Part Three
I'd give my all
Scully looked at her watch for the fourth time in the last twenty
minutes.
Late.
She couldn't believe it. Couldn't ever recall a time in the last five
years that Mulder had ever come in to the office after her. She
should never have gone along with this. What the hell was she
thinking, letting Mulder take Krycek home with him?
Oh, and what were you supposed to do, keep him at your place?
She pushed away from her desk and paced as much of the length of
the cluttered office as she could.
He's all right. He's fine. Nothing has happened to him. He'll be in
any...
She stopped and dropped heavily, back into her chair. Who was she
kidding? Mulder's safety was not her primary concern at this point.
She was fairly certain that Krycek wasn't going to kill him, but
thoughts of what else he might be doing to her partner, was like an
icy dagger, twisting in her gut.
Her head jerked up as the door swung open and Mulder entered.
"Good morning," she said, making a point of looking at her watch,
then back up at him.
"Morning," he tossed back, ignoring the silent accusation.
"How are you?"
"I'm fine." He removed his jacket and hung it over the back of the
chair. "Anything I should be brought up to speed on?"
"Nope. Been quiet. I've just been catching up on stuff that I'd let
go for a while."
Mulder nodded. "Okay, well I guess I could do the same, then." He
walked over to one of the filing cabinets and paused, his hand on
the drawer. "Unless we've got any meetings this morning?"
"There's one on the missing wife of some diplomat, but that's not
till eleven."
Mulder pulled the drawer out and rummaged through it, removing
two files. He shut the drawer quietly and seated himself at his desk.
As he did so, Scully took notice of the slight wince that would have
escaped the casual observer. She chose not to say anything about it,
not at all sure if she really wanted to know the reason for his
discomfort. But there was something else she wanted to know.
"Everything okay over at your place?"
"Fine."
"I mean, you had no problems with coming in, today?"
"Scully," Mulder looked up from his desk. "My guest has left."
Hope surged into her chest. "Oh?"
Mulder shot her down. "For the time being."
"Oh."
"What's the matter, Scully? You don't look as perky as you did ten
seconds ago."
Scully gave no answer. Her eyes merely darted back to the report in
front of her.
Mulder fell silent as well and each went about their own business,
until shortly before eleven.
Scully entered the office and began organizing her desk. Mulder
watched her over the rims of his glasses. His voice stopped her
movements.
"Do you have plans for dinner, Scully?"
"N-no. I just thought I'd dig something out of the fridge and do a
little reading." She waved a forensics report through the air.
"Let me take you out. We'll go anywhere you want."
Scully hesitated.
"Please, Scully. Can't we talk?"
She was about to refuse—to come up with another excuse why she
couldn't, but a little voice chastised her.
Are you really going to be that rotten? He's your best friend and
he needs to talk. Stop being so damned selfish.
She sighed. "Okay, Mulder."
He gave her a half smile. "Where do you want to go?"
"How about Abercrombie's?" she suggested, trying to come up
with a place that would afford them some privacy.
"Don't you need reservations for that place?"
"Yeah. Why don't you call and see if you can get us a corner
table?"
Mulder made the call and got reservations for six o'clock. It was a
Wednesday night and he'd had no problem at all. They left the
office at five-twenty and arrived at the restaurant fifteen minutes
early. They took a seat at the bar while they waited for their table.
"So," she said, trying to sound casual, "I bet this was a long day for
you."
"How do you mean?"
"The first day back, after having a few days off, is usually pretty
long."
"Oh. Yeah. I guess I really hadn't noticed."
Scully nodded and peered down into her drink. Mulder spoke next.
"So what do you think happened to that woman?"
Scully threw him a puzzled glance.
"The diplomat's wife."
"Oh! Oh, I don't think she's disappeared. At least not in the way
they think."
"I know, me either. I think that hubby is going to have to face up to
the fact that she may have found the groundskeeper more to do
than just trimming the hedges and mowing the lawn."
Scully smiled. "You can't blame the guy for wanting to think that
there was foul play. I mean, who'd want to believe a thing like that
about their spouse?"
For those few moments, they were Mulder and Scully again.
Completely at ease. No walls, no doubts. Then they were seated at
their table. The uneasiness returned immediately. Mulder picked up
his menu and pretended to study it.
"What are you going to have?" Scully asked, glad to have
something to talk to him about.
"I don't know. So many things look good."
After a few moments, they ordered. Scully decided that now was a
good time to get the ball rolling
"What did you want to talk about, Mulder?"
Okay, here we go.
"This situation between us."
Scully lowered her head. "What is there for us to say?"
"I don't know. There's just... you can't deny that things are strained
between us."
"I don't know what to say about that, Mulder. It's true that you
and I don't see eye to eye on this Krycek thing..."
"To me, it's not this Krycek thing. He's become part of my life,
Scully. Now, I'd never in a million years have dreamed that this
would happen, but it has, and I'm not sorry."
"I don't understand, Mulder. Not more than a few days ago, you
felt dirty. Sub-human. Now you act as though you'd never had any
of those feelings, at all."
"I did feel that way. The feeling was real. But then I saw him at
your apartment and other real feelings surfaced. I can't explain it to
you. I would if I could."
"This is just so unreal to me. I keep thinking that I'm going to
wake up and everything will be back to normal."
"What's normal in our world?"
"Normal is you hating Krycek with a passion, wanting to kill him
every time you see him or even hear his name..."
"You'd prefer the anger, to this?"
"It's what I knew. It's what I was comfortable with. I'm sorry
Mulder, I know this isn't about me."
"It's about all of us. You, me and Alex."
Scully twitched at the sound of Krycek's first name on her partner's
lips. Mulder went on.
"He left because he didn't want to be the cause of any rift between
us."
Scully lifted her eyes to his.
"It's true. I was feeling pretty bad when you left my apartment the
other day and we had a talk. Actually, he did most of the talking.
He said that I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I lost you as a
friend, because of my relationship with him. And he couldn't live
with that. So he said he was going to leave."
Scully listened in silence.
"I didn't want him to go, Scully. If it was up to me, he'd still be
there. He left for me. And for you."
She interrupted. "And for himself?"
"Yes, for himself, too. He couldn't stand the thought of me turning
against him, if our relationship," his hand motioned back and forth
between them, "was ruined. I'm not trying to make him out to be a
saint, Scully. I'm just trying to tell you that he has a conscience and
he does care."
"Okay, so now what? You said earlier, that he'd left for the time
being. What does that mean?"
"He wants me to work this out with you and to be sure that I can
live with whatever understanding we come to."
"And what if we can't? Because I'll tell you Mulder, I just don't see
myself warming up to this man."
A look crossed Mulder's face, so deeply pathetic that she was
immediately sorry for her statement.
"Listen, this is your life. Whatever decision you come to about
Krycek, is yours and yours alone. What I think or feel on the matter
is irrelevant."
"But it isn't, Scully. Our lives are intertwined. Whatever one of us
does, affects the other."
"Well, this will just have to be one part of our lives that we'll have
to untangle. I promise, I won't let my feelings for Alex Krycek
come between us. Just don't expect that I'll ever want to go out for
pizza and a movie with him. I'll be civil if I have to be in his
company, but that's about all I can muster, I think. Can you live
with that?"
There was that pathetic, little boy look, again. She reached for his
hand.
"It'll be okay, Mulder. You and I won't change. I promise. If Alex
Krycek is what you really want, far be it from me to make waves."
She paused, trying to read his expression. "Is he?"
"Is he what?"
"Really what you want? Have you given it serious consideration?"
"Yes, I have. I want him in my life. He's only been gone less than a
day, and I miss him already. But... I've got a whole week to think
about it some more. And I will use the time. I wish you would,
too. If you have any questions or doubts, please tell me. I need to
be able to deal with everything."
Scully squeezed his hand. "Okay."
She released him as their meals arrived. When the waiter had gone,
she turned back to him. "He'll be back next Wednesday to let me
take the stitches out?"
Mulder eyelids slid closed. "Yes."
"You don't seem quite sure."
"I'm just afraid."
"Of what?"
"Of something happening."
"Like?"
"Like them finding him. They could kill him."
Scully tried to reassure him, even in the midst of her own selfish
thoughts on the matter. "Krycek has got nine lives, Mulder. You
don't need to worry about him."
Mulder acknowledged her with a tiny nod.
"Mulder, can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
Scully took a deep breath and released it. "What if this is all a
setup?"
His face took on an impatient look.
"Hear me out, please."
He lifted a hand. "Go ahead."
"What if..." she lowered her voice. "What if, this is all deliberate?
Something concocted between Krycek and the people he works for,
to bring you down?"
Mulder shook his head. "No..."
"How do you know, Mulder? It wouldn't be beneath him to pull
something like this. And I'm sorry, but I've really got to question
your judgement in this situation. "
"What, you think it's clouded by lust?"
"You said it, I didn't."
Mulder leaned back in his chair, watching his fingers drawing
designs on the pale yellow tablecloth.
"Mulder... what would you do if you found out that it was true?
That he'd committed the ultimate betrayal?"
"You weren't there, Scully. You didn't see the Krycek I saw. I
never told you how we wound up where we are."
"No, you didn't."
"I found him in my apartment. He was getting ready to plant a
camera. We fought. He managed to get my gun from me. He had
the perfect opportunity to kill me, but he handed the gun back." He
searched her eyes for some sign of understanding, but she was
unreadable. He continued. "He told me a lot of things I didn't want
to hear. He made me furious. I wanted to kill him and I wanted to
give in to him, and I wanted... I wanted to kill myself for wanting to
give in. And all of a sudden I was on overload. I came apart, and he
was there. He put his arms around me and held me together.
He... got me into bed and spent the night in a chair, nearby. He
did that for me."
"Well, that sounds wonderful Mulder, but then why was the air so
thick in my apartment when you two locked eyes for the first time
in over five weeks? Which, by the way, leads me to my second
question. Why hadn't you seen each other in all that time?"
"It was just like I told you, Scully. I couldn't face what we'd done."
He skipped back to where he'd left off. "I woke up at around four
that morning. He was asleep, still in the chair. First of all, it amazed
me that I was able to sleep with him in my apartment, and secondly,
it was a surprise waking up at all, with him in my apartment.
Another perfect opportunity to get rid of me and he didn't. He
woke up shortly after me and we started to talk. He started pushing
my buttons again, and I got pissed. We ended up in yet another
scrape, and before I knew it, we were..."
Scully flushed and looked away.
"Well, there's no need to go into detail. I think you remember what
I'd told you a few days ago. Anyway, just as I'd said, after it was
over, I couldn't... I couldn't face it. When I came out of the
bathroom, he'd gone. He hated himself for what he thought he'd
done to me and he thought it was best if he just left. He didn't
know... I didn't know... not right away, that it was the worst thing
he could have done. But under the circumstances, I probably would
have done the same... I don't know. We should have talked it out. It
might have saved us both a whole lot of sleepless nights and
arguments."
"Arguments?"
"We spent a lot of time over the last couple of days, arguing over
whether or not he should stay."
"I guess he won that argument."
"I don't think he saw it as a victory. He made a real point of letting
me know that he was only leaving because it was what was best for
me and not because he wanted to go."
"And you believed him."
"I kept waffling on that. Just this morning I accused him of
bullshitting me. Something he said hit me the wrong way, and I was
off. But he explained himself and I felt better."
"Sounds to me Mulder, that all I keep hearing, is how he's done
something or said something to upset you."
Mulder managed a lopsided smile. "There's no getting around the
fact that Alex and I together are about as volatile as a keg of
gunpowder and a lit match. Even when things are calm, there
always seems to be something simmering just beneath the
surface."
"I don't understand, Mulder. If that's the way it is with you... why?"
She struggled to make her point. "I mean... why?"
"Because there's a lot more to us than just that. We understand
each other... mostly... we're good together. And it just... it feels right.
Comfortable."
"I'm not going to pretend to understand this, Mulder. I still don't."
She rested her chin in her palm for a moment, then asked another
question. "That morning in my apartment, he said something about
'holding some cards'. Can he help us?"
"He could. But I won't ask him to."
"Why the hell not?"
"Scully, he can't. The minute he gives away any of that information,
he's as good as dead. I won't take any chances with his life."
"This is harder to believe than anything I've heard, so far. This guy
could hold the key, Mulder. He may have the answers to everything
we've ever wanted to know. This has been your quest... your
obsession, for years! And you're just going to give it up?"
"Scully, if there was some way to get that information without
risking his life, I'd do it. But there isn't."
Scully shrugged. "So, that's it? You're just going to let it go?"
"That's the way it has to be. At least for now."
"I never thought I'd see the day when anything or anyone took
precedence over your search."
"That's not fair, Scully. I've never put your safety at risk for any
reason..."
Scully sighed. "You're right. I'm sorry." She looked down at her
half-empty plate. "I've about had it with this. It was good, but... it's
getting late and I've got some stuff to do before I turn in."
Mulder nodded. "Oh. Sure. Just let me get the waitress over here,
and we can take off."
Once the bill was paid, Mulder walked Scully to her car and stood
by as she unlocked the door and swung it open.
"Thanks for dinner."
