The Wish

Mulder was still asleep when Alex woke up. He was breathing slowly and deeply when Alex checked on him. Alex watched him sleep for a minute or two and then went to answer the siren call of caffeine.

He leafed through Mulder's week-old newspapers and drank two cups of coffee. The news was a little old and the coffee was a little bad. He sighed and took the cup to the sink to rinse it out. Over the running water he heard a door. Crisp footsteps followed the sound of the faucet to the kitchen. Alex turned off the water and reached for a towel as Scully came into the room.

She was looking down at an open folder in her hands and didn't notice he wasn't who she expected him to be. "Mulder, I have the autopsy report..." she glanced up. Papers flew as the folder fell and she scrambled at her back for her gun. Then she remembered she didn't have to do this with him anymore and relaxed. Her shoulders slumped with a whoosh of released breath and the hand at her back fell to her side. "Sorry," she muttered and stooped to pick up the scattered file.

Alex relaxed his fingers from their death grip on the towel. He wondered if his face was a white as it felt. His own gun was still sitting on Mulder's desk and he felt it's absence sorely. He turned back to the counter and wiped the sudden sweat from his upper lip with the back of his shaking hand. He cleared his throat discreetly and asked, "Want some coffee?"

"Yes, thank you," she answered, her voice unnaturally bright. Maybe she *had* noticed how much her performance had rattled him. He refilled his just-washed cup and got another from Mulder's cupboard. She was fussing with the newspapers, meticulously putting them back together and folding them into a neat pile. Alex handed her a cup and got a tight flustered smile in return.

They sat at Mulder's table, just around the corner from each other, and sipped in silence.

"I.. ummm," Scully began, then "when did you get back?"

"Last night." That seemed to be the end of that topic and they lapsed into silence again.

Alex finished his coffee and twisted the cup absently between his hands. Scully's attention seemed captured by his left hand. "Is that new?" She asked.

He nodded, "I've had it a couple months now."

"Can I..." she asked hesitantly, reaching for his hand. He moved his arm toward her and she took the hand in her own. She examined the wrinkles on his knuckles and brushed the light scattering of hair across the back of his hand. "This is exquisite craftsmanship," she said in wonder.

Alex offered her his right hand for comparison. "It was made in Switzerland," he said. Grateful to finally have a subject they could talk about. "They made a casting of my right arm and flipped it around to make a mold for this one."

"They even got the flesh tone very accurate," she said in admiration.

He chuckled, "For now, until I get a tan."

Scully smiled for real and turned his hand over. He spread the fingers so she could look at his palm. "Alex, you have fingerprints," she said in delight. She was completely taken in by the artistry of his new arm.

"They're the exact opposite of my right."

She held both his hands together and studied them. Alex felt his breath catch when she unconsciously stroked her thumb across his real palm. "How much control do you have?" she asked.

He concentrated and closed the fingers carefully around her hand. He couldn't make a fist but he could close the hand enough to grasp objects. He released her hand and turned the wrist to lay his palm against the table top. "It's better than anything since..." he trailed off, surprised at the force of the loss he still felt after all these years.

Scully continued after a few seconds of silence. "Is it computerized or muscular driven?"

Alex could have kissed her. "A little of both." He then related the week he'd spent with electrodes all over the remaining muscles in his stump, 'moving' the arm, wrist and hand that were no longer there while a computer used the information to program his new arm.

Finally Alex got up to start a new pot of coffee and go get rid of his first three cups. Mulder was still asleep when he came out of the bathroom. "Mulder is still sacked out," he told Scully. "What has he been up to lately?"

"Let him sleep," Scully advised. "You know how he gets on a case." They shared a shy smile. Yeah, he *did* know, they both knew. Something like camaraderie sparkled in the air between them.

"I miss being his partner," Alex admitted.

"Alex, I have to ask this," Scully started and he knew exactly what she was asking about.

"I was there, Scully, but I didn't shoot her," he jumped straight to the point.

His comment silenced he for a moment. Then, "You said I was a 'bargaining chip'. What did you mean by that?"

Alex scrubbed his hand over his face, wondering how much to tell her. "I don't think Mulder has any idea how much he pissed them all off over that damn DAT tape. God, he about had them all at each others throats!" He fiddled with the handle of his cup, not looking at her. "A few thought they should just get rid of him once and for all but they know they can't do that. Then somebody suggested that getting rid of you for good might do the trick."

"Why did they think that?" He voice was laced with hurt and outrage.

"Scully, you didn't see him while you were 'missing'. He was practically worthless! Mulder never really accomplished much with the X-Files until you came along. His investigations were erratic and insupportable. Mulder's a genius at profiling and he makes some incredibly intuitive leaps, but *you* make the cases legitimate. Didn't you know that?"

She flushed to the roots of her hair. She was shocked to hear such glowing praise from Alex Krycek of all people.

Alex watched her color return to normal and continued in a quiet voice. "The idea of getting rid of you was getting pretty popular and then I said..." He trailed off. He'd been caught up in his storytelling and forgot he wasn't supposed to tell her the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

"What did you say?" she demanded. Her color was up again and her eyes flashed in anger.

"I couldn't believe they were being so short-sighted," he admitted. "I pointed out that if you were permanently out of the picture they would lose their best means of manipulating him. Then I suggested you be taken and force Mulder to trade the tape for you."

