Falling Into His Eyes:
Wearing His Clothes

Krycek stood in front of the window, letting the moonlight fall across his face, hearing the sound of a key fumbling at the front door lock. Then there was a moment of silence. He's realizing that the door is open, wondering if he left it that way this morning. I left a couple of scratches...should be as good as a calling card for someone with a memory like Mulder's...

He tensed as the door flew open, resisted the almost overwhelming urge to turn around. Mulder would know...Mulder would see that he was making no move to defend himself. I hope. He heard footsteps approaching from behind. "You should have been ten kinds of dead by now, Mulder," he remarked. "You must lead a charmed life."

He heard a rustle, as of a gun being slipped back into its holster. "I wondered when you'd show up." There was a pregnant pause. "I'd almost given up hope."

"When? Not if?" Fuck. I hadn't realized I was so obvious.

"No," Mulder said softly. "I never doubted you, Alex. I knew you wouldn't be able to let this go...any more than I could."

Krycek's head tilted back and he made a small, impatient sound. "This is insane, you know. I don't even know what I'm doing here."

"I do." Mulder's voice was husky, and the sound of it was like a hot wind blowing over naked skin. "You're here because I want your jacket." Krycek felt the other man's hands on his shoulders, tugging, felt the heavy leather jacket slip from his shoulders. He suppressed a shiver at the unexpected vulnerability that he felt. There was a heavy rustling sound as Mulder pulled on his jacket. "What do you think? Do I look like a bad-ass dude, now?"

Krycek turned slowly to face him. Moonlight blind, he couldn't see the man's expression in the darkness. It might have been anything. He looked down, blinking, trying to force his eyes to adjust. "Kind of loses the effect, what with the fibbie slacks and shoes, don't you think?"

"Yeah. I guess it does."

His senses, heightened by his awareness of the nearness of Mulder's body, picked up a quickening of the other man's breath.

"Take off your boots, Alex."

Oh, God. He isn't going to...he is. Mulder, do you have any idea what the sound of your voice is doing to me? Krycek could feel the blood slowly draining from his head and collecting...elsewhere. Knowing that you're standing there, in the dark, and that you don't hate me? He bent to remove his boots, pulling them from his feet and shoving them in Mulder's direction. He watched as Mulder kicked out of his shoes and pulled on the boots, tucking his slacks into the tops. "Still looks pretty silly," he remarked. "You need to be wearing jeans for the full effect. And a belt."

"I don't have a belt." A breathless quality had crept into Mulder's voice. He took a step closer, and then another. "Guess I'll have to take yours."

Krycek couldn't suppress a sharp intake of breath as Mulder's fingers fumbled for the buckle, sending pleasurable little jolts down into his groin as the fabric shifted beneath the belt. "Might as well take the jeans as well," he remarked as casually as he could manage, though his heart was pounding a frantic staccato. "The belt won't do you much good without them."

"I intend to." Mulder's fingers brushed across his crotch, leaving a trail of fiery heat that made Krycek grit his teeth. The top button of his jeans sprang open, and then the next, opening him up to Mulder's touch with an agonizing slowness that left him achingly aware of the thinness of the cotton briefs that were all that separated his flesh from Mulder's.

He could feel himself beginning to tremble, his legs weakening. If he keeps this up I'm going to be a melted puddle on his floor before too long. He bit back a moan as Mulder's fingers brushed across his straining erection. Then Mulder's hands were on his hips, bunching the fabric, working the jeans down past his knees.

Oh, God. Mulder's face was only inches away from his crotch. Krycek had to reach out and brace himself as a wave of lust rose over him at the thought of those full lips closing around his... He steadied himself on Mulder's shoulder as he stepped out of the jeans, feeling as if all the blood had drained from his head, leaving him dizzy with longing.

He wanted to throw Mulder down onto the floor, grinding their bodies together, pressing his lips into Mulder's, teasing his tongue inside, peeling away the cotton boxers you wear briefs? Mulder had once teased him after finding a discarded pair flung across his couch one afternoon...I'm a boxer man, myself... rolling Mulder over and sinking himself into the heat of Mulder's body...

Not yet. It's too soon. I need to know if he's healed yet. It had been months before he could even bring himself to touch anyone after his own first rape, and nearly a year before he could bear to allow anyone to top him. Give him space. Let him make all the moves tonight.

Mulder struggled to pull the jeans up over his own hips. "Guess I need to be a little leaner if I'm going to run with the rats," he said wryly. "Scully's mom has been putting the pounds on my since the...warehouse thing. I need to start jogging again." He managed to close all the buttons, then fastened the buckle. "Now...the gloves."

It was hard to allow himself to be stripped like this. Krycek was glad the darkness hid the ugly smoothness of his artificial hand. He watched as Mulder pulled the gloves over his hands with slow, reverent appreciation, and then zipped the jacket shut.

The F.B.I. agent's white teeth flashed in a decent approximation of a feral grin. "How do I look?"

"Pretty...damned...good." Sexy. Unbearably sexy. I could come from just watching you preen in that jacket, Krycek thought. Knowing that you're wearing it because it's mine.

"Hold that thought. I'll be right back." Mulder disappeared into his bedroom and Krycek groaned. God...I can't take much more of this.

When he'd made the decision to show up at Mulder's apartment tonight he'd promised himself that if anything were going to happen it would have to be entirely Mulder's doing. It had been almost four months since he had last seen Mulder. Through indirect sources of information and a little judicious hacking he knew that Scully had bullied Mulder into seeing a therapist, a rape trauma specialist with an excellent reputation. Krycek had checked his background out thoroughly, through sources the F.B.I. wouldn't have had access to, and he'd been clean. He knew that Mulder had stopped seeing the man recently. He hoped it was because he was no longer necessary.

Mulder reappeared, holding something in his hand. Several loops of rope, and a pair of handcuffs that glittered in the moonlight.

"What the hell is this, Mulder?" Krycek backpedaled in alarm. Shit, I knew that was too good to be true. The little fuck set me up.

Mulder faltered, and his smile fell away into uncertainty. "Alex? What's the matter? I didn't think you'd..." then his eyes widened. "Oh, shit, Alex. I'm sorry. I didn't think. Christ, I'm such an asshole."