"Thanks for agreeing to talk."
"Even though I didn't really say anything you wanted to hear?"
"I didn't expect miracles right away."
"You know I'm a believer in miracles Mulder, but in this case, I
wouldn't hold my breath if I were you. I'm sorry, but I'm just
trying to be as truthful as I can."
Mulder looked past Scully. "I appreciate that."
"See you tomorrow."
"Goodnight, Scully."
He watched her start her car and pull out of the parking lot, before
walking to his own vehicle. Once inside, he leaned his forehead
against the steering wheel and closed his eyes. He sat that way for
twenty minutes, before he raised his head and decided that it was
time to head for home.
"Sonofabitch."
Mulder threw the sheet off and got out of bed. He'd been tossing
and turning for three hours now, and he'd had enough. He went to
the kitchen and pulled a carton of milk out of the refrigerator. He
rifled through the cabinet under the sink and pulled out a small
saucepan. He slammed it down on the stove and poured some milk
into it. Once it was heated, he poured it into a glass and threw the
pan into the sink.
"See Mom, I did learn something from you."
He took a few gulps, grimacing all the while, then proceeded into
the living room. He turned the small lamp on at his desk and flipped
the computer on. Since he was up, he might just as well try to get
something done... at least until the milk took effect. He raised the
glass to his lips once more, and drained it of it's contents, then went
to work.
Still wide awake.
Mulder looked over at the empty glass. "Oh yeah Mom, real good
shit. Works like a charm."
He tilted back in the swivel chair and closed his eyes. He considered
the conversation that he and Scully had the night before.
No miracles.
Even though he hadn't expected any, he was hopeful. Desperate,
almost. It was a fine line, to walk between his partner and his lover
and he didn't know how long he'd be able to do it. If Scully never
accepted Krycek, he didn't know what the hell he was going to do.
One thing was for damn sure. Life was going to get a lot more
difficult. In reality, it already had.
Don't try to rush things. It's only been a few days. Just relax and
let things happen. You may be surprised. He laughed. A short,
bitter sound. Who the fuck are you kidding?
He pushed away from the desk and practically ripping his t-shirt
from his body, headed for the shower.
"Mulder? You okay?"
Mulder raised his head from his desk and tried to focus on the
concerned face of his partner. He blinked twice and the haze began
to fade.
"Yeah. Fine."
"Are you sure? You look kind of worn out." The thought that Alex
Krycek may have paid Mulder a visit last night, flitted across her
mind.
"Yeah, I just didn't sleep very well last night."
"Any particular reason?"
"Just... thinking... you know."
"Oh. Well. Uh," she held a folder up before him. "Got something
that might get your mind off of things for a little while."
"What is it?"
"Skinner was on his way down with it, when I ran into him. He
thought you might want to have a look."
Mulder took the folder from her and laid it open on his desk. After
a few minutes of reading, he scrunched his lips together and
nodded. "This could be interesting. According to this, three
furniture delivery men from the same company in Gainesville,
disappeared on the same road all within four days of each other.
Each truck was found, furniture undisturbed, and all three cabs had
the same strong perfumy odor.
"If it was new furniture," Scully rationed, "the smell could be from
whatever chemicals they use to stainproof the material."
"Eau de Scotch Guard, Scully?"
She rolled her eyes.
"No really, that might have been an explanation if the smell had also
been in the back where the furniture actually was, but it wasn't.
And what about the disappearances? Three furniture delivery men,
all working for the same company, decide to take a powder on the
same stretch of highway? More than just a coinky dink, dontcha
think?"
Scully sighed. "I take it we're going to Gainesville?"
"Not that far a drive."
"Okay, let's go."
She didn't put up much resistance. The truth of the matter was, she
was grateful for the distraction. She'd have gone anywhere, to
investigate anything, as long as it kept his mind off of Alex
Krycek.
"Hello?"
"Hey Mulder... you sound a little out of breath."
"Yeah. I just came through the door. Went for a run."
"Ah."
"What's up?"
"Nothing much, I'm meeting my mom for breakfast and we wanted
to know if you'd like to join us?"
Mulder smiled into the phone. "Scully, what are you doing?"
"What do you mean?"
"You're trying your damndest to keep me busy. First, you go to
Gainesville with me without a fuss, then yesterday, you invite me
over for twelve games of Scrabble, now it's breakfast with you
and your mother. What's the deal?"
Scully's tone was indignant. "Hey, if you don't want to go out, just
say so."
"Scully. I appreciate what you're trying to do... I think. I'm just
going to stay in today, okay? I've still got that report to write. That
should take me the better part of the day..."
"Okay."
"..so you don't have to worry about me being here alone with
nothing but thoughts of Krycek to keep me company."
"Mulder..."
"Have a nice breakfast. Tell your mother I said hi."
Mulder disconnected and headed for the kitchen and a glass of
orange juice.
Mulder removed his glasses and stretched. He'd finally completed
his report and now, he realized, he was hungry. Too bad there was
no food in the apartment. He glanced at his watch and decided that
it wasn't too late to do some shopping. He shut the computer down
and grabbing his jacket and keys, headed out to the market.
On the short drive, his mind began to wander. He'd done
exceptionally well today, in that he'd accomplished what he'd set
out to do, with very little distraction. He'd managed to keep
thoughts of Alex Krycek to a minimum. Silently congratulating
himself, he pulled into the parking lot and entered the store. He
zipped quickly up and down the aisles, throwing this item and that
into the cart, then headed for the checkout. There was only one
person in line ahead of him, but of course, there was a problem with
a price on one of the items, so he grabbed a magazine and started to
read.
A voice yelled from the back of the store.
"I can't find it!"
The cashier called back.
"It's there, in aisle two!"
"I don't see it!"
The cashier sighed impatiently.
"Maybe it got moved, then! Tell Alex what you want, he'll help you
find it!"
Mulder's head snapped up.
Tell Alex what you want.
All the progress he'd made during the day, went right out the
window, just then. The magazine in his hands, curled into a tight
spiral as he heard the voice of his lover, whispering to him.
Taunting him.
All at once, it was much too warm in this place. Too confined. He
needed to get out of here, and he needed to get out, soon. He
looked up and found that the cashier was once again, scanning the
items belonging to the woman in front of him. Soon she was gone,
and he was able to pay for his own purchases. He practically
snatched the three plastic bags from the packer, and headed for the
door. The air hit his face as the door slid open and he breathed
deeply, filling his lungs. He threw the bags into the car and got
behind the wheel.
Concentrate on what you're feeling and the sound of my voice.
The sound of his voice. It resonated in Mulder's memory, until he
could hear nothing else. He gripped the steering wheel and turned
the key. He reached over and turned the radio on and up, hoping to
drown out the sound in his head. Minutes later, he turned it off.
What was the damn point? Nothing was going to help and he knew
it.
Sunday night.
Two days to go.
Three nights.
If he showed up, at all.
The tires spun, kicking up a bit of sand, as Mulder threw the car
into drive and roared out of the parking lot.
Mulder entered his dark apartment. Not bothering to turn any lights
on, he removed his jacket and turned immediately in the direction of
his bedroom. There, he turned on the small bedside lamp, and
removed the rest of his clothing. He walked into the bathroom and
turned on the shower. As soon as it was warm enough, he stepped
inside and let the water flow over him. He moaned aloud as the
spray pulsed over his tense muscles.
What a goddamn pisser of a day.
Everything that could go wrong, did. First up, an early morning
reaming from Skinner, regarding Mulder's 'unorthodox' method of
interrogating a serial kidnapping suspect. Second, it was hotter than
hell today, and the damn car's air conditioner wasn't working.
Third, while doing sixty-five on the highway, his eighty-seven dollar
pair of Ray Bans, slid off the dash and out the window, before he or
Scully could catch them. And fourth, the later the day got, the more
pensive and withdrawn Scully became. He knew she was thinking
about the fact that tomorrow, Alex Krycek could once again be in
her partner's life. And his bed.
He was wondering about that, himself. Alex had promised him that
if there was any way possible, he'd be here tomorrow. Mulder
chose to believe that promise. Now he had nothing to do but wait
and see.
He stepped out of the shower and dried off. Donning a pair of
faded jeans and a loose t-shirt, he grabbed a quick bite, then sat
down at the computer. Nothing like work to help the time go by.
By nine o-clock, he was surprised to find his eyes closing. He
stubbornly worked on, typing until the words on the screen started
to jumble. At nine-forty, he gave up and shut the computer down.
He pushed away from the desk and trudged slowly to his bedroom.
Mulder floated in that fuzzy area between sleep and wakefulness,
thrust there by a dream that in consciousness, he would not recall.
A presence, very nearby, beckoned silently to him, drawing him up
through the darkness. Up to the surface. The tranquil ocean of
slumber broke and he opened his eyes.
Sleep was gone, but the presence remained. Warmer. More definite.
The thought that he should be afraid never crossed his mind. He
turned his head to the left and focused on the dark figure sitting at
the edge of his bed.
"Don't you know it's bad manners to break into a guy's apartment
in the middle of the night, while he's asleep?"
"Sorry," Alex Krycek spoke, "I failed deportment in charm school."
"What time is it?"
"Just about three."
"How long have you been here?"
"Fifteen, twenty minutes."
"What have you been doing for fifteen, twenty minutes?"
"Nothing much. Watching you sleep... wondering."
"About?"
"Whether or not I'd be welcome."
Mulder studied his shadowed face. "You know what I'm
wondering?"
Krycek's answer came in a hoarse whisper. "Not a clue."
"I'm wondering what the hell you're doing in my bedroom, sitting
on the edge of my bed, fully dressed." He moved to the left side of
the bed and flipped the sheet back. A clear invitation.
Krycek's eyes slid closed briefly, then re-opened as he shrugged out
of his jacket. He pulled the edges of Mulder's borrowed shirt out of
the waistband of his jeans and peeled it off. He got to his feet and
stripped down to his underwear, then slipped under the sheet.
Mulder moved over him, straddling his chest with his arms. At this
new angle, he could see more clearly, the dark circles under
Krycek's red-rimmed eyes. Mulder's tone immediately took on a
concerned edge.
"You haven't been sleeping, have you?"
Krycek hesitated a fraction of a second too long. "Sure I have.
Been sleeping like a baby."
"Don't lie to me, Alex," Mulder responded in that soft monotone
that said he meant business.
"Okay, so I had a few restless nights," Krycek answered, refusing
to give one inch more than he had to. Mulder allowed him to get
away with the understatement.
"Did you take the antibiotics the way you were supposed to?"
"Yes, Mom."
"And aside from the exhaustion, you feel all right?"
"I'm fine."
Mulder held his gaze for a few moments, then satisfied that he'd
told the truth, lowered his head and brushed Krycek's lips with his
own.
"Been a long week."
"Yeah," Krycek whispered in answer.
Mulder hesitated, searching his eyes. He lifted himself off of Krycek
and rolled onto his back. He pulled the other man into his arms and
stroked the soft dark head, tucked under his chin. "Go to sleep," he
murmured softly.
Feeling real exhaustion for the first time in a week, Krycek obeyed
the muffled command and soon fell into a deep sleep. Mulder
closed his eyes and offered up a silent 'thank you' to whomever
might be listening, then dropped in unconsciousness.
Mulder shut the alarm clock off before it could ring. he'd already
been awake for half an hour, watching Krycek sleep and mentally
prepping himself for what he was sure would be a rough day with
Scully. No matter what she said or didn't say to his face, he knew
that she was secretly praying that Krycek didn't show up, today.
Mulder slid carefully out of bed, taking care not to wake his
sleeping companion. He showered, dressed, and while in the middle
of knotting his tie, heard the soft rustle of sheets. He advanced
quietly to the bed, where Krycek's eyes were starting to flutter.
Mulder leaned over him and brushed the hair back from his face.
"Alex."
Krycek closed his eyes and moaned softly into the pillow.
"I'm going to work, soon."
"Mmm hmm." He was more asleep than he was awake.
Mulder kept stroking his hair.
"Alex, did you bring a weapon with you?"
He just barely made out a muffled "no."
"Okay, listen... are you listening?"
Krycek turned toward Mulder's voice. A hint of green became
visible beneath his eyelashes.
Mulder reached behind his back and pulled a gun from the
waistband of his navy blue pants. He held it up and Krycek opened
his eyes two-thirds of the way. Mulder placed the gun under the
pillow next to him.
"It's loaded."
Krycek's eyes followed his hand down to the pillow, then darted
back up to his face. The gravity of what Mulder had just done,
struck him speechless. He reached up and trailed the tips of his
fingers along the line of his lover's jaw.
Mulder removed his hand from under the pillow and gently grasped
Krycek's wrist. He turned his face to plant a kiss in the open palm,
then laid Krycek's hand down over his chest and squeezed it once.
"Go back to sleep."
Without another word, he turned and left the room.
Not long afterward, Krycek heard the front door open and close.