"I never realized you had so much pull with them," her voice was cold now.

"I *didn't*," he insisted. "I was never more than just an errand boy to them. I was just supposed to follow orders and never question. Thing is, I always questioned. This one time was the only time I ever suggested and it shocked the hell out of me that anybody listened. But, it seemed like they did and they said, 'Okay, Alex, it was your idea so it's your assignment. Take Luis and go get her.'"

"Luis Cardinal?" she asked.

Alex nodded, "God, I hated that bastard. Trigger happy maniac, that's what he was. They saddled me with him since I was always so cool under fire, so to speak. They thought I'd be able to control him. At least, that's what I thought they thought. Turns out I was the one under *his* watchful eye. I should have known they'd be keeping track of me." He couldn't hide his agitation at his own ignorance and got up to pace. "He fired that night before I even knew he had a gun in his hand. We saw it wasn't you and got out of there. Afterwards I lit into him in the car. You ever try driving while trying to beat the shit out of somebody?"

"Please don't joke about it, Alex," she begged.

"I'm sorry," he felt his face flush. "I didn't know she was your sister." They were both silent again. "I complained about him and they told me they would take care of him. A couple days later they found out that Skinner actually had the tape. Luis and I were sent to get it from him."

"He told us about that," Scully said. "He said there were two men with you. Who was the third?"

"I... they never told me his name." He sat down again. "He was our driver and we decided at the last minute to have him help us. Good thing, too; Skinner put up a good fight and Luis and I may not have been able to handle him on our own." Alex didn't realize his voice was tinged with admiration. "So, I was holding the tape when we stopped ten minutes later at a convenience store. Luis and the driver went in for drinks and I got suspicious. I got out of the car and ran and it blew up behind me." Scully gasped. "I guess they finally got tired of my questions, whaddaya think?"

She didn't answer, just searched his face for several minutes. He got nervous under her regard and stood up. "Does Mulder have any bread? You want some toast?" He bustled around the kitchen, found some not too stale bread and popped it in the toaster. He brought plates, knives, and a tub of margarine to the table.

"I don't think the strawberry jelly is supposed to be green so I vote we skip it," he quipped.

Scully smiled in spite of herself and finally asked, "Does Mulder know all this?"

"I told him on the plane to Russia."

"He's never said anything to me about it," she said.

"I don't think he believed me."

"But even after what happened last summer," she protested. "You'd think he'd say something after that."

Alex thought about it for a moment, working his way through a piece of toast. Scully was spreading margarine meticulously over her slice. She had no plans to actually eat it but it gave her something to do with her hands.

"It's entirely possible he doesn't even remember the conversation," he mused.

"What conversation?" Mulder startled them from the doorway. He went to Scully and bent down to place a kiss on the top of her head.

"Mulder, do you remember Alex telling you about Melissa's death?" Scully ignored the usual morning pleasantries. Her casual acceptance of Mulder's touch made Alex wonder.

Mulder took her toast with a puzzled look on his face. He stuffed half the slice into his mouth as he moved to the counter for a cup of coffee. He leaned back against the counter, sipping the coffee, deep in thought, while Alex and Scully watched him. "When did we have this conversation?" he asked Alex.

"On the plane to Krasnojarsk."

"Before or after Moscow?"

"After."

"I thought I slept that whole flight," he mused.

Alex turned to Scully. "They tested the vaccine on him in Tunguska. Sometimes it does weird things to your memory."

He began the meticulous process of repeating, as closely as he could remember, the exact conversation they'd had. As he spoke, Mulder's gaze turned inward, searching his memories. His eyes widened as he found what he was looking for. "Oh my god, I *do* remember! It's kind of like remembering a dream, but we really did talk about this." He turned his stricken gaze to Scully, "I'm sorry, Scully. I'd have told you if I could have."

"I know you would have, Mulder," she reassured him.

"Knowing this sure does explain a lot," Mulder said, turning his attention to Alex.

Alex shifted uncomfortably under the gaze of both of them. "I know I can't ask you to forgive me for everything I've been involved in, I just wish you wouldn't hate for the things I had no control over." He stared miserably down at the tabletop and traced a line in the wood with a finger.

Mulder came forward and laid his hand on the back of Alex's head.

"I don't know if we can forgive you, Alex," Scully said, "but we don't hate you."

Alex's breath caught at the touch and the words. He swallowed hard and realized he needed to leave. "Umm I should get out of here before somebody realizes I'm back. I may be back in with them but that doesn't mean they trust me."

"Okay," Mulder agreed. His hand slid down the back of Alex's neck and squeezed his shoulder.

Alex stood up from the table and went to find his gun and jacket. Mulder and Scully hovered in the kitchen doorway watching him.

"I threw your sweats in the hamper," he told Mulder who had moved to the door to open it for him.

"Thanks," Mulder said. Alex moved to pass him and go out the door. Mulder's hand on his fake arm stopped him. He pulled Alex into a hug and whispered, "You won't disappear again, will you?"

"Not if I can help it," Alex promised, hugging him back hard like he knew Mulder wanted.

When they stepped back from each other, Scully was standing beside them. Alex dipped down quickly and kissed her cheek. "Thank you," he told her and was out the door before she could reply. He didn't look back to see if they watched him leave.