Alex, you paranoid fuck...it's just part of the game. Get a grip. "It's okay, Mulder. You just...surprised me, that's all," Krycek admitted. "Explain this to me, okay? The last time I saw you..." you couldn't stand to be touched, let alone let this "...you'd have been the last one I'd have expected something like this to appeal to." He nodded at the handcuffs. Could his trauma have fucked him up for normal sex? I've heard of shit like this happening.

Mulder's face crumpled. "He told me I needed to take my life back. To take my...fantasies back. Not to let them steal them away from me."

"He?"

"The...doctor I've been seeing. He said I needed to find someone I trusted. Someone with...good judgement. Self control." Mulder seemed to shrink, to pull in on himself. "I've been dreaming about tonight for weeks. About...undressing you like this. Wearing your clothes. The way they would feel. The way they would smell. Like you. I...almost couldn't believe it when you just let me do it. And then..." he gestured helplessly. "I'm sorry. I've been so busy focusing on myself I never thought about what it would be like for you. About your memories...of what they did to you. You probably never had access to therapy, and you wouldn't have taken it even if you did." Genuine tears glistened on Mulder's cheeks. "I'll make it up to you," he declared earnestly, discarding the rope and handcuffs with a clattering thud, and dropping to his knees in front of Krycek. "This is one of my fantasies, too..." he confided, almost shyly.

"Jesus...Mulder..." Krycek's legs threatened to give way as Mulder began groping at the front of his briefs. "C'mere." He pulled Mulder to his feet, then bent to retrieve the discarded items, pressing them back into Mulder's hands and lifting the slack fingers to brush his lips across. "I didn't say no, Mulder." He leaned forward until his lips were brushing Mulder's ear. "So. Who do the ropes go on? You or me?"

"Oh, god," Mulder breathed, his body melting bonelessly against Krycek's "You mean it? You'd really do this for me?"

Haven't you figured it out yet, Mulder? I'd do nearly anything for you. "Yeah. I really would." His hand slid around behind Mulder's back and pulled him into a tentative kiss that deepened as Mulder responded with a hesitant, artless passion that left Krycek nearly breathless. "Do you have any idea what a turn-on it is," he murmured against Mulder's lips "to know that I'm a feature player in your fantasies?"

"Really?" Mulder wiggled out of Krycek's grasp. "Then I w...want...I want..." he swallowed, and a strange shadow passed over his face, "I want to put them on you. If that's okay?" he asked breathlessly.

Krycek sighed. It figured that Mulder would have fantasies about tying him up. He fought back a sudden wave of panic. What if this is a trick to get me helpless? What if I let him put those on me and he turns on me? What if I end up back at F.B.I. headquarters, in an interrogation room? It's what he's wanted for years. What if...

"Alex?" Mulder reached up to touch Krycek's face hesitantly. "It's okay. You don't have to do this."

"Tell me, Mulder. Tell me that I can trust you." Krycek fought to keep the tremor out of his voice.

"You can trust me, Alex. I wouldn't hurt you. I'll be careful." Suddenly Mulder went very still, his hand frozen on Krycek's cheek. "You think this is a trick?" he whispered. "You think I'm going to turn you in? Alex...I swear to you...I'd never...not like this. Never like this. I can't say...it'll never happen. Neither of us knows what you're likely to do next." Mulder gave a sad smile. "But I can promise you that if I do come at you for real, with these," he gave the handcuffs a tiny shake, "you'll know exactly what I'm there for. I'd never use what goes on here tonight, or any other night, against you."

"Okay." Krycek felt the tension seep away. Mulder was capable of subterfuge, but he wouldn't give his word falsely. "How do you want this, Mulder? Aside from half naked in front of your window, that is."

Mulder winced at the reminder. "Uh...bedroom?"

"Good choice." Krycek allowed himself to be led down the short hallway and into the cluttered room dominated by Mulder's large four-poster bed. "I always wondered what was with the four poster bed, Mulder," he murmured as he flipped on the light switch. "I guess I'm about to find out."

Mulder blinked in the sudden brightness. "Why'd you turn on the light?" he complained. "I like it dark."

"You're not going to have much entertainment tonight if I trip and break my neck before we even get to the kinky stuff," Krycek pointed out. "Think of the time you'd have trying to explain my body to your boss. Besides, what fun is it if you can't see the expression on my face when you tie me to the bed?" Krycek asked, enjoying the blush that stained Mulder's face. "That's part of the fun of make-believe, Mulder." He crawled up onto the bed and lay back with an exaggerated undulation. The patented Krycek wiggle...guaranteed to get any appropriately oriented set of hormones flowing. "You've never done any kind of sex-play before, have you, Mulder?" Not that he was all that experienced himself; those sort of games were entirely too dangerous for someone with as many enemies as he had. He'd...had his fantasies, of course.

Mulder's face got even redder. "I...can we turn the light off? Alex? It feels too real with the lights on," he complained.

"That's because it is real."

"You're not helping."

Krycek felt the corners of his mouth twitch. There was something so endearing about Mulder's embarrassment, so vulnerable. He felt a sudden wave of tenderness flow through him. He eased himself up off the bed and padded across the room to flip the light switch off, then made his way back to Mulder, giving his eyes time to adjust. He reached his hand out, groping, half-blind, and felt it brush across the leather jacket. "There's no rush, Mulder. We have plenty of time for explorations. Assuming that you don't have an army of agents waiting to take me off once you've had your wild way with me."

"Is that what you expected me to do?" Mulder turned, his hands clumsily seeking Krycek's. "Do you think I could do something like that to you?" There was a tightness in his voice.

"Don't let the darkness carry you too far away from reality, Mulder. Because every morning you have to wake up with yourself. You'll do what you have to, Mulder, and I'll do what I have to. That doesn't mean," he stepped in closer "that we can't forget ourselves, for just a little while, in the darkness." Krycek brought his lips down on Mulder's, a tender, delicate brushing of lips that deepened as Mulder pressed himself into the kiss. His lips parted and their tongues ventured out to caress and explore. Mulder tasted of salt and cheap beer. Their arms wrapped around each other, and Mulder's hips squirmed involuntarily, grinding their engorged erections together in a way that sent sparks dancing across Krycek's field of vision.

"Ahhh...K..." Mulder gasped into his mouth.

Krycek's legs felt like damp pasta, and all he could think of was the almost maddening need to bury himself in Mulder's ass. Gotta stay in control. He pulled his mouth away from Mulder's and gasped "Bed. Before I melt right here and you lose me under all the shit on your floor."