He reached under the pillow and pulled the gun out. He held it up
and stared at it for long seconds, before resting it on the mattress,
up against his thigh. He grasped Mulder's pillow and pulled it to his
face. He inhaled deeply, taking in the scent that was Mulder's
signature. He was willing to bet that with his eyes closed, he could
pick Mulder out of a room of fifty men. That enticing blend of sea
air, spice and warm summer rain had been ingrained in his memory
for years. He loved that smell. He'd noticed similar scents on
various men, but they were never quite the same. It was the way the
scent reacted with Mulder's body chemistry that made it uniquely
his.
Krycek clasped the pillow to his chest and drifted back into sleep.
"Morning, Mulder."
"Morning. How was dinner with your mom?"
"Fine. Same old, same old. She brought along some new pictures of
my brother's baby. Told me about two cousins who are getting
married... dropped some hints as big as boulders..."
Mulder smiled and turned his attention to his computer.
"How was your evening?" she asked, full of hope and dread.
"Quiet. Did some work. Watched t.v."
"Alone?"
"Yeah."
Relief.
"You're coming over later, right?"
"Do you really think I'll need to?"
"You do need to."
"He's there?"
Mulder nodded.
Shit!
"When?"
"Early this morning."
Shit!!
"I see."
Disappointment radiated from her every pore.
"After work?"
Scully nodded curtly and turned to pour herself a cup of coffee.
Mulder watched her, noting the increased stiffness of her posture
and quick, jerky movements. Oh yeah, she was definitely upset. He
decided not to pursue it. Maybe as the day went on, she'd cool
down and work it out on her own.
Alex Krycek wandered around Mulder's apartment, marveling at
the fact that he was here alone, with Mulder's knowledge. Life
certainly was full of some strange twists. He dropped into the chair
at Mulder's desk, and looked down at the cluttered surface.
"What a damn mess. How the hell do you find anything in this?"
He thought maybe he'd straighten it out, but then decided against
it. As big a disaster as it was, Mulder probably knew exactly where
to find every last paper clip. Besides, he really wasn't sure if it
would be appreciated. Mulder might think it a bit too
presumptuous, or worse, he might think that he'd done it just to
snoop. He wanted Mulder's trust. One hundred percent,
unquestioning trust.
"What the hell are you thinking about? The man gave you his
weapon, for Christ sake."
His eyes grew heavy as he thought back to this morning. Mulder
had taken a huge leap of faith. One that Krycek was determined,
he'd never regret.
"Ready to go?"
Scully looked up from her desk at Mulder, who was standing in
front of it, jacket and car keys in hand. Her stomach lurched at the
thought of Mulder, ready and anxious to start his evening with
Krycek.
In actuality, she'd been ready to go for well over half an hour. She
was just killing time. Stalling, but it was obvious to her now, that
Mulder wasn't having any more of it.
"All right Mulder, let's go."
Mulder inserted the key into the lock and opened the door to
apartment forty-two. He strolled in, sniffing appreciatively at the
smells wafting from the kitchen.
"I'll uh, be right back," he told Scully, trying to suppress a smile as
he moved in the direction of the kitchen.
"Uh huh," she tossed over her shoulder, as casually as she could. In
truth, she was seething. "Cooking," she mumbled under her breath.
"He's actually cooking for him."
The moment Mulder was out of sight, Scully began moving around
the room, lifting lamps and feeling around under furniture.
Mulder entered the kitchen and approached Krycek, whose back
was turned to him. He ran a hand lightly across the span of
Krycek's back, and leaned back against the counter. Krycek smiled
at him.
"Hi honey, how was your day?"
Mulder smirked back. "Brutal. What's for dinner?"
"Pirozhki. Sorry it's not done, but I had to pick up your suits at the
dry cleaner, wash the floors, then there was an emergency PTA
meeting..."
Mulder's shoulders shook with silent laughter. "So, where'd you
learn to do this, what'd you call it?"
"Pirozhki. My grandmother used to make it for me when I was a
kid. She taught me to make this and a whole bunch of other
things."
"Wow." Mulder looked around. "I didn't have all this stuff... did
you go out?"
"No, I brought it with me, this morning."
"You didn't have to do this."
Krycek shot him an impatient sidelong glance.
Mulder held one hand up. "Okay, okay... Scully's here. Can you
leave this?"
"Yeah. In a couple of minutes?"
"I'll go stall her."
"Good luck."
Mulder headed toward the door, then turned around, hand on the
swinging door. "Hey... this is it, isn't it?"
"This is what?" Krycek asked over his shoulder.
A smirk twitched at the corner of Mulder's mouth. "This is how
you're going to kill me. You're going to poison me."
Krycek flipped him the finger, without having turned around.
The smile faded from Mulder's face as he passed through the door
and came face to infuriated face with his partner.
"It was a joke," he offered meekly.
"I see nothing funny about it," she snarled, and stalked away.
Nice going. Now she's really ticked.
"He'll... he'll be out in a minute."
"I'll go wash up. When he's ready, send him into the bathroom."
Krycek entered the living room as Mulder was removing his suit
jacket.
"Where is she?"
"She's waiting for you in the bathroom."
"Well," Krycek looked in that direction. "Let's get this over with."
By the time both men reached the bathroom, Scully was ready.
"Hi," Krycek offered, not knowing what else to say.
"Please remove your shirt," was the only reply Scully gave.
He looked warily at Mulder, who had since folded his arms across
his chest and leaned against the door frame. Mulder gave him a
reassuring nod.
Krycek undid the first three buttons, then having a sudden thought,
reached behind him and hiked up the tail of the shirt. Shock and
anger filled Scully's eyes as he pulled a gun out of the waistband of
his jeans, and laid it gently on the counter. Scully's head snapped
around and glared accusingly at her partner. Mulder gave her
nothing more than one of his famous deadpan expressions, then
glanced over at Krycek, who was also looking at him, but with
profound regret. To him, Mulder gave an almost imperceptible
shake of his head, that said, 'Don't worry about it.' Krycek finished
removing the shirt and laid it to the side.
Scully swallowed down the huge lump of rage that bubbled up in
her, and set about the task of removing Krycek's stitches... as
quickly as possible.
As she worked, Mulder watched, his eyes darkening as they
caressed the bare torso of his lover. Krycek felt the heat of
Mulder's stare and was compelled to look his way. Their eyes
locked, saying things to each other, making silent promises. Scully
noticed Krycek's deepened respiration.
Mulder came to attention as Krycek winced and drew slightly away
from Scully.
"Oops," she said with mock sincerity. "Sorry."
Krycek said nothing, only drew a deep breath and allowed Scully to
continue.
The muscle in Mulder's jaw clenched tightly, then relaxed. "I'm
going to go change," he announced, as he pushed away from the
door frame and disappeared.
Not long after Mulder had gone, Krycek called up the courage to
speak.
"Scully?"
"What?" she said, without looking up.
"You mean the world to him," he said softly. "Your opinion of him,
of what he does... it matters."
"And you'd be telling me this, because..."
"Just because I thought you should know."
"I know, Krycek. There's nothing you can tell me about my
partner, that I don't know." She completed her work and
proceeded to clean up.
He was silent while he put his shirt on, then spoke again. "Here's
something you may not know. You can end this."
"End what?"
"This. Us."
She spun to face him.
"All you have to do is tell him that you can't live with it. Tell him
that it'll affect your relationship with him, personally and
professionally. Force him to choose. He'll choose you. Or better
yet, say nothing at all. Just keep walking around with that chip on
your shoulder. Let it fester. He'll start to resent me. If you're lucky,
he may even get to the point where he can't stand to look at me.
Wouldn't that be great?"
He pushed away from the counter and exited the bathroom, leaving
Scully to ponder his statement.
Scully met up with Mulder, who had also just entered the living
room. He was comfortably dressed, wearing faded jeans and a
loose-fitting moss green shirt. He busied himself, rolling up the long
sleeves.
"Finished?"
Scully cleared her throat. "Yeah."
"Is he still alive?"
She answered his question with a completely different one.
"You knew he was armed, didn't you?"
"I gave him the gun."
"You what? You gave it to him? Oh, you've really gone
around the bend, Mulder."
"He didn't have a weapon. I couldn't leave him here with no means
of protection."
"So you gave him one of your guns. That's great. That's
just..just..brilliant."
"And still, I live. Are you sensing a pattern here, Scully?"
"So, what. Are you testing him?"
"No. I'm not. These situations just come up. And in every one of
them, he has proven himself to be trustworthy."
"Mmm. Yeah. And oh boy, you just trust the hell out of him, don't
you?"
Mulder paused and looked up at the ceiling, pretending to be giving
it serious thought. "Uhhhh... yeah."
"Lovely." She picked up her bag and started for the door. "I'll see
you in the morning... have a good night."
"Oh, I intend to."
Mulder stood his ground, until the door closed behind Scully. Then
he walked toward the kitchen.
Krycek had just shut the oven door and was removing the oven
mitts, when he felt Mulder's hands at his hips. He pulled Krycek
back against him and whispered into his hair.
"You okay?"
"Yeah. She didn't mean it, Fox."
"Sure she did. But thank you for trying to cover for her."
"Don't be upset with her."
"Too late."
"It's my fault." He turned to face Mulder, who immediately
backed him against the counter and pressed against him.
"Really."
"Yeah. I should've known she'd lose it, when she found out that I
was armed. I mean, why wouldn't she? I'm the enemy. How
does she know that I'm not just biding my time, gaining your trust,
so that I can blow you away later and break with all your stuff?"
"Because I told her that you wouldn't."
"It's not enough, Fox. As far as she's concerned, I've completely
blinded you. You can't see what's going on." He brought a hand
up to Mulder's face and swept his thumb back and forth across his
cheek. "And after today, I'm not so sure that she'll ever come
around."
"I don't care."
"Yes you do. You're just upset with her right now. But you care.
You care very much."
"Is that food done, yet? I'm starving."
"Avoiding the problem isn't going to make it go away."
Mulder abruptly released Krycek and moved a few steps in the
other direction. "Alex, can we please not talk about this
anymore?" His voice was filled with tension.
Krycek watched as Mulder's rigid frame suddenly went slack. He
turned back to face him, his expression, apologetic.
"I want to have a nice evening with you. Alone. No Scully. No
problems..." He let out a long breath. "I missed you."
Krycek approached Mulder slowly. One arm went around his back,
as the other cupped his head, pulling it down to his shoulder.
Mulder's arms encircled him and his hands clenched in his shirt.
Krycek's hand swept up and down the length of his back and he
spoke softly.
"I missed you, too. Okay, no more problems. It's just you and me."
Mulder lifted his head but would not meet Krycek's eye. Krycek
slipped a hand under his chin and lifted. "Just you and me," he
whispered.
Their lips met. Gently, at first, then with increased intensity.
It had only been a week, but Mulder felt the need for this man, as
keenly as he did after five weeks... more so. He broke the kiss.
His breath came in short, agitated gasps.
"Alex..."
Krycek shushed him. His eyes darkened to the deepest green.
"Dinner first. Then dessert."
"You enjoy torturing me, don't you?"
"Nooo," Krycek insisted. "But if you think that all my hard work is
going to go to waste, you're out of your mind. Now, let's eat."
Fifteen minutes later, they were sitting at the kitchen table. Krycek
smiled as he watched Mulder eat.
"This is really good," Mulder said between mouthfuls. "I can't
believe you can cook."
"There's a lot of stuff you don't know about me, Agent Mulder."
"Anything you'd care to share?"
Krycek shrugged. "I was a choirboy from the ages of eight to ten."
Mulder dropped his fork. "Get the hell outta here."
"I played little league and was the editor of my high school news
paper..."
Mulder picked the fork up again. "I'm impressed."
"Did you think that I was born a felon?"
Mulder's smile faded a bit. "I don't... I guess I don't know what I
thought." He stared across the table at his dinner companion. "You
surprise me."
"Good surprise, or bad surprise?"
"Good surprise. Definitely, good surprise."
They finished dinner and after cleaning up the kitchen, adjourned to
the living room. Krycek dropped onto the sofa and pulled Mulder
down after him. He shifted into a reclining position, back across
Krycek's legs, his head resting on the arm of the sofa.
"Thank you," Krycek said flatly, raking his fingers repeatedly
through Mulder's hair.
"What for?"
"This morning."
"No big deal."
"To me, it was. Giving me your gun took a hell of a lot of trust, on
your part."
Mulder stared up at him and raised a hand to his face. With the tips
of two fingers, he traced the line of Krycek's jaw.
"Tell me more."
"About?"
"Yourself. What it was like when you were a kid."
"You're really interested in that stuff?"
"Sure. Do you have any brothers or sisters?"
"No. A few cousins. We used to spend the summers together." He
smiled. "Victor... he was the oldest... thought he was really hot shit.
Always trying to boss the rest of us around. He and I used to fight
all the time. Actual fist fights. He was about five years older than
me and a lot bigger, so he'd always get the better of me. I'd cry,
but I never gave up. My grandmother would usually come and split
us up. Then Victor would get in trouble, because he was older and
should have known better. I can still hear her, in that thick
Ukrainian accent, telling Victor to 'leave the baby alone'. That's
how she referred to me, even though there was one more
cousin... Maria, who was younger."
"Sounds like you were her favorite."
