted. "So it was all for nothing." Remembering what Krycek had told him once before, he added. "There really is no Truth."

Letting his eyes drift to Sacha's little form, Alex whispered. "It's what you believe, not what you see or what a jury or some Senate subcommittee can be convinced of."

"When the fuck did you get philosophical?"

Chuckling softly, Alex shrugged and decided to try a different sort of information experiment from those he'd conducted on Fox Mulder in the past. "When I met a girl who thought alien assassins were some sort of demon and the ensouled vampire she worked for."

Scully snorted in disbelief, but Mulder weighed the words carefully before questioning. "Demons in Los Angeles, Alex?"

"Where would you hang out, if you wanted to prey on the weak and live the good life while you did?"

"You generally have something that at least passingly resembles evidence. Where is it?"

Krycek and Mulder exchanged a look of mutual understanding, before Alex addressed the skepticism underlying Scully's admission. "Poltergeist threw the paperweight." A vague look at their surroundings preceded. "I didn't know you had it in you, Dennis."

One of the sliding glass doors that led out to the beach opened abruptly, letting in the ocean breeze for a heartbeat or two before it slammed shut. Cordelia wasn't impressed. "Alex, you know how he gets."

Krycek pulled Cordelia close and whispered in her ear. "They definitely aren't ready to meet Angel." Her agreement was adequately communicated by her silence. Aloud, he observed. "I think Sacha's finally ready to sleep through. Are we finished here?"

Mulder stood very slowly and walked toward the couple. "How does it feel, Alex?"

Warily, Krycek ventured. "What?"

"A woman. A child. A house. A life."

The two men regarded each other over the head of the sleepy baby. "Right, Mulder. It feels right."

"I'm sorry we bothered you, Miss."

The young woman saw what looked to be resigned acceptance in the FBI guy's eyes. "Cordelia. Is your first name really Fox?"

"Any complaints should be addressed to my mother."

"Get over it; I'm not exactly plain Jane name-wise."

Armani man smiled and asserted. "I can't see you categorized as plain Jane any-wise." Turning toward Krycek, he admitted to himself that there was nothing he could do unless he wanted to take the law into his own hands and leave a beautiful girl and baby without the man in their lives. "Good luck, Alex."

"Can always use that, Mulder. Keep your chin up and mind open. Truth comes in odd shaped packages sometimes."

As they walked toward the door, Cordy took umbrage. "And what's that supposed to mean, BSM?"

Mulder had his mouth open already, when Alex spoke. "Don't ask." A glance at the young woman brought an affectionate smile. "Sometimes it looks like a fashion model with a smart mouth."

"That'd be fine." Mulder, Krycek and Cordy focused on the speaker, with the man that knew her the best bemusedly shaking his head.

Alex chuckled and advised. "There's something to her line of thinking, Mulder."

The FBI agents left, and Alex and Delia proceeded upstairs, leaving Dennis to see to the lights and alarm system. When they reached the second floor, Alex paused. "Can she stay with us tonight?"

Cordelia faced her lover, surprise evident. He was generally against allowing Sacha to sleep in their bed. "Sure, if you'd like."

Blushing slightly, he muttered. "I don't know, I just ... want her close. Is that ok?"

Laughing, she inquired. "Do I need pajamas tonight then?"

"I don't think she'd be traumatized by seeing her mother in the buff."

"Good. What about da da?"

Cordelia watched him shift his attention to the sleeping child, and was amused by his decision. "I'll keep the boxers on. She's a bit too into grabbing and pulling these days."

She was still laughing when she'd joined Alex and Sacha in bed. Oddly enough, as she settled in, she found her thoughts straying to the FBI agent she'd met that evening. "Do you think he'll find his truth?"

"If he looks for it. Or if she's as aggressive as you."

"Krycek was a pain in the ass."

"Huh?"

Reaching past Sacha, Cordelia ran a hand over Alex's chest. "Obnoxious. Sarcastic. I'd have kicked his ass to Idaho by now, if he'd showed up here."