Mulder chuckled, a husky noise that made Krycek's cock spasm. "'Kay." As they made their way across the floor Krycek felt himself slipping on piles of papers. Something crunched beneath his bare instep and he gasped at the sharp pain.

"You okay?"

"Shit, Mulder, this place is a deathtrap. What have you got on the floor...caltrops?"

Mulder chuckled again. "It's my ACME anti-prowler defense system."

"Yeah. Works great if you get a polite prowler who remembers to remove his shoes before breaking and entering," Krycek grumbled. That's right, Alex. A little humor, a little distance. Let Mulder show you what he wants. Don't push him. His flailing hand found the bedpost and he climbed back up onto the bed. "How do you usually like this, Mulder?"

"I...what do you mean?"

"Do you top or bottom?" I'm guessing...top. Our sex life is going to require some serious negotiations if that's true. Krycek grinned. Not that that couldn't be pleasant in and of itself.

"I don't..." Mulder's voice was uncertain, edging into panic. "Uh, you decide."

Krycek stilled. You've got to be fucking kidding, Mulder. "Mulder," he said calmly. "I'm going to ask you a question, and I need you to answer it truthfully, okay?"

"Okay," Mulder agreed warily. "As long as it doesn't involve me admitting to a felony."

It just might. Depending on the state. "Promise?"

"Promise."

"How many times have you had sex with a man?"

There was a very long pause.

"Are you counting, Mulder, or stalling?"

"One. Not including the...warehouse, of course."

"Consensual sex, Mulder. One? When?"

"In high school."

"And what did you do with this guy?"

"Dammit, Krycek. Stop asking me all these questions. He...he sucked my cock. There. Are you satisfied? Did you want to know where I did it and what I was wearing and how many hours of detention I got because the fucking P.E. teacher caught us at it in the locker room closet?" Mulder demanded sullenly.

Jesus, Mulder, you naïve fuck, you were gonna have me pop your cherry and you weren't even going to tell me about it? Not that I wouldn't probably have figured it out before too long. "Mulder...this changes things a little, you know." He'd thought Mulder was just embarrassed about his fantasy, but it was becoming obvious that his anxieties sprang from a wholly different source.

"I'm sorry..." Mulder's hands caught his shoulders. "Please don't leave."

"Leave? Jesus, Mulder," he let some of the awe he was feeling color his voice "...you offer me something like this and you think I'd have the stupidity to walk away from it? Not to mention the strength?" He gave a little snort. "I'm not Superman, you know."

"Good. Because I'd be seriously disappointed it if you walked away from me now, Krycek," Mulder told him, his voice slightly husky. "Will you tell me...what to do to make this good for you?"

"Kind of a turnaround, isn't it, Mulder? From the old days?" he remarked wistfully. "It seems like such a long time ago." So very long since we both lost our innocence. But not our idealism. Mulder's still got his, and I never had it.

"Yeah. It does, doesn't it?" Mulder's hands slipped down, tracing the lines of Krycek's collarbone beneath the fabric of his shirt, exploring the smooth curve of his pectorals, brushing over his erect nipples tenting the thin cotton. Krycek shivered at the feel of them. Mulder's hands. Touching. Not hitting. "You're cold. I can tell," Mulder tugged on one of Krycek's nipples with a sly smile.

"That's because someone else is wearing my clothes, you idiot," Krycek told him fondly. "And that's about to change, by the way." He stood up. "Taking off someone else's clothes may be more erotic while lying on a bed, but it's much easier to do standing up. You okay with this, Mulder?" he asked with studied casualness as he reached out to slide the leather jacket from Mulder's shoulders

"Yeah." Mulder sounded a little breathless. "I'm good. You?"

"Good." He deftly unbuttoned the cuffs, and then the front of Mulder's shirt, peeling the starched cotton from Mulder's well muscled shoulders. His night vision was good enough that he could see the sculpted form clearly in the reflected moonlight. God, he's even more beautiful than I remembered. Back when they were partners he often would find an excuse to seek Mulder out when the man was in the gym or the pool. He'd been careful not to seem too obvious, or at least he thought he had. If Mulder had noticed he'd given no sign of it.

"Beautiful," he whispered, running his hand over Mulder's proudly displayed chest and pectorals. "If I was a Roman sculptor, Mulder, I'd make an altar out of marble that looked exactly like your body." And then I'd worship there.

Laughter exploded out of Mulder. "My god, Krycek, I hope you never tried to use that as a pickup line. Way to spoil the mood."

"Alex," Krycek reminded him. "Tonight I'm Alex. And let's see if we can't get that mood back." His hand found the top button of Mulder's jeans... my jeans. Mulder's wearing my jeans ...and with the same deliberate slowness that Mulder had inflicted on him earlier, he began the process of unbuttoning. His hand brushed deliberately against the hard outline of Mulder's erection, and it was Mulder's turn to gasp, his hands clutching at Krycek's shoulders for support.

Krycek undid the last button. "I'm going to let you finish up with this. I want you naked and on the bed. Are you okay with that, Mulder?"

"Yeah. Are you going to keep asking me that all night?" Mulder kicked his feet out of the boots, then bent and worked the jeans down. His socks and boxers quickly joined the rest of the clutter on the floor. "I'm not a complete virgin, you know. I was married for a while, and I've been with women since then."

"I'm going to keep asking until I'm absolutely sure that you'll tell me if you're not okay. We aren't going to fuck this up, Mulder. I won't let it happen. And being with another man isn't quite the same as being with a woman. There are...considerations."

"Like what?" Mulder climbed up onto the bed, hesitating for a moment before settling down on his stomach. After a moment of apparent reflection, he worked the pillow beneath him, shoving it down until it was beneath his hips, raising his ass slightly.

Oh, god. "Turn over, Mulder."

"Why?" Mulder squirmed slightly, adjusting his position, and let his legs fall open.

"Because..." Because I'm going to pass out from sheer frustrated lust if you keep wiggling your ass at me that way "...because you're trying to go too fast."

"No, I'm not. I'm ready. You'd better hurry, though. I'm pretty hard right now," Mulder admitted, "so I might not last. C'mon, Alex," he squirmed irritably. "Or should I get up on my hands and knees?"

"Jesus, Mulder, will you knock that off? Stop wiggling."