"I was. She'd always sneak me special treats and stuff, when the
others weren't around. My mother died in a car accident when I
was twenty, and my grandmother took care of me and my father.
Well, not so much me, cause I was in school most of the time. But
when I came home on vacations and whatnot, she catered to me,
round the clock. She died of a heart attack when I was twenty-two.
My father didn't know what to do. He'd been taken care of all his
life. First by my grandmother, then my mother, then again by my
grandmother. I had graduated and was home again, and I sort of
took over the cooking and cleaning. It didn't last long, though. My
father had become a miserable person to live with, and I couldn't
stand it. I joined the Academy less than a year later. My father
remarried quickly, and we just sort of drifted apart. He had his life
and I had mine."
Mulder covered the hand that rested on his chest and gave it a
reassuring squeeze. Krycek continued speaking.
"My grandmother's death hit me hard. I don't mean to take
anything away from my mother, she was my mother, you know?
And she loved me, but she just wasn't very demonstrative. My
father wasn't, either. Grandma showed me love. She always
made me feel like I was special. She always told me that I could do
or be anything I wanted." His eyes glittered with remorse. "As
much as I miss her, I'm glad she's not here to see how badly I've
screwed up my life. The one thing I never wanted to do was
disappoint her. She probably knows anyway, huh? She's probably
up there right now, wringing her hands and crying... 'Alexei, what
have you done? What's happened to my baby?'"
Mulder rubbed the back of his hand. "Don't do that to yourself.
You can't change what's happened. All you can do is move ahead
and make her proud of you, now."
Krycek smiled sadly. "This from the crown prince of
self-condemnation?"
"Yeah, you believe it? It's always easier to tell it to someone else."
"You should take a little of your own advice."
"Never happen. I like that title. 'Crown prince of
self-condemnation.' I'd hate to lose it."
Krycek shook his head. "What about you? You're not very close to
your mother, are you?"
"I became an outsider in my own family, the night my sister
disappeared and through the years, the wall has just gotten higher.
Not all that long ago, I overstepped my bounds and my mother just
shut me out. I called her for her birthday, a couple of months ago,
and I'm surprised the phone lines didn't freeze up. I haven't tried to
talk to her, since."
"A couple of outcasts."
"Yeah. For a long time now, Scully has been my only family."
Mulder saw the sadness wash over Krycek's face.
"What?"
"You can't alienate her. You can't lose your only family because of
somebody like me."
"Is there something wrong with wanting you both?"
"No, but you can't have us both. Not for long, anyway."
"I disagree."
"Fox, she's already pissed as hell at you. How long are you going
to be able to deal with long, uncomfortable silences, the snide
comments... the arguments..."
"I thought it was just going to be you and me, tonight?"
Krycek came to an abrupt halt and looked down into intense hazel
eyes.
"No Scully, remember?"
"You started it," Krycek said weakly.
"Fine, I started it. Now I'm ending it."
He reached up and brushed Krycek's lips with his fingers. Krycek
opened his mouth slightly, touching them with the tip of his tongue.
"Ready for a little dessert?" Mulder asked softly.
Krycek stroked his hand over Mulder's chest, then began to undo
the buttons. "Yeah."
Mulder closed his eyes and sighed audibly as Krycek finished
unbuttoning his shirt, then ran a gentle hand from the base of his
throat, downward. When Mulder's jeans stopped further progress,
his hand worked it's way back up, then repeated the process.
"I love touching you."
Eyes still closed, Mulder let his head fall to the side and breathed
deeply.
"I love the way you respond to me." He teased one brown nipple
and smiled as Mulder expelled a hard breath. "I spent the whole
week thinking about you. I did little else. At least half a dozen
times, I had to talk myself out of coming over here..."
Mulder's eyes snapped open. He turned them up to Krycek. "I wish
you hadn't. You weren't the only one who was ready to climb the
walls, you know."
"Did you really miss me?"
"How many times do I have to say it before you believe it? You
were on my mind, constantly." His eyes slid shut again as Krycek's
hand resumed it's lazy exploration of his bared chest. "I drove
Scully nuts, brooding all week. She tried everything and anything to
keep me occupied."
Here we go, again.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." He pointed a finger up at Krycek. "Don't ever play
Scrabble with me unless you don't mind getting an ass whoopin'."
"I'll take that under advisement... I hope Scully was at least partially
successful."
"Yeah, partially. There were some days when I just wasn't in the
mood though, you know? I wanted nothing more than to come
home, grab a quick bite, and brood. Nothing she could do or say
was going to change my mind."
"Must have frustrated the hell out of her."
"Uh huh."
"Bet she was pretty damned disappointed to find out that I was
here."
"Yeah. She didn't say it, but it was written all over her face."
"She wants to protect you."
"I don't need protection."
"Not from me directly, no. But from circumstances that could arise
from your being involved with me. It's because of those
circumstances that I shouldn't be here."
Mulder opened his eyes and looked back up at Krycek. "Then why
are you?"
"Because I'm weak. Because I've gotten a taste of what it's like to
be with you, and I need more. I'll always need more, and that's
a real problem. I'm so afraid that someday it's all going to
crumble... in a very bad way. If it's me alone that the bad stuff
happens to, that's all right. But if it's you..."
"Why would it be all right if something happens to you?" Mulder's
tone reflected a simmering agitation. "If you got killed, how do you
think that would be okay? Do you think that I'd just shrug it off and
return to the life I had before?"
"It'd probably be the best thing for you, if you did."
Mulder bolted off the couch, startling Krycek. "How is it that you
can presume to know what's best for me? You're just as bad as
Scully! What the fuck is so wrong with my judgment? I'm a
grown man for crying out loud, and perfectly capable of making my
own decisions. Now, for the last fucking time, I know what
the risks are. If I was unprepared to take them, you wouldn't be
here, right now. But please, by all means, if you can't deal
with them, far be it from me to ask you to stay. You know where
the door is."
And with that, he stormed out of the room and slammed his
bedroom door behind him.
Krycek sat dazed for a moment, then leaned forward and buried his
face in his hands.
Mulder sat on the floor in the far corner of his bedroom—the same
spot he'd sunk down into, twenty minutes before. He'd gone as far
away from the door as he could, so he wouldn't hear Krycek leave.
He folded his legs up in front of himself and wrapped his arms
around them. His head dropped forward and rested on his knees.
He didn't hear the bedroom door open, nor did he feel the soft
footsteps. Only when Krycek spoke, did Mulder's head jerk up.
"I never said that you weren't capable of making your own
decisions," he began evenly. "But you're a passionate man, loyal to
your last breath. And if that loyalty puts you in danger... it's just not
a good thing, Fox. I don't want you hurt. It'd kill me if anything
happened to you."
No response.
"And as if that isn't bad enough, your loyalties are being divided
between your partner and me. It's not right that you should be
caught between us." He hesitated for a moment, then went on.
"Sometimes I'm very clear on what I should do. I make the
decision to leave you alone. I convince myself that it's the best
thing for all concerned, but then you'll look at me that way that you
do. Or you'll touch me. or I'll touch you... and all my good
intentions go straight to hell. You gave me the perfect opportunity
to leave just a little while ago, and for the last twenty minutes or so,
I sat out there, trying to will myself to do the right thing. But here I
am."
Still, nothing.
"It's my fault. I wanted your trust... did everything I could to gain
it. And now that I've got it, I'm thinking that I've made a terrible
mistake. One that I don't want to correct, because it means never
seeing you again. That's so goddamned selfish, but I can't help it."
He squatted in front of Mulder. "Say something, would you?"
Not a word.
"At least look at me."
Slowly, Mulder's eyes shifted in his direction.
"Something in my gut tells me that this is something that one or
both of us will end up regretting, but... I can't leave you. I mean... I
still don't think that I should stay here all the time, but I can't walk
away and never come back. Of course, you're so pissed at me right
now, that's probably exactly what you want, huh?"
"That's the deal," Mulder whispered more to himself than to
Krycek.
"What?"
"You're too much of a wuss to make the break on your own, so
you figure that if you piss me off enough, I'll throw you out."
It was Krycek's turn to be angry.
"You really are a piece of work. Not a single word of what I said
has filtered through that thick head of yours, has it?" He
emphasized his words by pushing against the side of Mulder's head
with two fingers. Mulder's jaw began to tighten.
"You're just hell bent on believing what you want to believe." He
pushed again. "Aren't you?"
With no warning aside from a clipped growl, Mulder lunged at him
and the two tumbled across the floor, wrestling for control. With no
small amount of effort, Krycek managed to pin Mulder face down
to the floor, holding each wrist alongside his body.
"Who's the wuss, now?" He taunted, breathing heavily into
Mulder's ear.
Winded and angry, Mulder strained against Krycek's weight.
"What's the matter, baby? Can't get loose?" He licked the outer
edge of Mulder's ear. Or do you just not want to?"
"Fuck you."
"Come on Fox, admit it. You like this."
Mulder summoned every last bit of strength he had, and broke free
of Krycek's grip, at the same time, rearing back and catching his
jaw with the back of his head. Krycek fell back, grunting in pain.
Mulder wasted no time in pressing his advantage. In a nanosecond,
he was on Krycek, straddling his waist and closing one hand around
his neck.
"Now, this I like," he hissed.
"Well, why didn't you just say so?" Krycek wheezed. "Would have
saved a lot of trouble, don't you think?"
Mulder glared down at him. There was definite rage there in his
eyes, and something else. That identical look burned in Krycek's
eyes as he returned the stare.
"Make a move, Fox."
Except for the rapid rise and fall of is chest, Mulder remained still.
Krycek could see a tinge of uncertainty in his expression. He
needed help.
"You disappoint me, Fox. I thought you were more of a man."
Mulder's hand fell away from his throat.
"I thought you were a man who knew what you wanted and went
after it. My mistake. Too bad. I really wanted it to be you, but I
guess I can find another easily enough. Maybe two or three. Now
why don't you get the fuck off me, so I can do just that?"
Krycek's heart thundered in his chest as he waited to see if his
insane gamble paid off.
It did.
In spades.
A furious roar ripped from Mulder's throat as he grabbed the front
of Krycek's shirt and yanked it apart, sending a shower of buttons
through the room. He hauled Krycek off the floor, and threw him
onto the bed, then proceeded to half pull, half rip the rest of his
clothes off. He backed away from the bed for all of the twenty
seconds it took him to remove his own clothing, then fell onto the
mattress beside him. Mulder moved over him, half covering
Krycek's upper body with his own. He gripped the younger man's
jaw in his hand and jerked his head to the side, so that their eyes
met.
"Now," he rasped. "What was all that bullshit about finding two or
three others?"
Krycek shrugged. "Man's gotta do what a man's gotta do."
Mulder scowled down at him. "You know, you're so right."
He shoved Krycek onto his stomach. Grabbing his hips, Mulder
roughly hoisted him high enough to thrust a couple of pillows under
him. He pulled the nightstand drawer open and grabbed a new tube
of lubrication. Krycek closed his eyes, trembling with excited
anticipation. He felt Mulder settle beside him and the very next
thing he felt was a cool, slick finger working it's way into the tight
anal muscle. Mulder's breath was warm and sweet against the side
of his face.
"You're mine, Alex," he hummed seductively into Krycek's ear.
The finger which had begun a steady movement in and out of
Krycek's ass, was joined by a second.
Krycek winced at the initial discomfort, but soon relaxed and began
to moan softly.
"Do you understand?"
Krycek nodded, afraid to trust his voice.
"There'll be no others."
A small whimper pushed past Krycek's lips.
Mulder removed his fingers and again reached for the lube. A few
seconds of movement and then he was behind Krycek. Over him. In
him.
Krycek bit back a sob as he felt the tip of Mulder's engorged cock
begin to force the ring of muscle to yield to it.
Mulder's head throbbed. A violent ocean storm was raging through
his body and the fierceness of it only increased as the man beneath
him, through sound and movement, encouraged his assault. He
wrapped an arm tightly around Krycek's shoulders and in one hard
thrust, buried his entire length inside of him.
Krycek's harsh groan was absorbed by the mattress and completely
ignored by Mulder, who was so utterly immersed in this new,
shattering sensation.
Oh God, yes. Jesus...
He pulled out more than three-quarters of the way, then plunged
back in. Krycek cried out, the painful pleasure, almost too much to
take.
"Who do you belong to?" Mulder's voice was like sandpaper in his
ear.
Krycek didn't answer. He was pushing it, he knew. But this was
just too good. Tick him off just a little bit more.
Again, Mulder pulled out and slammed back into him.
"Who!?"
"You!" He was almost sobbing. "Jesus Fox, fuck me. I'm so close,
I can't hold it anymore. Please..."
Mulder wanted so badly to prolong his agony. To make him grovel
and beg. But his own body was telling him that there was no way.
He quickened his pace, repeatedly pushing Krycek's hips into the
pillows with each powerful thrust. In no time flat, both men were
hurtling out of control, toward the screaming finish.
If no one called the police to report a murder in apartment
forty-two, it would be a miracle. The wails that had to have echoed
into the surrounding apartments surely sounded as though someone
was being killed.