Catching her hand in his, he raised it to his lips. "Is there something you'd like to act out, sweetheart? All this talk about ass kicking is leading me to think you're suppressing something potentially interesting." He grinned at her wickedly, as she tried halfheartedly to extract her hand from his grasp. "Seriously, Delia, you met Krycek three years ago; you just never had occasion to see the 'I've got to deal with Mulder' version. I'm sorry you had to tonight."

"You'd have been really sorry, if you hadn't gone to Sacha when she started up."

"I know what my priorities are, gorgeous."

"It looked iffy for a moment."

Sighing, he admitted. "It was, but your 'Do as I say or suffer dire consequences' attitude straightened me right out."

"Do you think it was Mulder and Scully that gave you your watched feeling?"

Slightly widened eyes told her that he hadn't thought of that. An instinct check brought a relieved and happy smile. He leaned over Sacha to kiss Cordelia like there was no tomorrow, and she wondered how many times in his decidedly eventful life he'd actually felt that that was the case. "Yeah, I do."

"So it's gone? The feeling?"

"Yeah. The feelings I'm dealing with now are ... different."

Grinning at his exaggerated leer, she challenged. "Describe them to me. These feelings of yours."

Slowly, he began. "I want to hold the two people that mean everything to me tonight. And I want them to know that I won't let anyone hurt them in any way. Ever. If I can prevent it, anyway." Gently touching the baby's cheek, Alex whispered. "As for you, little one, I apologize in advance for punching out your junior prom date who'll bring you home hours after I tell him to."

Cordelia allowed Alex to pull her close, cuddling their daughter between them. Smiling at him, she let her hands move soothingly and lovingly over his body. "And Sacha shouldn't trust you?"

His perspective had shifted at some point during his conversation with Mulder. "Well, I ... I hope she can."

Sliding her hand inside his boxers, she whispered. "I think she should. What good is a BSM if you can't use him well?"

"Delia, don't do that. I promised her that we weren't in the market for siblings."

Grinning at his body's increasing interest in the movements of her fingers, Cordelia murmured. "We're not?"

A groan of desire was impossible to suppress. Alex Krycek forced his eyes open and queried. "We are?"

Teasing him for a minute or two before replying, Cordelia admitted that she was enjoying herself immensely. "Not specifically, but you seem ready, willing and able should we decide to pursue the matter."

"Delia, can we just ... just ... oh, God ... just ... please."

Removing her hand with a sigh, she settled comfortably in his arms. After his breathing returned to something approaching normal and he relaxed, she whispered. "I love you, Alex. So much it scares me."

Stroking her arm slowly, he murmured. "Impending death scary or horror movie scary?"

Following an extended yawn, her voice took on a timbre of fatigue, as she ignored the specifics of the question and answered more generally. "I'm sure we're solid. Sacha's proof. I'm just afraid you'll get bored."

"Bored? With you? Are you kidding?"

Facing his stunned disbelief, Cordelia wasn't as confident as he seemed to think she should be. "Eventually, you'll throw me over for a younger firmer chick. That's what men do."

"Before that would ever happen, I'll die in bed with you in the throes of orgasm-induced cardiac arrest."

"Not before Sacha graduates college?"

"I'll try my best, Delia, but I can't promise anything. Restraint isn't a concept that has any meaning for me where you're concerned."

Shifting Sacha to her other side, Cordy smiled at Alex and encouraged him to spoon comfortably against her and embrace their child along with her. He eagerly complied, and she felt his interest in further interactions pressed firmly against her ass. "You ok with waiting?"

Laughing with her, he muttered. "Yeah, if you don't wiggle around too much."

"I'm a very restless sleeper."

Alex kissed the back of her neck. "Do you think she'd notice if we ... you know?"

"Go to sleep, Alex."

"Yes, ma'am."

A long, drawn out base note sounded on their baby grand piano. "Sound's like Dennis approves of our decision."

"Reason enough to change our minds, if you ask me."

Turning her head, she kissed her lover gently on the mouth. "Oh, let him win one, Alex."

"As my sex goddess commands."