"Why?" Mulder (turned/raised) his head and grinned. "Am I turning you on?"

"You have no fucking idea," Krycek muttered. "Just do it, Mulder. Turn over."

"What's the magic word, Alex?"

"Little shit," Krycek hissed.

"That's not the magic word..."

"Mulder. Turn over. Now." Krycek could feel his self control, his good intentions all slipping away. If Mulder was this hot to have a cock up his ass, why not oblige him? No, dammit. I will not let this be ruined just because Mulder's got to be a wiseass... "Please."

"Well, okay." Mulder flipped over onto his back and slid the pillow back up beneath his own head.

Krycek gave him a look of pure exasperation as he leaned in and climbed up onto the bed on his hands and knees, straddling Mulder. "See, isn't this nicer than having your face buried in a pillow?" Krycek leaned forward and pressed his lips to a nipple, rimming the sensitive nub with his tongue, enjoying Mulder's involuntary reactions to his efforts. "I intend to take my time and savor every moment of this, Mulder." I've been waiting for it entirely too long not to.

"Do you really not mind about this? About my not knowing what to do to make it good for you?"

You don't have to do anything. Just be Mulder. "That's why I'm in charge tonight, Mulder. I'm going to teach you a few things. Be sure to take good notes, cause there will be a test later on."

"You mean I'm not going to get my fantasy?" Mulder asked plaintively.

Good thing it's dark. He's probably got that devastating Mulder-pout on his face. "Too much too soon, Mulder. Learn to walk tonight and tomorrow maybe we'll go hang gliding."

"Promise, Alex? I don't want you to disappear again. Not before you give me...us...a chance."

What am I getting myself into here? Not good technique, Krycek. You need to stay unpredictable. Predictable gives them the chance to study your habits. Predictable gets you killed. Predictable gets you...Mulder.

Fantasy. His own personal fantasy. The scenes that he would imagine over and over, clinging to like a familiar, warm blanket to stave off the cold and hunger whenever he found himself sleeping in an alley corner somewhere, or behind the wheel of a stolen car, one step ahead of the Consortium assassins, two steps ahead of the police.

I shouldn't do this. Every survival instinct in told him he shouldn't be here with Mulder for even one night, let alone two. Or more.

More. I want more. More than I have. More than I had. More than I deserve, maybe.

You already have more than you thought you ever would. You're alive. You're finally free. Why risk that?

It's no use. I'm losing myself in you, Mulder. Falling. Will you be there to catch me when I fall for the last time?

"Alex?"

"I...promise, Mulder. Tomorrow night. I'll be here." Krycek transferred his attentions to Mulder's other nipple, sucking and teasing until the little nub was swollen and Mulder's hips were shifting beneath him. "That's good, Mulder. Move those hips. I'm not a mind reader, and I won't know what makes you feel good unless you show me. The more comfortable you get with showing me what you like the better it will be for both of us. It's okay to be vocal..."

"This...is...good...that, too...oh yeah...ouch! Alex!"

Krycek grinned. "A little pain is good, too. Adds spice to the pleasure. A skilled lover knows exactly when and where to apply it, and in what measure."

"And I suppose you've had plenty of experience."

"I've been around." More experience fucking than making love, but I'm good at reading between the lines. And it's amazing what you can pick up in the proper chat rooms.

"I'm surprised that you're wasting your time with me, then. No wonder I had to twist your arm to get a second night. You're probably booked a week in advance. Or am I just a novelty treat? Fucking the F.B.I. instead of the other way around for a change."

"Mulder...Mulder...Mulder..." Krycek murmured. He couldn't help but be touched by the other man's vulnerability. He brushed his lips tenderly across Mulder's. "You're not seeing the greater picture, here. Didn't you ever used to wonder why we spent so much time discussing business in the gym? Or at the pool? I'll bet you had no idea how much time I spent checking out your gorgeous body. Scully did. I'd lay money on it. That's why she couldn't stand me."

"I...wondered. I thought I was just imagining things. You never...said anything. You wanted me, back when we were partners? I wish...I wish I'd known."

"It would have been bad, Mulder. He owned me back then. I knew he'd..." I knew he'd find a way to use it against me. Against both of us. I had to make sure he never suspected...that's why I didn't dare balk at killing your father. I had to pretend it didn't matter.

"Where's the smoker, now?"

"Dead. They're all dead. Look, Mulder, can we stop talking about that shit right now? You're really putting me off." There was nothing more guaranteed to make him lose a hard-on in record time than thinking about the smoker.

"Sorry." Mulder squirmed a little. "I just have so many questions, you know? And you're right here and...don't get me wrong, Alex, it's not that..."

"Mulder..."

"...I mean, I'm really turned on by what we're doing and I've wanted it for so long but I...ouch! Alex! That hurt! No biting."

"Rule number one...no talking shop in bed. At least not until everyone's come at least once."

"Okay, okay..."

Mulder sounded so disappointed Krycek couldn't help but chuckle. "Besides, Mulder," he added, "you'll be in a much better position to ask questions tomorrow night when you've got me tied to your bed." Krycek fought back the involuntary ripple of panic that nudged at the pit of his stomach.

I can trust you, Mulder. I know I can.

Firmly, he thrust any misgivings aside and clamped his thighs tightly around Mulder's, bracing himself. "Time for lesson number one. How to give a good blow job. Well, a decent one, anyway. For a truly excellent one you'd have to be standing and I'd be kneeling in front of you so you could get better thrusting action." Mulder made an involuntary whimpering sound. "I wouldn't want you to pass out and puncture a lung on your own caltrops, though."

"Wow, you don't have any modesty at all, do you?"

"Modesty is for amateurs, Mulder. Now, this is going to be a little tricky." Another reason he was out of practice these days; the amputation was a turn-off for most normal prospective partners, which meant that he had to either fuck with his shirt on or leave the lights off and be careful not to have too much full body contact.