The deafening sound faded away and Mulder collapsed onto
Krycek's back. The sweat trickled off of his body onto that of the
man beneath him, mingling together and soaking the sheets.
They stayed that way for a time, until Krycek gained enough
strength to gently roll Mulder onto the mattress. He pulled himself
up alongside the virtually unconscious man, and kissed his damp
forehead. "Only you," he whispered, kissed him again, then fell
soundly asleep.
Thursday, 2:12 a.m.
Krycek woke slowly. His eyes had not yet opened, but he had the
distinct feeling that he was being watched. He turned onto his back
and looked up. Mulder sat quietly, leaning against the headboard of
the bed, staring at him. He reached over and stroked one
sheet-draped thigh.
"You okay?"
"I don't know. Are you okay?"
"Fine."
Mulder continued to stare, uncertain whether or not to believe him.
"Really."
Mulder nodded and looked away.
Krycek sat up and brushed Mulder's shoulder with his mouth. "You
were unbelievable."
"I was furious," Mulder whispered, refusing to look at him.
"I know. It was great."
Mulder glanced his way, confusion creasing his brow.
"Hey, I was more than a bit irritated with you, too. But
remembering our conversation last week, I decided to see if I
couldn't make the anger work for us."
"You... you didn't mean it when you said..."
Krycek cut him off. "I just said that to provoke you. You've got
to know by now, that you're the only one I want... ask me again."
Mulder gave him a questioning glance.
"Go ahead, ask." He smiled. "This time, when I answer, it won't be
under duress."
Mulder chewed the inside of his bottom lip, considering Krycek's
request. Then he asked the question, softly.
"Who do you belong to?"
Krycek answered without hesitation. "You."
The corners of Mulder's mouth turned up in a trace of a smile.
"Only me?"
"Only you."
Mulder leaned in and bestowed a tender kiss on his lips.
"Why do you put up with my shit?"
The answer was on the tip of Krycek's tongue, but he choked it
back. Instead, Mulder heard, "Because I can't resist a man with a
badge and a gun."
Mulder raised one eyebrow.
"And," he concluded, "the sex is fantastic."
"Is it?"
"Oh, yes."
Mulder's eyes darkened. "Alex."
"Hmm?"
"I want to make love to you."
Krycek's heart hammered in his chest. "What did we do just a few
hours ago?"
"That was hard, angry sex. It was earthshattering, don't get me
wrong, but I don't want to do it like that, this time."
"It's very late," Krycek reminded him. "You have to go to work."
"I know." Mulder drew his fingers down Krycek's cheek. "But I
need you so much right now, there's no way I'd get to sleep."
Krycek studied him.
Those eyes.
So beautiful. So honest. So... goddamned sexy.
Not to mention, completely impossible to resist.
"When your ass is dragging tomorrow, I don't want to hear about
it."
"You won't hear any complaints from me," Mulder promised,
clasping a hand to the back of Krycek's head and pulling him
forward.
Open mouths met. Tongues mated, caressing, teasing. Stoking the
fire which had been so easily ignited, just moments before.
Mulder broke the kiss and moved to the light bruise that had
formed on Krycek's chin. He licked it gently.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't worry about it lisa," Krycek whispered, reassuring him.
Mulder kissed the bruise and proceeded to move downward, along
the soft skin of his throat, then to his chest, where he lingered,
paying special attention to the sensitive nipples.
Krycek gathered up fistfuls of sheet as Mulder continued to tease
and torment. He clenched his teeth in an effort to maintain his
silence, but when Mulder's head moved lower, a small whimper of
anticipation made it past his lips.
Mulder eased the sheet away from his hips and grinned up at him.
"For me?"
"All for you."
"You shouldn't have."
"I'll remember that, next time," Krycek countered between shallow
breaths.
"Sure you will."
Krycek emitted a surprised gasp as Mulder took his entire length
into his mouth. He drew up slowly, continuously sucking, as he did.
When he reached the tip, he relaxed the suction and swirled his
tongue around the head. Krycek moaned impatiently and tried to
push his cock back into Mulder's mouth.
"Problem?" Mulder smiled sweetly up at him.
"My lover is trying to drive me out of my mind. Now, why should I
have a problem with that?"
"Beats the hell out of me." His tongue inched out and lapped
gingerly at the head of Krycek's twitching cock, drawing from the
other man, yet another moan. With no warning, Mulder opened his
mouth and again engulfed Krycek's entire cock, right to the base.
He raised his head a little more than halfway, then sank back down.
Krycek combed trembling fingers through his hair. "God baby,
that's so good."
Mulder released him and grinned. "I've got something better."
"Yeah? What is it?"
Mulder grasped Krycek's slim hips and pulled until he was flat on
his back. He snatched the lube off of the nightstand and straddled
Krycek's chest. His eyes sparkled with golden light, drawing the
object of his attention into their heat, directing him, without word
or motion.
Krycek took the tube from Mulder, squeezed a generous amount
into his hand and wrapped it around his lover's straining cock. He
watched the gold disappear as Mulder's eyelids dropped shut.
Slowly, he stroked the length of the rock hard shaft, taking care not
to miss a single spot.
Mulder breathed deeply and willed himself to move away from the
teasing hand. He positioned himself lengthwise along the lithe body
beneath him and hooked his hands under Krycek's knees, pulling
them up. He bit gently into the flesh between Krycek's shoulder and
neck, smiling at the response it brought.
Krycek's fingers dug into Mulder's back. His neck arched. He
pushed up with his hips, seeking fulfillment.
"Please," he panted heavily, his head now rolling slowly, back and
forth against the pillow. "Fox, please."
Mulder released one of the legs he still held on to. He caressed the
younger man's cheek lovingly. "Shh. It's okay." The same hand
dipped down, grasping his cock and guiding it to the place Krycek
was begging for it to be. He eased the head in, fraction by
excruciating fraction. "Is this what you want?"
"You know it is."
"I know."
Mulder pulled away, leaving Krycek writhing in frustrated agony.
He whispered to the man smiling down at him, through gritted
teeth.
"Mulder, you and I are going to fight, if you don't..."
"Mulder? Are you upset with me, Alex?" He leaned down,
nuzzling Krycek's neck. "Don't be upset. You know I'm going to
give you what you need."
"Sometime while I'm still young enough to enjoy it, would be
nice." "Okay, okay," he murmured against Krycek's lips, just before he
covered them completely.
Krycek moaned into Mulder's mouth, his previous threat forgotten,
as he lost himself in the long, sweet kiss.
Mulder released Krycek's mouth and slid off of him. Gently, he
turned him onto his side and wrapped an arm around his chest. The
feel of Mulder's erection against his backside, sent a fresh surge of
desire rocketing through his body. Krycek gritted his teeth, fighting
to remain still, as he waited. He sucked in a breath as he felt
Mulder's warm, wet tongue tracing the distended vein along the
side of his neck. Squeezed his eyes shut as the hand that had been
stroking his chest, left it momentarily, to help the stony erection
find it's way in through the snug opening.
Once the entire head was in, Mulder's hand moved back up to
Krycek's chest, stroking the light scattering of dark hair.
"I... I have to stop for a minute, Alex," he breathed heavily against
Krycek's shoulder.
"It's okay. Take as long as you need."
Mulder kissed the hollow of his shoulder, then gently prodded the
inside of his ear with the tip of his tongue. Krycek shivered.
"You like that?"
"It's like a straight line of electricity, right down to my cock."
"Yeah?"
He could hear the satisfied smirk in Mulder's voice.
"Yeah."
Mulder pushed into him, just a fraction more.
"Mmmm..."
"More?"
"If you're ready."
Another fraction.
Both men let out a long sigh.
Mulder's hand crept across Krycek's chest, barely skimming the flat
nipples. He teased them, again and again, until both had constricted
into hard peaks. The man in his arms trembled violently in response.
Mulder raised his head just enough to watch Krycek's face contort
with pleasure as he gently squeezed one of the nipples.
"Fox..."
"Hmm?"
"Touch me... please."
"I am touching you," he whispered into Krycek's ear and pinched
his nipple a little harder.
Krycek's lips parted on a silent gasp. As soon as he regained some
of his composure, he reached for Mulder's hand. "Not there." He
guided the hand down to his cock. "Here."
Mulder closed his hand around Krycek's twitching erection and
stroked it slowly.
"Like this?" He asked, as if he really needed to.
His answer came in a low moan.
Mulder rocked against Krycek, pushing himself deeper.
"Christ." Krycek found his voice. "Fox..."
"I know." Mulder worked his right arm under Krycek, pulling him
snuggly to his chest and drove deeper, still.
Krycek arched his neck, laying his head back against Mulder's
shoulder and wishing that they could stay in this world they'd
created. That the ugliness that had been such a huge part of his
existence over the last several years, would never touch them.
That...
The thought dissolved and a look of pure ecstasy washed over
Krycek's features, as Mulder completed their connection.
Mulder kissed Krycek everywhere his lips could touch heated skin.
"Beautiful," he murmured against the stubble-roughened cheek.
"Who?" Krycek's voice was barely audible.
"You. You're so... into it. You're beautiful to watch."
Krycek rubbed the back of his silky head against Mulder's shoulder,
virtually purring with contentment.
Mulder rewarded the affectionate gesture with another long stroke
of his cock. When he reached the flared head, he found it slick with
fluid. He smiled as he ran a finger around the tip, then brought it up
to Krycek's lips.
He needed no coaxing. His lips parted slightly, allowing his tongue
to creep out and taste himself. Mulder kissed the top of his head
and slipped his finger between Krycek's lips and past his teeth.
Krycek moaned softly and sucked Mulder's finger into his mouth.
Mulder tried to pull his finger away, but Krycek protested, grasping
his hand and holding it where it was. Mulder chuckled softly.
"Greedy."
He forced his hand away from Krycek's mouth and quickly dipped
back down for more. This time, he used two fingers, skimming
away as much fluid as he could and once again held them up in
offering. Krycek fastened his lips around both fingers, feeding
hungrily.
Mulder began to move inside him, establishing, a slow, easy
rhythm. He could feel the vibration of his lover's moans on his
fingers, still trapped within that moist, warm mouth.
"Ohhh, God. Alex. Mmmmm... my Alex..." He increased the
speed of his thrusts just a bit. "Come on," he persuaded softly. "Let
me have my hand back."
His answer came in the form of a stubborn grumble.
"I promise you, if you do, I'll make you feel so good."
Reluctantly, Krycek allowed Mulder to slip his fingers out of his
mouth.
"That's better."
With his right arm, Mulder hugged Krycek tightly and grasped his
cock with his left.
Krycek emitted a choked sob, as Mulder began long, firm strokes
to match the steady tempo of his hips. Jesus, and as if this leisurely
double fuck wasn't making him crazy enough, Mulder had to go
and talk to him.
"God, you're so tight." His uneven breaths fanned across Krycek's
cheek. "I've wanted so..." he paused in mid-sentence, struggling for
composure, "..so long to do this to you. Now, I never want to stop.
I want to do you again and again and..."
The ability to continue speaking escaped him. Rational thought,
lost. The demands of his body and those of the man in his arms,
took over, forcing him to move faster, drive deeper.
Krycek grasped the arm wrapped tightly around him, with one hand
and reached behind him with the other, clenching it in Mulder's
hair. His respiration came in shallow gasps and his muscles
contracted involuntarily. The presence inside him moved faster.
Harder. He bucked against Mulder in an attempt to speed things
along.
"No."
The hoarse command slowed his frenzied movements.
"I'm right there," Krycek whimpered.
"I know you are," Mulder nuzzled his perspiration dampened hair.
"And I'll take you all the way. Just relax and let me do it."
As difficult as it was, Krycek stopped squirming and gave complete
control over to Mulder.
"That's right," Mulder crooned in Krycek's ear as he thrust into
him, "I'll take good... good care of you. Just trust m-me." His hand
worked Krycek's aching cock. Stroking, caressing, promising relief.
His words tumbled out in clipped tones. "Do you... do you trust me,
Alex?"
"Yes," came the gasped reply. "Mmph... oh... Christ!"
Krycek's body tightened. The convulsions began, coming in violent
succession. His cries pierced the air as Mulder continued,
unrelenting.
Krycek's convulsing muscles squeezed tightly around Mulder's
cock, jerking, milking it. Robbing Mulder of every last shred of
sanity. A long, sobbing groan tore from his throat, picking up
where his lover's dying cries left off.
Seconds later, all was quiet, except for the sound of two men
struggling to drag the air back into their lungs.
Finally, Mulder summoned enough strength to release Krycek's
exhausted cock from his sticky grasp. His arm wrapped around his
lover's still heaving chest, joining the other, hugging him close.
Refusing to let go. They fell asleep that way, neither one moving
until dawn came, just a couple of short hours later.
Mulder awoke to a shower of tender kisses all over his face. He
smiled, reaching up blindly, to thread his fingers through the freshly
washed hair of his lover.
"C'mon sleepyhead," the low voice coaxed. "Time to get up."
"Don't want to."
"Oh. Tired are we?"
Mulder opened his eyes, to see Krycek hovering over him, an
amused grin tilting the corners of his mouth.
"No."
