Two Thumbs Up

An extremely naked Fox Mulder came striding in from the bathroom and flopped down on his bed next to an equally naked Alex Krycek, who lay sprawled flat on top of the crumpled sheets with his right wrist under his neck and clutching his stump in his fingers next to his head.

"Good stuff, babe. Same for you, gorgeous?"

"Yep, Alex. Pretty damned good."

"I couldn't tell."

"You mean the screaming didn't give me away?"

"Oh," he said, rolling his shoulders and eyeing his lover amusedly, "was that for me?"

"Who else?"

"Thought maybe you were fantasizing about that hunk in the movie..."

"Who, Wolverine?"

"No, the green guy with the twenty-foot-long tongue. Of *course* I meant Wolverine!"

"Just 'cause he's got pecs you could use to crack walnuts?"

"Nice eyes, too..."

"Alex? Since when are *you* an eye man?"

"Hell if *I* know, o grey-green-hazel wonder..." Mulder nudged Alex in the armpit with his elbow, making him jump. "Quit it, ya doofus!" Alex exclaimed, shaking off the startle. "You *know* I'm ticklish there!"

Mulder rolled to his side to prop himself up on an elbow. "But now that you mention it, a twenty-foot tongue could be entertaining, too..."

"Yeah," sighed Alex. "Not bad being able to give yourself a rim job..." This comment earned him another poke in the ribs.

"Thinking of Wolverine..."

"A-*ha*! You *were* thinking of him!"

"*You* brought him up."

"What about him?"

"It would be nice to have an all-metal skeleton..."

"In *your* line of work, it would certainly save on medical bills!"

"Not that it couldn't have been useful to *you*, too," he added, gesturing towards Alex's truncated left arm.

His face grew sullen as he shifted on the mattress. "Thanks for reminding me."

Mulder's expression immediately shifted to concern for his beloved. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean that to be cruel..."

"That's okay," shrugged Alex. "I know you were just kidding. Besides," he continued, his eyes twinkling with mischief, "having blades like that between your fingers *could* be entertaining..."

"...Or really, really frightening. I could have done without the mental image of long, sharp blades while my balls are visible, okay?"

Glancing down, Alex joked, "That's what *you* think. I suspect that they're hiding in your intestines for safety at the moment."

Mulder looked down at himself to examine the equipment perfunctorily. "Great, you guys. Leave Mr. Johnson all alone to fend for himself, willya?"

Alex joined him in a hearty laugh. "How'd you like the big hairy dude?"

"That Sabretooth thing with the nasty contacts? Naaah... Too big. Too hairy. The young punk with the laser vision was okay, though..."

"Too young for me, Mulder."

"That's right: Ian McKellen's more your style. You like 'em craggy and British, don'tcha?"

Green eyes narrowed mock-threateningly. "I thought I told you to leave our previous relationships out of this room."

Mulder's hands went up in a gesture of surrender. "Sorry. That was a cheap shot."

"Although I *did* notice you giving that Patrick Stewart the once-over... Remind you of a lost love, does he?" His grin lit the whole dim room.

"Fuck you, Alex."

"Too late. You did that already!" he joked.

"I'll have you know he *does* share a common feature with someone I love..."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah. He's got green eyes, too, ya prick!" He pressed his forehead against Krycek's and fixed him with a teasing gaze.

"Oh," he replied, admitting his ignorance, but accepting a warm kiss from his lover. They moved apart slightly and rolled onto their backs, staring up at their reflections on the mirror-tiled ceiling, which Mulder never *had* gotten around to removing, though the waterbed had long been replaced by a regular mattress and box spring.

"If you were an X-Man, who would you be, Alex?"

"You're an X-Man already, Mulder--an X-*files* man!"

"No, I mean it. What mutation would you like to have?"

"That Mystique chick could change into *anybody*... I wouldn't mind being her!"

"Oh, great. The man I love wants to be a blue woman."

"That's not what I meant! C'mon, wouldn't it be cool to be able to transform into anyone at any time?"

"I guess it'd be handy for a spy."

"Precisely! It'd be the ultimate disguise!"

"You know, I don't think that's really the mutation for you, Alex."

"Why not?"

"She was just a poor imitation of the people she transformed into. I think I'd like it if you were a little more invulnerable..."

He turned his head to give Mulder another grin. "Maybe with a mysterious past that even *I* don't understand completely?"

"There ya go. Just keep your blades above the belt, okay, Logan?"

"Awwww, you're no fun!" he exclaimed, winking at the man beside him. "How about you? What secret superpower are you hiding in there?"

"I'd say I'd be Charles Xavier, but that's *just* a little too close to home, if you know what I mean!"

"Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?" Alex droned, like the old radio announcer.

"Well, I *used* to, but I got better!" answered Mulder, snickering.

He thought for awhile, then visibly brightened. "I've got it!"

"Is it contagious?"

Swatting at the shoulder next to him, he stared up and formulated his solution. "You're Rogue!"

"I'm Rogue?"

"Yeah--you're just an innocent on the playing field of experts, absorbing the essences of everyone around you, trying to figure it all out."

"Oh, great. I'm a sponge."

"Okay, maybe the analogy falls apart a little there. You've got to admit that you get very personally involved with the people you try to help. Maybe you just lighten their burden a little."

"You may have something there, Alex."

"And you'd probably look hot with that little blaze of white in your hair, too!"

They laughed over this mental image, then slowly grew silent. "It would be hard to have to be that removed from other people, though. I mean, she couldn't even touch a normal human being without almost killing him..."

"Y'know, Mulder, they *all* had it rough. The X-Men are mutants, shunned by a society that was afraid they were all dangerous."

"You've thought about this, haven't you?"

"I used to read the comic when I was growing up, and I couldn't help but identify with their isolation, their feeling of being different and persecuted..."

"Really?"

He turned at last and looked his love right in the eye. "Yeah, especially when I was about eighteen and realized I was gay."

"Oh." Now it was Mulder's turn to feel ignorant. "Kinda heavy for a comic book, huh?"

Alex smiled reassuringly. "Maybe, but it helped me feel just a little less alone, you know? Sort of like you do."

Mulder's smile reached his hairline. "You too, baby. I love you. Wanna get some sleep?"

"Sounds like a plan." They kissed sweetly, whereupon Alex settled on his side.

Mulder reached up and turned off the nightstand lamp, and curled against the warm back that Alex presented to him. "Can we go see the movie again next weekend?"

Chuckling in the dark, Alex replied, "I thought you'd never ask. I love you, you nut."

"Good night, Logan."

"Good night, Marie."