Tonight he was opting for both. At least the damned fake arm made a reliable kickstand, which meant that he had a hand free for Mulder. "A blow job doesn't require as much prepping as the full treatment. We could both stay fully clothed. All I'd have to do was unzip you and reach in." He felt Mulder's thigh muscles clench in response to his words and he fought to maintain an air of clinical detachment. He was...almost successful. "But that doesn't mean there isn't an art to it," Krycek continued, trying to ignore the sensation of Mulder squirming against the undersides of his balls, through the thin cotton of his briefs. "You want to build up slowly." He shimmied down Mulder's legs until when he leaned forward his mouth was conveniently placed over Mulder's crotch, letting his lower lip brush over Mulder's twitching cock. "Start with just a hint. Let your partner feel your breath." God, Mulder. I've missed having a partner so fucking much. You spoiled me for anyone else, and I never realized it until now. I thought I was just a heartless son of a bitch. But I'm not. I'm not. A hard knot swelled in his throat and burst. It was as if he was only just now remembering how to breathe. "Feel the anticipation, Mulder?"

"You're such a sadist, Alex," Mulder said happily. "Do I get to touch you, too? Or do I just have to lie here playing zombie boy?"

"My...we do have some kinky fantasies, don't we Mulder? That would explain your passion for the x-files."

"Asshole."

"Mmm...we'll get there eventually. Now...fingers are nice, but what a decent blow job requires is a really talented tongue. Let me show you why..."

"Are we going to?"

"Huh?" He pulled back from Mulder, savoring the slight salty taste of him.

"Get to it? You know."

"Eventually. But not tonight, Mulder. You aren't ready."

"Quit saying that," Mulder said in irritation. "It's not like I've never stuck anything up my ass before."

"Really?" Krycek purred. "Details?" This should be interesting...

For a moment he thought Mulder was going to refuse to answer. Then, "There was this video. Men with...toys." He squirmed a little, uncomfortably. "I was curious, so I tried a few of them."

"And?"

"It was...interesting."

A lot more than interesting, if Krycek was reading Mulder's body language correctly. Very, very interesting. So Mulder liked toys...

"So I'm just saying you don't have to keep treating me like I'm some kind of teenaged virgin, Alex." Mulder's tone was disgruntled. "You can...you know...do things to me. I want you to."

"Mulder..."

"I know you're just trying to go slow for me but it makes me feel like such a..."

"Mulder..."

"...such a pathetic..."

"Mulder! That's it. Rule number two. From now on Mulder does not talk. Mulder squirms. Mulder whimpers. Mulder makes that sexy little moaning noise in the back of his throat. But Mulder does not talk. Got it, Mulder?"

"Don't be a prick, Alex."

"I'm tired of arguing with you, Mulder. You're going to have to let me set the timetable. It's just for tonight, okay? Tomorrow you're in charge. Okay?"

Mulder fell silent for a moment. "You're a little nervous about this, too, aren't you, Alex?"

"Fuck you, Mulder. I'm not nervous." You're such a liar, Alex.

"It helps, doesn't it? If you can feel like you're the one in control? I know, Alex. I know what that feels like."

Damn you, Mulder. "Get out of my head." Don't give up on me, Mulder.

Mulder's hand reached up to brush Krycek's face. "I'm not afraid of you, Alex. I trust you. You could have hurt me. So badly. I was so afraid that you'd...touch me that night. I knew you wanted to. I've been waiting for the chance to tell you that it...was appreciated."

"I may be a...an inveterate scum sucker, Mulder, but I'm not a rapist. Not even close." Krycek's jaw clamped shut. Now, why in hell had he brought that up? Dammit.

"I shouldn't have called you that, Alex. I think I knew it wasn't true, even then. I was just angry at you." Mulder's voice was husky. "Guess I haven't given you much reason to trust me, have I?"

Krycek shrugged. There was a tightness in his chest that he didn't want to think about. "Not a big deal, Mulder. Old history."

"I hurt you. I kept hitting you, even when you were trying to help me. I don't know why I did that, Alex."

"I told you. Forget it." I don't know why, either. I tried, Mulder. I kept trying to make up for what I'd done.

"I wish I'd done things differently," Mulder said wistfully. "I always wondered if there was anything I could have done to change things. Could I have, Alex?"

"Yeah. You could have." Maybe I could have, too. It doesn't matter.

"I'm going to make it up to you. Tonight. Tomorrow." Mulder's fingers closed over Krycek's arm, caressing, as if it were something precious to him. "Tonight I'm all yours, okay? I'm in your hands."

His words shivered deliciously through Krycek; desire and tenderness and...strangely, relief.

"And then, tomorrow, I'm going to show you that you can trust me. I'm going to take care of you." His thumb and forefinger encircled Krycek's wrist, capturing it gently. "You'll see. Things will be different between us."

Krycek clamped down on the wave of conflicting emotions Mulder's words evoked. Terror and longing, rising up into a hard knot in his throat. He felt as if he were being shoved out over an abyss. I can't afford to trust you, Mulder. There's still too much at stake. I can't afford to fall that far. We'd both be dead before we hit the bottom.

"You don't believe me," Mulder sighed. "You'll see. But that's tomorrow night." He grinned suddenly, twin devils lighting in his eyes. "Sorry...did I interrupt your lesson plan? Please. Don't stop on my account."

"Thank you," Krycek said sarcastically. "Now, where was I before I was so rudely interrupted? Oh, that's right. Tongues. I was talking about tongues..." He bent down and began to explore the sensitive, slick skin of Mulder's cock, feeling it twitch and harden, interspersing action with explanation, feeling Mulder's hips trying to thrust upward into his mouth...

"...some men like it quick and erratic, like this...others like it long, slow strokes...ah, that tells me where to place you...no, don't be shy about it, Mulder. It's okay to give me a show. I'm your lover, after all, and...god, I love that noise, Mulder. It drives me fucking crazy, you know..."

"...it's okay to dig in, a tongue is soft enough that you're not going to do any damage...the cock-head is the most sensitive part but you don't want to overdo..."

"...take a ball in your mouth...no, I' not gonna use ny teeh, Mudder...use your tongue to roll it around when it's inside, like this..."

"...oh, liked that one, did you..?"

"...once you've got everything slicked up with spit and precum you bring your hand in on the action..."

"...because I like telling you what I'm going to do to you, Mulder. It's fun...I'm having fun here, do you mind..?"

"...multiple points of stimulation...here...and here...it's easier if you have more than just the one hand but I think I can manage..."

"...once you're ready to get serious, grasp the base of the cock like this and in we go...use your hand as a kind of safety stop to keep from pushing in too far...no, I'm not stopping...see, you still get to keep the hand, Mulder. I won't let go...when you deep-throat you've got to concentrate on relaxing your throat muscles. It takes practice to do without gagging..."