"Then, get up. Unless you plan on calling in sick."
Hazel eyes sparkled. "I will, if you come back to bed."
Krycek fought the urge to accept Mulder's challenge.
"I'd bet good money, that you've never been out sick a day in your
life."
"You'd lose that bet."
"I'm not talking about gun shot wounds and poisoning and all the
rest of your on-the-job mishaps. I mean the garden variety stuff.
You know, colds, headaches, upset stomach..."
Mulder shrugged. "In that case, I guess not."
"And I'm positive that you've never taken a day off for something
as indulgent as spending the day in bed with a lover."
Mulder pulled Krycek down to his waiting lips. "There's never been
anyone I've wanted to spend the day in bed with before. Till
now."
Their lips touched, but only briefly. Mulder pulled back, hit by a
sudden realization.
"Why are you dressed?"
"I have to go."
The change in Mulder's voice was immediate and unmistakable.
"Alex..."
"Wait, wait. Hold on." He cupped Mulder's face between his
palms. "I'll be back. Just give me a couple of days to take care of
some stuff."
"What stuff?"
"I'm going to see if I can't buy a little breathing space."
Mulder didn't much like the sound of that.
"What are you going to do?"
"Gonna see about making those sons of bitches work for me for
a change. I mean, it is in their best interests to make sure that I
stay healthy and happy."
"So, you're going to ask them to see what they can do about
whoever it was that tried to knock you off."
Krycek arched one dark eyebrow. "Ask?"
Mulder cocked his head and gave him one of those, 'I hope you
know what you're doing' looks.
"Don't worry." Krycek teased Mulder's lower lip with his thumb.
"It'll be okay... now come on, get up. If you get into the shower
now, there'll still be time for breakfast. I put your clothes out for
you, already."
Mulder touched the tip of his tongue to Krycek's thumb. "Thank
you."
Their eyes locked for long seconds. Krycek let out a sharp breath
and rose from the bed. He clapped his hands as he moved toward
the door. "Let's get a move on."
Mulder grinned and tossed the sheet off. He headed for the
bathroom and a nice, warm shower.
Mulder walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table.
"Wow." Krycek nodded appreciatively. "You are gorgeous." He
place a steaming cup of coffee and a bagel in front of Mulder, who
looked down at himself.
"Are you sure about this?" He was wearing the combination that
Krycek had put together for him. A black suit and a coacoa brown
shirt, with a silk tie that was two shades darker than the shirt, with
a bit of a black design running through it. "I feel like I should be
carrying a violin case instead of a badge."
"You look great. You've got some good stuff in your closet, you
just have no idea how to put it together."
"Well, thank you Mr. Blackwell, but I chase bad guys for a living. I
don't generally give much thought to how I'm going to look while
doing it."
He could have kicked himself when he saw Krycek's smile fade.
"I-if you don't like it, you don't have to wear it. You won't hurt my
feelings if you want to change..."
"No, I don't want to change. I didn't mean to..." Mulder sighed.
"I'm sorry, I know I sound like a grouch. I just hate it when you
leave..."
Krycek nodded. "I know, but if we're going to have any peace, I
have to do this. I'll be back on Saturday."
"Have any idea about what time?"
"I'm not sure. Probably late though, like yesterday."
Mulder said nothing, only reached into his pocket and produced a
key. He held it out to Krycek. Surprised green eyes flicked from the
key to his face. Mulder gave him a boyish grin.
"Now you can stop breaking in."
Krycek continued to stare.
"Do you want my arm to fall off?"
He reached across the table and gingerly took the key.
Satisfied, Mulder went on to his next question. "Have you got the
gun?"
"N-no. I put it in the nightstand drawer."
"You can't leave here, unarmed."
"I'll be fine. I promise, I'll make that the first order of business
when I drop in on my friends."
Mulder blew out a long breath.
"You're such a worrier."
"I never knew I was."
"You mean, I should be flattered?"
"... Yeah, I think you should."
Their eyes met and locked, filling the room with a raw heat. Krycek
pushed his chair away from the table and stood, stuffing the key
into his pocket. Slowly, he walked over to Mulder and kneeled in
front of him. His hands slid back and forth over the crisp black
fabric that covered his thighs. He could feel the muscles rippling
beneath his fingers.
"How long before you have to leave?" he asked softly.
Mulder raised his trembling hand to have a look at his watch.
"Fifteen minutes."
"It's enough."
Mulder swallowed hard as Krycek's hands moved to his belt, deftly
unbuckling it, then to his pants, undoing the button and drawing the
zipper down. He parted the material and reached into the slitted
fold of the stark white boxer-briefs. Mulder gasped softly as
Krycek's fingers curled around his three-quarters erect cock.
"A little something for the road," Krycek whispered, then quickly
and expertly sucked him into his mouth.
Mulder's head fell back and his mouth dropped open.
"Oooohhh..."
Krycek brought him along quickly. No time to tease. Within a few
short minutes, Mulder was twisting in his chair, moaning and
gasping. His fingers clenched in the dark hair and his body stiffened
as Krycek moved faster, creating an intolerable pressure that began
in the pit of his stomach and spread up and out to his extremities.
Krycek heard the increased groans of his lover, and knew that he
was very close. He quickened his pace and took Mulder over the
edge.
"Jesus... Jesus... oh... nnnnnnhhh... Alex!" Mulder cried out,
arching into Krycek's mouth, shooting hot, bitter fluid down the
younger man's throat. Krycek swallowed as much as he could, and
pulled away quickly, afraid that some of it would leak out onto
Mulder's pants.
As Mulder slouched in the chair recovering, Krycek disappeared
into the bathroom and returned with a warm, damp face cloth. He
gently cleaned Mulder up and rearranged his clothing.
"Time to go."
"I don't think I can walk," Mulder murmured.
Krycek smiled indulgently. "Sure you can. Come on... up."
With a little help, Mulder rose to his feet and moved toward the
living room. By the time they made it to the door, he was moving
normally. He cupped the back of Krycek's head and leaned in for a
kiss.
"That was nice. Thank you."
"Any time. I'll see you on Saturday, okay?"
"Be careful."
"I always am."
Mulder hesitated. "I can't bring myself to walk away from you."
Krycek smirked. "Need a shove?"
Mulder quirked the corner of his mouth. "No... I'm going."
"I'm going to clean up in the kitchen, then I'm gone, too."
Mulder nodded. "Well..." He planted a tender kiss on Krycek's
mouth and stepped out into the hall.
Krycek watched as he walked toward the elevators, admiring that
smooth, confident stride that he'd come to know so well. When
Mulder was out of sight, he closed the door and walked smiling,
into the kitchen.
Scully strode into the office and dropped her purse down onto her
desk. She glanced over at Mulder, who had his nose stuck in a file,
then did a quick double take.
"Mulder?"
He looked up at her.
"Morning."
Flat. Unaffected.
What the hell was this? He looked fabulous. Not that he didn't
always look great. He did. He was just one of those men who didn't
have to try. Even with those ridiculous ties and some of the color
combinations... that was it. It was his clothes. It was a stunning
combination. Since when did Mulder... Krycek. Had to be.
Great. Now he's dressing him. Okay. Nevermind. Talk to him.
You can't let things stay the way they are.
"Mulder. About yesterday..."
"Why'd you hurt him, Scully?"
"I... I'm sorry about that. I just couldn't believe that you would do
something so foolish. I mean, come on Mulder, giving him your
gun?"
"There was no way, I was leaving him alone without protection.
I trust him, Scully. If that's not good enough for you, I don't know
what to say."
Scully sighed. "Then maybe we'd just better not talk about it."
"Fine." Mulder snatched a file out of the second drawer and
dropped into his chair.
And that's the way it went. For most of the day, silence sat like a
rain cloud over the small basement office.
Alex Krycek entered the thinly lit room. The smoke swirled around
him, choking him with it's acrid scent. A large, smarmy-looking
man watched him from a corner of the room. Krycek walked up to
one of the overstuffed wing-back chairs and looked down at the
man who occupied it.
"Alex. So nice to see you. It's been a while."
"Let's dispense with the niceties. I want something from you."
"Really? And what would that be."
"I'm sure that by now, you know that an attempt was made on my
life, a few weeks ago."
"I heard something to that effect. Surely you don't think..."
"I don't think it was anyone in the immediate group. I know you're
smarter than that. But obviously, someone within this organization
has their own agenda. You'd do well to find out who that is. What I
need from you first of all, is a weapon. Mine was taken from the
place I was staying, along with my clothes and everything else that
was in my motel room, after I was thought to be killed."
"Done. And second?"
"Second, when you find out who it is that wants to get rid of me,
and I know you will, I want something done about it. I don't
appreciate having to look over my shoulder all the time."
"Kinda puts a damper on your sex life, don't it?"
Krycek snapped his head around, to confront the man belonging to
the voice.
"You didn't think that we wouldn't find out about your pretty pet
Fox, did you?"
"Shut up, Phil."
"Aw c'mon, Krycek. Tell me. Is his skin really as soft as it looks?"
Krycek's jaw clenched and unclenched.
"You know, I had me some bitches in the pen, but none of them
were that pretty. What do you say? Wanna share with your old
pal, Phil? I promise, I won't mark him up, too much."
Krycek spun to face him.
"Fist of all, you're not my pal. Never were, never will be. Second, if
you so much as cough in his direction, I promise you, you'll never
be dead enough."
"Phil is only pulling your leg, Alex. Aren't you, Phil?"
Phil leered at him. "Oh, yeah. Sure. Just yanking your chain,
buddy."
"There was something else you wanted, Alex?"
"Two more things."
"And they are?"
"Mulder and Scully fall under the same blanket of protection that I
do. Any threats to their lives, I want removed. Permanently."
"And?"
"Last, I'm out. No more traveling, no more jobs. I'm retiring."
"I don't know if that's do-able, Alex. You're one of our best men."
"It's do-able. I just did it. Don't worry about what I know. As long
as you leave me alone, the information is safe. As long as you leave
Mulder and his partner alone, it's safe. You have nothing to fear
from me, as long as you don't push me. Do we have a deal?"
There was a brief silence, then, "We have a deal. The threat against
you will be found and removed as soon as possible."
Krycek nodded. "Make it real soon."
"Of course. You see, we take care of our own."
"I'm not yours."
Krycek brushed past Phil and closed the door quietly, behind him.
"I don't understand. Why do you let him boss you around like
that?"
"Because, my obtuse friend, Mr. Krycek has us by the proverbial
short hairs. It doesn't exactly thrill me to bend to his whims, but
unfortunately, it's all I can do. At least he doesn't make
impossible demands on us."
"I'd just kill him."
"Yes, you would. If you could. Alex Krycek is a dangerous man.
You're lucky you're still standing there, after the comments you
made. Now go see about his request for a weapon, and keep the
jibes to a minimum. I've a feeling that his good humor will only
stretch so far."
Mulder pulled into his parking spot in the garage under his
apartment building.
What a day.
The silence between him and Scully was really working on his
nerves. And every time someone noticed and commented on his
new look, she seemed to sink deeper into her anger. She knew. She
had to know. Just one more thing to piss her off. Damn, he hated
this. Well, at least he had the weekend to look forward to. Maybe
he'd go out later and pick up some groceries. Maybe some
wine... and some whipped cream.
He smiled to himself as he stepped out of the car, deeply involved
in his plotting and planning. He never saw the black car that drove
up behind him. Never saw the window open just far enough to
allow room for the gun. There was a single soft pop and he fell to
the floor of the garage, blood quickly pooling around him. The car
door opened and a dark figured emerged. Mulder was turned
roughly onto his back and his wallet and weapon were taken. The
figure returned to the car and it quickly disappeared from the
garage, with nothing more than the faint squealing of tires on the
pavement.
The lock clicked softly and the door swung open. Krycek peered
into the darkness of the room. No sense in turning any lights on. He
was heading straight in to bed. To his Fox. He smiled as he
anticipated curling himself around his lover's lean, hard length. He
dropped his bag onto the floor, next to the chair.
The click of a gun brought him to startled attention.
"Say goodnight, Krycek."
He peered into the darkness. "Scully?"
Pale light flooded the room, making him blink. Scully stood by
Mulder's desk, looking like she'd been to hell and back. She held
her gun, pointed directly at him.
"Scully, what the hell is going on?"
"I knew you'd come back here. Sooner or later, I knew you'd come
back."
"Scully..."
"I warned him. I knew you weren't on the level, but he wouldn't
listen."
Fear crept into his voice. "Scully, where's Mulder?"
"Like you don't know," she hissed.
"I don't know." His voice rose, barely concealing his controlled
panic. "Tell me where he is."
"He's where you put him, you dirty son of a bitch!"
Breathe, Alex. Calm. This is getting you nowhere.
"Scully," he began softly. "I have no idea what happened here. And
as far as I knew, when I got here, I'd find him asleep in his bed.
Now, are you telling me that he is not in this apartment?"
"What was the point of picking out his suit, Krycek?"
She wasn't answering his question. Gun or no, he just about two
beats away from tackling this woman and wringing some answers
from her tiny neck.