"...okay, so I'm out of practice. Don't freak out, Mulder....no, I don't want you to stop moving. I told you, that's how I can tell what you like. It's important. That's better..."

"...and there's a little spot right down here under your balls, if you dig in a little, not so much now but remember it. If you use it just at the moment when your partner is going off, it really makes him see god..."

"...now, here's a little trick I learned from a guy I picked up in a bar when I was nineteen. When your partner is right on the brink, and I think you are...don't curse at me, Mulder, you'll want to know about this one...you take hold right here, just below the head, two fingers on top and one on the bottom, and squeeze..."

"...somebody needs to have their mouth washed out with soap, I think..."

"...see, now, you're back at half mast and we're ready for round two. Come on, Mulder. You can take it, can't you? You'd better, cause I'm not stopping now..."

It was a heady feeling, having the power to drive Mulder out of his mind this way. He was so damned responsive. It was incredible. Every stroke of his tongue, every time his teeth grazed Mulder's flesh brought a quiver or a twitch. He's giving me this, not holding anything back, even if it embarrasses him. What an incredible, fucking gift. Krycek leaned forward and took Mulder's nipple between his teeth; Mulder's cock spasmed in anticipation.

In a way, it was an extension of what they had always done. I wave a cape and he charges. I poke a button and he detonates. Only this time lust and tenderness had replaced the anger and sense of betrayal. Even in my fantasies I never even dared to dream of doing this to him. Mulder's face was turning purple and his muscles had gone rigid. Krycek's hand slipped up into position and squeezed, dragging Mulder back from the brink of orgasm a second time.

"God...Alex...are you trying to kill me?" Mulder gasped, once he could breath again. "And how come the squeezing thing works when you do it? I tried it a couple of times and it never did."

"On you, or someone else?"

"Um...me."

"You can't do it to yourself, Mulder. Someone else has to. It's like tickling. Ever tried to tickle yourself? It's just not the same."

"Oh. Don't do it again, okay?" Mulder pleaded. "My balls are starting to ache."

"Perfect. You're ready for the final act, then. You paying attention, Mulder?"

"Bite me, Alex...nonono I didn't mean it...yeah, I'm paying attention, you asshole, you've got the attention of every nerve in my body, could you please just finish me, Alex..?"

"Sure, Mulder. First, we need this..." Krycek leaned down off the bed and dragged his jacket up, poking around in the pockets until he came up with a tube of lubricant. He squeezed a generous amount onto his index finger while Mulder watched with an almost hypnotized fascination.

"Is that going where I think it's going, Alex?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Oh, god..." Mulder was instantly hard again. "I thought you said you weren't going to..."

"Hush, Mulder. No talking, now." It wasn't going to take much. "Pull your knees up, that's the way, Mulder..." Krycek used a pillow to raise Mulder's hips, and slipped a finger down to trace along the juncture of Mulder's buttocks and in, until his finger rested against the tight, puckered muscle.

"Jesus..." Mulder was quivering with anticipation. "Oh, god. Is...is this going to hurt, Alex?"

"A little. You won't mind it, though, Mulder. You'll understand what I mean in just a moment." Mulder's balls had almost entirely disappeared into his body. He's just about to go off like a firecracker, Krycek thought with satisfaction. I guess I timed this about right... He brought his mouth down around Mulder's cock, swallowing him to the base and began pumping, his tongue providing an erratic counterpart to the actions of lips and the muscles at the back of his throat.

"Uhhh..." Just as Mulder's body went rigid, Krycek pressed his finger in, breaching the tight sphincter muscle and Mulder screamed at the added sensation of Krycek's finger sliding into his asshole, slamming his thighs against Krycek's chest, spine arching and eyes rolling up into the back of his head, his spasming cock pumping into Krycek's mouth. Somehow, Krycek managed to swallow it all without choking ...Goddamnit, I'm out of practice... feeling Mulder relax, and then abruptly collapse into a boneless, whimpering tangle of limbs.

He pulled his finger away, surreptitiously wiping it off, and removed the pillow. Damn, Mulder, you're going to be feeling that in the morning. He grinned in pure self-satisfaction and gazed down at Mulder tenderly. Even the ache in his balls was a kind of pleasure. Your pleasure, my pain, always my gift to you...

Mulder opened his eyes. There was a dazed expression in them. "Oh my god. You just made me scream, Alex. Nothing's ever made me scream."

"Not even Scully?" Krycek regretted his words almost before they had escaped his mouth.

"Scully? Scully and I..." Mulder cocked his head, and his brow furrowed. "Scully and I have been through a lot of shit together, and I love her, Alex. I love her so much. We've never been lovers, though." His eyes slowly focused on Krycek, puzzled, and then softened. "You don't have to be..."

"Whatever. None of my business." Krycek started rolling off the bed but was stopped by a hand on his arm.

"Alex? Would you...would you just lie here with me? Beside me? I want to...hold you. Is that okay?"

"I'd rather not. There are other places I need to be tonight."

"Please, Alex? Just for a little while?"

"Fine. For a little while. If it makes you happy. Roll over and let me have the outside." Krycek tried to keep his voice neutral, but all his nerves were screaming. Paranoia and sexual tension...a very bad combination. Dammit, Mulder, can't you see that I need a little distance right now? Not to mention a little quality time with my right hand.

Obviously not. Krycek allowed himself to be pulled down beside Mulder on the bed, and lay stiffly, with his back to Mulder and his face turned toward the door, trying to hide his tension.

"Is something wrong, Alex?"

"No." Of course there's something wrong, goddamit. What the fuck do you think? I'm as hard as a rock and all I can think about is wanting my cock up your ass right now. Not to mention worrying about whether or not you locked your fucking front door.

"You sure? You haven't had much practice at cuddling, have you?"

"Cuddling?" Krycek repeated coldly. Assassins do not cuddle, Mulder.

"Cuddling, Alex. It's something lovers do after making love."

"You don't say," Krycek muttered.

"I do. Scout's honor. My turn to teach you, now, Alex."

"Look, Mulder, I appreciate the offer but I'm not in the mood right now..."

"Humor me, Alex. Please? Just give me five minutes, okay? If you still want to leave after that...I won't try to stop you."

"Five minutes?" I can last five more minutes... "I suppose."

"Turnabout rules, then. For five minutes you do what I say and you don't talk."

"Fine." Krycek had never been much for post-coital conversation, anyway.

"Great." The bed shifted. "Roll over onto your back." Grimly, Krycek complied. He felt vulnerable...exposed. His erection was clearly visible beneath the thin cotton.

"Alex? You never came? You were just going to walk away like this, weren't you?" Mulder's tone was hurt. "I don't understand. Don't you...trust me to make it good for you? Why won't you let me touch you?"

Why? It was a good question. The answer was...hard to think about. Even harder to put into words. "I just...didn't want to spoil it. I wanted tonight to be...just for you." My gift to you. "I wanted it to be good for you."

"You know damned well it was. I don't think you're being completely honest about this, though, Alex. I want you to think about something. How did it feel? Touching me? Pleasing me? Making me squirm and...whimper and...make funny noises? How did it make you feel, watching me scream with your finger up my ass?"

It felt...good. So good... "I've never...enjoyed anything more."

"But you don't want to reciprocate. You don't want me to have the pleasure of giving you pleasure. Doesn't that seem a little selfish, Alex?" Mulder asked gently. "What you gave me was good, but I want more. I don't just want your tongue and your fingers...I want you. I want to get inside that armor of yours. I want you to lose control for me."

"Not a good idea, Mulder. My instincts aren't exactly civilized."

"You don't really believe that. You're not afraid of hurting me. Alex." Mulder's voice was husky. "You'd never hurt me. Not like this. Not with this." He lifted Krycek's hand to his face, and Krycek tried not to shiver as Mulder brushed soft lips over his fingers, then turned his hand up and began planting kisses across his palm and down to his wrist. "I know what you're afraid of, Alex, and you don't have to be. You can trust me." He unbuttoned Krycek's cuff and continued trailing kisses down the inside of his arm. "Here...let me get this shirt off..."

"No! That's...not necessary, Mulder. If you want to give me a blow job, great. Here," Krycek took his hand back, arched his hips up and skinned out of his briefs. "Here you go." He made an involuntary sound in the back of his throat, as the cool air rippled across his stiff, bobbing cock.

"Now, that's a sexy sound," Mulder drew himself up on his hands and knees, and positioned himself between Krycek's legs... "Sure you don't want to get rid of that shirt?"

Yes. No. I don't know... You're the fucking psychologist, Mulder...you figure it out.. "I'm sure."

"Look, Alex, I'm only going to let you get away with this because if I don't you'll probably argue with me until you've wasted my entire five minutes, and then you'll run off and I'll never..."

"Mulder...do you ever stop talking? You're driving me crazy. Now, either blow me or let me go take care of things myself." Or at least stop leaning over my cock that way until you're ready to do something about it...

"Just trying to build up a sense of anticipation," Mulder gave him an innocent look. He leaned down and kissed the inside of Krycek's thigh, then again at the inner juncture of his leg.

Krycek shivered at the feel of Mulder's breath tickling across his crotch and leg hairs. "Clock's ticking, Mulder."

"You're not very good at following rules," Mulder complained. "Let's see how you like lying there with your mouth shut, being driven fucking crazy and not even being able to complain about it...uh uh, Alex, no talking. I get to talk all I want...those are the rules."

Krycek closed his eyes. Why the hell did I ever think this was going to be fun? I'm lying here dying of blue balls and he wants to have a fucking one-sided conversation and I forgot to ask him about the door, not that his lock is worth shit anyway...

"I'm...not as experienced at this as you are. I think if I put my mouth on your cock you aren't going to last long, and I don't know if I can make the squeezing thing work..." the bed shifted "... so I'm just going to be a minute..." there was a quiet sound that Krycek couldn't identify, then more movement.

He gritted his teeth, counting the seconds as they passed with agonizing slowness, willing his erection to recede, barely restraining himself from demanding to know what the hell Mulder was doing.

Driving me fucking crazy, that's what...

"Okay. Ready. You need to open your eyes, Alex. I need to know if you're okay with this."

Krycek opened his eyes. "Okay with what, Mulder?" he asked, with combined confusion and trepidation. What the hell has he got into his head to try now? With Mulder, it could be damned near anything.

"I w...want to...to...you know. Dammit, I can say this. I want to fuck you, Alex. I've got a condom on, and I used...some hand lotion..."

Jesus, Mulder... "You're ready to go again already?" He stared at Mulder's erection.

"Yeah." Mulder grinned. "Pretty awesome, aren't I? Diana used to hate that about me..." Then his expression turned serious. "I...think my five minutes is up, Alex. If you want to stop now...I promised you could. It's okay."

Mulder was giving him an out. He thinks I might not want to be fucked. Oh, yippee, then we could have a matching set. I think I look better in blue than he does, though. "Mulder, you are certifiable, you know that? Do you want me on my back or on my knees?"

A flash of panic showed in his eyes, then Mulder said firmly "I want to do it the way you did to me. With you on your back. I want to watch your face."

Krycek chuckled. "Whatever you want, Mulder," he said fondly. "Go ahead. Do me." He lifted his legs and hooked them over Mulder's shoulders.

Mulder leaned forward, his face flushed with excitement and embarrassment. "Okay. Are you ready for me, Alex?"

I'm always ready for you, Mulder. "Sure." Krycek felt Mulder's fingers slicking flower scented lotion across his anus ugh, I'm going to have to get him some proper lube his thighs being grasped, and then Mulder's cock was pressed against the tight muscle of his sphincter and suddenly he was being split oh, fuck, Mulder, no! pain stabbing up into him and he clamped down involuntarily "Shit! Mulder! Stop..." ...hands, holding me down, pain...

"What?" Mulder froze. "What am I doing?"

"Just stop moving!" It's been too long, I just need time to adjust to him, he didn't know any better... Krycek gasped with pain as Mulder yanked his cock out. "Mulder, dammit, can't you ever just follow instructions..?"

"I'm sorry. Shit, Alex, I'm sorry..." Mulder's voice rose in panic. "I hurt you. What did I do? I thought you said you were ready. What did I do wrong?"

Krycek sat up gingerly. Damn, that smarts...don't let Mulder see it in your face, you'll spook him... "Whoa, Mulder, calm down. It's no big deal. No harm done. Just listen, okay?"

"Okay. Shit. I'm sorry. I am such a fucking idiot..."