"Did you get some kind of perverse thrill from soaking it with his
blood?"
Krycek issued a strangled whimper. He felt as though someone had
just hit him in the gut with a steel two by four. "Blood?" The room
started to spin. "Scully... please..what happened?"
"Ballistics report's not back yet, but answer this question for me.
Did you shoot him with his own gun? The one that he trusted
you with?"
Shot.
Krycek pitched forward, grabbing onto the back of the chair in
front of him for support. "Scully," he began, squeezing his eyes
shut. "Scully, is he..."
"Is he what? Dead?" Venom dripped from her every word. "Yeah, I
suppose that's something you'd like to know, isn't it?"
He turned glazed eyes to her. "Scully, if he's dead, I want you to
pull that trigger."
Scully flinched, stunned by his words. She stared long and hard at
him, trying to find the slightest trace of insincerity. It disturbed the
hell out her, that she could not.
"What?"
The glaze turned to a shimmer. He made no attempt to hold back
the tears. "If he's not in this world, then I don't want to be either.
Pull the trigger."
What the hell was this? The voice in her head, the one that she
wanted to listen to, told her that this was a trick. A ploy to get
her to drop her defenses. Her 'Mulder' voice, the one she struggled
to suppress, told her to take a good look at the man. Listen to his
tone. See the pain in his eyes... goddamn voice.
"You didn't shoot him?"
"I told you that I wouldn't hurt him Scully, and I meant it."
She paused for a moment. Two. Three.
"He's alive."
Krycek looked as though he would faint from the relief.
"But he's in bad shape."
The relief seeped away. "How bad?"
"It's still touch and go. He was shot in the back. The bullet missed
his spinal cord, but did all sorts of other internal damage. The
surgeons did the best job that anyone could do. Whether or not it's
good enough, remains to be seen."
Krycek clasped his hands behind his head and turned away, trying
to gain some composure. When he turned back, Scully was still
standing in the same spot, but her gun hand was hanging limply by
her side.
"I want to see him."
She shook her head. "No."
"Scully, I need to see him."
"Your needs are very low on my priorities list. You may not have
pulled the trigger, but you're still responsible for what's happened
to him."
"You're right. I am. It's all my fault." He swiped at a fresh surge of
tears. "I should have been stronger. Right from the beginning. If I
had been, none of this would be happening." He took a deep, shaky
breath and let it out. "I need to see him, Scully. I need to see... to
apologize."
"He's unconscious. He won't even know you're there."
"Maybe he won't. But maybe he will. I need for him to know.
Please."
Scully contemplated quietly. Then, "We have to go now. While
there's no one around."
Krycek closed his eyes and nodded.
"Just for a few minutes," she warned.
He opened his eyes halfway and stepped aside, allowing her to
precede him out the door.
Scully slammed her door shut, just as the small black car pulled up
beside her. The rumbling motor was cut and Alex Krycek emerged
from behind the gleaming black door. She turned and started for the
hospital's back entrance. Hell fell into step beside her.
"What about the guard?"
"No guard."
"What?"
"His wallet and gun were taken to make it look like a robbery. Until
it's proven that this was a hit, I can't officially ask to have a guard
posted."
"So he's been alone all this time? Scully, I can't believe..."
"Of course, he's not alone," she cut him off, abruptly.
"Well..."
"Don't sweat it. He's with good friends."
They rode the elevator in silence and stepped out at the fourth
floor. Krycek began to slow his pace, sensing that they were near
the room.
Scully reached the door and paused, waiting for him. As he walked
up beside her, he began to tremble.
"Are you ready?" she asked, just above a whisper.
He held a hand up as he took deep, shaky breaths. He turned into
the wall, leaning his forehead and both clenched hands against it.
Scully allowed him a few more seconds, then swung the door open.
"Let's go."
The bearded man looked up from his book and grew wide-eyed, as
Krycek entered the room. He rose from his post by Mulder's bed
and pointed. "Hey. I know who you are. Get out of..." He
stopped short, when Scully followed Krycek in.
"Miss Scully. What is he..."
She held up a hand. "It's okay, Byers."
Byers jerked his head back in the direction of the dark man, who
had since pulled a stool up to the bed and was staring red-eyed,
down at the unconscious Mulder.
"What is going on, here?"
"I'm sorry, Byers. I can't explain. Not now. I have to ask you to
just trust me. You know that there is no way in the world, that I'd
ever do anything to hurt him."
"Of course, I know that. But... I know about this guy."
His eyes grew wider still, as he turned his attention back to the bed,
just in time to see Fox Mulder's mortal enemy, tenderly stroking his
face.
"Byers."
His eyes didn't leave the scene. "Huh?"
"Go get some coffee or something, okay? We won't be too long."
Byers backed toward the door. "O-okay, but if you need me, I'll be
just down the hall."
"Don't worry," she reassured him. "Everything is fine."
Byers shot one more look at Krycek and Mulder, still not quite
believing his eyes, and slipped out the door.
Scully sat quietly in the corner and watched, as Krycek leaned in
and kissed the side of Mulder's mouth. He picked his head up and
looked for the first time, at all the hardware in the room. Listened
to the beeps of the monitors and the more disturbing sound of the
respirator, pumping air into Mulder's lungs. He turned his attention
back to the man in the bed. He opened his mouth to speak, but no
sound would come out. He cleared his throat and tried again.
"Fox... baby, it's me. It's Alex." He stroked the cool skin of
Mulder's cheek. "This is it. This is what I kept trying to tell you
that I was afraid would happen. But you were so damned stubborn
and I was so damned weak, and now look at you. Laying here with
this thing down your throat, needing a machine to breathe for
you... all torn up inside. I wasn't worth it." Tears began to slide
down his face. "I'm not worth a fucking hangnail. I tried to tell you,
and you wouldn't listen. I should've made you listen. I should've..I
should've left. So many times, I should've left..." He paused and
laughed bitterly. "Listen to me. Who gives a damn now, about all
that. It's too late. All I can do now, is tell you how sorry I am. How
sorry I am for starting what I did, that first night in your
apartment." His voice began to crack. "And beg you, to please
fight. Don't die. Scully needs you. Don't leave her."
Scully thought that she was beyond tears. She was sure she'd cried
all she could, the night before. But her eyes welled up, listening to
this heartbreaking speech.
"I need you, too. I need to know that wherever I am, you're
somewhere in the world, alive and well and still making a
difference. As long as I know that, I'll be fine. But..." he brought
the back of his hand to his mouth, in the effort to stifle a whimper.
"If you're not here, I can't. I can't... I don't want to..." His head
dropped to the flat pillow, alongside Mulder's, burying his face in
the thick brown hair. His shoulder's began to shake and he cried.
Openly wept. Pitiful, childlike sobs, that brought Scully to his side.
She couldn't help it. She placed a hand on his shoulder and stood
quietly beside him, as he continued to cry.
When his sobbing finally quieted, she skimmed her hand gently,
back and forth across the span of his shoulders. "Are you all right?"
He sniffed and attempted to dry his eyes with the back of his hand.
He nodded, almost imperceptibly.
"Krycek... Alex... I'm not going to kid you or myself. This is bad.
Mulder's been wounded before, but..." she shook her head. "But if
I've learned anything from my years with this man, it's this. Never
underestimate him, and never count him out. Just try and have a
little faith, okay?"
He nodded again. "I have to go."
"Where are you going?"
His expression turned stony. "I have some business to take care of."
"Listen, don't you go and get yourself into trouble. I do not
want to have to explain to Mulder why you're in the hospital, or
on a slab in the morgue."
"I'll be all right." His face softened immediately, as he focused on
Mulder. "Baby, I've got to go, but I'll keep in constant contact
with Scully. You sleep a while longer. Rest is the best thing for you
now, but you can't keep those beautiful eyes closed forever, you
hear me?" He combed his fingers tenderly through Mulder's hair. "I
promise you lisa, I'm going to find out who did this to you, and
take of care of them." He lowered his head to the pillow once more
and covered Mulder's still hand with his own. He scattered kisses
over the stubbled cheek, then whispered into Mulder's ear. Scully
couldn't make out the sounds, but could read his lips very well.
I love you.
Fresh tears pricked her eyes.
It was no act. He meant it. She knew that as sure as she knew her
own name.
He picked his head up and looked down at the face that he would
never forget. Every line, every curve and tiny scar was burned into
his memory. More tears welled up and spilled over. Reluctantly, he
rose from the stool and moved away. Scully followed him out the
door.
"Alex."
He stopped in his tracks and turned to face her.
"Listen, I want a piece of this."
"No."
"Yes. He's my partner and my best friend. I want who did this to
him, as much as you do."
"Scully, I'll take care of it. He'd never forgive me if anything
happened to you."
"Give me a break, Krycek. My life is on the line, everyday. It's
what I do."
"I understand that, but this is different. Just please, stay here and
take care of him. I'll be in touch."
Scully sighed heavily. "Wait." She reached into her pocket and
pulled out a card. She handed it to him. "This is my cell phone
number." I want to hear from you, often. If not, I'm going to
come looking for you, do you hear me?"
Krycek reached out a still trembling hand, and took the card from
her, depositing it into the breast pocket of his jacket. "I'll be in
touch." He took one more long look at the door he'd just exited,
and walked away. Farther down the hall, he brushed past Byers
without a word.
"Can you tell me now, what's going on?" he asked as he
approached Scully, who was still standing in the hall.
"Not now Byers, I'm sorry. I really am. What time is Langly
supposed to get here?"
He checked his watch. "My shift is over in about half an hour. Go
home. You look exhausted."
"I am. It's been a long night. I'll just go in for a second and see
him, then I'll go."
Scully entered the room and occupied the seat that Krycek had
recently vacated. "Hey," she said, as lightly as she could. "You're
going to love this... I'm sorry. I was wrong about him. Really
wrong. I know that you'll make me say this again later, when
you're able to give me grief about it... you know what? I'll be glad
to do it. Just please, wake up. Please be okay."
She kissed his cheek and turned to Byers, who was more confused
than ever. "Call me, if there's any change."
He nodded mutely and watched her leave. Not knowing what else
to do, he reclaimed his seat beside Mulder's bed and picked up his
book.
"What was so important, Alex, that you had to come here at this
hour of the morning?" The man looked Krycek up and down. "You
look like hell, by the way. Rough night?"
"They got him."
"I'm sorry?"
"Mulder!" he shouted. "They got him!"
"Yes, we heard. Is he dead?"
"No, but he's critical."
"Goodness. We found the problem and took care of most of it. Too
late, I suppose."
"No shit. What do you mean, most of it?"
"The shooter. We've had a bit of a problem tracking him down. But
we have found him, and he will be dealt with."
"Call your men off. He's mine."
"I thought you didn't want to get your hands dirty anymore."
"This is a special circumstance. Tell me where he is."
The man smiled. "I knew you couldn't suppress your instincts for
long."
"You're wrong."
"I see. All right, Alex." He handed a piece of paper to Krycek.
"You'll find him here. Would you like any backup?"
"No." He folded the paper and stuffed it into his pocket. "He's the
last of it?"
"Yes. After he's taken care of, you will not be troubled again."
Krycek nodded and started for the door.
"Alex."
He stopped, but did not turn around.
"I hope everything turns out well for you."
Without answering, Krycek turned the knob and left.
Scully opened her eyes and blinked. She immediately sat up and
looked at her watch. No phone calls from the guys. There must be
no change in Mulder. No calls from Krycek, either. She wondered
where he was and what the hell he was doing.
She hauled herself off the bed, and taking her cell phone with her,
headed for the bathroom.
The click of a gun.
Wally Moran would know that sound anywhere. And damn, it was
close. Too close.
He opened his eyes and immediately wished he hadn't.
He recognized the man at the end of the weapon and began to
shake.
"So, it's you." A voice so cold, it froze his heart.
"Krycek. Listen. I was just doing my job. No hard feelings, huh?
You know about this stuff. You're hired to do a job, you do it. I
didn't know you from a hole in the wall. I was told to blow the
place up and I did it. It was nothing personal."
"Oh, I've forgotten all about that. Actually, I'm here for another
reason. You did something else. Something I can't forgive. You
shot someone I care for, very deeply."
"What? Who?"
"Think back a couple of days. Do you remember an apartment
parking garage? Do you recall shooting a man in the back?"
Wally Moran remained silent.
"Sure, you do. Tall, handsome FBI agent. What was his name?"
No answer.
Krycek barked at him, making him jump to a sitting position. "What
was his name?"
"F-Fox Mulder."
"That's right. You know that, because you took his wallet and his
gun. So it would look like a robbery. Didn't you?"
He nodded.
"Didn't you?"
"Yes! Listen Krycek, I had n-no idea. I mean, how would I know?
Was he your brother or something? If he was, I'm really sorry..I'm
really... come on, man. You know how it is."
"Don't use the word 'wasn't'. He's not dead. And he isn't my
brother, you sorry sack of shit. He's my lover."
Wally Moran had only enough time for a wide-eyed stare, before
Krycek closed them for good.
Scully snatched the ringing cell phone from her bag.
"Scully."
"It's me."
"Where are you?"
"How is he?"