"Mulder." Krycek pitched his voice to calmness, and gave an audible sigh so Mulder would know he was only exasperated, not upset. "Remember when I told you that being with a man wasn't the same as being with a woman?"

"Yeah."

"Okay...unless you're fucking on a regular basis, and I'm not, by the way. It's been a long time," he said softly, "you still need to use your fingers and get things loosened up first."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know...I didn't think. They never do that in the videos," Mulder admitted miserably. "I'm such a fucking idiot."

"Not your fault, Mulder. Mine. I told you I was ready...thought I was. Like I said, it's been a while." Krycek leaned forward and pulled Mulder against him, burying his face against Mulder's neck, nuzzling, until he felt Mulder's hands hesitantly encircle his waist. "Let's try this again, shall we? Just go a little slower." He pressed a lingering kiss into Mulder's neck and lay back. "Start with one finger until you feel my muscles loosen, then go to two, then three. Once I can take three you can stick your cock in me. Got that?"

"Are you sure you want to...?"

"Mulder. I'm about ready to go get my Gerber and cut your dick off and stick it up my ass without you. It'll be fine. It would have been fine if you'd just done what I told you and given me time to adjust to you being inside me. Next time listen to what I'm telling you and don't panic. This isn't rocket science, you know. It isn't going to blow up if you do it wrong."

"Only if I do it right?" Mulder gave him a grin. He grasped Krycek's ankles and lifted them carefully back up to his shoulders.

Krycek couldn't help an involuntary tensing, then forced himself to relax. He didn't mean to. It won't happen again. He felt fingers sliding over his anus again, and gritted his teeth. Cut him some slack. This doesn't have to be perfect the first time. There will be other times. Don't scare him. One finger pressed against him, gently, barely breaching the muscle. "Talk to me, Mulder. Tell me what you're going to do to me. It's a good practice in the beginning, and it can be very sexy."

"I thought you didn't want me talking." He could hear the smile in Mulder's voice.

"There's a first time for everything," Krycek muttered, then gave an involuntary moan at the sensation of Mulder's finger sliding inside, past the slickness, probing, twisting as it was slowly withdrawn, then in again, the roughness of Mulder's skin evident even under the vaseline.

"Just one finger, now. Do you want to tell me when you're ready for two, Alex?"

"Two," gasped Krycek.

"You want two?" The finger slid back out of him, and Krycek bit his lip, legs flexing involuntarily, trying to force Mulder closer.

"Bastard," he hissed, and Mulder chuckled.

"Okay, Alex. You want two. Here they come." Mulder let him feel the fingers for a moment, teasing him, circling him, pressing in but not quite far enough, until Krycek could barely restrain his whimpers. Then they slid into him, burning, stretching...

"Oh, god." His legs were trembling so violently he could barely keep them from sliding off Mulder's shoulders.

"Too fast?"

"No. Other hand...on my cock. Please, Mulder."

Mulder's hand touching him was like a white-hot explosion going off in his head. I'm not going to last long enough for him to get inside me. "S...stop, Mulder. Take your hand away..."

The fingers slid out of him and he bit back a cry of frustration. "Not the fingers...let go of my dick. It's too much. Hurry. Use three. I can take it."

He gasped again, the feel of Mulder's fingers stretching him, sliding in, pressing against that spot, sparks dancing around the edges of his vision, Mulder, those are Mulder's fingers, nearly crying at the sudden lack of sensation against his cock, the cold air chilling against the heat of his sensitive flesh...

"Tell me when, Alex," Mulder murmured. "I'm not going to hurt you again. I don't ever want to hurt you."

"M...Mulder. I want you inside me. Now." The fingers slid out, sending another pulse of sensation shooting up into his cock as they slid across his prostate on the way out. "G...god..." Then Mulder was pressing against him, pressing in, forcing him open, at the same time fingers closed around his cock and began to pump and the lightning bolt of impending orgasm rippled across Krycek's nerves and then he was exploding, feeling as if every neuron in his brain was firing off simultaneously Mulder, it's Mulder inside me, Mulder's hands on me and his back was arching, head thrown back in a silent scream of release ohgodohgodohgodMulder and Mulder was pumping in a frenzy of trying to catch up and then, just when Krycek's shudders were beginning to recede Mulder threw his head back and whimpered, muscles gone rigid, and they gradually collapsed together into an exhausted, sated tangle on the sweat-soaked sheets.

"I think I almost passed out from that one," Mulder whispered, after a long moment.

"Me, too." Krycek felt boneless, weightless. Skinner himself could come through that door right now with a gun in his hand and I'd just lie here and let him shoot me. I'd die happy.

"Really? I mean...I know you came, but that doesn't always mean a lot."

"It was fucking incredible. I've never had an experience like that before, Mulder. I mean it."

"You're such a liar, Krycek. Thanks."

"Sure. I'm a liar, Mulder." Krycek snuggled closer, pulling Mulder's head against his chest okay, so assassins do snuggle. Only with Mulder, though... "but not about this."

"Scout's honor, Alex?"

"I was never a scout, Mulder."

"Assassin's honor?"

"There's no such thing."

"Well...I guess I'll just have to take your word for it, then."

"Believe me, Mulder. You're the best I ever had. You've spoiled me for anyone else, now."

"M'glad," Mulder's voice was slurring into sleepiness. "Stay with me?"

"For a while, Mulder. At least until morning." Gently, Krycek disengaged from Mulder, ignoring the man's sleepy protest, long enough to drag the covers up over them both.

He lay, his mind chasing itself over the implications of what he had just done, what he might have committed himself to, knowing that no matter what the consequences were he wouldn't regret a single moment of it. His mind drifted slowly into slumber, until he was awakened by the creaking of the bed. "Mulder?"

"Alex. Did I remember to lock the door?"

I must be rubbing off on him, Krycek chuckled to himself. Good. "Probably not, Mulder. Go back to sleep. Nobody gets through me, remember?"

"I remember. Thanks. I...thanks. 'Night, Alex."

"'Night, Mulder."

Mulder snuggled back down, one arm flung possessively across Krycek's chest. In a few minutes, he was snoring softly.

This is where he belongs. This is where I've always wanted him. This is where...I want to belong.

You're mine. I...want to be yours.

Goodnight, Mulder. I'll still be here in the morning.

For the first time in many years, Alex Krycek looked forward to seeing the sunrise.