He was avoiding her question. She wondered why.
"The same."
"No change, at all?"
"No. I'm here with him, now. What about what we talked about
earlier?"
"It's taken care of."
"What did you do?"
"What I had to do. Now forget about it, it's done."
Scully closed her eyes and sighed. "What time do you want to come
back? I think later is better. I'll make sure it's clear for you."
"I can't."
"Why not? There aren't more problems, are there?"
"Not the ones you think. He's safe."
"Good. Then why can't you come?"
Silence.
"Alex?"
"I'll be in touch."
Before she could argue, he'd hung up.
Oh, she didn't like this. She didn't like this, at all.
The faint sigh caught Scully's attention. She peered over the folder
she held, at her partner. He was struggling to open his eyes.
"Mulder?" She moved to the edge of his bed. "Hey. Come on, wake
up." She buzzed for the nurse. His eyelids fluttered and tears sprang
to her eyes. "That's it, you can do it. Come back."
Finally, he tried to focus his fuzzy hazel gaze on her. He opened his
mouth to speak, but winced at the pain of the effort.
"Take it easy. You've been intubated for a few days. It's going to
hurt for a while." She stroked his hair. "You were shot Mulder, do
you remember that?"
His eyebrows drew together in a frown and he shook his head,
slowly.
"I don't mind telling you, that I was really scared this time. You
really had us going."
The nurse entered and smiled. "Well, now. Look who's here."
Scully smiled back. "Yeah, he finally decided to rejoin us."
"I'll go call the doctor."
"Thank you." She returned her attention to her partner. "You've
been here, almost a week. It happened in your parking garage. You
really don't remember?"
Again, he moved his head back and forth. A few seconds later,
something very close to terror washed over his expression. He tried
to speak, but no intelligible sound would come out.
"Wait, Mulder. Calm down. Let me get a pen and paper." She
rummaged through her purse and came up with what she needed.
She handed him the pen and held the pad down on the bed, in front
of his hand. He scribbled out an A...... L...... He tried to form the
third letter, but he dropped the pen. She could see the frustration in
his eyes as he felt for it. Her hand covered his. "It's okay, Mulder. I
think I know what you want. Is it Alex?"
He grimaced with the effort it took to nod.
"He's okay, Mulder. Nothing has happened to him. He was here
early, Saturday morning."
His eyes slipped from hers and moved around the room. Looking.
Damn.
"Mulder, we'll talk about this when you're better, okay? Right
now, you've just got to concentrate on getting your strength back.
Everything is going to be fine. I promise."
He looked at her. Through her, trying to read what was in her eyes.
She hated when he did that. She glanced away.
Stupid thing to do. Now he knows something is up.
To her relief, the doctor entered and she was asked to step out into
the hall, while he examined Mulder. As she sat in the waiting room,
Langly passed by.
"Langly!"
He backed up into the doorway. "What're you doing in here?"
"He's awake."
"Cool! When?"
"Just a little while ago. The doctor is in with him, now. I... hang
on." She snatched the ringing cell phone from her pocket, as Langly
stepped back out into the hall, to give her a little privacy.
"Scully. Yes, I've been waiting for you to call. He's awake."
Alex Krycek closed his eyes and said a silent 'thank you'. "Is he all
right?"
"The doctor is looking at him, now. Alex, are you coming? He was
very upset after finding out what happened. He can't talk yet, but
he tried to write your name on a piece of paper. He thought
something may have happened to you, too."
"You told him I was okay?"
"Yeah. I told him you were there Saturday morning. His mind is
going, Alex. I can hear the wheels turning. Can I tell him that
you're coming?"
Krycek clutched the phone, turning his knuckles white. "I... I can't."
"Why the hell not?"
"Look what I've done to him. He's much better off without me."
"Alex, listen to me... I was wrong, okay? He needs you, here."
"No, he doesn't. And you weren't wrong. I can't hurt him anymore,
Scully. I almost got him killed, for Christ sake. He doesn't need me.
Tell him whatever you need to tell him to help him get over it. If he
ends up hating me, so much the better."
"What? That's insane! Now listen... Alex? Alex! Shit!"
She punched 'end', and practically threw the phone down onto the
table in front of her.
What the hell am I going to do, now?
Langly poked his head back into the room. "Scully, the doctor said
we could go in, now. Are you okay? You look kinda pale."
"No, Langly, I'm not okay. Not by a long shot."
"Something I can help with?"
"I wish you could. Come on, let's go."
"Frohike?"
The small man jumped up from his chair and hurried to Mulder's
bedside.
"Hey, buddy. Finally decided to talk, huh?"
"Still hurts."
"Yeah, but that'll go away. So how do you feel?"
"Been better. Where's Scully?"
"She'll be here in an hour or so. Is there anything you need?"
Mulder's eyes grew distant. "Nothing you can get for me."
"How do you know unless you ask? Name it."
Mulder closed his eyes and shook his head.
"Come on..."
"Thanks Frohike, but there's nothing you can do," he croaked.
"Okay, if you're sure."
Mulder nodded and turned his head toward the door.
Where was he? Why wouldn't he come? He couldn't understand.
Today. He could talk without much pain today, and Scully was
going to answer some questions.
"Morning," Scully called cheerfully, as she came through the door.
"Hi."
"Hey! You talked! That's great!"
"Well," Frohike piped up. "I'm gonna get going. Don't forget now,
Mulder. If there's anything we can do for you, just give us a holler,
okay?"
"Thanks, Frohike."
As soon as he was gone, Mulder turned back to his partner. "I want
to know what happened, Scully. Starting from the night I was
shot."
"How about some breakfast, first?"
"Scully..."
She threw her head back and rolled it along her shoulders. "Okay."
Half an hour and the entire truth, except for one small detail later,
she fell silent, waiting for some kind of response.
He lay quietly for a moment, taking it all in. Then, "I don't
understand. We'd been through this half a dozen times."
"Yeah, but it was different this time. You were shot. He's eaten
up with guilt. Maybe after he's had time to think about it a while,
he'll come. Maybe he just needs a little time. You didn't see him,
Mulder. 'Upset' doesn't even begin to cover it. He put his head
down next to yours and cried like a baby. And I knew... are you
listening to me? I knew he was who you kept telling me, he was.
That alone, should make you smile."
No reaction.
"Come on Mulder, don't brood. It'll be okay. He'll come back. He
can't stay away from you, he said it, himself. Just give it a little
time."
The door to apartment forty-two swung open. Scully entered,
followed by Mulder. He moved slowly, gauging each step. When he
was in, she closed the door behind him.
"Come on, I'll get you into bed."
"No." He would not allow her steer him in that direction. "The
couch."
She put up no argument. She could see that he was clearly
disturbed at the prospect.
"Okay."
Once he was settled on the sofa, she perched on the edge of the
cushion. "So... you hungry?"
"No."
"Mulder, you have to eat better than you have been. You just about
made it out of the hospital on what you ate. Any less, and you
would've still been there."
"I'm not hungry, Scully. I can't eat if I'm not hungry."
"Mulder. I understand. Really I do..."
"How can you, Scully? I don't understand."
She wished she could find a way. Some magic words to say, to
comfort him, but she knew that nothing short of Alex Krycek
appearing on his doorstep, was going to help.
"Scully?"
"Hmm?"
"I appreciate everything you and the guys have done, but can I... I'd
like to be alone for a while."
"Mulder, it's not good to brood."
"Please, Scully. I need to be by myself."
"All right. But you call if you need anything at all, you hear? And if
I don't hear from you in three hours, I'm going to call to check on
you."
"Okay."
Scully leaned over and dropped a light kiss on his nose, then headed
for the door. She turned just before she exited, and called to him.
"Don't forget."
"I won't."
The door closed softly, leaving him alone with the silence and his
thoughts.
Alex Krycek reclined on the sofa in his new, scarcely furnished
apartment. A shot glass balanced precariously on one bent knee. He
stared at it, watching the amber liquid shimmer.
Fox must be home, by now.
He knew that, not because he'd spoken to Scully, he'd been out of
communication with her since the day Mulder had regained
consciousness. He knew, because he'd kept a close watch on him.
Never far away, but always unseen. 'Stealth' was his middle name.
He plucked the glass from it's perch and tossed the contents to the
back of his throat. He grimaced as he snatched up the beer bottle
from the coffee table and took a long swallow. His eyes glazed over
as he thought of Mulder, alone and hurt, wondering why things had
turned out this way. Hopefully, Scully had been merciful enough to
lie about why he'd disappeared from his life. Quick and painful was
better than the alternative.
He took another swallow.
Nah. She'd told him the truth. He just knew it. She'd figure that the
truth was best. Goddamn Scully and her fucking morals.
Scully sat at her desk, trying to get some work done. Since Mulder
had tactfully thrown her out of his apartment, she had nothing else
to do but go back to work and wait to talk to him.
She thought of him trying to sleep on that damned sofa, and wished
that he'd come to his senses, and realize that bed was the best place
for him to be.
Shit! The bed!
Panic seized her as she realized that the bag that Alex Krycek had
left at Mulder's apartment, over two weeks ago, was sitting on
Mulder's bed. When she'd come back to feed the fish, she'd noticed
it on the floor, next to the chair. She moved it into the bedroom,
positive that Krycek would be back. She thought, he'd even stay
there, while Mulder was in the hospital, but he never went back.
And the bag stayed right where she'd left it, on Mulder's bed.
"Oh, damn. Damn, damn, damn!" Well, she couldn't very well go
running over there, now. How the hell would she get the thing
out of the apartment without him seeing? She buried her face in her
hands. "Oh, I am so screwed."
Mulder rose stiffly from the sofa. He was exhausted, and that couch
just wasn't getting it. His back just couldn't take it. The wound was
healing nicely, but it was still very tender.
He moved slowly into the bedroom, attempting to convince himself
along the way, that it was ridiculous to never use the bed again, just
because he didn't want to deal with the memories of Alex. Hell, the
sofa held some memories, too. And the kitchen. Unless he moved
into a new place, there was just no way to look at the bed, or the
floor, or the kitchen chair, or the bedroom wall, and not
remember.
He sat down on the bed, bracing himself against the rush of
emotion that rolled over him. He took two deep breaths and turned
onto his side. He sat up again, immediately.
Where did this come from? This wasn't his.
Alex.
He looked around the room.
"Alex?"
No answer.
He looked back at the bag. When had he left this here? And did it
mean that he'd soon be back? Sure, it did. Why would he leave it
here, otherwise? He unzipped the bag and began pulling out
Krycek's clothes.
He was coming back. He was.
The ringing phone drew him out of his desperate wish.
"Hello?"
"Mulder, it's me. I know I said I'd wait about three hours to call,
but I need to tell you something."
"What?"
"There's a bag in your bedroom."
"Uh-huh." He smiled as he fingered the worn leather.
"It belongs to Alex."
"I know."
"You've seen it?"
"Yeah. His clothes are in it."
She could hear the lilt in his voice.
Oh God, Mulder. I'm so sorry.
"Mulder, he left that bag there, the night after you were shot. The
night I took him to see you at the hospital. He never came back to
get it. I think he either forgot about it, or he just didn't want to
come back to your apartment, for it."
"No, Scully."
Oh Jesus, he sounded so pathetic.
"He left it here, because he's coming back."
"I... I don't think so, Mulder... I'm sorry. I meant to take it before
you came home, but I forgot about it."
Silence.
"Mulder? Are you all right?"
"Yeah... yeah. Fine."
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay. Don't worry about it."
"Are you sure, you're all right?"
"Yeah. I uh... I was just about to try to take a nap. I'll talk to you
later, okay?"
"Okay. Call when you wake up, please?"
"Yeah. See you later."
He dropped the phone into the cradle and looked at all the clothing
he'd pulled out of the bag. He gathered the things up in his arms
and fell onto his side. He stared sightlessly in the direction of the
wall, clutching all that he had left of Alex Krycek, to his chest.
Admission
by Aries
Painful Repercussions
I'm thinking of you
In my sleepless solitude tonight
If it's wrong to love you
Then my heart just won't let me be right
Cause I'm drowned in you
And I won't pull through without you by my side
To have just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
Cause I can't go on
Living in the memory of a smile
I'd give my all
For your love tonight
—I'd Give My All, Mariah Carey
Wednesday 8:15 a.m.
4:42 p.m.
Thursday, 2:39 a.m.
4:50 a.m.
8:21 a.m.
Sunday 8:04 a.m.
5:56 p.m.
Tuesday, 6:48 p.m.
2:55 a.m.
Wednesday, 5:30 a.m.
8:10 a.m.
1:22 p.m.
5:06 p.m.
6:20 p.m.
6:14 a.m.
6:52 a.m.
8:30 a.m.
5:21 p.m.
6:02 p.m.
Saturday, 1:12 a.m.
2:39 a.m.
6:19 a.m.
7:34 a.m.
7:49 a.m.
11:12 a.m.
Thursday, 10:11 a.m.
five days later
Saturday, 7:34 a.m.
8:45 a.m.
Wednesday, 2:12 p.m.
two weeks later
3:12 p.m.
3:27 p.m.
3:33 p.m.
